>Sometime later now that the girls are all abndged up,

Tom: "I hate being abndged! That hurts!"

>Mina looking in the worist shape,

Crow: "Mina's a body contortionist?"
Joel: "That, or she's promoting her new line of Sailor V pretzels."
Tom: "Hey! She can knead Usagi's dough!"
Joel: "I' m warning you two..."
Crow: "It'd be like an Evening at Lita's but without the whipped cream and jello!"
Tom: "Aw! But there's *always* room for jello!"
Joel: "Will you two cut it out?!"

>with her arm in a cast, and sling, he calor bone was pushed
>back in, but was far from being healed, her slash wound was patched up. There wouldn't be any scaring,
>the Doctors waer amsaed

Crow: "I'm amsaed by the quality of the spelling!"

> by the cleaness of the cut, it was perfect, no jaged edeges, one doctor had said "I don't know
>how you got that cut, but if it was a weapon, it wasn't from this planet!"

Joel: [imitating Watson] "Brilliant deduction, Holmes! I say, we've got him now!"
Tom: "Someone actually used their brain in this fanfic?"
Joel: "Definitely wasn't the author."
Crow: [imitating Spock] "This fanfic is highly illogical."

>"So Meat-ball-head, how was all that gut werching?"

Joel: "Not a werch, you fool! The wench! Bring me the wench!"
Tom: "I'm quite ready to werch myself."

>"Shut-up Ray." she said with daggers ing her eyes

Tom: "Daggers ing her eyes?!"
Joel: "Ouch that must hurt."
Crow: "I'm telling you guys, this is like the Event Horizon of fanfics! It'll drive us all insane if we don't leave now!"
Joel: "But you saw what happened to Hematite!"


Joel: "Now comes the part where the villains can show their true selves without launching into the old cliched catch phrases, swears and evil cackling."

>"Dame, Mother fucking, son of a bitch! I'll kill that Ass-hole the next time
>that I see him!" said Hematite, with a bage of ice, on his head

Tom: "Oh well, guess not."
Joel: "Hematite's going postal!"
Tom: "With this fanfic he's in, can you blame him?"
Crow: "With any luck he'll finish off the fanfic for us!"
Joel: "Unless he slices his hull open on that bage of ice!"
Tom: "Hit the lifeboats! We've struck an icebage! Women and children first! Seeing as there's none of those here, that means we're up."

>"You, Yoma, take this letter..."

Tom: "And burn it?"
Crow: "And spellcheck it?"
Tom: "We could only hope."
Joel: [writing as Hematite] "'Dear Tid-bitz: I refise to particpit in such a sorry excase for a fanfic. As yu can sea, all my lines are relly screwde up by your writie.'"

>The next day at all of the girls schools this was heard over the P.A.

Crow: "'Due to lack of plot and intelligible words, this fanfic has been cancelled.'"
Tom: "'This is a test of the emergency fanfic broadcast system. Had it been an actual emergency and you were find yourself in a hideously written fanfic...oh, wait. Never mind.'"
Joel: "Sometimes it's just so easy it's insulting."
Crow: "Well if Tid-Bitz is insulted, then at least the feeling's mutual."
Tom: "Ouch."

>"Would the Sailor Scouts, if there are any of you in this school, would meet
>Lord, General Hematite, at the Chirre hill temple at midnight, tonight."

Joel: "Subtle, Hematite, subtle. Now everyone will show up to see them!"
Tom: "Midnight in the fanfic of good and evil."
Crow: "More evil than good, you realize."

>About Midnight...

Joel: [checks watch] "Eleven fifty-two and thirty-three seconds...thirty-four seconds...thirty-five seconds..."
Crow: "Hematite: he takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'."

>"Good you decieded to show up."

Tom: "I didn't decied this at all, dammit! I want my proparely-spelled grammer bak!!"

>"Ofcorse we would Hematite."
>"So you five are the Sailor Scouts, well lets get down to bisness, she'll we?"

Joel: "Yes, we she'll!"
Tom: [singing] "There's no bisness like she'll bisness!"

>"Yes." said Serena
>"You all know about this... This new porblem, that has stopped us from...
>No, that has made it's self know as an enemy to both sides."

Crow: "Well, duh! Mercuary already figured that porblem out three pages ago!"

>Mina rubed her arm in memory of what it did to her, then said "What do you
>want to do about it?"

Crow: "Rubed your arm? Mina, you saucy girl!"
Tom: [imitating Austin Powers] "Totally shagalicious, baby!"

>"Well, get rid of it! That S.O.B., has hurt me enough!" excleamed Hematite
>"Fine we draw..." started Serena, when Lita stoped her by saying "In the bushes."

Joel: "And just how are they going to draw in the bushes?"
Crow: "If they aim very carefully and don't shift their hips around...!"
Joel: [smacks Crow upside the back of the robot's head!] "Thank you for giving me that unnecessarily vivid picture, Crow."

>"Hematite, can you direct energy?"

Tom: "Depends. What movie is the energy in and how much money does it want to star in the picture?"
Crow: "If it puts this fanfic on its resume, it'll settle for whatever cash it can get."
Joel: [consults roadmap] "Now if the energy takes a right on First and the keeps on going straight..."

>"Then fire some into thoes bushes, right over there." said Serena.
>Hematite did as he was asked. The energy bolt hit something, there was a
>clanging sound when the energy bolt hit. Then some movement in them...

Tom: "Something moved *in* them?!"
Crow: "I just knew Sailor Mars shouldn't have grabbed its attion when it flashed her."
Joel: "Enough with the naughty tentacles already, Crow!"

>And then from some were else, they heared...

Crow: "'This is the police! Surrender your author, Tid-Bitz, and you won't get hurt...too much.'"
Joel: [singing] "Do you hear what I hear?"
Tom: "If we're lucky, it's the end."

> "Thunder... Bow!!!... Triple shot!"
>These greenish-blue energy bolts came raining down on Hematite. One hit him,
>leveing burn a mark. The other two hit the ground, blowing up the concreat.

Joel: "Nothing in this fanfic is concreat except for the mistakes."
Tom: "I could have sworn there was a lemon sign at the start of this fanfic."
Crow: "You know when it's a B-type fanfic when they can't even afford the hentai let alone the spellchecker."

>The five girls were looking around, to see anything of a hit of their new foe...
>Ray, found claw marks going up a pole.

Crow: "And Crow, found grammar going down the crapper."

>Amy was looking more closely, and found more importantly, blood, where
>Hematite hit the thing, where it lanuched it's attack from, and on the ploe.

Tom: "The North Ploe?"
Crow: "Santa Claus! Santa Claus! All I want for Christmas is an end to this fanfic!"

>And then said "It's wounded!"

Crow: "What - the ploe is wounded!! Horrors!! Call 911!"
Tom: "The ploe? Or the plot?"
Joel: "There's no plot here to wound."
Crow: "No spellchecker, either."
Tom: "No shit."
Crow: "Oh, there's a surprisingly large amount of that here."
Joel: [smacks Crow upside the back of the robot's head with a werch!] "Silence, or else I'll make you read Artemis' Lover again!"
Crow: [whimper!] "I'll be good."

>Hematite came around from the hit, right as Amy said "It's wounded!"

Joel: "Yes, now that we've established it's wounded, what are we going to do about it?"
Tom: "Throw a keg party and watch it die?"

>Hematite said "And so am I!"

Tom: "I thought he was dead."
Joel: "Dammit, I hate it when they come back from the dead!"
Crow: "Dawn of the Dead Fanfic: that'll give even George A. Romero nightmares."

>"Yes, but we can find it, because it's bleading."

Crow: "BAH BAH!!"
Joel: "Crow, that's bleating not bleeding."
Crow: "Doesn't matter; this fanfic's still hideous."

>"A wounded anmmal is more dangerous that one that isn't!" said Hematite.

Crow: "They may have us cornered in this fanfic, but I've got my Boomstick! If they don't shop Smart and shop S-Mart, I'll waste 'em!"
Tom: "Aya. Joel, he's gone postal again."
Joel: "So long as he's not making more naughty tentacle cracks, I'm happy."

>Thanks for the statement. But we are going to hunt it down!" said Mina.
>and the five girls let, to transform...

Tom: "The five girls let? They rented them?"
Joel: "Tom..."
Crow: "How much do you think they cost for a night?"
Joel: "I've got a screwdriver, and I know how to use it!"
Crow: "Good. Then you can kill this fanfic before it goes on any further!"

>In a small ally about, one kilometer away...

Tom: "I'd think they'd want their allies closer..."
Joel: "If I was a character in this fanfic, I wouldn't stop at just being a kilometer away."

>The armored warrior was siting down looking at it's wound, as five girls
>showed up in Sailor Fukus...
>"I would leve well you still have the chance to." it said in a low and veary pissed of tone.

Crow: "Pissed of what?"
Tom: "It's 'veary' pissed off with the lines it got for the fanfic."
Joel: "I guess it's not getting what it wants either."

>"Why what are you going to do about it?" asked Sailor Mars.
>"Well, I could kill all five of you. Or I could just teleapot you away."

Joel: [imitating the Avenger's Emma Peel] "Yes, let's have a cup of telea!"
Crow: [imitating the Avenger's John Steed] "Oh jolly good, cheerio and all that!"
Tom: "Are we salvaging this fanfic in style or what?"

">I don't think that you could take all five of us! Your wounded!" said Sailor Moon

Crow: "Your wounded what?"
Tom: "Not pride - otherwise he wouldn't be in this fanfic."

>The thing in armor, drwe it's sward like things, and through both of them,
>at Sailor Moon...

Tom: "Back to back they faced each other, drew their swards and shot each other..."
Crow: "I wish."
Joel: "Drew its sward? Echi!"
Crow: [imitating Dark Helmet] "So Lonestar, I see your Sward is as big as mine!"

>"Ha, you missed!" she squeled.
>"Did I?!" it hissed


>That's when Sailor Moon noticed something when she looked to her left and
>right. The fact that Sailors Mars, and Jupiter were pinned to the other side
>of the ally.
>"You..You..." was all Sailor Moon could get out.

Crow: "Is that the end of the fanfic?"
Tom: [gets up] "Good! I'm leaving along with their ally a kilometer away."

>"And your next!" it said as it whent from a sitting position, to a lunge.
>"Venus... Love Chain... Encircle!!!" said the other blond.
>The chain of harts rapped around the armored warrior, and droped it to the

Crow: "A rapping chain?"
Tom: "Does it do Classical too?"
Joel: "Or barmitzvahs?"

>This only enreaged it more, It broke free from the chain by using
>it's muscles, to seperat the energy. But from the chain, there were burn

Joel: "Burn marks? That's pretty impressive considering this thing was supposed to be armoured."
Crow: "Maybe it lost control of its Sward."

>At this time it was really getting pissed off. That was when Hematite
>appered, and started to attack both Scout, and unknown warrior.
>This pushed the thing over the edge, that was it, It was just pushed to far!
>This was to much!

Crow: [loading his Boomstick!] "That does it! I'm going over the edge just like that seven headed attion-flashing...whatever the hell that is! This fanfic is too much!"
[Joel smacks off Crow's head, and places it on the headrest of the seat in front of him.]
Joel: "Behave, Crow."

>It eyes flashed red, and in one fluid moition it whent
>from right beside Sailor Moon to pining Hematite to the ground, and beating
>hit wiledly. All the Sailor Scout wattched in utter shock, First this thing
>that was their enemy, saved Sailor Moon, by pushing her out of the way,
>taking the blast, and now beating the hell out of Hematite!

All: [singing] "Just beat it! Just beat it!"

>They all heard

Crow: [imitating monster] "And all I ever wanted was to be a painter!"
Tom: [imitating monster] "Giddanm this Tidbitz's spel-chekre!!"


Crow: "This guy's a Saiyan from DBZ?"
Joel: "Now if only he could turn into that massive ape and step on everyone else in this fanfic."
Tom: "I'd call that a happy ending."

>Hematite's bones were ging to give out any moment,

Tom: "Ging, ging, gone!"
Crow: "I'm 'ging' home before I hear any more soft clapping from its back round."

>even the pavement had give'n way, it was cracked.

Joel: " Not as much as the author."

>"Should we help Hematite?" asked Sailor Moon.

All: "No!"
Crow: "He was a good man, a nice man who seemed to misspell every other word he said."
Tom: [singing] "But the fic came back, the very next day. We all prayed it was a goner, but the fic came back!"

>"Leve him!"

All: [singing] "Whisper words of wisdom: leve him be!"

>"He attacked us, and that thing!"

Crow: "Yes! That thing that flashed us its attion!"
Tom: "Charge it with indecent exposure."
Joel: "We do that, and we'll have to arrest everyone else in this fanfic too."
Tom & Crow: "I can live with that."

>"I don't know!"

Crow: "...what's going on?"
Tom: "...where the spellchecker went?"
Joel: "You seemed to have calmed down, Crow. Here, now you can have your body back."
Crow: [sarcasm] "Oh goodie. Now I can feel the terror of this fanfic all over my circuitry!"

>Were all the responces.

Tom: "Were all the responses what? Tabulated? Scrapped? Laughed at?"
Crow: "We're doing that enough of that on our own already."
Joel: "The votes are in. We shall overthrow Tid-Bitz's fanfic around midnight tonight at the Chirre hill temple. Let the records show that it is now eleven fifty-four and two seconds...three seconds...four seconds..."
Crow & Tom: "We get the idea, Joel."

>Hematite had stoped moving...

Joel: [singing] "Ground control to Major Tom, you're fanfic's dead! There's something wrong!"
Tom: "Major Tom here: make sure it's really really dead. Use the pomegranate."


Page 5
Back to Fanfics