IT'S 10:15PM. DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR PANTIES ARE?
"Ah!" I love Saturday nights!" Pesti-chan sighed, reclining on one of the couches and sipping some Hard Lemonade. "No school the next day, and as luck would have it no homework to worry about either. Plus summer vacation's only a month away! The only thing that would certainly make me happier would be a date with my Mako-chan tonight."
"Hai hai," Mayhem agreed, relaxing with a Here Is Greenwood tankoban on the other couch. "I just wish I could get close to Ami-chan without setting off the smoke detectors nearby."
"I'm just impressed that she's never so much a singed by your spontaneous combustions even when she's at ground zero," Pesti-chan remarked, finishing off his bottle of Hard Lemonade.
"Hey, her element is water," Mayhem replied evenly. "All she does is turn fire into steam."
Pesti-chan rolled his eyes. "Oh goodie, just what this apartment needs: a portable sauna."
"MWAH HAH HA HAH HAH HA HAH!!!!"
Pesti-chan nearly gagged on his drink as the evil overlord cackle sent shockwaves through the apartment. "What in the hell?!" he exclaimed, sitting up.
"Careful!" a female Havoc snapped, her head popping up from behind the couch. "You almost got Hard Lemonade all over Arimi-chan's panties! I went through a great deal of trouble to get these; you wouldn't believe how fast Ginta can run with a tennis racquet."
"Do I look like I care, Havoc?!" Pesti-chan retorted, sticking out his tongue.
"Oh, I can't wait to see what Chaos has devised now," Mayhem remarked, glancing over to the kitchen where an ecstatic SD Chaos danced around the room.
"This time I've really outdone myself!" Chaos exclaimed. "Guess what I've accomplished now?!"
Mayhem: "You somehow managed to say Star Sailor Polaris instead of Sailor Star Polaris, and not get smited by yet another Gentle Uterus?"
Pesti: "You finally found a life and decided to use it?"
Havoc: "You got another chance to feel how soft Mako-chan's silk panties are?"
Chaos: "SHIN'NE, YOU PERVERT!!!"
[Havoc is punted through the ceiling by Chaos!]
"Even better!" Chaos exclaimed. "I found a geniune reason for me to take Beans' lake god in an aquarium!"
Pesti-chan sweatdropped. "I knew it was too good to be true," he lamented.
"You see," Chaos explained. "In the past few fanfics and fanficfics I've come to realize how immature it was of me to simply petty-bicker with Beans over something as trivial as a lake god in an aquarium for our official mascot."
"Omitting the fact that he's the one who started that petty-bickering," Pesti-chan muttered.
"And thus," Chaos stated. "I now have found a legitimate excuse to steal her lake god!"
Mayhem grabbed a pan-dimensional mallet and played a quick round of croquet with his ensuing sweatdrop. "One step forward, five fanfics back."
Ignoring the scathing albeit quite accurate comment made by Mayhem, Chaos leaped into the kitchen...and managed to tumble over the counter in the process. Mayhem rolled his eyes and lifted the sniffing SD lord of Mass Destruction up.
"Yare yare. Chaos, what's so bad about having Rampage for our mascot anyways?"
Chaos gave Mayhem an indignant expression. "Hmph! I can't see why everyone likes that carnivorous, SD Godzilla-thingy anyways."
"Chaos, you're just saying that because Rampage-chan just doesn't seem to like you," Pesti-chan said.
"Au contraire," Mayhem countered. "Rampage actually seems to like Chaos a lot. As a snack, mind you, but she likes Chaos none the less."
"Gee, thanks for your support," an unimpressed Chaos remarked dryly.
Pesti-chan glanced over to where their dining room table used to be. And the author stresses used to be. "Um, Chaos...?"
"Hai, Pesti-chan!" Chaos said suddenly his cheerful li'l SD self. "Now instead of eating at our dinner table we can instead gaze upon one of the most wondrous creations Anime has ever bestowed upon us!"
"Ami-chan in the nude?" Mayhem asked.
"Echi," Pesti-chan replied.
Chaos gestured to three large, veiling objects all lined up next to the wall. "Ta daaaa!"
Pesti-chan went into SD bug-eyed mode. "Gee, it's...sugoi...I think."
"And just what is it supposed to be?" Mayhem inquired.
"This is my new hobby!" Chaos proudly proclaimed. "From this fic forward, I shall now be a collector of gods!"
Pesti-chan's eyebrow suddenly developed a nasty twitch. "N-n-na ni?"
"Don't ask questions," Mayhem muttered. "Just nod your head and pretend to agree with him."
Chaos moved to a veiled birdcage, something chirping beneath the cloth. "Here we are: my first acquisition is this sky god nicely singing away in that birdcage!"
"Do you think he snagged Senshi Chaos and Senshi Psycho's bird YaddaYadda from their fanficfic?" Pesti-chan asked.
Mayhem shrugged. "Act like you realize there's a method to his madness, and he'll stop ranting soon enough, Pesti-chan."
And with that Chaos pulled away the cloth to reveal a sparkling golden birdcage, a fiery red and beautiful bird seated inside and singing. Mayhem & Pesti-chan went into abrupt SD form as they heard a very familiar tune sung by the firebird.
Pesti: "'Mugen he to hirake, Fushigi Yugi'?! Mayhem, he's captured Suzaku! Baka!"
Mayhem: "Remind me to not be at home when the Suzaku Sichiseishi come looking for him."
Pesti: "Or when Tasuki gets back with Anarchy and Rampage from that karaoke contest in Osaka."
"Next," Chaos continued, moving over to a ridiculously large red clay pot with a few small bonzai trees in it. "We have here right from Please Save My Earth, the mountain god...or is it an earth god? Oh well, either way, here's Sarjalim!"
"Say 'ohayo!' the rest of the gang," Chaos said nicely, patting the soil.
Seconds later the soil sucked in Chaos' entire arm and tried to pull the rest of him along with it. "KYAAAAA!!!! I'm sinking in quick-goddess!!"
Mayhem and Pesti-chan shook their heads. "Baka baka."
Chaos managed to pull back out his arm-minus his shirt sleeve though. "Of course," he remarked. "You know what this means."
Pesti-chan shook his head. "No. What?" he asked suspiciously.
Chaos beamed. "We've made a molehill out of a mountain god!"
He was immediately smited with a pile o' falling cabbages.
Mayhem shook his head. "That would have been witty had I been the one to say it."
"And right here, in this state of the art containment aquarium, I have ready a place to house a lake god!" Chaos cackled, launching into a scary but dumb-looking SD version of himself as he launched into a Katsuhiko Jinnai cackle. "MWAH HAH HA HAH HAH HA!!! Now Beans will have no choice but to hand over her lake god to me to ensure that this precious and priceless collection remains together!"
Mayhem turned to the underlord in training. "Pesti-chan."
"Don't ask. Just duck."
"HER LAKE GOD WILL BE MINE!! MWAH HAH HA HA HA HAH HA HA H--!!!!!"
Chaos' Jinnai cackle came to an abrupt end as suddenly a terrified flying octopus smacked Chaos in the forehead and latched itself onto his face.
"You were saying?" Mayhem remarked, unable to hide his amused grin.
"Hush, Newt-boy!" Chaos said, going SD and sticking out his tongue at Mayhem. He grabbed the remote control of the gods and started punching the channel buttons. "Ha ha! I have you now, my pretty! And your little lake god too!!"
"There it is," Chaos sighed, watching the waters of the aquarium burble at him. "Oh look, and she's got all kinds of kawaii little fishies too! How thoughtful of her to leave these for me!"
The two other fanboys warily stepped back from the tank.
Chaos stuck his fingers into the water and splashed them around. "Ohayo, little lake god fishies! How are you feeling to-KYAAAAAA!!"
Mayhem and Pesti-chan swatted aside their sweatdrops as the burbling waters exploded into a frothing frenzy and nearly yanked Chaos right into the aquarium.
"KYAAA!!" a bug-eyed SD Chaos shrieked. "BEANS ARMED THIS THING WITH PIRANHAS!!! TASUKETEEEE!!!"
"You know," Mayhem remarked. "I wouldn't be surprised if Beans had named these little guys all P-chan."
"Little Piranhas?" Pesti-chan inquired, cocking an eyebrow.
Meanwhile, Chaos manaed to pull his arm back out of the fishtank-minus his other shirt sleeve, though. "I'm saved!" he sighed. He went bug-eyed as he saw the mangled ends of his shirt. "Dammit!"
"Hey Chaos!" came the disembodied voice of Havoc, now growing louder. "HEEEEEEEEY!!"
Chaos had about two seconds worth of frantic SD dancing time before Havoc came crashing back down into the apartment. Fortunately for the Hentenno-sama (but not so fortunate for his lordship Chaos) Havoc's fall was ever so nicely cushioned by Chaos's head.
Havoc sighed, dusting herself off as she got up. "I can't believe it. I was this close to grabbing Setsuna's panties again! I was mere inches away from her, and she never even noticed me, and then suddenly my Tama-echi went off!"
"My, what unfortunate timing," Pesti-chan dryly said.
Havoc sat herself down on the kitchen counter. "She either blasts me right before I try to steal her panties or else she blasts me right after I steal her panties, incinerating my silken treasure! Either way, Puu-chan always manages to see me coming! I just can't figure it out!"
Havoc, with her constant Chichiri grin, turned around as the demonic SD form of Chaos rose up from the hole in the floor. "Havoc...!" Chaos snarled.
"Ne, Chaos," Havoc cut in, wrapping an arm around Chaos' shoulders. "Let me try out the remote control of the gods! My Tama-echi's just been fed--!"
"That was more than I wanted to hear," Pesti-chan groaned.
"-and I'm sure that if I can click right into the gates of time, I'll catch Puu-chan's panties for sure!"
"Oh no, you don't!"
And thus the usual mad scuffle for control of the remote ensued.
Chaos: "You are not going to steal Setsuna's panties, you pervert!!"
Havoc: "OHO HO HO HO!!! Call me Hentenno-sama, Chaos!"
All the fanboys paused in kawaii bug-eyed SD forms as suddenly who should be clicked into their midst but Dr. Forrester himself!
"What the hell?!" Chaos exclaimed. "Since when did this guy get signed on for a cameo appearance in our fanfics?!"
"Who is he?" Pesti-chan asked, turning to Mayhem.
"Dr. Clayton Forrester from the Megane 6.7 MSTings," Mayhem replied. "It's his mission in life to find the perfectly hideous fanfic to unleash upon the world, making it easy for him to take over. If you want anything else, Pesti-chan, just read the beginning of the moviefic and all shall be explained."
Dr. Forrester grinned and gave a little V-sign. "And here I was trying to find a way to get myself into your little world! What an unbelieveable coincidence."
[Fanboy's Note: (author feigns innocence) Why yes...what an unbelievable coincidence indeed! I certainly wouldn't have seen it coming...no...certainly not!]
Mayhem: "Well, the author had to get the plot moving somehow."
Pesti: "I for one wouldn't have objected had it abruptly met its end here."
Well Dr. F seized the remote and prepared to depart when abruptly Chaos demanded what he was doing with it. Needless to say, as in typical dumb overlord form, Forester explained his entire plot of stealing their remote control of the gods to gain access into Artemis' Lover and then clone Oscar to subdue and rule the world with an onslaught of Oscarfics. As they listened the fanboys realized that no good could come of this.
Dr. Forrester: "MWAH HAH HAH HA!! Now to find Artemis' Lover and rule the world by cloning Oscar, and subduing all the people with an infinite number of Oscarfics!"
Pesti: "Why exactly did he tell us all of his fiendish recipe to thicken up the plot of this moveific anyways? He's just inviting disaster."
Mayhem: [shrug!] "He's a mad scientist. All mad scientists hold a defective gene that makes them compulsively tell their rivals or enemies their fiendish plot in complete and utter detail."
Chaos: [sigh!] "If only Dr. Forrester had used Ysabet's Evil Overlord List to see what he should have done...!"
Pesti: "But...if he did that, then where would we be?"
Mayhem: "Without a plot and with a helluva lot of Oscarfics."
Havoc: "Actually, we'd be up an Oscar-fic without a Puu-chan!"
Chaos, Mayhem & Pesti: "HENTAI!!!!"
Havoc: "Oh, this coming from a she-male like you, Chaos?"
Chaos: [growl!] "I AM NOT A SHE-MALE, HAVOC!!! That's all Sailor Star Polaris' fault!!"
Forrester: "HA HA! Nothing can stop me!!"
However Dr. Forrester wound up getting subdued by them only because he was standing too close to Chaos as Chaos had once again said Sailor Star Polaris instead of Star Sailor Polaris, both of them getting smited by a large Gentle Uterus that crashed through the ceiling.
[Cue the Gentle Uterus!]
Forrester: "What the hell is that?!"
Mayhem: "Don't ask, Dr. F, just brace yourself."
Forrester & Chaos: "I-I-I-I-Itaiiiiii!!!"
Mayhem: "Hm! Those Gentle Uterus smitings actually came in handy for once!"
Well, getting out from the rapid dialogue mode once more, the four Fanboys made sure to tie up Dr. Forrester as they debated the issue of what to do with him. But during the second round of debates to send him either into hell of the 1,000 cackling Naga clones or hell of the nothing but Chibiusa hentaifics for reading material, Dr. Forrester abruptly leaped across the living room to seize the remote control of the gods!
Dr. F: "I'm free! HA HA HA!!!:
Mayhem: "I thought he was tied up! Chaos...!"
Chaos: [kawaii kitty ears] "Um...well, we didn't have any rope so I got his forefingers stuck in a Chinese finger trap instead."
[Mayhem & Pesti-chan slap their foreheads.]
Both: "Baka baka!"
Chaos: "Well it was the best I could come up with on such short notice. You guys stole my Noisy Herring from the FiB MSTfic, so what was I supposed to do?!"
Havoc: "Dojifest! Dojifest! Dojifest!"
Chaos; "You stay out of this, Havoc!!"
Dr. F: "MWAH HAH HA!!! Welcome to my Instant Monstrosity, Fanboys!!!!"
[Cue the Instant Monstrosity!]
Chaos: [reeeeeally bug-eyed SD form!] "KYAAAAA!!! IT'S MEGA-MOKONA!!!!"
Mega-Mokona: "PUU PUU PUUUUUU!!!"
[The fanboys are all blown against the wall by the soundwaves!!]
And they were almost certainly doomed to be left behind, resulting in the author having absolutely no idea how the hell to get the plot moving ever again, when suddenly who should appear to save the day, but (of all ironies!):
"Hey, that's my remote!" Havoc exclaimed, wrestling with Dr. Forrester. "I'm going to steal Puu-chan's panties tonight and I laid first dibs on it! Go rule the world tomorrow, but for tonight Hentenno-sama shall reign supreme!"
"Just what kind of a perverted freak are you?!" Dr. Forrester exclaimed.
Meanwhile the Mega-Mokona creation had met a rather abrupt end with three large, oversized pan-dimensional mallets O' Mass Destruction. Freed from their imprints in the wall, Mayhem, Chaos and Pesti-chan all joined into the fracas.
And then it happened.
Suddenly all five characters disappeared, taken into another hentaific because that was the last setting left on it thanks to Dr. Forrester. The apartment was deathly quiet. Quiet until the front door opened and a panting and sweaty Desolation staggered into the fanboys' apartment.
"Finally!" he gasped. "I...made it!"
Desolation went into bug-eyed SD mode as he noticed the very empty apartment. "Um, guys? It's me, Desolation! I just got back after nearly getting shishkebobbed by Dilandau's Guymelef! Spent the rest of Escaflowne in traction too! Guys? Guys? Hey, this isn't funny! I need to use your bathroom! WHERE THE HELL IS EVERYBODY NOW?!?!"
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