It is our hope that a single merry thought might brighten
          these blackest of days. We do what we can. In memory of
          those lost. Let us show them that we will never forget how
          to smile and laugh.

                    -His lordship Chaos, the Hentenno, Sarcasm-hime,
                    and the rest of the Fanboys! crew








                                                  Once again,
                    my Space Sword has cut an unworthy object.


          [Cue His lordship Chaos sitting on a large comfy couch, a hardcover children's book in his arms. Kawaii chibi versions of Haruka, Michiru and Hotaru are all cuddled up next to him.]

His lordship Chaos: [reading] "And I would kill her in a house, I would kill her with an Iron Mouse. I would kill her here or there, I would kill her anywhere. Yes I shall kill that pink-haired sham. Die now, die now, Chibi-Yam."

Chibi-Haruka: ^-^ "Wai! Can you read it again?"

Chibi-Hotaru: "Harukaaaaaa! Quit hogging the afghan. You've already eaten most of the popcorn as it is."

Chibi-Haruka: "I can't help it if all that running this afternoon made me hungry."

His lordship Chaos: "Now play nicely, you two. Don't make me sic my Raging Ego on you."

Chibi-Haruka & Chibi-Hotaru: "Hai..."

Chibi-Michiru: "Ara, I think the fic's starting, Author onii-san."

His lordship Chaos: ^^v "So it has. And thusly I, His lordship Chaos, do hereby permit this part of the Pestific to be about the Outer Senshi."

Chibi-Haruka: ^-^ "Wai! Wai! We get a fic with us in it!"

Chibi-Hotaru: "Ne ne, Author onii-san, where's Setsuna?"

          [Cue Chibi-Setsuna frantically racing in front of the couch, a Puchuu bear chasing after her!]

Chibi-Setsuna: "Get away from me, you freaky yellow thing!"

Puchuu: ^^ "Puchu!"

Chibi-Setsuna: ;_; "Why does this always happen to me?! Waaaaaaah!"

His lordship Chaos: [scratching his head] "I don't recall that being in her teddybear collection."

Chibi-Haruka: "Author onii-san, can I disembowel that Puchuu?"

His lordship Chaos ^-^ [pat pat!] "Only if you make sure to behead it afterwards this time."

Chibi-Haruka: [hauling out her plastic Space Sword] "Hai!"

Chibi-Hotaru: [hauling out her plastic Silence Glaive] "Haruka, wait for me!"

          [His lordship Chaos turns to Chibi-Michiru, who seems very content to stay seated on the couch.]

His lordship Chaos: "Aren't you going to join them?"

Chibi-Michiru: [with a plastic Aqua Mirror from Mattel] "I'd rather just sit here and let my mirror scam some shows from pay-per-view."

His lordship Chaos: ^^v "Ooooh! Can you get the Daicon Bunnygirl Channel on that?"



          [Cue the fic!]




His lordship Chaos presents:


THE PESTI-FIC





          Pesti-chan here again.
          Despite what many of you may think after the last few parts of this omakefic, things are still looking up...mainly because when you're a chibi, you have to look up just to see anything. Now what happened with the EVAs was an isolated incident, I'm sure. I'm normally never that deranged or existentially schizophrenic.
          A minor setback, that's all!
          A minor setback!
          And I am fully confident that this next part of the Pestific will vindicate me and prove once and for all that I am a very calm and sane avatar. No, really...honest...I promise you a mild-mannered portrayal of me this time around.
          Kinda.
          I hope.
          WHO DO I HAVE TO SACRIFICE THIS PUCHUU BEAR TO IN ORDER TO GET A DECENT FIC ABOUT ME WRITTEN HERE?!?!

Puchuu: ^^ "Puchu?"

          *Ahem*
          Er...perhaps you should just forget about those last few lines. Anyhoo, in official Anime recap style, here's the way to keep track of how my super-deformed selves refer to each other:


                    SD Pesti #1 - Chibichi
                    SD Pesti #2 - Ni-san
                    SD Pesti #3 - San-chan/Chibi-san
                    SD Pesti #4 - Yon
                    SD Pesti #5 - Go
                    SD Pesti #6 - Roku


          NOTE: 'Nane Nani Fanboys!' has been cancelled from this fanfic, since Ines-sensei and Washu-sensei are busy debating the possible existence of black plotholes in the fanfiction Aniverse. So instead we bring you this paid commercial announcement!

          [Cue the Altron Gundam falling from the skies for no apparent reason and crushing Desolation!]

Desolation: "Hm?"

          *THUD!*

Desolation: [crushed beneath the Gundam] "OW."

Fairy Godbabbit: "That's pain."

          [Cue the Gundam space colony falling on top of the Altron & Desolation!]

          *CRUNCH!!!*

Fairy Godbabbit: "That's Motrin pain."

Desolation: ;_; "And I landed on my keys too."

Fairy Godbabbit: >.< "And that's Deso pain!"



          DON'T LET RANDOM SMITES LIKE THIS HAPPEN TO YOU.

          BUY OUR CANS OF CHEF FANBOYARDEE PASTA...OR ELSE!!!



*          *          *


Part the Fourth: You Can Have Your Cake & Kill It Too




          It was almost 5pm by the time the weary gaggle of Pesti-chans trudged down the hallowed & battered halls of their apartment complex. They were all still clad in their chibi-tailored plugsuits...SD Pesti #4 adamant about keeping on the female version for himself. Overall, they looked like Yakumo on a good day in any given 3x3 Eyes episode--which isn't saying much. Their plugsuits were scuffed, torn in some places, and still sporting a number of Cream Lemon stains from when #3 had exploded as they were crushed by the Sol Bianca.
          "Well, at least it could have been worse," SD Pesti #5 offered, trying to stay optimistic yet again.
          SD Pesti #2 let out a derisive snort. "Yeah, it could have been Gaghiel that got dropped on Desolation. Or maybe we could have been forced to watch an entire season of Tonde Buurin! Come on, Go, name me one good thing that happened all afternoon."

SD Pesti #4: ^^v "I got to go swimming in the Sea of Durak before NERV let us go home. And man, does that place need a lifeguard...or a good therapist."

SD Pesti #1: ;_; [sniffle!] "Mako-chaaaaaaan...make the bad psycho- analysis stop."

          "I still argue that our Prog. Scythe would have looked so damned cool if we had just been given the chance to use it," SD Pesti #6 said. "Stupid 'no self-gratuitous scenes' clause. What kind of an author puts that into an avatar's contract anyways?"
          He glowered as a cheerful SD Pesti #3 bounced over his head, #3 enjoying the soft feel of Leaf's panties against his super-deformed face.
          "And why does the pervert get to be exempt?!"
          "Hush, Roku," SD Pesti #2 muttered as they reached the door to their apartment. "Let me and my migraine file our restraining orders against each other in peace."
          After using an unsuspecting SD Pesti #1 as a footstool, SD Pesti #2 managed to reach the height of the doorknob.
          "Ah, home at last!" SD Pesti #5 sighed happily, basking in the comforting warmth of the front entry. "It's good to know that after a long hellish day, we can come back to a loving atmosphere filled with caring friends who--"
          He was then unceremoniously clobbered by a large stack of textbooks and loose-leaf papers.

SD Pesti #5: @.@ "T-Tadaimaaaaaaaaa..."

          "About time you guys wandered back here," Dark Mayhem remarked from where he was lounging on the couch. "You were scheduled to make dinner tonight, but since you're late we raided your room for cash and ordered deluxe grilled eel dishes for everyone."
          Demolition flicked a mechanical pencil at SD Pesti #5. "Oh, and the papers there are all the homework you guys have to finish for tomorrow after skipping out on your afternoon classes."
          SD Pesti #2 immediately turned to SD Pesti #6. "I can so feel the love in this room, can't you, Roku?"
          "We're so blessed to have such caring friends," SD Pesti #6 scathingly agreed.

SD Pesti #5: --;; "Okay okay, I get the point. Now shut up and dig me out."

          "How did you fare at saving the world anyways?" Dark Mayhem asked as SD Pesti #3 bounced over to the couch armrest.
          SD Pesti #3 grinned. "I got Leaf's panties!"
          "Well, at least you had your priorities straightened out going into battle," the uber exploder fanboy said.
          Demolition rolled his eyes. "At any rate, you six didn't miss much at school...aside from the special art class, where we did nude sketches of one of the students."

SD Pesti #5: o.O;; "N-Nude?!"

SD Pesti #2: --;; "That's it, I'm getting the umbrella. Nosebleed stains never wash out of these clothes."

          "Technically we were just going to sketch one of the female students with her apparel on, but Havoc had other plans," Dark Mayhem said, getting up off the couch. He headed for the fridge, where a nice, cold Hard Lemonade was awaiting. "One draft and two seconds later, our charcoal sketches went from blouses to bosoms."
          "Who got to be the unsuspecting victim?" SD Pesti #4 asked, stripping out from his plugsuit. The other chibi-Pesti's slowly inched away when they noticed #4 was happily wearing Lucky Hello Kitty gym shorts underneath.
          "Makoto," Demolition and Dark Mayhem nonchalantly chorused.
          At the risk of stating the obvious all chibi-hell (or would that just be called 'heck'?) broke loose. SD Pesti #5's nosebleed hit critical mass and blasted a hapless SD Pesti #6 across the living room in a rather gross but humorous sight gag. SD Pesti #1's eyes went as wide as the void in Naota's head...and then he passed out.
          SD Pesti #2 began phoning other art class students at home to see how much a sketch of Mako-chan in the nude would be worth. SD Pesti #3 just shrugged, since it was nothing he hadn't seen before.
          "Today just seems to be one bitch of a spin after another on the karmic wheel of self-inserted destiny," SD Pesti #6 sighed, plunking himself down on a dining room chair after fighting to actually climb onto it.
          "Look at it this way, Roku," SD Pesti #4 offered. He pointed to Chaos, whose gaunt & paperish form fluttered into the living room. "We could be him. And for the love of Laputa, Chaos, what did you do to those beautiful nylons?! They've got a run in them!"

SD Pesti #2: "Way to just undermine your entire point, Yon."

SD Pesti #4: ^^v "I try."

SD Pesti #2: "Yes, but do you succeed?"

SD Pesti #4: "Does making an ass of myself count?"

          Chaos said nothing, choosing to pout in silence as he breezed across the dining room in his Crossplay outfit. Of course, his attempt to look solemn and cool came to an abrupt end when he tripped over SD Pesti #1 and faceplanted onto the floor.
          "As graceful and elegant as a G Gundam episode," Demolition remarked as he fished through the fridge for something to graze on before their take-out arrived. Luckily he found some leftover Fanboyardee pasta, and thusly avoided getting a random smite from the author.
          He tossed Chaos a bottle of Hard Lemonade. "Here, you look like you could use this. Take-out will be here shortly too."
          Chaos nodded as he caught the bottle and popped the cap off. He flopped down in one of the dining room chairs...and quickly jumped off with a yelp after realising that he'd sat on SD Pesti #6 by mistake.

SD Pesti #6: >( "Why you little [beep!] [beep!], I'll take your [beep!] and shove the [beep!] and [beep!] [beep!] with a [beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!]!!"

SD Pesti#2: ^-^ "Isn't he great, folks? And he'll be here all evening to sign autographs for the kids."

          "So, how'd the Crossplay competition go?" Demolition asked.
          Chaos sighed woefully. "I was doing great. Every competitor was blown out of the water by my cross-dressing poise and charm...until I hit the finals and had to compete against that fanboy: Derwin Mac!"
          Chaos collapsed onto his knees, rivers of tears pouring from his eyes as he looked up at the heavens. "Damn you, Derwin! Damn you and your supple, well-toned thighs!"

          [Fanboy's Note: to fully understand the real-life "supple calves" competition between Derwin and Chaos, check out the Anime North 2001 pics on the FAC page. He really does have the better set o' legs, dammit...but my ass is still sexy!!]

          Dark Mayhem and a number of the SD Pesti's winced and deliberately looked away from Chaos. "Chaos," Dark Mayhem stated. "Do us all a favour and *don't* sit open-legged while you're still wearing a dress."
          "Oh...gomen!" Chaos said, blushing in embarrassment. But instead of quickly crossing his legs, Chaos rose from his chair and walked over to the front entry. He opened up the front door, and standing there in the hall was Sana Kurata!

          [Chaos gets whapped by a squeaky hammer courtesy of Sana-chan!!]

Sana: "I would call you a baka, but you're more of an idiot than that. In such cases I'd normally call people like that: oyakodonbaka. But because you're a stupid fanboy, I shall call you...Otakudonbaka!!"

          *WHAP!! (squeak!)*

Chaos: ;_; "Hai! Otakudonbaka desu!"

          [Chaos goes & sits back down the other fanboys.]

Chaos: ^-^ "So...you were saying?"

Fanboys: [sweatdrop!] "......"

          SD Pesti #1's eyebrows were twitching profusely, smoke pouring out of his ears as the gears in his brain fused together after that last sight gag.
          "Quick, get me a screenshot of Digi Charat and a Mako-chan UFO Catcher doll!" SD Pesti #5 exclaimed frantically, rallying the other SD Pesti-chans. He began shaking SD Pesti #1 by the shoulders. "We're not going to lose you! Stay with us, Chibichi. Go back to your happy place! Your happy place!"
          SD Pesti #1's eyes were glazed over as the gang wheeled him to the computer, where SD Pesti #4 was accessing jpeg files from their Digi Charat picture archives.
          "My...happy place?"
          "Hai hai," SD Pesti #3 encouraged him. "Remember, it's at that hotsprings resort in the wintertime. You've just stripped Sango-chan and Ayaka Kisaragi nekkid, all three of you rolling around in the snow while you get to lick their--"
          "I meant *his* happy place, not yours, San-chan!" SD Pesti #5 snapped.
          "Isn't it everybody's happy place?"
          Came the resounding reply: "NO!"
          "While they're busy doing the peculiar little things that chibi's do," Dark Mayhem drawled, taking a sip from his Hard Lemonade. "Does this mean you got second place, Chaos?"
          Chaos nodded, proudly clutching at his Crossplayer trophy. "Actually, if I had to lose to anyone, I'm glad it was Derwin." He then growled, "Heck, I'd have seen anyone win it other than Tsubasa Kurenai. And that twerp dares to call himself a Crossplayer!
          "But I decided that I would one-up Derwin, and write a new Chaosfic in his honour." Chaos raised his hands up, shadow-framing a banner. "Imagine, if you will, a Valkyrie mech unit which transforms into a robot with really great legs. I call it: Derwin Macross!"

          [Cue the facevaults!]

          "Chaos," Demolition groaned. "Are you sure you're writing this as a tribute, and not as a means of taking revenge on him?"
          One of Chaos' eyebrows went up. "There's a difference?"
          Meanwhile, a good dose of chibi kawaii and lots of Makoto plushies had helped SD Pesti #1 regain his puppydog self. "Saved! Back to as normal as we can get at the moment," SD Pesti #5 said proudly.
          The proud smile on his face vanished the second Carnage suddenly crashed through the ceiling and landed on top of SD Pesti #1.

SD Pesti #5: o.O;;

SD Pesti #4: ^-^ [with judge's sign!] "I give him an 8.7!"

          "Welcome back, Carnage!" Dark Mayhem said cheerfully. "I guess Narasugawa really did knock you four parts into the future. And I owe you a bottle of Horin-brand Sake, Demolition."
          "Damn right, you do," Demolition agreed.
          His face still on the floor, Carnage wobbily lifted a hand and wagged his middle finger at Dark Mayhem. "Not. Another. Word."

SD Pesti #3: ^-^ "Oro?"

Carnage: --;; "Dil Brand."

          *FWOOSH!!*

SD Pesti #4: [looking up at the creamy hole left in the ceiling] "Wow, he zorched San-chan pretty good."

SD Pesti #2: "Hai hai. Wonder why he zorched Go and Roku too."

SD Pesti's #5&6: o.O; [caught in the blast!] "Kyaaaaaaaaaaa!!!"

SD Pesti #4: ^-^ [with judge's sign!] "I give them both an 8.2 for freestyle!"

          "So," Carnage remarked casually, once he'd regained use of his motor skills. "When's dinner?"
          "We're ordering in tonight, since Pesti-chan still can't glue himselves back together," Chaos replied. "Ne, what are we having anyways?"
          Demolition grinned. "Special deluxe orders of grilled eel, compliments of Pesti-chan."
          "Wai!" Chaos and Carnage cheered, giving the SD Pesti's the v- sign.
          The SD Pesti's didn't quite share the sentiment given how much the food orders were going to cost them.
          "Ne, you might want to freshen up first, onii-san," Demolition observed, appraising his older brother. "You still have an imprint on your cheek from where Naru decked you. I can even see the curvatures of her knuckles! Sugoi!"
          "Hush, Demo-chan! I'll be back in half an hour," Carnage said, heading towards the hall closet.
          Suddenly the entire apartment was rocked by a violent but muffled explosion. Carnage was thrown to the floor as the door to his hangar bay buckled forward and then exploded, black smoke spewing out from the entrance.
          A few seconds later, Mihoshi hesitantly poked her head out through the gaping hole in the door. "Ano...Carnage?" she ventured. "I think I pressed something I shouldn't have again."
          Carnage tried not to cry in front of everyone else.
          "Better make it sixteen hours," he said, able to maintain some composure as he headed towards the blackened remains of his room. "I'm just going to need some time alone, guys."
          "Do you want us to fake an alibi for you when someone at Galaxy Police HQ reports Mihoshi's disappearance?" Dark Mayhem inquired.
          An evil smile made its way onto Carnage's face. "Yeah...that'd be nice."
          "I guess we know what onii-san's doing this evening," Demolition said. He glanced over at Dark Mayhem. "What about you?"
          "The usual," the uber exploder fanboy replied. "Sketch some hentai dojinshi, make ridiculous amounts of cash on the Aniverse's Tokyo Stock Exchange, and then celebrate with some Sake."
          Demolition nodded. "I'm going to check out the calamari deals on Mipross Island, but I'll be back in time for the Sake, definitely. What about you, Chaos?"
          With a contented smile on his face, Chaos replied, "I'm going out...to Hotaru's...place." His face suddenly changed to an expression of disbelief. He glanced down at his wristwatch. "Shimatta, it's almost half past five already! And I promised Hotaru- chan I'd be at her place by six! I'll be late! And Haruka & Michiru will kill me for being late and making Hotaru all dejected--and then Hotaru will kill me again for being late too!"

SD Pesti #5: [raising his hand] "Can't you only die once?"

Chaos: [hauling #5 up by the collar] "You don't understand! This is an anime-based fic; a slight case of death doesn't stop you from still being a main character in the story!"

SD Pesti #2: "You keep shaking Yon around like that, and we'll be finding out first-hand."

SD Pesti #5: o.O; [gasp!] "AIR!!!"

SD Pesti #4: ^-^ "Kanon!"

SD Pesti #6: [eyebrow twitch!] "What?"

SD Pesti #2: "It's a ren'ai gamer thing. Don't ask."

          By now Chaos had sufficiently panicked enough to have reverted into his own hyper-active chibified form and was frantically running circles around the living room furniture. He also managed to knock over the hapless cluster of Pesti-chans like bowling pins in the process.
          "Shouldn't we do something about him?" Demolition asked. "Chaos is going to be like that for a while before he runs out of breath and collapses onto the floor."
          "Nah. You just need to learn how to tune him out," Dark Mayhem replied, casually flipping through the channels on the new television set.
          "On the other hand," Demolition added. "If we get him out now before dinner arrives, we can split his order between the two of us."
          Dark Mayhem was immediately yanking chibi-Chaos off the ground and lobbing the SD avatar into the wall scroll. "You prime the delivery cannon, I'll make sure he's changed for the trip."

chibi-Chaos: ^^v "Domo!"

          "Oh, you guys had better get ready too," Chaos added as he changed inside the privacy of the pan-dimensional bedroom.
          SD Pesti #4 scratched his head. "What about us?"
          "I told you this morning," came Chaos' slightly muffled voice. "I need you guys to help out while I make Hotaru her celebratory birthday dinner."
          Abruptly, a pair of pantyhose was wantonly flung out from the wall scroll.
          "You mean you want a handy diversion to keep Haruka and Michiru busy doing something else," SD Pesti #2 corrected, ducking the pantyhose.
          He was immediately clobbered by a high-heeled shoe that came spinning out from Chaos' wallscroll.
          "Hai!" Chaos replied. "The more preoccupied they are with you guys, the less they'll be waiting for an excuse to injure me!"
          SD Pesti #6 shook his head as he looked down at his fallen chibi comrade. "We're dropping like Taurus units in a Gundam Wing episode."
          "So what's in this deal for us?" SD Pesti #5 asked.
          Chaos emerged from the wall scroll, clad in his Lina Strauss jeans, a 'My brain survived the End of EVA' shirt and a Lain teddybear cap. "You get to lick the cake icing from the bowl?" he ventured.

SD Pesti #4: "What?! That's ludicrous!"

Chaos: [sigh!] "Okay, you can also lick the icing off the electric mixer too."

SD Pesti #4: ^^v "Deal!"

SD Pesti #6: "Just make sure this time you turn the mixer off *before* you stick your tongue in it, Yon."


*          *          *

          Haruka sat upon the living room couch, one leg crossed over the other, her arms draped across the back. She glanced at the grandfather clock across the room. "He's going to be late at this rate," she said with a scowl.
          "Haruka-poppa!" Hotaru sighed, rocking back and forth on her heels. "What are you so tense for? It's not your boyfriend you're expecting any minute!"
          "And it had better stay that way," drawled Michiru's voice as she passed in behind the others on her way to the kitchen. While it was playful in its tone, Haruka couldn't help but sweatdrop when she heard the underlying threat in that remark.
          "M-Michiru, when did I ever look at a guy that way?"
          "Really, you'd try to find any excuse for Chaos-chan to not come over tonight," Hotaru chided her father-figure. She wagged her index finger at Haruka. "He may not be graceful, but he keeps his promises. And he promised that he'd be here by six o'clock at the latest."
          Hotaru nervously stole a glance at the clock, and noted how it was one minute to six.
          Suddenly there was a loud "KYAAAAAA!!!" followed by an even louder *WHAM!* from the front door. Naturally there was only one fanboy in the Aniverse who could make that sort of entrance. Hotaru's smile grew as she excitedly raced to the door and swung it open. "Chaos...chan?"
          She slowly lowered her head, and found a pile of sprawled and dazed SD Pesti-chans on the front porch, as opposed to her boyfriend. "Where's Chaos?" she asked.
          A wobbly chibi-Pesti hand rose from the dogpile and thumbed over to Hotaru's right. She turned her head, and found Chaos doing a wonderful impression of a door knocker. "Ano...Chaos?" she ventured, poking his shoulder. "Next time use the doorbell instead of your head."
          "Made it with twenty-two seconds to spare," warbled Chaos' voice from amidst the elegantly carved wood. He managed to give Hotaru a V-sign.
          After helping pull Chaos out from the avatar-shaped dent he'd made in the door, Hotaru latched onto his arm and escourted him inside.
          "Ara, he arrives on time after all," Michiru said with an amused grin. The lengths at which some guys would go to keep their girlfriends happy (and appeased). But then her grin was changed into a bewildered expression when the six SD Pesti-chans all dizzily stumbled into the front entry.

SD Pesti #5: x.x "Are all the landings for this airline so painful?"

SD Pesti #2: @.@ "And no complimentary peanuts, even."

SD Pesti #4: o.< "I think I got a sparrow lodged up my nose during the flight."

          Michiru's brow furrowed in an uncharacteristic frown. "What are they doing here?"
          "Entertainment as I make dinner," Chaos replied evenly. "You see, I want my meal to be a complete surprise, so none of you can be in the kitchen while I perform my culinary masterpiece."
          Haruka and Michiru's eyes widened as they exchanged nervous glances with each other. "Um...you never mentioned that Chaos was going to cook tonight," Michiru said.
          Hotaru could only shrug in response, giving her parental units the most sincere, angelic look possible. Just as she was hoping, Haruka and Michiru caved.
          "Just realise *you're* cleaning up whatever mess you make," Haruka sighed, shaking her head. She headed for the staircase, then paused and levelled a glare at Chaos. "And you had better behave yourselves...OR ElSE."
          "Daijobu!" SD Pesti #5 said, with a solemn salute. "With the six of us here, we'll make sure that no self-gratuitous hanky-panky occurs!"

SD Pesti #3: ^-^ [bounding across the living room] "Hotcha! Haruka, I never knew you were into g-string panties!"

          [Cue the draft!]

Haruka: o.O;;

          "Anything else you'd like to add, Go?" SD Pesti #2 inquired, leaning on #5's shoulder.
          However, SD Pesti #5 was too much in shock to give a coherent response. "They...they were blue g-strings."
          Haruka clenched a fist, cracking her knuckles in the process. She desperately resisted the urge to get Red Queen on any of their guests, mainly because of how much Hotaru wanted tonight to be perfect. Their 'hime-chan' would never forgive them for starting a melee.
          "If you need anything, we'll be upstairs," Haruka said finally.
          "Oh, and don't use any of the honey in the cupboard," Michiru added. She flashed Haruka a sly smirk. "Haruka and I are saving that for later tonight."
          The two somewhat anxiously adjourned to the upstairs library together, leaving Hotaru with Chaos and SD Pesti-chans.
          "Okay, Number Six is with me for the first shift in the kitchen," Chaos announced. "Hotaru, you can just have a seat on the couch here, and the rest of the gang will keep you company as I prepare a sumptuous Senshi feast."
          Hotaru nodded, then quickly leaned forward on her toes and gave Chaos a quick peck on the cheek. Chaos blushed, quickly shuffling off to the kitchen. With a smile Hotaru turned her head...and found SD Pesti #3 happily glomped onto her bosoms.

SD Pesti #3: ^-^ "Where's my kiss?"

Hotaru: [eyebrow twitch!] "K-Kono yaro...."

          *PUNT!*

          "Language, Hotaru! Language!" SD Pesti #5 chided her. "A young lady such as yourself should not use such harsh words."
          SD Pesti #2 nodded. "Hai hai. You should have called San-chan 'sukebe aho' before you punted him through the skylight."
          SD Pesti #5 promptly facevaulted. "Are you trying to undermine your authority?!" he exclaimed at #2.
          SD Pesti #2 paused for a moment before responding. "You had authority in the first place?"

SD Pesti #5: --;; "K-Kono yaro...."

SD Pesti #2: ^o^ "Language, Yon! Language!"


*          *          *

          Chaos and SD Pesti #6 were in the kitchen, prepping for the meal. Obviously no good could ever come of this sort of combination. Chaos scratched his head as he surveyed all the necessary ingredients that had been set out on the counter. "Okay...we've got milk, eggs, flour, sugar and a Puchuu bear."

Puchuu: ^^ "Puchuu?"

          Chaos shook his head and double-checked the recipe. "This is one really strange cake," he said.
          Shoving the Puchuu bear head-first into a large ceramic mixing bowl, Chaos began to add the flour and the milk. "Hand me the mixer, will you?" he called out.
          SD Pesti #6 handed Chaos the mixer.
          "OW! Handle-first, Six! Handle-first! And why did you even turn it on in the first place?!"


*          *          *

          About half an hour later, things had yet to calm down in the kitchen.
          "How are things going in there, Chaos-chan?" Hotaru called out as she flipped through the channels on Haruka & Michiru's big-screen TV. SD Pesti #1 was happily sitting on her lap, cuddling up next to a Mako-chan plushie.
          Came the reply, "Should it be inching towards the sink like that?"
          "Chaos-chan?" Hotaru asked again, sweatdropping.
          "Er--no! Everything's cool in here, Hotaru-chan!"
          Hotaru glanced at her wristwatch again. "Are you sure you don't want me to help?"
          "Next time," Chaos said, poking his head out from the kitchen. "But I want your birthday dinner to be a special surprise this time. Ne, Six, want to check on the cake?"
          SD Pesti #6's voice echoed out from the kitchen: "What the?! Chaos, the head of lettuce just ate the chicken wings!"
          Hotaru sighed, and once again prayed that somehow Chaos knew what he was doing in the kitchen. For the time being, she contented herself in watching "Inu Yasha" with SD Pesti #1.
          The other SD Pesti's were still hanging around the living room, though they were off doing their own things. SD Pesti #2 was destroying 4&5 at a game of Go Nagai Fish with embarrassing ease.

SD Pesti #4: "Got any Violence Jacks?"

SD Pesti #2: "Nope. But I'll take the two Cutey Honey's in your hand."

SD Pesti #5: [scratching his head] "Are the Kekko Kamen cards *always* this under-dressed?!"

          SD Pesti #3 was upstairs, keeping Haruka and Michiru occupied with his usual flamboyantly perverted antics. "Who's yer chibi?" he exclaimed triumphantly, gesturing to his crotch. "Who's yer chibi?"
          "I said, give me back that jar of spreadable chocolate!" Haruka growled, drawing her Space Sword.
          Michiru could only sit atop the grand piano in the house's atelier. The last thing she wanted to do was to smudge the artistic, chocolate designs covering the upper half of her body. "This isn't a request," she stated. She tried to cross her arms over her chest, but just couldn't find a chocolate-free area.
          Perched upon a bust of Megumi Ogata, SD Pesti #3 spun the bottle of chocolate atop his index finger. "You may have it back...if you reinact a scene from that great H&M lemonfic, 'Culmination' by Saun."
          Haruka's eyebrow twitched. "Okay, that does it!" she stated, lunging for SD Pesti #3.

SD Pesti #3: ^-^ "Oro?"

          Downstairs, Hotaru winced as she heard the sound of a sploot, accompanied by something very expensive shattering. This as quickly followed by a "thud!" as Michiru passed out on the piano in shock. "There goes the Austrian crystal," she said.
          "San-chan really is a rambunctious pain in the ass, isn't he?" SD Pesti #5 sighed, shaking his head.
          SD Pesti #2 nodded as he leafed through one of Haruka's spare 'G-Taste' tankobans that had been lying around. "But he has impeccable taste when it comes to fanservice."


*          *          *

          Back in the kitchen, Chaos and SD Pesti #6 were hard at work...trying to get #6's hand out of the toaster. "Just how did you get it stuck in there in the first place?" Chaos muttered as he tried to yank #6's chibi hand out.
          SD Pesti #6 glowered as he tried to pry himself loose with a fork. "I got it lodged in here after I had to help try and pry your stupid head out of the cheese grater!"
          "Well how was I supposed to know that my head was going to pop out of there so suddenly?!" Chaos snapped. "Ne, is the toaster unplugged?"
          "No. Why?" SD Pesti #6 asked as he jammed his metal fork into the toaster slot.

          *ZAP!!*

          Hotaru sat up on the couch, looking around the living room. "Why are the lights flickering?"
          SD Pesti #1 shrugged. "Love?"
          "Let's hope Chaos and Roku cause a blackout," SD Pesti #2 remarked as he draped himself over one of the couch's armrests.
          SD Pesti #5 nodded. "Anything to end Yon's stupid Pinocchio impressions."

SD Pesti #4: ^-^ [walking down the stairs] "I've go no curse to smack me down--KYAAAAAAAA!!!"

          [Cue SD Pesti #4 tumbling down the stairs and right into the 'fun' closet!]

Hotaru: [sigh!] "It's like watching Chaos-chan in chibi form."

          Seconds later SD Pesti #4 was unceremoniously booted from the closet. "Next time, have the decency to knock!" SD Pesti #3 irately snapped, slamming the closet door behind himself.
          SD Pesti #5 groaned, massaging his temples. "Baka."
          SD Pesti #2 just shrugged and went back to reading through one of Michiru's spare 'Dark Crimson: Vampire Master' tankobans that had been left lying around. "Can I ask you a question?" he inquired, glancing over at Hotaru.
          Hotaru nodded. "Go right ahead."
          "Why are we holding a birthday party for you now when your birthday is in January?"
          Hotaru laughed, sweatdropping at the same time. "Ano...I didn't have the heart to tell Chaos-chan he'd gotten the dates mixed up. He's trying so hard for me."
          "What are you going to tell him in January?" SD Pesti #5 asked. "Or are you hoping by then he'll have forgotten about throwing this party?"
          "I'm hoping for the latter, actually," Hotaru agreed. "Though I'm not sure I'll let Chaos-chan cook dinner the next time around."
          As if on cue, from the kitchen came the shouts of:

Chaos: "Where is it? I can't find it!"

SD Pesti #6: "It's crawlin' across the ceiling! Your left! No, your other left!"

Chaos: "Use the potato masher, Six! The potato masher!"

SD Pesti #6: "The second I get it into the blender, hit 'frappe'!!"

          For a short time, everyone in the living room listened to the clattering of the pots & pans, the frantic whirring of kitchen appliances, and the "glorp!" sound effects of some gooey pastry flopping across the counters of its own unnatural will.
          And then came the sound of SD Pesti #6 shouting, "Chibi- Rumblequake!!"
          The kitchen became silent.
          Chaos poked his head out into the living room as a few billows of smoke wafted out behind him. "Now before you hear any wild rumours, I just want you to know that we're fine and the kitchen is still mostly intact. Um....Hotaru-chan, you wouldn't happen to know where I could find a fire extinguisher and some plywood & 2x4's, would you? Oh, and a rivet gun would help too."
          Hotaru sighed as she set SD Pesti #1 onto another cushion, and rose from the couch. She dusted off her skirt as she made her way to the stairs. "I'll check with Haruka-poppa. She might need help with Michiru-momma too, from the sounds of it."
          "Domo!" Chaos called out after her before ducking back into the kitchen.
          SD Pesti #1 looked around, suddenly noting how everyone but the chibi-Pesti's had left. That made him feel suddenly lonely. "So when does Mako-chan arrive?" he asked.
          SD Pesti #5 rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Okay, Chibichi, once again I will reiterate for you. She's not coming tonight. Didn't you hear the author in the obligatory intro. bit? This is an Outer Senshi part. No Inners involved; it's all Outers tonight."

SD Pesti #4: ^^v "My bellybutton's an outie!"

SD Pesti #2: [raising his hand] "Okay, who else didn't need to hear that?"

          SD Pesti #1's face scrunched into a comical expression as he tried to comprehend what #4 was saying. This was slightly problematic, since his entire world revolved around the athletic brunette. "So...Mako-chan's arriving later, then?" he asked.
          "No!" SD Pesti #5 groaned. "Look, we've been going over this ever since we flew over the Mabasa district after getting blown out of the delivery cannon. Makoto is not coming!!"
          SD Pesti #1 gave #5 the most child-like face of innocence. "So Mako-chan will be making a surprise guest appearance, then....ne?"
          SD Pesti #5's eyebrow began to develop a nasty twitch.
          "Maybe I should take over from here," SD Pesti #2 said, elbowing #4 aside. "Let me handle this; I speak Chibichian."
          SD Pesti #2 leaned closer to #1, and then began whispering something into #1's ear. A few seconds later, SD Pesti #1's eyes widened in horror.

SD Pesti #1: "M-masaka!"

SD Pesti #2: "Believe it."

SD Pesti #1: [gasp!] "Nooooooooooo!"

          SD Pesti #4 had to lean back from the decibels being blasted by #1's horrified cry. "Just what did you tell him, Ni-san?"
          The answer came when SD Pesti #1 flung himself into #4's arms, sobbing loudly. "Bad Chibichi, no biscuit?" he sniffled.
          SD Pesti #4 slowly turned to #2. "That was it? No biscuit?"
          "Hey, Chibichi associates everything good with Makoto," SD Pesti #2 replied, shrugging. "Easiest thing in the world."
          "But...how's Chibichi taking the shock?"

SD Pesti #1: "I have failed my beloved Mako-han! She has been dishonoured by my chibi hand!"

          With that said, SD Pesti #1 hauled out a Heavyarms Custom model Gundam from behind his back. "I must atone for this by committing ritual seppuku!" he proclaimed, trying to somehow thrust the blunted ends of the Heavyarms Custom's plastic vulcan cannons into his chest.
          "No, Chibichi!" SD Pesti #5 exclaimed, scrambling to hold #1 back. "That's not true! Think about how lonely Makoto will be if you die!"
          "Think about how ridiculously short we'll be once we reassemble, and you're dead!" SD Pesti #2 added.
          SD Pesti #5 shot him a dirty look.
          "Hey, while I don't mind being eye level with her nipples, I'd like to actually go on the adult rides at the Neverland amusement park," SD Pesti #2 stated.
          As the other chibi-Pesti's tried to wrestle the model Gundam away from SD Pesti #1, Hotaru came down the stairs to check on their progress. "How much longer is Chaos going to be?" she asked.
          SD Pesti #4 glanced over his shoulder. Amidst the loud scuffles and screams of "Kill it! Kill it!" coming from the kitchen, a fury of large pots and pieces of lobster were flying out from the doorway. SD Pesti #4 then turned back to Hotaru. "They'll be a little longer."
          Suddenly Chaos came dashing out from the kitchen, a spatula still in one hand as he tossed his Piyo Piyo apron over his shoulder. "We might want to seek shelter!" he exclaimed.
          Before Hotaru could ask, Chaos had scooped her up underneath his arm and was carrying her out from the living room as fast as he could.
          The other Pesti-chans exchanged bewildered glances.
          "What was that all about?" SD Pesti #5 asked.
          Suddenly there was a loud clatter in the kitchen as more pots and pants and appliances were thrown around. Seconds later SD Pesti #6 came dashing out, a colander over his head like a battle helmet, and a manual handmixer in one hand. Large blotches of chocolate icing were dripping off him.
          "Advance by retreating!" he shouted, racing past his chibi counterparts.
          "What are you ranting about?" SD Pesti #5 asked.
          SD Pesti #4 pointed over to the kitchen. "Maybe he's talking about that carnivorous, demon-possessed cake eating the coffee table. Or it could have something to do with my cute butt."
          As it turned out, it had nothing to do with #4's butt.
          And as the undead dessert let out a loud howl and continued to ravage various articles of living room furniture, Chaos, Hotaru and the SD Pesti-chans all dove for cover behind an armchair.
          "Chaos, just what did you do in the kitchen?" Hotaru hissed, trying to make sure the cake didn't hear her voice.
          "But...But I just followed the recipe," Chaos protested, showing the piece of paper to SD Pesti #2.
          SD Pesti #2 had to only glance at the recipe for a moment before stating, "Chaos...the last half of this isn't even a recipe for chocolate cake. It's an ancient Candarian demon-resurrection curse."
          "I wondered why I had to light a circle of candles around the batter and chant as I danced around it," Chaos remarked, suddenly making sense of it all. "But it's not like I was warned or anything."
          "You see this part right here?" SD Pesti #2 said, pointing to a paragraph in the 'recipe'. "Right where it says 'Do not recite outloud' and 'This should not be mistaken for a chocolate cake recipe'?"
          Chaos paused. "Okay, so I kinda skimmed that part. But let's move on."
          SD Pesti #4 immediately raised his hand. "Question! Should we be worried if the demon cake just ate San-chan?"

Everyone: o.O;

          They all peeked out from behind the couch, just in time to see the cake's spongy body rumble and then abruptly swell to twice its normal size.
          "Hey, now it's cream-filled," SD Pesti #2 glibly remarked.
          Everyone slowly turned and glared at him.
          "Oh, and like you guys weren't thinking the exact same thing too?" he huffed.
          Hotaru's eyes widened. "Oh no, it heard us! It's charging!"
          "Nobody panic!" SD Pesti #5 called out as the other SD Pesti's took to running into each other in a mad dash to escape. "Nobody panic!"
          And right then, the demon cake viciously tore a hole through the back of the armchair. SD Pesti #5 slowly raised his head, and noted how the cake was right above him.

SD Pesti #4: "Can we panic now?"

SD Pesti #5: ^^;; "Yes, now would be a good time to panic. KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

          With a snarl and a snapping of jaws, the demon cake exploded from the hole and chased after the nearest thing it could find. However, nothing short of a light particle can outrun a terrified chibi-Chaos, even with Hotaru being carried over his head.
          "Chaos, quit jostling me!" Hotaru exclaimed as she tried to ward the demon cake off with her Silence Glaive. "I can't impale that thing if you keep shifting my balance or defying gravity!"
          "Gomen!" the chibi-Chaos replied, bouncing towards the stairs.

SD Pesti #2: "Haruka is going to wonder how we got footprints on top of the chandelier."

SD Pesti #3: ^-^v "Nyaaaaa!"

SD Pesti #6: "How did you escape from inside the cake?"

SD Pesti #3: --;; "Don't ask."

          "Ne, keep the noise down!" Haruka called out as she walked down the stairs. "Michiru's trying to recover in peace, and all the racket you guys are making isn't--"
          Before she could finish the sentence, a blur of colour that was Chaos with Hotaru under his arm zipped past her up the stairs. Haruka turned her head just in time to see a grinning Hotaru waving at her before Chaos turned a corner in the hallway.
          Moments later there was the sound of Hotaru's bedroom door slamming shut, followed by sound of the lock being set into place...which was followed by the sound of Gundanium siding being nailed across the doorway...which was followed by the sound of an AT Field being activated.
          Haruka sweatdropped, too confused to be suddenly thinking like an overprotective parent about Chaos & Hotaru being locked a bedroom together. Then again, if Chaos was running too hard to even notice her, it was for a good reason.
          Haruka turned back to the living room. "What is going--?"
          She immediately froze as she saw the diminutive form of the snarling & yipping chocolate cake race across the living room carpet. Six li'l SD Pesti-chans gave chase, cheering loudly as they toted their makeshift weapons: a lamp, a whisk, a riding crop from Haruka & Michiru's "fun" closet, and so forth.
          The horde dashed across the living room and charged after the killer cake into the study. The noises of a brief but very loud scuffle echoed across the manor, accompanied by shouts of:
          "Get it! Get it!"
          "Hand me the hacksaw."
          "Mako-chaaaaaaaaaaaan!"
          "It's coming out the of the damned wall!"
          "Kyaaaaaaa! It's eating the Persian rug!"
          "Call me the queen!"
          "Bad cake, no biscuit! No biscuit!"
          "Hey, look: Haruka left her benwa's in here!"
          "SHUT UP, SAN-CHAN!!!"
          A loud crash came from the study, followed by all the SD Pesti- chans fleeing the room in terror. Jostling and bumping headlong into each other, they raced back across the living room with the mutant chocolate cake snapping at their chibified heels.
          Suddenly the tiny cake opened up its two layers from one side, massive chocolate-smeared jaws with razor-sharp fangs emerging. In many ways it looked just like Canti did whenever it was about to eat poor Naota in any given Furi Kuri episode. The devilled dessert tried chomping down on a frantic SD Pesti #4, but the chibi-Pesti managed leap out of the jaws at the last minute. Michiru's favourite armoire, however, was not so fortunate.
          Haruka looked at the half-armoire left on the living room carpet. The jagged and frayed ends of material where the cake had bitten down were dripping with demon drool. Without saying a word, she discreetly turned around, walked up the stairs and joined Michiru back into the atelier.
          "What's all the ruckus about, love?" Michiru asked.
          Haruka closed and locked the door behind herself. "Nothing a good youkai-hunter and a bottle of scotch won't fix."


*          *          *

          Somewhere atop Mt. Fuji, something has gone terribly awry.
          In their misguided attempt to build a better chocolate cake, a self-inserted idiot and his chibi-assistant have crossed a culinary line that even Iron Chef Morimoto would have never crossed.
          Standing atop some randomly-placed boulder, SD Pesti #2 craned his neck and looked up...and up...and up at the towering form of the demonic chocolate cake. "How did it get so damned big anyways?"
          SD Pesti #5 glared at #6. "Well it someone hadn't stuffed San- chan back into the cake and then used a Rumblequake attack on him...."
          "How was I supposed to concentrate on kicking that cake's floured ass, if San-chan was busy sitting on my head and ranting on and on about how Lafiel's panties were so soft and luxuriant to caress?!" SD Pesti #6 shot back.
          "You'd think the cake would have swollen to critical mass by now and exploded all over the place," SD Pesti #2 remarked.
          SD Pesti #4 watched the ridiculously humungous cake bellow and stomp all over Mt. Fuji. "This reminds me so much of a fanfic idea I had this afternoon: Twilight of the Dark Master Mosquiton!"

          [Cue the facevaults!]

          Just then, the gargantuan demon cake opened up its mouth, and with a howl it unleashed a blast of glowing Cream Lemon. The birthday candles (now resembling youma-like spines) adorning its back glowed an electric blue in the dark. The buildings of small outskirt towns at the base of Mt. Fuji were dashed the pieces as the unnatural whipped cream pelted the landscape.
          "At this rate it's going to smash its way over to Tokyo!" SD Pesti #4 exclaimed. "And then who knows what sort of lingerie shops it'll blow away!"
          SD Pesti #1 fainted dead away at the thought of his precious Mako-chan being buried alive beneath all that whipped cream.
          "We have to do something," SD Pesti #5 said. "But what?"
          "I vote we make tracks for Acapulco," SD Pesti #4 piped up.
          "Of all the times to leave the keys to the EVA Hell Custom in my other pants!" SD Pesti #6 cursed.
          Oblivious to their half-assed attempt to protect Tokyo, the demonic cake lurched its way down the slope of Mt. Fuji. But then at the base of the semi-active volcano, it discovered standing in its path one of the deadliest things known to the Aniverse: a pan- dimensional lawyer.
          The immense chocolate cake youma peered down at this seemingly insignificant little insect. Undeterred, the lawyer handed the over- sized dessert youma a legal document. "I represent Toho Studios, and am hereby charging you with ripping off their Godzilla movies. If you and your associates do not cease and desist, you will be arrested."

Chocolate Cake youma: *ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAARRRRR!!*

          The Toho Studios lawyer's eyes narrowed as the wind from the cake demon's roar blew off his hat. "If that's the way you're going to be...."
          Suddenly out from behind the Toho Studios lawyer bounced the bosoms of Pandemonium!

Pandemonium: "Naughty tentacles of justice: DEPLOY!!!"

Chocolate Cake youma: o.O;;;;

          All the SD Pesti-chans instinctively winced as Pandemonium, despite being 1/50th the size of the demonic chocolate cake, utterly whupped the cake demon's chocolate-covered ass.
          "Ooooh, that had to hurt," SD Pesti #6 muttered.
          "Calling in an all-powerful fangirl," SD Pesti #5 said quietly. "Those Toho lawyers really are vicious and evil."
          Pandemonium abruptly loomed in behind all the SD Pesti-chans. "And this," she stated as she handcuffed SD Pesti #6. "is for you."
          "Wha--hey, what the hell are you arresting us for?!" SD Pesti #6 exclaimed. "It's not like we were the ones who stomped all over the mountainside."
          SD Pesti #4 shrugged. "Technically, Roku, you were the one who helped bake that cake--"
          "Hush, Yon! You're not helping me here."
          SD Pesti #2 chuckled at #6's predicament...until Pandemonium leaned forward and then handcuffed #2's hands as well. "You know, if you wanted a kinky date tonight, all you had to do was ask," he remarked.
          "You all are accessories to this copyright infringement," Pandemonium stated, shackling SD Pesti's #1 & #4 together. "And since this falls under F! Files jurisdiction, it is within my authority to take you to the A.D. Police prison holding."

SD Pesti #5: [scratching his head] "So why haven't we been arrested for everything else in the Aniverse we've flagrantly mocked or used without the creator or company's permission?"

          [Cue SD Pesti #5 falling right into a gaping plothole!]

Washu-sensei: ^^v "Aha! My theory was correct; black plotholes really do exist!"

Ines-sensei: [hmph!] "Okay, so you were right. Stop gloating already, crab-lady."

          "I told you to watch out for those," SD Pesti #2 sighed, peering down into the plothole.
          "This is an outrage! I demand to be released at once!" SD Pesti #6 exclaimed indignantly as he thrashed about. "And you wonder why the A.D. Police can't get a cat out of a tree to save the world?!"
          Pandemonium rolled her eyes and unceremoniously tossed the still-ranting SD Pesti #6 into the back of a squadcar. SD Pesti #5 followed once he got hauled out of the plothole.

Pandemonium: [tossing SD Pesti #4 & #1 inside the car] "And there you two go!"

SD Pesti #4: "Can you run the sirens when you haul us to the slammer?"

Pandemonium: [sweatdrop!] "Um...sure."

SD Pesti #4: ^-^ "Wai!"

          "So what are you doing about the leftover cake all over the mountainside?" SD Pesti #2 inquired as he clamoured into the back seat.
          "It is said that the wise person will climb Mt. Fuji once in their lifetime," Pandemonium replied. "Grab a spoon." She glanced around the area. "Ne, aren't there supposed to be six of you?"

SD Pesti #3: ^-^ [grope grope!] "Pan-chan Pan-chan Pan-chan Pan- chaaaaaaan!"

Pandemonium: --;; "Why you little, bosom-groping sukebe...!!"

SD Pesti #3: ;p "Uh-uh. Sukebe-CHAN!"


*          *          *

          Back at the apartment, Demolition and Dark Mayhem were busy reclining on the couch and surfing through some Vandread fansubs. Unfortunately for them, they had to contend with Hysteria suddenly bursting through the front door with her genki-kawaii grin.
          "Would you stop taking your cues from Shampoo and actually use the doorknob for once?" Demolition sighed, shaking his head at the large Hysteria-shaped hole in the door.
          "But that would require actual thought on her part," Dark Mayhem countered, slugging back another hit of Sake.
          Embarrassed at being chastised by her poppa-chans (though certainly NOT to ever ever be mistaken with Papacha!) Hysteria stuck out her tongue. "Gomen! Hysteria just got a little over-excited. She just found a kawaii little mascot-chan for Rampage-chan to eat!"
          She held out what resembled a small, blue furry puppydog for Demolition and Dark Mayhem to see. The puppy glanced over at the two fanboys and gave a cute "awo?"
          "Wai! Rampage-chan, get out the kawaii little barbecue sauce- chan!" Hysteria chanted, skipping down the hall to her room and swinging the puppy in her arms.
          Demolition and Dark Mayhem went back to watching Vandread.
          "You know," Demolition remarked. "I happen to know a few things about fantasy-based animals...and that wasn't a puppydog she found. That was a Deep Dragon cub."
          Dark Mayhem nodded. "Reiki from Sorcerous Stabber Orphen, ne?"
          "Hai." Demolition glanced back in the direction of Hysteria's bedroom. "Think we should warn her that if she tries to have Rampage eat Reiki, Reiki will summon that freaky-assed psychokinetic powers of his?"
          "After the next episode's over," Dark Mayhem replied, pouring the two another cup full of Sake.
          Demolition grinned, oblivious to the abrupt sounds of furniture flying, walls splitting apart and Hysteria screaming "Kyaaaaaa-chan!" from down the hall. "Works for me," he concurred. "You know, I wonder if Chaos and Pesti-chan managed to survive the evening at Haruka and Michiru's place."

          [Cue the entire gaggle of SD Pesti-chans standing behind the bars of their A.D. Police prison cell!]

SD Pesti #2: [chanting] "When Pesti was in Egypt's land."

Other SD Pesti's: [singing] "Let my chibi's goooooooo...."

SD Pesti #4: [clanging his tin cup against the bars] "Apsalus! Apsalus!"

SD Pesti #5: "Yon, it's 'Attica'."

SD Pesti #4: "But we don't have an attic in our apartment."

SD Pesti #5: [eyebrow twitch!] "A-Ano ne...."

SD Pesti #6: "I demand to speak to a lawyer!"

SD Pesti #2: "You already did."

SD Pesti #5: "As I recall, you zorched Nanbara right when he told us to plea bargain, so he could have more time to get revenge on Kazuya."

SD Pesti: #6: "Hmph! What did that idiot know anyways? And what the hell happened to our one phone call anyways?"

SD Pesti #2: "Wasted on Chibichi; he spent the entire time sniffling over the line to Makoto. The twit wasn't even been able to coherently tell her that we got busted by a Sexaroid with one hell of a bust."

SD Pesti #1: ;_; "M-Mako-chan...cake...."





Today's attempt to look normal...........oh damn, did it fail!!




          [Cue the eyecatch!]



Thanks to:

Pan-chan, for having such genki bosoms. ^^v

Havoc, for the usual co-conspiratorial work. Also the man you should send the angry village mob with pitchforks & torches after for the "Derwin Macross" idea.

Mayhem, for helping fill in a bunch of blanks for this chapter.

Jelynne, for helping create the "otakudonbaka" concept.

Derwin Mak, a really great crossplayer with a remarkable sense of humour. At the next Anime North convention, let us both do our best for crossplayers everywhere!





SD Pesti #5: [sigh!] "So we're stuck here until we make bail?"

SD Pesti #2: "Hai. And we don't even have the cash to do that ourselves. Sucks to be us, don't it."

SD Pesti #6: "You know, it's a good thing the croissants didn't turn out the way the chocolate cake did."

          [Back at Haruka & Michiru's house.....]

Haruka: [rummaging through the fridge] "There has got to be something here that didn't get ravaged by that demon cake. Oh look! A bunch of croissants. (^^v) Lucky!"

Demon croissants: >)






OMAKE THEATRE!!!



          And now, National Animegraphic is proud to bring you the latest instalment of 'Crocodile Hunter', starring that crazy Aussie: Steve Irwin!

          [Begin transmission!]

Steve: ^^v "G'day, mates! Before I've nearly gotten me arms and legs bit off by crocs, snakes, komodo dragons and the occasional rabid butterfly. But today we're goin' to look at one of the most unusual creatures in the Anime universe!"

C-ko: "The Nanami-cow?"

Steve: [punting C-ko!] "Get outta the shot, you Boofhead! Anyways, if you take a look around you can see we're a far cry from Australia. But that's the beauty of nature: it has so many different things for us to look at everywhere!"

          [The camera begins to follow Steve as he climbs over some volcanic rocks. Numerous lush tropical plants are scattered all over, and the air is layered with a thin veil of steam that reduces distant visibility.]

Terri Irwin voice-over: "We've travelled all the way out to Tenrei, a distant Aniverse planet which is made up entirely of hotsprings. The tourist industry here, which makes for virtually all of the planetary revenue, hinges on the multitudes of different springs of water naturally heated by the ground's geothermal energy."

Steve: ^^v "The Boozers here are jolly good places to get as full as a goog. But we're not here to check out the beer. We're here in the hopes of getting up close with that beautiful and elusive creature known as the Nekojin. Let's have a Captain Cook and see if we can't find one, shall we?"

          [Steve continues to traverse the rocks, reaching a point where the hills now slope downwards. We can see an immense valley filled with countless small lodges and resorts, and areas that are fenced off for private hotsprings. Yet many other springs are in plain sight from this vantage point.]

Terri Irwin voice-over: "Now the thing to remember is that a nekojin is kind of like a cat. While they retain a mostly human form, they are different because they usually sport a coat of fur, a feline tail and ears, and small fangs. They are also notorious for lapsing into neko-like traits, such as purring or playing with yarn--and they're notoriously agile jumpers."

          [Steve abruptly waves for the camera to back off, making a face as he tries to carefully and quietly take a few bounds down the rock face.]

Steve: "We're near her litterbox...the stench is overpowering! Nothing but ammonia! Evidently some bloke hasn't been using clumping kitty litter."

          [Suddenly making a mad dash, Steve leaps through some of the foliage, only to come a stop at the edge of a large sandbox.]

Steve: "Well, our nekojin's not here, but I'm willing to be she's closeby. Let's see if we can't find her down by one of the billabongs on this planet!"

          [Steve resumes his trek down the hillside, with Terri and the camera in step behind him. Just as he climbs up an outcropping of rocks, his face reveals his sudden excitement.]

Steve: "Fair suck of the sav, we've got ourselves a real corker right over these rocks here. Get the camera in closer, love! Look at that dinkum nekojin bathing in the water there!"

          [The camera is carefully raised above the rocks, panning down to the spring of steaming water below. In the spring we can see a catgirl busy splashing about!]

Aisha ClanClan: "You call these *hot*springs?! I haven't even broken out into a sweat!"

Steve: "This is an incredible find; it's very hard to see a nekojin bathing in the wild. You see, they're very private creatures and don't like blow-in's. Evidently they bathe in the nuddy. And what's more she's giving a gobful to the owners of this particular resort too! A cheeky little nekojin if I e'er saw one."

Aisha: [sinking down into the water] "Hmph! Looks like I'm going to have to find something on this planet that can actually get me feeling warm and relaxed. Now...where did I put my shampoo?"

          [Aisha stands up in the water, and bends over as she fishes for her shampoo bottle on the nearby rocks surrounding the hotspring. Her neko-tail promptly surfaces above the water and sways leisurely in the air.]

Steve: "Now since she's bollocky, it's easy for us to see how the hairline on her tail slowly tapers into bare skin at her freckle. And it's a flaming great freckle too! But now's really not the time to be checking out her butt."

          [Steve goes back to peering down at Aisha.]

Terri Irwin: [voice-over] "This species of nekojin is a Ctarl-Ctarl, an interstellar feline race who're known for their aggressive tendencies. They're tremendously powerful, as cunning as a dunny rat --and believe it or not, this bipedal form is not what they truly look like."

Steve: "We'll want to go down for a closer inspection, but bear in mind that catching any nekojin by surprise--a Ctarl-Ctarl especially --is a dangerous thing. Any Blind Freddie gets caught by her, and he's in for a world a' hurt. But let's give it a burl, shall we?"

          [Without further ado, Steve clamours onto the top of the rocks and flings himself down upon Aisha!]

Steve: ^^v "Gotcha!"

Aisha: o.O; "N-Na ni?!"

          *SPLASH!!!*

Steve: [wrestling Aisha to get her closer to the camera!] "Check this out! What a ripper nekojin!"

Aisha: [thrash thrash!] "Why you sneaky little pervert! You are so going to wish that you'd never screwed with the Ctarl-Ctarl empire after this!!"

Steve: "Crikey! She's throwing one helluva wobbly! I mean, she is really pissed off. I've never had to put up such a blue with a nekojin like this before! She could prob'ly pack away at least twenty Vegimite sandwiches in a single sitting!"

Aisha: [grrrrr!!] "SHIN'NE!!!"

Steve: "Whup, looks like she's about to whallop me now! It's a good thing that I know a lot about nekojin, including Ctarl-Ctarls. Did you know that the Ctarl-Ctarl species has a pressure point right above their bellybutton that will cause them to purr uncontrollably for an hour?"

Aisha: o.O; "What?! How do you know about--"

Steve: *poke poke!*

Aisha: ^______________^ *puuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrr!*

          [With Aisha now happily clinging to his back, Steve wades over to the shore and pulls himself out of the hotspring. He then carefully removes Aisha from his back and proceeds to sit at the edge of the spring, scratching her tummy.]

Steve: "Now there's some good oil put to use. For the next hour, this li'l nekojin will be as harmless as a kitten. Aw, ain't she adorable?"

Aisha: ^______________^ *puuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurr!!*

Steve: "Well that's all the time we have for today. Tune in next omake, for when we try to capture an Anime avatar in his natural habitat, then tag him for future studies. Until then, no worries! Right?"

Aisha: ^____________^ *puuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurr!!*


          [End transmission!]


Part 5