Up at the Fire River Temple, things were very very quiet. With one of the shoji screens slid open, Rei, Minako, Makoto, Ami and Usagi all watched the dying light of the setting sun.
"Ah!" they all sighed
"Isn't this just so peaceful tonight?" Rei sighed.
"I want to spend this night with Mamo-chan!" Usagi lamented.
"Usagi no baka," Rei said.
Ami sighed. "Ah, I wish Carrot-chan was here with me."
All the other Senshi groaned.
Minako sat up. "Did any of you just hear that?"
Makoto looked at the skies. "Hear what?"
Ami and Rei glanced around the temple grounds in trying to locate the source. Usagi, on the other hand, cluelessly turned her head from one direction to another.
"Hm? Hm? Na ni?" she asked.
All five Inner Senshi recoiled and reverted into SD form as his lordship-or Ladyship Chaos fell from the sky and crashed right through the veranda. His-er, her body twitched even after the dust settled and silence reigned once more.
"D-Duo?!" Usagi exclaimed.
Chaos pulled himself out from the Chaos-shaped hole in the wooden deck, only to reveal that he was currently a she...and a rather "free" she too. "Dammit, Havoc!" Chaos exclaimed. "You give me back my bra right now!"
"M-Masaka," Rei said.
Mako-chan rolled her eyes. "Konban wa, Duo."
Minako glanced back as the shoji screen to the room was slid open. "Ah! Kamui! Carrot!" she exclaimed happily, waving to the two other fanboys.
"Unlike some fanboys, we prefer to use the door," Mayhem remarked, seating himself down next to Ami-chan. His face went a beautiful shade of lava red and smoke started filtering out from his ears as Ami-chan slid her hands under his shirt.
"Down girl, down!" Minako said, pulling Ami-chan's hands back out where they could be seen. "I don't want you making me all jealous because I, Aino Minako-chan, don't have a boyfriend."
Chaos leaned his head against Mako-chan's shoulder, giving a wistful sigh while looking up at his queen Senshi goddess above all with Bambi eyes. However he had completely forgotten that he was still in his female Haley form and topless too.
Mako-chan's eyebrow twitched. "D-D-D-Duo...!!"
Chaos sported his innocent kawaii kitty ears and tail. "Hm? Na ni?"
[Chaos is suddenly smited by a hailstorm of cabbages! Mako-chan emerges unscathed.]
"How dare you try that with my Mako-chan, Chaos!" Pesti-chan said crossly.
"*WHOSE* Mako-chan?!" Chaos exclaimed, his head springing out from the cabbages like a Jack in the Box.
"So now what am I supposed to do with all of these things?" Rei groaned.
"Carrot-chan," Ami-chan said, leaning over and kissing him on the cheek.
Spontaneous combustion ensued.
"KYAAA!!!" and SD Chaos shrieked. "He's set the table on fire!!"
"Water!" Pesti-chan exclaimed, tossing a bucket of cold water onto Mayhem and the table.
An unimpressed and thoroughly soaked newt impatiently tapped its foot at Pesti-chan. However the water colliding with the smoking Mayhem and flaming table only managed to send up a cloud of smoke that enveloped not just our fanboys but the visual part of this fanfic too!
Usagi: "WAAAH! Mamo-chan, tasukete!!"
Rei: "The fire extinguisher! Where's the fire extinguisher?!"
Ami: [sigh!] "Carrot-chan...!"
Chaos: [grope grope grope!] "Hey, I think I found the-no wait a minute. This is nice and warm and soft. This can't be the fire extinguisher."
Mako-chan: [growl!] "NO, BUT THIS IS!!"
Fire extinguisher: WHAM!!!!
And with that no doubt devastating smite by the fair and gentle Mako-chan, the smoke cleared to reveal Chaos's head in the floor and Makoto adjusting her blouse again as she tossed aside the extinguisher. With a loud POP! Chaos managed to pull his head out from the hole in the floor. "Ah! He exclaimed, taking a deep breath. "Freedom!"
"YOU GROPED MY MAKO-CHAN AGAIN?!" the oversized demonic head of Pesti-chan roared, brandishing a mallet o' Mass Destruction. "SHIN'NE!!!"
Seconds later found Chaos' head up in the ceiling, his twitching SD body swaying gently in the breeze.
"Oh look," Mayhem remarked, dousing himself with a pan-dimensional kettle of warm water. "I've always thought a pinata did suit the temple."
THE SATELLITE OF LOVE
8:46PM TO THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T OWN MILITARY STANDARD WATCHES.
AND IN TOKYO, EVERY TWO MINUTES A WOMAN'S PANTIES ARE STOLEN BY A MYSTERIOUS PANTY THIEF....
"What are you doing, Joel?"
Joel uneasily glanced over his shoulder as the voice of Hal echoed across the corridor. "I'm leaving the Holocabana, Hal."
"That's Hal-ocabana, Joel. Why are you doing this? Don't you like me?"
Joel rolled his eyes. "That's the last time I let you reprogram the Holocabana's personality files, Tom."
Alongside him, Tom Servo scuttled across into the luxurious lounge overlooking space. "Well I was trying for a Max Headroom kind of host for the Holocabana, but somebody here accidentally crossed the wrong wires. Crow, I'm looking in your general direction here."
Crow T Robot shrugged. "Big deal. So it threatens to conjure up an airlock in our holographic programs and suck us into virtual space. That's where the excitement lies!"
"I have to admit it did come in handy when that gang of line-dancing DBZ characters in tutu's ran amok," Joel sighed, staring out the windows into the vast reaches of deep space. "I wonder what new monstrosity Dr. F has for us today?"
"You remember that absurd Variable Geofront fanfic we tore apart last week?" Crow asked.
All three broke down in uncontrollable laughter.
"What kind of an idiot would do a crossover of Variable Geo and Neon Genesis Evangelion?!" Joel exclaimed, rolling on the couch.
"The same guy who wrote that really pathetic Card Captor Setsuna fanfic," Tom replied, sparks erupting from his body as he laughed. "What was his name again: Disaster? Catastrophe? Chaos?"
"That's the guy!" Crow piped up. "Let's face it: his were just so bad they were fun to rip apart!"
Tom nodded. "Well, if Dr. Forrester gives us two of these Chaosfics in a row, you can tell he must be getting pretty desperate."
"It's a mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad MST," Joel agreed. "As annoying as it is for the three of us having to watch bad movies and fanfics day in and day out, those really lame Chaosfics almost make all our suffering worth while. I mean, how could Dr. Forrester possibly expect us to turn into drooling lunatics when we're doubled over and howling with laughter in our seats."
Suddenly the red light flashed, and everyone glanced up as they saw Cambot scuttling across the ceiling of the Satellite Of Love.
"I wonder if Flashman's decided to set up Jupiter against Ghidrah the Three-Headed Monster this time," Crow remarked.
The lights in the room dimmed as the static on their viewscreen started to fade away to reveal a picture. "And now a word from our mad scientist," a patriotic voice announced.
Joel and his two bots immediately took out their lighters and started waving them in the air. "Heal the world! Make it a better place!" they chanted.
"Alright! Alright! Would you three just cut that out!" Dr. Forrester exclaimed, suddenly appearing on the screen.
It took a moment the Joel, Crow and Tom to actually grasp the absurdity as they saw their resident mad scientist all dressed up in a sparkling grey set of tights with an F and a lightning bolt sewn onto the front-not to mention the scarf, goggles and the big white helmet under his arms.
"Boy, I remember the first time I was shot out of a cannon," Tom chuckled.
"What is this, Doctor F?" Joel snickered. "You entering a Mad-life crisis we should know about?"
"I'm here for you!" Crow exclaimed, launching into a Cable Guy impression and pressing his robotic chest against the screen. "Oh...Billy!"
"Hmph!" Dr. F. snorted indignantly, adjusting his scarf. "You three seem in rather cheerful moods today."
Crow started absently humming the tune of Dr. Feelgood.
"Will you cut that out already?!" Dr. Forrester snapped.
"I don't see Frank anywhere," Joel remarked, looking around the background in the screen. "You didn't watch that David Copperfield special, and try to cut poor Frank in half and then reattach him again, all because you thought it looked easy on camera, did you?"
Dr. Forrester's eyebrow developed a nasty twitch. "No...not that again. I'm actually experimenting to see whether or not Frank makes a better assistant with a walnut for his brain. He's currently trying to play chess against a rock."
"How's he doing?" Tom asked.
Dr. F. let out a lamenting sigh. "The rock is beating him 4 games to 1. I think the game Frank won was because the rock pitied him."
Joel exchanged very amused glances with his robotic friends.
"Aya," Crow sighed.
"So where is Frank anyways?" Tom asked, tilting the screen and vehemently shaking it in the hopes of catching a glimpse of the slightly vegetable-like lab assistant. "Oh, I think he's in the corner! No wait, that's just a mannequin."
"W-W-Will You-ou-ou qui-i-i-t that-t-t-t?!" Dr. Forrester's blurred image exclaimed.
"Found him!" Joel announced, pointing to Frank in behind a row of beakers and test tubes and other such bubbly lab equipment.
"Oh! Oh! Can we try and find Waldo next?" Crow asked, hopping up and down.
Dr. F rolled his eyes. "You guys are in too pleasant and witty a mood tonight to just let it go to waste. Behold! I have a new Sailor Moon hentai for you to suffer through! One the likes of which you have never before seen!!"
"Another Virgin Warrior lemonfic?" Joel asked.
"Another Games lemonfic?" Tom asked.
"Quit playing games with my fic!" Crow chirped.
"Save some of that for the MST!" Joel cut in.
A very unamused Dr. Forrester crossed his hands over his chest. "Are you two finished yet?"
"It's not a lost Oscarfic you just unearthed, is it?" Joel asked suspiciously, trying to hide a sudden chilling wave of fear that crept up his back like a large but non-lethal tarantula that had escaped from its glass jar.
Dr. Forrester stifled a snicker of insane delight, but only managed to hold it in for so long before be broke out into a ranting cackle. "Mhmph!...bwa ha...Bwa ha ha...BWA HA HA HAH HA HAH HAH!!!!"
"That can't be good," Tom said, backing away from the screen.
"[Ahem!] No, it's not an Oscarfic," Dr. F. reassured the three. "No, not at all...at least, not yet."
"Nothing!" Dr. Forrester replied with a smirk. "Well, I'm so sorry but we won't be able to exchange our usual inventions. I'm rather busy, so you'll just have to launch yourselves into the fanfic."
"When he grins like that you know something's up," Crow muttered to Tom.
"You know the Megane rules, Doc," Joel chided. "We have to exchange ideas on inventions or else you can't give us your really bad fanfic. We're contractually obligated to do that for every MSTing we do. Where's your invention?"
After consulting his Megane 6.7 contract and seeing that yes, he was contractually obligated to exchange hypes on his inventions, a rather unimpressed Dr. Forrester adjusted his scarf and began his spiel.
"My latest and perhaps greatest achievement will no doubt make me the president of the Fraternal Order of Mad Sciences! And here it is, behind this door!" Dr. F. proudly threw open the door, only to be presented with Red Queen Kasumi grabbing hold of his scarf and trying to pull him in.
"OHO HO HO HO HOH OH!!!" Call me the Queen, please!"
Joel, Tom and Crow would have laughed their heads off (in Tom & Crow's case that would be literally!), but they were too stunned.
"Frank, you fool!" Dr. F hissed, pushing closed the door and turning around to display his scarf now around his forehead like an oversized Rambo bandana. "You put my invention behind the wrong door!"
"Does she come with the invention?" Tom asked.
Joel smacked him upside the back of his robotic head.
"No, this is something far far better," Dr. Forrester said, pulling back a veil to display a large set of water tanks and tubes and electronic beeping lights. "I call it: Instant Monstrosities! They're out ravaging the nearby villages and hapless peasants before your actual monster's even finished being created...or reanimated...or genetically mutated...or..well, you get the idea."
"Or written," Joel muttered to his bots. "Remember that Judge Brainite fanfic we suffered through?"
"Think about it!" Dr. Forrester went on. "Genetically altered gigantic lizards destroying New York before they've finished all their CG effects! More robotic terminators before Skynet is even placed online! More Brady Bunch movie sequels without even calling together the cast and fetching the astroturf!"
"But won't that cause a rip in the space-time continuum if you bring something from the future back into the past where technically it doesn't exist?" Tom asked. "How can it destroy a village in the past if it's only supposed to destroy it once in the future when it's really unleashed?"
"Even more," Joel added. "What if the creators see the finished product and decide to change it in midstage. You wind up with two alternate future monstrosities sharing the same space, and that would tear apart our universe! You can't see one finished product from the future and then assume that the timeline is simply linear and will change if you decide to change the monster. Time and space would tear each other apart and then explode."
"It's all a simple matter of time and space quantum physics," Crow sighed. "Didn't they teach you that at university, Dr. F?"
"So what if I got a C- in that subject at the the University of the Mad Sciences?!" Doctor Forrester exclaimed indignantly, his viewscreen suddenly tripling in size and leaning his oversized head right into their faces.
"Wow, look at the size of his uvula!" Tom whispered.
Joel decided against making his crack about ' Silly scientist. Time twists are for kids'.
Dr. Forrester managed to regain his composure, his viewscreen and thus his head shrinking back down to normal size. "Well, if you're all so smart then why don't you show me what you've managed to concoct this week?"
"If you insist," Joel said. "Crow, would you care to do the honours?"
"Alright," Crow agreed. "Here's ours: the pan-dimensional eraserfic!"
And with that Crow hoisted up an oversized white eraser the size of Joel into the air. On the wider end was the words FOR REALLY BIG MST-AKES.
Dr. Forrester's eyebrow developed and abrupt and nasty twitch. "The...what?"
"A Pan-Dimensional Eraserfic. We've been working on it for over a year now, ever since we were first subjected to Artemis' Lover. This little baby's got a pan dimensional mini-black hole inside of it, and there's nothing it can't de-atmonize and remove. Is there a big evil asteriod flying towards earth that'll wipe us all out? Piece of cake! You just send up this baby in a space shuttle and watch it work! A nasty coffee stain on your shirt? No problem!"
"Although it seems to be de-atomizing the shirt along with the stain," Joel pointed out. "We're still working on that part."
"Of course," Tom said. "But the biggest attribute this erarserfic has is the fact that it can wipe out any parts of a fanfic deemed unsuitable by the user. You can narrow the power to white out a word here or there, and move your way up to entire characters."
The reality of this newfound creation wasn't lost on Dr. Forrester, who was looking slightly pale. "And what about...entire fanfics?" he inquired calmly. "Can it erase them too?"
"Oh, that's the highest possible setting," Joel said. "We've never tested it that far, and by the time we reached this test type model for the eraserfic there really hasn't been a fanfic we've encountered that we could deem a worthy guinea pig on it." He shrugged. "Besides, there's the possibility if it tries to annihilate an entire fanfic this pandimensional eraserfic could implode, thus ending all life in the fanfics as we know it."
Ah...I see," Dr. Forrester warily said. "It's a good thing I'll be cloning an infinite number of Oscars," he muttered to himself. "If that eraserfic actually works it'll neutralize at least half my diabolically fiendish efforts."
"Well, if you've got nothing else to say then we're back to the Holocabana," Crow offered, turning to leave. "I've got a date with Armitage for ten tonight."
Wait a minute!" Dr. F exclaimed, regaining his train of thought before it derailed completely, crashing into the station and killing tens of innocent bystanders on the nearby platforms. "You don't get off that easily just because you think you created something impressive! Here you go, boys! It's 'You Can't Always Get What You Want' by Tid-Bitz. Send them the fanfic, Frank!"
Frank gave a disgruntled whine as he was checkmated by the rock yet again. In a pathetic attempt to retaliate Frank grabbed the rock's bishop (he has assumed it was the king) and started to nibble on it."
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