Bring in da noise, Bring in da fic.


           [Cue His lordship Chaos sitting on a sofa with armfuls of SD Pesti-chan plushies!]

His lordship Chaos: ^^v "I, His lordship Chaos, do hereby permit this omakefic to be about Pesti-chan."


           [Unexpectedly a small, yellow & really cute bear waddles into the obligatory intro bit.]
           Puchuu Bear: ^^ "Puchuu!"

His lordship Chaos: [teary Bambi eyes!] "Awwwww, it's so cute...BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL IT IS!!"


           [The author suddenly pulls out a Cosmo Dragoon, sets it on "galactic flambé" and blows the Puchuu bear away!]

Puchuu Bear: O.< "Ow, my liver!!"



           [Cue the fic!]


His lordship Chaos presents:

THE PESTI-FIC




           My name is Pesti-chan.
           I'm currently 16 (I think), and am in my second year at Jyuban High School. Yes, I know the math doesn't work. No, I didn't fail a grade. Let's just skip over that one of many hiccups in our fic's continuity and move on, shall we?
           I have to be called "Kamui Shiro" here at Jyuban High since it might arouse suspicions about my real identity. At least that's what Chaos told me when we enrolled. My official title is that of an Overlord of Mass Destruction. So what does that make my job? Well...usually I just hide the bodies my compatriots leave in their wake.
           Sadly this oft-lamented position leaves me regretting I ever bother to get up in the morning--especially since I turn into a large hairy monster whenever I get hit by a magic spell or attack...and then there's that whole 6-way split thing I can do. I used to be the ingenue of the group, innocent and uncorrupted by the deranged nonsense and ecchi tendencies of Anime, my other fanboys and the author. I think it took about a grand total of 3-4 fics before that went straight out the window too.
           But I'm currently dating my Senshi sweetheart: Kino Makoto. That has to count for something!
           More than anything, this fic is being submitted in the hopes of showing you readers that I am the most sane otaku among everyone here. Of course, given my competition that won't a hard thing to prove. But we're going to do it anyways....



          
          
           3...


          
          
           2...


          
          
           1...


           [Cue Washu-sensei suddenly popping up!]

Washu-sensei: ^-^ "Wai!"


          
          
           NAZE NANI FANBOYS!!!

Washu-sensei: "Welcome to yet another installment of 'the hows & whys of Fanboys!' Today we shall be looking at--"

Ines-sensei: "Hey, I thought I was scheduled to answer the otaku's questions for this omakefic."

Washu-sensei: "Aw, go teleport yourself to Mars. This is my act. Now, when the SD Pesti's talk to each other, you might not recognize the names they use. But in fact, they are referring to each other by the number they are. So if #2 is being talked to, he is called 'Ni-san'; ni meaning the number 'two' in Japanese. Of course, this is a pun unto itself since 'ni-san' also can mean 'older brother.'"

Ines-sensei: "You're boring the readers, you know. Why not just construct a simplistic chart like this to help them understand?"


           SD Pesti #1 - Chibichi
           SD Pesti #2 - Ni-san
           SD Pesti #3 - San-chan/Chibi-san
           SD Pesti #4 - Yon
           SD Pesti #5 - Go
           SD Pesti #6 - Roku

Washu-sensei: "Hey, quit stealing my materials, blondie!"

Ines-sensei: [eyebrow twitch!] "Blondie?! This coming from a crab-haired bimbo in some Pioneer protagonist's harem?"

Washu-sensei: "Oooh, good alliteration...but that still means war."

Ines-sensei: "Bring in on, Washu!"

Washu-sensei: "Not Washu. It's...(^-^) Washu-chan!"


           [Cue the facevaults!]

Ruri-chan: --; "Baka."


           ['Naze Nani Fanboys!' will no longer be seen today, as the current hosts are busy flinging Erlenmeyer flasks and Klein Bottles at each other. But tune in next time for the pilot episode of that wacky situation comedy intended to revolutionize the world: The Ambiguously Gay Duelists!]

Touga: "Saionji, my good friend, I need for you to unsheathe my dueling sword."

Saionji: [reaching around Touga's pants. "It looks so big from here."

Touga: "Take it firmly in your hands...but be gentle!"

Saionji: [grasping the sword by the hilt] "Oh! I can feel the power pulsating through it, Touga."

Touga: [ripping open his shirt!] "Quick, to the Akiomobile!"


* * *

           Part the First: She Gainaxed me with Science!
           (Once again, my spellchecker has cut an unworthy
           object.)


           It was a beautiful day in the Yamada's neighborhood.
           Won't you be their neighbours and mine?
           But that obscure Ghibli reference aside, it was a quiet morning in the apartment of the fanboys. Now that the hyper-lunatic events of F9! had come to a cream lemony conclusion, all that was left was...more hyper-lunatic events.
           Hyper, hyper, hyper-hyper hypeeeeeeer!
           Stupid sorts of things dropping out from the sky!
           Gonna hit Hayama's head and make him cry!
           But it's not like I really care because he copped a feel off my chest, so I'm just going to sing about my Babbit instead!

Babbit: ^^v "Peace, love and Karen Duffy fansubs for all. Yah!"


           See, this is what happens when you have Sana raps as a part of your musical soundtrack.
           Anyhoo...this being another school day, the fanboys were naturally slow to actually getting up and sounding coherent. The only one who was awake and active this early in the morning was Pesti-chan. He emerged from the shower in time to see Riot in front of the television set. Currently the show being played was 'Otaku-san Rock!', today featuring Nino-kun and Akai Mantle singing the absurdly grammatical song: "Haunted Conjunction Junction, what's your function?"
           "Um, is there any particular reason you're watching that?" Pesti-chan asked as he dripped water all over the floor tiles.
           Riot continued to glare at the television set, muttering to himself. "I came out of my most honourable anything-goes meditation-fu...only to be greeted with this?! I have been scared shitless too much lately."
           "Want me to turn to another channel?" Pesti-chan offered.
           "No need," Riot answered, pulling out a jitte and lobbing it at the television.
           Pesti-chan dove for cover as the jitte impaled the middle of the screen. A few seconds, one large explosion and lots of smoke later, he dared to peer out from behind one of the chairs and gaze upon the smouldering remnants of their big-screen TV.
           "You are paying for that, you realize," he stated, adjusting his bathroom towel to make sure he wasn't giving readers any inadvertent fanservice. This attempt failed when Ruckus dropped down from the ceiling and glomped onto Pesti-chan's back.
           "Oooh, I love a man who's all freshened up in the morning," the bishounen ai ninja cooed, fondling a now very twitchy Pesti-chan's chest. "You should have told me earlier and we could have bathed together. Ne?"
           But when Ruckus paused in his sweet nothings long enough to re-evaluate the scene, he realized that he was only talking to the lampshade. A group of wet and nekkid SD Pesti-chans were frantically racing down the hall to the safety of their bedroom.

Ruckus: "Shimatta, they got away again. (^-^) On the other hand, they won't be getting very far without their towel! Hotcha!"


           Once he was reassembled, dried off and properly dressed in the Jyuban High school uniform, Pesti-chan returned to the kitchen. Dark Mayhem was now up, currently munching on slices of toast while checking up on some recent Anime stock acquisitions.
           "Let's see," he mused. "The Gowa Organization's stock drops with the Japanese crisis regarding raised taxes on grain imports...calling in the Kai's...inevitable coup d'etat...sounds like a good time to invest in something else."
           Removing his blazer and hanging it off the back of a dining room chair, Pesti-chan headed over to the kitchen to see what he craved for breakfast. However, raiding the fridge had to be postponed as the freezer door was thrown open from the inside and a grinning Demolition emerged.
           "What's with you?" Pesti-chan asked, sweatdropping.
           Demolition's grin grew a little bigger. "It's a sexy commando day today. No underwear for this dragon-slayer!"

Pesti: >.< "Too much information!"

Demolition: "Well then you shouldn't have asked."

Pesti: "I wasn't expecting that sort of answer."


           Pesti-chan reached for a box of cereal--and then opted to not go with Frosted Kiddies, featuring the picture of Tora the Tiger (demon) on the box proclaiming, "They're Crrrrrrrunchy!"
           "I don't even want to think about what the free toy is," he sighed.
           "Hey look!" Demolition exclaimed, fishing a tennis visor out from the cereal box. "It's Rebi's cap! So much for her youth in Arcadia."
           Deciding instead to go with some fibre-enriched Martian Successor Nabisco cereal, Pesti-chan mulled over the schedule for the day. The only real two important thing on the agenda were attending classes at Jyuban High with the rest of the fanboys--and naturally the Sailor Senshi. But he had also somehow been roped into helping Chaos make dinner for Hotaru tonight, to celebrate her birthday.

Pesti: [sweatdrop!] "Waaaaaaaaiiiit a minute...Hotaru's birthday is January 6th. So why are we celebrating it at the beginning of the fall semester?"


           [Fanboy's Note: we apologise for this attempt to make the author look fallible. Those responsible are being taken outside and beaten senselessly with Puchuu bears.]

Pesti: "What?"

Army of Puchuu bears: ^^ "Puchuu!"

Pesti: o.O; "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"


           [Fanboy's Note: now then, instead of you readers having to dwell on this obvious lie about the benevolent and sexy author, let's go look in on Sarcasm and her bishie harem!]

Sarcasm: "Beh...I'm bored. What are you guys talking about?"

Aya Fujimiya & Marron Glaces: "Ass-fisting."

Sarcasm: [argh!] "Again with the ass-fisting! Can't you bishie-boys find a hobby?"


           [Fanboy's Note: um...maybe we should go return to Pesti-chan instead. Ass-fisting?! Where in the hell did that come from?]


           "Okay, that was so uncalled for," Pesti-chan stated, his hair and clothes in disarray from the Puchuu pummeling he'd received. "What's our author's problem anyways?"
           "What, that he's got an insatiable raging ego and refuses to let anyone ever know he's ever wrong?" Demolition asked.
           Pesti-chan shook his head, still rubbing the Puchuu bitemark on his arm. "No, we're used to that by now. But can't he just sac-beat people normally like everyone else?"
           The two glanced back at the hallway as Chaos emerged, looking rather cheerful and unusually sexy in a white summer dress with sunflower prints all over it. "Um, that's not exactly our school uniform, Chaos," Pesti-chan said finally.
           "I've got the day off," Chaos said happily, puffing out his chest with pride. "I've been exempted from all my classes since I'm attending a very important event."
           "Oh, you're actually going to attend Lum's electroshock therapy for once?" Dark Mayhem remarked with a grin as he turned the pages of the newspaper. Moments later a small herring smacked against the paper with no effect. Dark Mayhem sneered as he lowered his paper and said, "You expect that to hurt?"
           Suddenly his eyes bugged out when he saw a love-struck Noonsa getting flung right at him.

Noonsa: "Oh, those fangs on you are so adorable! Give us a kiss!"

Dark Mayhem: o.O;; "What the hell?!"

Pesti-chan winced as the couch was sent toppling over backwards, Noonsa and Dark Mayhem's legs seen thrashing around in the air.
           "I just threw the herring to get him to look my way," Chaos glibly remarked, sitting down at the breakfast table.
           "So just where are you going anyways?" Demolition asked as he sipped his cup of Smoky black Dragon-slayer tea. His eyebrow performed an involuntary twitch as he noted how Chaos was looking. "And are you absolutely sure you want to be wearing that to it?"
           Chaos scoffed and waved Demolition's worries aside. "Daijobu, I've got the whole thing under control," he said, pouring himself a box of Frosted Kiddies. "There's a special Crossplay Competition being held today, and I intend to be the only one Number 1!"

Dejiko: "Wai! He's plugging our opening theme song, nyo! Everybody, let's host a party night and dance, nyo!"

Puchiko: "Puchiko can't dance, nyu."

Gema: ^-^ "I bounce because they will kill me, gema!"

Dejiko: [frying Gema with her eyebeams!] "Hush, you, nyo!"


           "Now the way I see it," Chaos continued. "I've only got bishounen cross-dressers like Hotohori or Milfiel to worry about. But since Sarcasm has them pampering her, they won't be in the competition. With those guys out of the standing, it's not even a bet that I'll win: it's a certainty. If I somehow lost the contest, why...why...why I'd eat the nearest cow!"

Nanami-cow: o.O; "Moo?"

Akio: [glomping the Nanami-cow] "You can eat her after I'm through with her, otaku boy."

Chaos: [eyebrow twitch!] "Ano...maybe I'll just go vegetarian. And what happened to the TV set?"

Riot: ^^v "I most honourably neutered it."


           "Say do we have any of those leftover Hoisin Engi noodles from last night?" Carnage asked as he strolled out from the broom closet. He sighed deeply and took a deep sniff of his uniform jacket. "Aaaaah, I love the smell of Zechs Wax in the morning."
           Demolition rolled his eyes. "Nii-san, what did your therapist tell you about no Zechs before breakfast?"
           Just then, the doorbell rang.
           "I got it," Carnage called out, heading over to the front entry. "Who'd be here this early in the morning anyways?"
           "Maybe it's an angry mob here to throttle Chaos for that Barefoot Genocyber fic," Dark Mayhem said amidst putting the couch back up to its former position.
           Chaos shot the uber exploder fanboy a dark glare. "I'll have you know that angry mob was here last night."
           Much to his surprise, once he unlocked the front door Carnage found himself staring at Naru Narisugawa. "Are you a friend of Havoc's?" she asked with a definite scowl on her face (and lack of bra on her bosoms).
           Carnage blinked a few times. "I wouldn't exactly call that perverted nimrod a friend," he stated.
           "But you do know him?" Naru pressed. She cracked the knuckles of her left fist. "Good. When you see him, give him this message from me."
           And with that, she wound back her arm and decked Carnage with a right hook. The mecha otaku was launched straight across the apartment, crashing through the balcony doors and then soaring off into the horizon until he was but a distant speck. All the fanboys leaned forward and looked out the gaping hole in the balcony windows.
           Pesti-chan sweatdropped as he surveyed the damage. "Ano...I don't think Carnage will be coming back anytime soon in this fic."
           "How does she get that much power into a single hit?" Riot mused.
           "Her per level damage bonus must be absurdly high," Demolition said.
           Pesti-chan could only shake his head and continue eating his cereal as if nothing was wrong. Then again, this was an unusually sedate morning. So far no epic explosions or random acts of Sploot had occurred. Maybe the day would be a good one after all.
           "You know, this is odd," Chaos remarked, looking around the apartment. "Usually Hysteria and her unnaturally perky rays of sunshine-chan are invading our hangovers by now. Where is she?"
           "If she's not here, then who cares?" Demolition replied with a happy smile on his face.
           As if on cue, the phone abruptly rang. Being seated right next to it on the couch, Dark Mayhem picked up the receiver. "Moshi moshi? Chocolate Misu's whip emporium: how can we hurt you?"
           "Waaah! Dark-poppa, Hysteria's in a really unkawaii little pinch-chan!" came Hysteria's sniffling voice over the phone.
           "Let me guess," Dark Mayhem said, putting down the receiver and switching it to speaker phone. "Dornkirk didn't like you taking over Zaibach and renaming it Zaibaka, did he?"
           Hysteria sighed. "No, Dorkirk head-chan just threw a big decapitated hissy fit-chan and that was that. But Hysteria's got this problem: she can't get out of her kawaii little bedroom-chan! Poor Hysteria's trapped!"
           All of the fanboys looked at each other with curious yet ultimately amused expressions. Demolition tried not to laugh as he ate another spoonful of Frosted Kiddies.
           "Why can't you get out of your room?" Chaos called out as he adjusted his pantyhose.
           "Well, Chaos-momma--"

Chaos: --;; "I hate it when she does that."

Pesti: "Well if you'd actually dress like a guy every now and again...."

Chaos: "Hmph! Well excuse me for having sexy legs. It's not like the Japanese Naniichuan is still under the Furinkan High girl's changerooms anymore either."


           "Hysteria's pinch-chan is that she's got three kawaii little doors to choose from," Hysteria continued. "But one door-chan leads to Hysteria's kawaii little closet, the second door-chan leads to Hysteria's kawaii little bathroom-chan, and the other door has a kawaii little 'No Trespassing' sign-chan on it."
           It was a wonder any of the fanboys could actually hold back their snickering. Pesti-chan practically choked on his cereal, while Chaos was taken aback and nearly tore a hole in his pantyhose. Dark Mayhem motioned for silence, then said as reassuringly as he could, "Hysteria, I'll see what I can do to get you out of there. Just sit tight, and wait for me to show up."
           "Hai, Dark-poppa!"
           Dark Mayhem hung up the phone, an evil grin appearing on his face. "She fell for it. Okay, tomorrow, it's Carnage's turn to put the 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the back of her bedroom door...if he ever comes down from orbit."
           "I think he got launched four omakes into the future," Chaos said, still looking out the window. He squinted his eyes and leaned forward even more. "Hold on...I think I see something else. There's this little black speck in the distance, and I think it's coming this way."
           "Did Desolation get fired out of the Nadesico's Aestivalis catapult again?" Dark Mayhem inquired, glancing back over his shoulder.
           "If that was the case," Demolition remarked. "we'd be seeing his head coming towards us, followed by various body parts."
           Riot got to his feet and surveyed the Tokyo cityscape outside the shattered balcony window. And apparently, despite his eternal squint, he could see perfectly across town. "Hey, there's a sale on at Kenshin's Katana Depot in the Asakusa district! Oh, and that thing coming towards is...oh most dishonourable shit, it's Havoc!!"
           At the risk of stating the obvious, all the fanboys panicked and flung themselves behind various pieces of furniture. Only Chaos had the audacity (not to mention the brazen stupidity) to remain standing and watch the uberperv hurtle towards them.
           "I'd say Havoc's clipping along at a good two klicks per second," he remarked while leisurely combing out his hair. "Ne, Cherry, look out or he's going to steal your--nevermind."
           "Chaos, at that speed Havoc's going to explode all over the apartment!" Pesti-chan hissed from behind one of the potted plants. "And might I remind you how much of a natural smite magnet you are."
           Chaos laughed, scoffing at the younger fanboy. "Please. I've got this covered," he stated, removing a headset from where it hung on the front entry wall. He tapped the mic twice to ensure it was working. "Ground Control to Major Tongue, come in. Please change your trajectory by two degrees, and decrease your speed...Havoc, lower your speed...use the panty dragchute, Havoc. Deploy! Deploy the panty dragchute!...Whaddaya mean it's malfunctioning?! Havoc, you're going to hit the apartment at Mach Two! KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"
           A split second later, Havoc's crash landing was nicely softened by Chaos...and the front door made of Gundanium. "Well, that wasn't so bad after all," Havoc's female version remarked, removing her aviator goggles.
           "Speak for yourself," warbled the large Chaos-shaped dent in the door.
           "Can't you just ring the doorbell like everyone else, Havoc?" Pesti-chan sighed as he emerged from his hiding place.
           Demolition nodded as he scuttled out from under the hall rug. "Or at least give us a warning before you're coming! And I just made an unintentional ecchi pun, didn't I?"
           Everyone nodded, then allowed Demolition the chance to bang his head repeatedly against the fridge for giving into the power of the Perv.
           "I have a question for you guys," Havoc-chan remarked as she dusted her DOJI GIRL jacket off. "If Havoc-kun is considered the Hentenno, should I not--being the female uberperv, of course--be called the kai awasensei?"


           [Cue the facevaults!]


           Havoc-chan looked down at the fanboys twitching on the ground. "So is that a 'yes' to the kai awasensei title?"
           "Kai awasensational!" Chaos cheered, waving a couple of ceremonial fans in the air.
           Havoc-chan's Chichiri-like grin disappeared, and she turned her head to give Chaos a rather annoyed look. Naturally, Chaos had no clue. "What?" he asked. "Don't tell me you want this dress, because it's all mine. You'd probably find the chest a little loose and the waist a little constricting too."

Havoc-chan: [grrrrr!] "UJIN DIL BRAND!!!"


           Instantly a large detonation of Cream Lemon erupted through the floor, catapulting Chaos with a rather impressive amount of force right through the ceiling.

Chaos: o.O; "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

Riot: [sweatdrop!] "Where did you learn that technique?"


           [Cue the nekkid flashback to the Planet Hentai, some nights earlier!]

Havoc-chan: "Now Lina, remember the deal: you eat for an hour, you teach for an hour."

Lina Inverse: [drool!] "So...much...food! Glorious food! And the buffet table's all mine!"


           [Shrinking into a giggling, giddy li'l SD Lina (which is certainly better than the sumo-sized Pika Pika Lina), our favourite surfboard-chested sorceress--]

Lina: [grrrrr!] "Who are you calling surfboard-chested?! I don't care if you *are* the author! If you don't stop spreading such blatant lies about my cleavage, I'm going to stick this Laguna Blade right up your self-inserting--"


           [Getting back to the narration, the gorgeous and ample-chested sorceress, Lina Inverse, bounds over to her buffet table filled with nyotaimori platters!]

Lina: [grabbing a fork and knife!] "Itadakimasu! Wait a minute...I know the jiggle this dish is making."

Nyotaimori Naga: [wobbita wobbita wobbita!] "Woh hoh oho ho hoh ho ho hoh!!!"

Lina: >.< "I've suddenly lost my appetite."


           [Back to the fic....]


           "What the? That flashback didn't make any sense at all!" Pesti-chan protested. "Havoc, even if Lina taught you the Dil Brand spell, which you obviously corrupted--"
           "Modified," Havoc-chan corrected sagely. "Brashido can be applied to improve any sort of technique."
           Riot sniffed indignantly. "Watch me most honourably not care. Samurai are supposed to be noble, not naughty."
           "No wonder you guys always got sliced apart by ninjas: no fun, and all high-strung," Ruckus sighed from where he was reclining on the ceiling. He hastily dodged a large sword that was lobbed his way by Riot.
           "But Havoc still didn't explain how he convinced Lina to teach her that spell when she rejected the buffet offer!" Pesti-chan insisted, the vein in his forehead starting to throb. But when he saw that no sense would ever be made of the last page, he resigned himself to the mess left in the Ujin Dil Brand's wake.
           Pesti-chan could only shake his head and wordlessly shuffle over to the kitchen pantry. He pulled out a disinfectant spray and a roll of paper napkins--then he handed them to Demolition. "You're on cleaning detail today, buddy."
           "Kuso!" Demolition groaned, kicking at the Cream Lemon debris still burbling on the floor. In the process, a large fluffy white ball of whipped cream wound up smacking Riot in the face. "Anime babes aren't impressed by my manly biceps when I'm just cleaning! This is an outrage!"
           "You're telling me," Riot muttered, wiping the Cream Lemon off his face. "Most dishonourable; whipped cream stains never come out of my most honourable hagamono."
           "So what's your first act as kai awasensei?" Dark Mayhem inquired, turning the pages of his newspaper.
           Havoc-chan grinned. "I'm going to grab Armitage's metal bra!" she boldly proclaimed from standing atop Pesti-chan's head.

Pesti-chan: [argh!] "Do you mind?!"

Havoc-chan: "No."

Pesti-chan: --;; "I...I have no good retort to that."


           "So just how do you plan to go about stealing a piece of titanium-reinforced underwear?" Dark Mayhem asked. He set the newspaper down on the couch and sauntered into the kitchen, depositing his used dishes in the sink.
           Havoc-chan yanked out an oversized magnet from inside her DOJI GIRL shirt and aimed it out the window. However, the added weight upon Pesti-chan's head made him lose his balance. With a startled yelp, Pesti-chan went flailing backwards, Havoc-chan and the oversized magnet landing on top of him in a stunned, sukebe heap.
           "This is so humiliating," SD Pesti #6 muttered darkly. Suddenly Armitage's metal bra came shooting through the window and smacked the chibi-avatar in the face. "I spoke too soon," came #6's muffled response.
           "Oh, such electrically-charged silken treasures!" SD Pesti #3 sighed, rubbing up against the panties--and #6's face. "I'm getting this tingly feeling!"
           "That's not what you'll be feeling in a second, Chibi-san!" SD Pesti #6 snarled, cracking his knuckles.
           "Please, everyone just calm down!" SD Pesti #5 called out. "Roku, just try to pretend that San-chan isn't glomped onto your face. Ni-san, see if you can find where Yon disappeared to."
           SD Pesti #2 simply pointed to the ceiling. "I don't think he'll be coming down from the ceiling fan anytime soon."

SD Pesti #4: @.@ "The fic's going around and around and around and around and I think I'm going to pull a Junta and hurl!"


           "Ack! No reflux, Yon!" SD Pesti #5 shrieked, trying to find an umbrella or suitable shelter. "Just say 'iie' to the reflux! And will someone pry Chibichi off that Makoto throw pillow?"
           "Mako-chaaaaaaan," SD Pesti #1 purred, clinging ardently to a pillow with Makoto's laminated face on it.
           "You know," Dark Mayhem remarked as he sauntered past the bickering SD Pesti-chans with his schoolbag. "You might want to fuse yourselves back together if you want to be to school on time."
           Riot nodded. "Pandemonium will perform a most dishonourable strip search on any tardy students."
           The SD Pesti's abruptly stopped mid-battle, gawking at the other fanboys. Demolition and Dark Mayhem were all dressed in their Jyuban High uniforms and ready to leave. Riot and Ruckus were clad in their Utena-esque Student Council outfits. Chaos was making sure his make-up was on right before he left for his Crossplay competition. Even Havoc-chan was consulting her daily planner to see which panties were next on the 'to pillage' list.
           "How embarrassing," SD Pesti #5 sighed, rolling his eyes. "For once we're looking like the idiots of the fic."
           "There's always a first time for everything," SD Pesti #2 quipped, sidestepping as SD Pesti #4 plummeted from the ceiling fan above.
           The SD Pesti-chans quickly got themselves organized and then went into a huddle. "Okay, like we always do it," SD Pesti #5 said. "Everyone jump into the centre and recombobulate!"
           "What the hell kinda word is that?" SD Pesti #6 asked, sweatdropping.
           With that, the 6 chibified Pesti-chans all leaped forward--and then gave themselves the headbutt to end all painful headbutts. A loud chorus of "OW!" was heard as the SD Pesti's all went crashing down like bowling pins, limbs twitching and eyes doing that funny swirly-line thing.
           "Usually it's not that painful," SD Pesti #2 remarked, rubbing the sore spot on his forehead. He glanced down at SD Pesti #3, who was busy just sitting there with his head swaying left and right.

SD Pesti #3: @.@ "Oro-ooo-ooo-ooo....."


           "What the hell happened?" SD Pesti #4 asked, picking himself up off the floor. He was subsequently helped by Ruckus, who was all too eager to strip the chibi-Pesti nekkid and fondle--er, bandage his wounds.
           SD Pesti #6 grabbed SD Pesti's 1&3 by the collar, and then cracked their skulls together. Instead of a single and slightly larger Pesti-chan being the result, both SD Pesti-chan's toppled over with a nasty headache.
           "It looks like they can't recombine for some reason," Ruckus said, trying to hold on to the frantic SD Pesti #4 squirming in his arms. "I wonder why."
           Everyone turned to Havoc-chan and then looked down at the magnet in her hands. "What?" the kai awasensei asked.

Washu-sensei: ^-^ [popping up!] "Hai! As some of you readers might have already guessed, being subjected to the ecchi-magnetic field caused a reversion in the Pesti-chan's polarity! Now his super-deformed selves repel each other, much the way like charges oppose each other."

Ines-sensei: "Okay, that's it! You've stolen my research presentation for the last time, Washu!"

Washu-sensei: "It's Washu-chan, Ines."

Ines-sensei: "Why you arrogant nerdy little--"

SD Pesti #3: "Ladies, please. There's only one way to decide for certain who gets to be the education presenter here: let's settle this in Planet Hentai's Jello wrestling pit!"

SD Pesti #6: --;; "That doesn't improve the situation, you idiot."


           "Why should a magnet affect their assemble insert abilities?" Chaos asked, scratching his head. "I always thought the multi-chibi thing Pesti-chan could do was an 'Ah My Goddess' trait. That science makes no sense."
           "It's Anime," Dark Mayhem said. "The science isn't supposed to make sense, Chaos. You just have to cope with it and hope that the problem resolves itself by the end of the show."
           "That's why I stick with dragons as opposed to Minovski particles," Demolition remarked aside to Riot.

SD Pesti #4: o.O;; "We can't recombine? You mean we're stuck in multi-chibi form?"

SD Pesti #2: [nod nod!] "Presumably until the end of the fic, or until this polarity thing wears off."

SD Pesti #4: o.O;; "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--"

SD Pesti #5: [wince!] "Shimatta. Yon, tone it down a little."

SD Pesti #4: o.O; "-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--"

SD Pesti #2: "Don't worry; he'll pass out from the lack of air soon enough."

SD Pesti #1: [sniffle!] "Mako-chan...what have I done to deserve this? Will I never see your beautiful face again?"

SD Pesti #5: "Oh, shut up and help me stuff San-chan into this cannon."

SD Pesti #3: ^-^ "Oro?"

SD Pesti #4: o.O; "-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--*gasp!*"


           *THUD!*

Today's attempt to look normal...........not looking very good.




           [Cue the eyecatch!]

Thanks to:

Havoc, who naturally helped co-conspire for this fic.

Pan-chan, for unwittingly contributing to the Omake Theatre. (Trust me, you'll know it when you see it...jiggle.)

Whomever thought up the "Otaku-san Rock" idea, since I've completely forgotten who that was. But that does not make me fallible!








OMAKE THEATRE!!!



DID YOU KNOW....


           It is rumoured that after being bitten by a radioactive naughty tentacle during HentaiCon '98, Havoc now dons a superhentai outfit and fights the forces of evil--namely perverted mad scientists & evil lesbian school nurses--at his local "private junior college."

Havoc: [pose!] "I am the cream which spurts in the night! I am the defender of D-cups and the scourge of sukebe scientists! I am...The Thrust!"

Chaos: --;; [tapping on the door of the bathroom stall] "Are you done in there yet, Havoc? I kinda have to use the toilet too."

Havoc: "For who knows what perversions lurk in the hearts of otaku everywhere? The Thrust knows!"

Chaos: ;_; "Ano ne...."



DID YOU KNOW.....


           Kasumi still hasn't figured out that Desolation is also a were-cabbit?

Kasumi: ^-^ [cuddling the Deso-cabbit one moonlit night] "Well, we can't have you running around being lost and naughty, so I guess you'll have to be neutered. Gomen!"

Deso-cabbit: o.O;;; "Niyao?"


           [The next day....]

Desolation: [hobbling into the apartment] "O-ha-yo...."

Dark Mayhem: [eyebrow twitch!] "What the hell happened to you?"

Desolation: [groan!] "They tried to neuter me...315 times over 17 hours! I'm a 'Wu'; the parts just reassembled themselves right in the middle of surgery."

Chaos: o.O;

Pesti: [urk!] *faints dead away!*

Desolation: "Finally they took the hint and left the scalpel and clamps on the table."

Carnage: "Are you...okay?"

Desolation: "Well, it still kinda tingles. But I'm fine for now. Now if anyone needs me, I'll be changing my clothes in my Wudoir."



DID YOU KNOW....


           That Chaos once ran his own company?

Chaos: ^^v "Hai! I wound up becoming the new company president of Japan's Ajo Heavy Industries!"

Pesti: "How'd you manage that?"

Chaos: ^^;; "Um...I kinda accidentally dropped a cow on the former president."

Pesti: --;; "......"

Chaos: "I was aiming for a Puchuu bear at the time!"

Pesti: "But why did you become the new president? Why didn't the current vice-president in the company take that position?"

Chaos: [shrug!] "Plot contrivance?"

Pesti: "We seem to have a lot of those."

Chaos: "Even still, I enjoyed my time as a corporate president."

Dark Mayhem: "Ha! From what I hear, they had to rename the company Aho Heavy Industries thanks to all your screw-ups."

Chaos: "Well, excuse me for being thorough in quality control!"

Pesti: [???] "What happened?"

Chaos: "I wasn't sure if they were living up to their 'Heavy' status, so I had Deso show up. After we dropped the factory on him, he assured me it was indeed very heavy...and then the entire factory was destroyed when the Izherlon Fortress suddenly crashed on top of it for no apparent reason."


           [Cue the facevaults!]



DID YOU KNOW....


           That Pan-chan seems to spend a lot of days like this?


           You're walking along a quiet Tokyo city park on a beautiful mid-summer day. The birds are singing and the flowers are dropping their petals into carefully choreographed breezes. The day couldn't be more peaceful.
           Suddenly, you hear a noise in the distance, a quiet noise that grows louder with every minute. Looking around reveals no source for the cry that begins to shatter your eardrums.
           Then you look up.

Pan-chan: "...ooooooohhhhhHHAAAAAYYYYOOOO!!!!"


           *WOBBITA WOBBITA WHUMP!*


           A blue streak plummets past you and further, leaving a smoking, gainax-shaped hole in the ground.
           A minute passes. Silence.
           Then, green tentacles shoot up past your head, wrapping themselves around a nearby treebranch. The woman--for that's what it seems to be (and a very well-endowed one at that!)--hauls herself out of the crater and brushes the dirt from her startlingly risqué high school truant officer's uniform.

Pan-chan: "What're you looking at? Come on...you're reading a Fanboys! fanfic. You've seen someone plummet before."


           A sudden wind picks up, flipping the truant officer's skirt above her head for one brief instant. She looks down, patting her hips, and then her face turns a rather unfortunate shade of red. Extending her tentacles once again, she takes off down that formerly quiet road, shrieking as she goes...

Pan-chan: >( "OTOKA-SAAAAAAAAN! You're a dead man when I get my tentacles on you!"

Havoc: [pose!] "You can try, but you will never out-thrust...The Thrust! Quick, Bosom-lad, ready the Pervmobile!"

Kintaro: [salute!] "Hai, Hentenno-sama!"


           The world continues to turn, the soft-scented petals falling on your hair and shoulders, and, looking down, you realize that Rampage has eaten your pants.

Chaos: o.O;; "Not my Tamahome Hilfiger pants again!"

Rampage: ^-^ "CHU CHU!"




           [End!]


Part 2