It is our hope that a single merry thought might brighten
these blackest of days. We do what we can. In memory of
those lost. Let us show them that we will never forget how
to smile and laugh.
-His lordship Chaos, the Hentenno, Sarcasm-hime,
and the rest of the Fanboys! crew
my Space Sword has cut an unworthy object.
[Cue His lordship Chaos sitting on a large comfy couch, a hardcover children's book in his arms. Kawaii chibi versions of Haruka, Michiru and Hotaru are all cuddled up next to him.]
His lordship Chaos: [reading] "And I would kill her in a house, I would kill her with an Iron Mouse. I would kill her here or there, I would kill her anywhere. Yes I shall kill that pink-haired sham. Die now, die now, Chibi-Yam."
Chibi-Haruka: ^-^ "Wai! Can you read it again?"
Chibi-Hotaru: "Harukaaaaaa! Quit hogging the afghan. You've already eaten most of the popcorn as it is."
Chibi-Haruka: "I can't help it if all that running this afternoon made me hungry."
His lordship Chaos: "Now play nicely, you two. Don't make me sic my Raging Ego on you."
Chibi-Haruka & Chibi-Hotaru: "Hai..."
Chibi-Michiru: "Ara, I think the fic's starting, Author onii-san."
His lordship Chaos: ^^v "So it has. And thusly I, His lordship Chaos, do hereby permit this part of the Pestific to be about the Outer Senshi."
Chibi-Haruka: ^-^ "Wai! Wai! We get a fic with us in it!"
Chibi-Hotaru: "Ne ne, Author onii-san, where's Setsuna?"
[Cue Chibi-Setsuna frantically racing in front of the couch, a Puchuu bear chasing after her!]
Chibi-Setsuna: "Get away from me, you freaky yellow thing!"
Puchuu: ^^ "Puchu!"
Chibi-Setsuna: ;_; "Why does this always happen to me?! Waaaaaaah!"
His lordship Chaos: [scratching his head] "I don't recall that being in her teddybear collection."
Chibi-Haruka: "Author onii-san, can I disembowel that Puchuu?"
His lordship Chaos ^-^ [pat pat!] "Only if you make sure to behead it afterwards this time."
Chibi-Haruka: [hauling out her plastic Space Sword] "Hai!"
Chibi-Hotaru: [hauling out her plastic Silence Glaive] "Haruka, wait for me!"
[His lordship Chaos turns to Chibi-Michiru, who seems very content to stay seated on the couch.]
His lordship Chaos: "Aren't you going to join them?"
Chibi-Michiru: [with a plastic Aqua Mirror from Mattel] "I'd rather just sit here and let my mirror scam some shows from pay-per-view."
His lordship Chaos: ^^v "Ooooh! Can you get the Daicon Bunnygirl Channel on that?"
[Cue the fic!]
Part the Fourth: You Can Have Your Cake & Kill It Too
Haruka sat upon the living room couch, one leg crossed over the other, her arms draped across the back. She glanced at the grandfather clock across the room. "He's going to be late at this rate," she said with a scowl.
"Haruka-poppa!" Hotaru sighed, rocking back and forth on her heels. "What are you so tense for? It's not your boyfriend you're expecting any minute!"
"And it had better stay that way," drawled Michiru's voice as she passed in behind the others on her way to the kitchen. While it was playful in its tone, Haruka couldn't help but sweatdrop when she heard the underlying threat in that remark.
"M-Michiru, when did I ever look at a guy that way?"
"Really, you'd try to find any excuse for Chaos-chan to not come over tonight," Hotaru chided her father-figure. She wagged her index finger at Haruka. "He may not be graceful, but he keeps his promises. And he promised that he'd be here by six o'clock at the latest."
Hotaru nervously stole a glance at the clock, and noted how it was one minute to six.
Suddenly there was a loud "KYAAAAAA!!!" followed by an even louder *WHAM!* from the front door. Naturally there was only one fanboy in the Aniverse who could make that sort of entrance. Hotaru's smile grew as she excitedly raced to the door and swung it open. "Chaos...chan?"
She slowly lowered her head, and found a pile of sprawled and dazed SD Pesti-chans on the front porch, as opposed to her boyfriend. "Where's Chaos?" she asked.
A wobbly chibi-Pesti hand rose from the dogpile and thumbed over to Hotaru's right. She turned her head, and found Chaos doing a wonderful impression of a door knocker. "Ano...Chaos?" she ventured, poking his shoulder. "Next time use the doorbell instead of your head."
"Made it with twenty-two seconds to spare," warbled Chaos' voice from amidst the elegantly carved wood. He managed to give Hotaru a V-sign.
After helping pull Chaos out from the avatar-shaped dent he'd made in the door, Hotaru latched onto his arm and escourted him inside.
"Ara, he arrives on time after all," Michiru said with an amused grin. The lengths at which some guys would go to keep their girlfriends happy (and appeased). But then her grin was changed into a bewildered expression when the six SD Pesti-chans all dizzily stumbled into the front entry.
SD Pesti #5: x.x "Are all the landings for this airline so painful?"
SD Pesti #2: @.@ "And no complimentary peanuts, even."
SD Pesti #4: o.< "I think I got a sparrow lodged up my nose during the flight."
Michiru's brow furrowed in an uncharacteristic frown. "What are they doing here?"
"Entertainment as I make dinner," Chaos replied evenly. "You see, I want my meal to be a complete surprise, so none of you can be in the kitchen while I perform my culinary masterpiece."
Haruka and Michiru's eyes widened as they exchanged nervous glances with each other. "Um...you never mentioned that Chaos was going to cook tonight," Michiru said.
Hotaru could only shrug in response, giving her parental units the most sincere, angelic look possible. Just as she was hoping, Haruka and Michiru caved.
"Just realise *you're* cleaning up whatever mess you make," Haruka sighed, shaking her head. She headed for the staircase, then paused and levelled a glare at Chaos. "And you had better behave yourselves...OR ElSE."
"Daijobu!" SD Pesti #5 said, with a solemn salute. "With the six of us here, we'll make sure that no self-gratuitous hanky-panky occurs!"
SD Pesti #3: ^-^ [bounding across the living room] "Hotcha! Haruka, I never knew you were into g-string panties!"
[Cue the draft!]
"Anything else you'd like to add, Go?" SD Pesti #2 inquired, leaning on #5's shoulder.
However, SD Pesti #5 was too much in shock to give a coherent response. "They...they were blue g-strings."
Haruka clenched a fist, cracking her knuckles in the process. She desperately resisted the urge to get Red Queen on any of their guests, mainly because of how much Hotaru wanted tonight to be perfect. Their 'hime-chan' would never forgive them for starting a melee.
"If you need anything, we'll be upstairs," Haruka said finally.
"Oh, and don't use any of the honey in the cupboard," Michiru added. She flashed Haruka a sly smirk. "Haruka and I are saving that for later tonight."
The two somewhat anxiously adjourned to the upstairs library together, leaving Hotaru with Chaos and SD Pesti-chans.
"Okay, Number Six is with me for the first shift in the kitchen," Chaos announced. "Hotaru, you can just have a seat on the couch here, and the rest of the gang will keep you company as I prepare a sumptuous Senshi feast."
Hotaru nodded, then quickly leaned forward on her toes and gave Chaos a quick peck on the cheek. Chaos blushed, quickly shuffling off to the kitchen. With a smile Hotaru turned her head...and found SD Pesti #3 happily glomped onto her bosoms.
SD Pesti #3: ^-^ "Where's my kiss?"
Hotaru: [eyebrow twitch!] "K-Kono yaro...."
"Language, Hotaru! Language!" SD Pesti #5 chided her. "A young lady such as yourself should not use such harsh words."
SD Pesti #2 nodded. "Hai hai. You should have called San-chan 'sukebe aho' before you punted him through the skylight."
SD Pesti #5 promptly facevaulted. "Are you trying to undermine your authority?!" he exclaimed at #2.
SD Pesti #2 paused for a moment before responding. "You had authority in the first place?"
SD Pesti #5: --;; "K-Kono yaro...."
SD Pesti #2: ^o^ "Language, Yon! Language!"
Chaos and SD Pesti #6 were in the kitchen, prepping for the meal. Obviously no good could ever come of this sort of combination. Chaos scratched his head as he surveyed all the necessary ingredients that had been set out on the counter. "Okay...we've got milk, eggs, flour, sugar and a Puchuu bear."
Puchuu: ^^ "Puchuu?"
Chaos shook his head and double-checked the recipe. "This is one really strange cake," he said.
Shoving the Puchuu bear head-first into a large ceramic mixing bowl, Chaos began to add the flour and the milk. "Hand me the mixer, will you?" he called out.
SD Pesti #6 handed Chaos the mixer.
"OW! Handle-first, Six! Handle-first! And why did you even turn it on in the first place?!"
About half an hour later, things had yet to calm down in the kitchen.
"How are things going in there, Chaos-chan?" Hotaru called out as she flipped through the channels on Haruka & Michiru's big-screen TV. SD Pesti #1 was happily sitting on her lap, cuddling up next to a Mako-chan plushie.
Came the reply, "Should it be inching towards the sink like that?"
"Chaos-chan?" Hotaru asked again, sweatdropping.
"Er--no! Everything's cool in here, Hotaru-chan!"
Hotaru glanced at her wristwatch again. "Are you sure you don't want me to help?"
"Next time," Chaos said, poking his head out from the kitchen. "But I want your birthday dinner to be a special surprise this time. Ne, Six, want to check on the cake?"
SD Pesti #6's voice echoed out from the kitchen: "What the?! Chaos, the head of lettuce just ate the chicken wings!"
Hotaru sighed, and once again prayed that somehow Chaos knew what he was doing in the kitchen. For the time being, she contented herself in watching "Inu Yasha" with SD Pesti #1.
The other SD Pesti's were still hanging around the living room, though they were off doing their own things. SD Pesti #2 was destroying 4&5 at a game of Go Nagai Fish with embarrassing ease.
SD Pesti #4: "Got any Violence Jacks?"
SD Pesti #2: "Nope. But I'll take the two Cutey Honey's in your hand."
SD Pesti #5: [scratching his head] "Are the Kekko Kamen cards *always* this under-dressed?!"
SD Pesti #3 was upstairs, keeping Haruka and Michiru occupied with his usual flamboyantly perverted antics. "Who's yer chibi?" he exclaimed triumphantly, gesturing to his crotch. "Who's yer chibi?"
"I said, give me back that jar of spreadable chocolate!" Haruka growled, drawing her Space Sword.
Michiru could only sit atop the grand piano in the house's atelier. The last thing she wanted to do was to smudge the artistic, chocolate designs covering the upper half of her body. "This isn't a request," she stated. She tried to cross her arms over her chest, but just couldn't find a chocolate-free area.
Perched upon a bust of Megumi Ogata, SD Pesti #3 spun the bottle of chocolate atop his index finger. "You may have it back...if you reinact a scene from that great H&M lemonfic, 'Culmination' by Saun."
Haruka's eyebrow twitched. "Okay, that does it!" she stated, lunging for SD Pesti #3.
SD Pesti #3: ^-^ "Oro?"
Downstairs, Hotaru winced as she heard the sound of a sploot, accompanied by something very expensive shattering. This as quickly followed by a "thud!" as Michiru passed out on the piano in shock. "There goes the Austrian crystal," she said.
"San-chan really is a rambunctious pain in the ass, isn't he?" SD Pesti #5 sighed, shaking his head.
SD Pesti #2 nodded as he leafed through one of Haruka's spare 'G-Taste' tankobans that had been lying around. "But he has impeccable taste when it comes to fanservice."
Back in the kitchen, Chaos and SD Pesti #6 were hard at work...trying to get #6's hand out of the toaster. "Just how did you get it stuck in there in the first place?" Chaos muttered as he tried to yank #6's chibi hand out.
SD Pesti #6 glowered as he tried to pry himself loose with a fork. "I got it lodged in here after I had to help try and pry your stupid head out of the cheese grater!"
"Well how was I supposed to know that my head was going to pop out of there so suddenly?!" Chaos snapped. "Ne, is the toaster unplugged?"
"No. Why?" SD Pesti #6 asked as he jammed his metal fork into the toaster slot.
Hotaru sat up on the couch, looking around the living room. "Why are the lights flickering?"
SD Pesti #1 shrugged. "Love?"
"Let's hope Chaos and Roku cause a blackout," SD Pesti #2 remarked as he draped himself over one of the couch's armrests.
SD Pesti #5 nodded. "Anything to end Yon's stupid Pinocchio impressions."
SD Pesti #4: ^-^ [walking down the stairs] "I've go no curse to smack me down--KYAAAAAAAA!!!"
[Cue SD Pesti #4 tumbling down the stairs and right into the 'fun' closet!]
Hotaru: [sigh!] "It's like watching Chaos-chan in chibi form."
Seconds later SD Pesti #4 was unceremoniously booted from the closet. "Next time, have the decency to knock!" SD Pesti #3 irately snapped, slamming the closet door behind himself.
SD Pesti #5 groaned, massaging his temples. "Baka."
SD Pesti #2 just shrugged and went back to reading through one of Michiru's spare 'Dark Crimson: Vampire Master' tankobans that had been left lying around. "Can I ask you a question?" he inquired, glancing over at Hotaru.
Hotaru nodded. "Go right ahead."
"Why are we holding a birthday party for you now when your birthday is in January?"
Hotaru laughed, sweatdropping at the same time. "Ano...I didn't have the heart to tell Chaos-chan he'd gotten the dates mixed up. He's trying so hard for me."
"What are you going to tell him in January?" SD Pesti #5 asked. "Or are you hoping by then he'll have forgotten about throwing this party?"
"I'm hoping for the latter, actually," Hotaru agreed. "Though I'm not sure I'll let Chaos-chan cook dinner the next time around."
As if on cue, from the kitchen came the shouts of:
Chaos: "Where is it? I can't find it!"
SD Pesti #6: "It's crawlin' across the ceiling! Your left! No, your other left!"
Chaos: "Use the potato masher, Six! The potato masher!"
SD Pesti #6: "The second I get it into the blender, hit 'frappe'!!"
For a short time, everyone in the living room listened to the clattering of the pots & pans, the frantic whirring of kitchen appliances, and the "glorp!" sound effects of some gooey pastry flopping across the counters of its own unnatural will.
And then came the sound of SD Pesti #6 shouting, "Chibi- Rumblequake!!"
The kitchen became silent.
Chaos poked his head out into the living room as a few billows of smoke wafted out behind him. "Now before you hear any wild rumours, I just want you to know that we're fine and the kitchen is still mostly intact. Um....Hotaru-chan, you wouldn't happen to know where I could find a fire extinguisher and some plywood & 2x4's, would you? Oh, and a rivet gun would help too."
Hotaru sighed as she set SD Pesti #1 onto another cushion, and rose from the couch. She dusted off her skirt as she made her way to the stairs. "I'll check with Haruka-poppa. She might need help with Michiru-momma too, from the sounds of it."
"Domo!" Chaos called out after her before ducking back into the kitchen.
SD Pesti #1 looked around, suddenly noting how everyone but the chibi-Pesti's had left. That made him feel suddenly lonely. "So when does Mako-chan arrive?" he asked.
SD Pesti #5 rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Okay, Chibichi, once again I will reiterate for you. She's not coming tonight. Didn't you hear the author in the obligatory intro. bit? This is an Outer Senshi part. No Inners involved; it's all Outers tonight."
SD Pesti #4: ^^v "My bellybutton's an outie!"
SD Pesti #2: [raising his hand] "Okay, who else didn't need to hear that?"
SD Pesti #1's face scrunched into a comical expression as he tried to comprehend what #4 was saying. This was slightly problematic, since his entire world revolved around the athletic brunette. "So...Mako-chan's arriving later, then?" he asked.
"No!" SD Pesti #5 groaned. "Look, we've been going over this ever since we flew over the Mabasa district after getting blown out of the delivery cannon. Makoto is not coming!!"
SD Pesti #1 gave #5 the most child-like face of innocence. "So Mako-chan will be making a surprise guest appearance, then....ne?"
SD Pesti #5's eyebrow began to develop a nasty twitch.
"Maybe I should take over from here," SD Pesti #2 said, elbowing #4 aside. "Let me handle this; I speak Chibichian."
SD Pesti #2 leaned closer to #1, and then began whispering something into #1's ear. A few seconds later, SD Pesti #1's eyes widened in horror.
SD Pesti #1: "M-masaka!"
SD Pesti #2: "Believe it."
SD Pesti #1: [gasp!] "Nooooooooooo!"
SD Pesti #4 had to lean back from the decibels being blasted by #1's horrified cry. "Just what did you tell him, Ni-san?"
The answer came when SD Pesti #1 flung himself into #4's arms, sobbing loudly. "Bad Chibichi, no biscuit?" he sniffled.
SD Pesti #4 slowly turned to #2. "That was it? No biscuit?"
"Hey, Chibichi associates everything good with Makoto," SD Pesti #2 replied, shrugging. "Easiest thing in the world."
"But...how's Chibichi taking the shock?"
SD Pesti #1: "I have failed my beloved Mako-han! She has been dishonoured by my chibi hand!"
With that said, SD Pesti #1 hauled out a Heavyarms Custom model Gundam from behind his back. "I must atone for this by committing ritual seppuku!" he proclaimed, trying to somehow thrust the blunted ends of the Heavyarms Custom's plastic vulcan cannons into his chest.
"No, Chibichi!" SD Pesti #5 exclaimed, scrambling to hold #1 back. "That's not true! Think about how lonely Makoto will be if you die!"
"Think about how ridiculously short we'll be once we reassemble, and you're dead!" SD Pesti #2 added.
SD Pesti #5 shot him a dirty look.
"Hey, while I don't mind being eye level with her nipples, I'd like to actually go on the adult rides at the Neverland amusement park," SD Pesti #2 stated.
As the other chibi-Pesti's tried to wrestle the model Gundam away from SD Pesti #1, Hotaru came down the stairs to check on their progress. "How much longer is Chaos going to be?" she asked.
SD Pesti #4 glanced over his shoulder. Amidst the loud scuffles and screams of "Kill it! Kill it!" coming from the kitchen, a fury of large pots and pieces of lobster were flying out from the doorway. SD Pesti #4 then turned back to Hotaru. "They'll be a little longer."
Suddenly Chaos came dashing out from the kitchen, a spatula still in one hand as he tossed his Piyo Piyo apron over his shoulder. "We might want to seek shelter!" he exclaimed.
Before Hotaru could ask, Chaos had scooped her up underneath his arm and was carrying her out from the living room as fast as he could.
The other Pesti-chans exchanged bewildered glances.
"What was that all about?" SD Pesti #5 asked.
Suddenly there was a loud clatter in the kitchen as more pots and pants and appliances were thrown around. Seconds later SD Pesti #6 came dashing out, a colander over his head like a battle helmet, and a manual handmixer in one hand. Large blotches of chocolate icing were dripping off him.
"Advance by retreating!" he shouted, racing past his chibi counterparts.
"What are you ranting about?" SD Pesti #5 asked.
SD Pesti #4 pointed over to the kitchen. "Maybe he's talking about that carnivorous, demon-possessed cake eating the coffee table. Or it could have something to do with my cute butt."
As it turned out, it had nothing to do with #4's butt.
And as the undead dessert let out a loud howl and continued to ravage various articles of living room furniture, Chaos, Hotaru and the SD Pesti-chans all dove for cover behind an armchair.
"Chaos, just what did you do in the kitchen?" Hotaru hissed, trying to make sure the cake didn't hear her voice.
"But...But I just followed the recipe," Chaos protested, showing the piece of paper to SD Pesti #2.
SD Pesti #2 had to only glance at the recipe for a moment before stating, "Chaos...the last half of this isn't even a recipe for chocolate cake. It's an ancient Candarian demon-resurrection curse."
"I wondered why I had to light a circle of candles around the batter and chant as I danced around it," Chaos remarked, suddenly making sense of it all. "But it's not like I was warned or anything."
"You see this part right here?" SD Pesti #2 said, pointing to a paragraph in the 'recipe'. "Right where it says 'Do not recite outloud' and 'This should not be mistaken for a chocolate cake recipe'?"
Chaos paused. "Okay, so I kinda skimmed that part. But let's move on."
SD Pesti #4 immediately raised his hand. "Question! Should we be worried if the demon cake just ate San-chan?"
They all peeked out from behind the couch, just in time to see the cake's spongy body rumble and then abruptly swell to twice its normal size.
"Hey, now it's cream-filled," SD Pesti #2 glibly remarked.
Everyone slowly turned and glared at him.
"Oh, and like you guys weren't thinking the exact same thing too?" he huffed.
Hotaru's eyes widened. "Oh no, it heard us! It's charging!"
"Nobody panic!" SD Pesti #5 called out as the other SD Pesti's took to running into each other in a mad dash to escape. "Nobody panic!"
And right then, the demon cake viciously tore a hole through the back of the armchair. SD Pesti #5 slowly raised his head, and noted how the cake was right above him.
SD Pesti #4: "Can we panic now?"
SD Pesti #5: ^^;; "Yes, now would be a good time to panic. KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
With a snarl and a snapping of jaws, the demon cake exploded from the hole and chased after the nearest thing it could find. However, nothing short of a light particle can outrun a terrified chibi-Chaos, even with Hotaru being carried over his head.
"Chaos, quit jostling me!" Hotaru exclaimed as she tried to ward the demon cake off with her Silence Glaive. "I can't impale that thing if you keep shifting my balance or defying gravity!"
"Gomen!" the chibi-Chaos replied, bouncing towards the stairs.
SD Pesti #2: "Haruka is going to wonder how we got footprints on top of the chandelier."
SD Pesti #3: ^-^v "Nyaaaaa!"
SD Pesti #6: "How did you escape from inside the cake?"
SD Pesti #3: --;; "Don't ask."
"Ne, keep the noise down!" Haruka called out as she walked down the stairs. "Michiru's trying to recover in peace, and all the racket you guys are making isn't--"
Before she could finish the sentence, a blur of colour that was Chaos with Hotaru under his arm zipped past her up the stairs. Haruka turned her head just in time to see a grinning Hotaru waving at her before Chaos turned a corner in the hallway.
Moments later there was the sound of Hotaru's bedroom door slamming shut, followed by sound of the lock being set into place...which was followed by the sound of Gundanium siding being nailed across the doorway...which was followed by the sound of an AT Field being activated.
Haruka sweatdropped, too confused to be suddenly thinking like an overprotective parent about Chaos & Hotaru being locked a bedroom together. Then again, if Chaos was running too hard to even notice her, it was for a good reason.
Haruka turned back to the living room. "What is going--?"
She immediately froze as she saw the diminutive form of the snarling & yipping chocolate cake race across the living room carpet. Six li'l SD Pesti-chans gave chase, cheering loudly as they toted their makeshift weapons: a lamp, a whisk, a riding crop from Haruka & Michiru's "fun" closet, and so forth.
The horde dashed across the living room and charged after the killer cake into the study. The noises of a brief but very loud scuffle echoed across the manor, accompanied by shouts of:
"Get it! Get it!"
"Hand me the hacksaw."
"It's coming out the of the damned wall!"
"Kyaaaaaaa! It's eating the Persian rug!"
"Call me the queen!"
"Bad cake, no biscuit! No biscuit!"
"Hey, look: Haruka left her benwa's in here!"
"SHUT UP, SAN-CHAN!!!"
A loud crash came from the study, followed by all the SD Pesti- chans fleeing the room in terror. Jostling and bumping headlong into each other, they raced back across the living room with the mutant chocolate cake snapping at their chibified heels.
Suddenly the tiny cake opened up its two layers from one side, massive chocolate-smeared jaws with razor-sharp fangs emerging. In many ways it looked just like Canti did whenever it was about to eat poor Naota in any given Furi Kuri episode. The devilled dessert tried chomping down on a frantic SD Pesti #4, but the chibi-Pesti managed leap out of the jaws at the last minute. Michiru's favourite armoire, however, was not so fortunate.
Haruka looked at the half-armoire left on the living room carpet. The jagged and frayed ends of material where the cake had bitten down were dripping with demon drool. Without saying a word, she discreetly turned around, walked up the stairs and joined Michiru back into the atelier.
"What's all the ruckus about, love?" Michiru asked.
Haruka closed and locked the door behind herself. "Nothing a good youkai-hunter and a bottle of scotch won't fix."
Somewhere atop Mt. Fuji, something has gone terribly awry.
In their misguided attempt to build a better chocolate cake, a self-inserted idiot and his chibi-assistant have crossed a culinary line that even Iron Chef Morimoto would have never crossed.
Standing atop some randomly-placed boulder, SD Pesti #2 craned his neck and looked up...and up...and up at the towering form of the demonic chocolate cake. "How did it get so damned big anyways?"
SD Pesti #5 glared at #6. "Well it someone hadn't stuffed San- chan back into the cake and then used a Rumblequake attack on him...."
"How was I supposed to concentrate on kicking that cake's floured ass, if San-chan was busy sitting on my head and ranting on and on about how Lafiel's panties were so soft and luxuriant to caress?!" SD Pesti #6 shot back.
"You'd think the cake would have swollen to critical mass by now and exploded all over the place," SD Pesti #2 remarked.
SD Pesti #4 watched the ridiculously humungous cake bellow and stomp all over Mt. Fuji. "This reminds me so much of a fanfic idea I had this afternoon: Twilight of the Dark Master Mosquiton!"
[Cue the facevaults!]
Just then, the gargantuan demon cake opened up its mouth, and with a howl it unleashed a blast of glowing Cream Lemon. The birthday candles (now resembling youma-like spines) adorning its back glowed an electric blue in the dark. The buildings of small outskirt towns at the base of Mt. Fuji were dashed the pieces as the unnatural whipped cream pelted the landscape.
"At this rate it's going to smash its way over to Tokyo!" SD Pesti #4 exclaimed. "And then who knows what sort of lingerie shops it'll blow away!"
SD Pesti #1 fainted dead away at the thought of his precious Mako-chan being buried alive beneath all that whipped cream.
"We have to do something," SD Pesti #5 said. "But what?"
"I vote we make tracks for Acapulco," SD Pesti #4 piped up.
"Of all the times to leave the keys to the EVA Hell Custom in my other pants!" SD Pesti #6 cursed.
Oblivious to their half-assed attempt to protect Tokyo, the demonic cake lurched its way down the slope of Mt. Fuji. But then at the base of the semi-active volcano, it discovered standing in its path one of the deadliest things known to the Aniverse: a pan- dimensional lawyer.
The immense chocolate cake youma peered down at this seemingly insignificant little insect. Undeterred, the lawyer handed the over- sized dessert youma a legal document. "I represent Toho Studios, and am hereby charging you with ripping off their Godzilla movies. If you and your associates do not cease and desist, you will be arrested."
Chocolate Cake youma: *ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAARRRRR!!*
The Toho Studios lawyer's eyes narrowed as the wind from the cake demon's roar blew off his hat. "If that's the way you're going to be...."
Suddenly out from behind the Toho Studios lawyer bounced the bosoms of Pandemonium!
Pandemonium: "Naughty tentacles of justice: DEPLOY!!!"
Chocolate Cake youma: o.O;;;;
All the SD Pesti-chans instinctively winced as Pandemonium, despite being 1/50th the size of the demonic chocolate cake, utterly whupped the cake demon's chocolate-covered ass.
"Ooooh, that had to hurt," SD Pesti #6 muttered.
"Calling in an all-powerful fangirl," SD Pesti #5 said quietly. "Those Toho lawyers really are vicious and evil."
Pandemonium abruptly loomed in behind all the SD Pesti-chans. "And this," she stated as she handcuffed SD Pesti #6. "is for you."
"Wha--hey, what the hell are you arresting us for?!" SD Pesti #6 exclaimed. "It's not like we were the ones who stomped all over the mountainside."
SD Pesti #4 shrugged. "Technically, Roku, you were the one who helped bake that cake--"
"Hush, Yon! You're not helping me here."
SD Pesti #2 chuckled at #6's predicament...until Pandemonium leaned forward and then handcuffed #2's hands as well. "You know, if you wanted a kinky date tonight, all you had to do was ask," he remarked.
"You all are accessories to this copyright infringement," Pandemonium stated, shackling SD Pesti's #1 & #4 together. "And since this falls under F! Files jurisdiction, it is within my authority to take you to the A.D. Police prison holding."
SD Pesti #5: [scratching his head] "So why haven't we been arrested for everything else in the Aniverse we've flagrantly mocked or used without the creator or company's permission?"
[Cue SD Pesti #5 falling right into a gaping plothole!]
Washu-sensei: ^^v "Aha! My theory was correct; black plotholes really do exist!"
Ines-sensei: [hmph!] "Okay, so you were right. Stop gloating already, crab-lady."
"I told you to watch out for those," SD Pesti #2 sighed, peering down into the plothole.
"This is an outrage! I demand to be released at once!" SD Pesti #6 exclaimed indignantly as he thrashed about. "And you wonder why the A.D. Police can't get a cat out of a tree to save the world?!"
Pandemonium rolled her eyes and unceremoniously tossed the still-ranting SD Pesti #6 into the back of a squadcar. SD Pesti #5 followed once he got hauled out of the plothole.
Pandemonium: [tossing SD Pesti #4 & #1 inside the car] "And there you two go!"
SD Pesti #4: "Can you run the sirens when you haul us to the slammer?"
Pandemonium: [sweatdrop!] "Um...sure."
SD Pesti #4: ^-^ "Wai!"
"So what are you doing about the leftover cake all over the mountainside?" SD Pesti #2 inquired as he clamoured into the back seat.
"It is said that the wise person will climb Mt. Fuji once in their lifetime," Pandemonium replied. "Grab a spoon." She glanced around the area. "Ne, aren't there supposed to be six of you?"
SD Pesti #3: ^-^ [grope grope!] "Pan-chan Pan-chan Pan-chan Pan- chaaaaaaan!"
Pandemonium: --;; "Why you little, bosom-groping sukebe...!!"
SD Pesti #3: ;p "Uh-uh. Sukebe-CHAN!"
Back at the apartment, Demolition and Dark Mayhem were busy reclining on the couch and surfing through some Vandread fansubs. Unfortunately for them, they had to contend with Hysteria suddenly bursting through the front door with her genki-kawaii grin.
"Would you stop taking your cues from Shampoo and actually use the doorknob for once?" Demolition sighed, shaking his head at the large Hysteria-shaped hole in the door.
"But that would require actual thought on her part," Dark Mayhem countered, slugging back another hit of Sake.
Embarrassed at being chastised by her poppa-chans (though certainly NOT to ever ever be mistaken with Papacha!) Hysteria stuck out her tongue. "Gomen! Hysteria just got a little over-excited. She just found a kawaii little mascot-chan for Rampage-chan to eat!"
She held out what resembled a small, blue furry puppydog for Demolition and Dark Mayhem to see. The puppy glanced over at the two fanboys and gave a cute "awo?"
"Wai! Rampage-chan, get out the kawaii little barbecue sauce- chan!" Hysteria chanted, skipping down the hall to her room and swinging the puppy in her arms.
Demolition and Dark Mayhem went back to watching Vandread.
"You know," Demolition remarked. "I happen to know a few things about fantasy-based animals...and that wasn't a puppydog she found. That was a Deep Dragon cub."
Dark Mayhem nodded. "Reiki from Sorcerous Stabber Orphen, ne?"
"Hai." Demolition glanced back in the direction of Hysteria's bedroom. "Think we should warn her that if she tries to have Rampage eat Reiki, Reiki will summon that freaky-assed psychokinetic powers of his?"
"After the next episode's over," Dark Mayhem replied, pouring the two another cup full of Sake.
Demolition grinned, oblivious to the abrupt sounds of furniture flying, walls splitting apart and Hysteria screaming "Kyaaaaaa-chan!" from down the hall. "Works for me," he concurred. "You know, I wonder if Chaos and Pesti-chan managed to survive the evening at Haruka and Michiru's place."
[Cue the entire gaggle of SD Pesti-chans standing behind the bars of their A.D. Police prison cell!]
SD Pesti #2: [chanting] "When Pesti was in Egypt's land."
Other SD Pesti's: [singing] "Let my chibi's goooooooo...."
SD Pesti #4: [clanging his tin cup against the bars] "Apsalus! Apsalus!"
SD Pesti #5: "Yon, it's 'Attica'."
SD Pesti #4: "But we don't have an attic in our apartment."
SD Pesti #5: [eyebrow twitch!] "A-Ano ne...."
SD Pesti #6: "I demand to speak to a lawyer!"
SD Pesti #2: "You already did."
SD Pesti #5: "As I recall, you zorched Nanbara right when he told us to plea bargain, so he could have more time to get revenge on Kazuya."
SD Pesti: #6: "Hmph! What did that idiot know anyways? And what the hell happened to our one phone call anyways?"
SD Pesti #2: "Wasted on Chibichi; he spent the entire time sniffling over the line to Makoto. The twit wasn't even been able to coherently tell her that we got busted by a Sexaroid with one hell of a bust."
SD Pesti #1: ;_; "M-Mako-chan...cake...."
Today's attempt to look normal...........oh damn, did it fail!!
[Cue the eyecatch!]
Pan-chan, for having such genki bosoms. ^^v
Havoc, for the usual co-conspiratorial work. Also the man you should send the angry village mob with pitchforks & torches after for the "Derwin Macross" idea.
Mayhem, for helping fill in a bunch of blanks for this chapter.
Jelynne, for helping create the "otakudonbaka" concept.
Derwin Mak, a really great crossplayer with a remarkable sense of humour. At the next Anime North convention, let us both do our best for crossplayers everywhere!
SD Pesti #5: [sigh!] "So we're stuck here until we make bail?"
SD Pesti #2: "Hai. And we don't even have the cash to do that ourselves. Sucks to be us, don't it."
SD Pesti #6: "You know, it's a good thing the croissants didn't turn out the way the chocolate cake did."
[Back at Haruka & Michiru's house.....]
Haruka: [rummaging through the fridge] "There has got to be something here that didn't get ravaged by that demon cake. Oh look! A bunch of croissants. (^^v) Lucky!"
Demon croissants: >)