J-Rock the Casba!!!




Inside the Tokyo Megadome, the lights abruptly dim and an excited audience is plunged into darkness. Loud cheers rise up from the masses. As they chant "J-Rock!!" and flick their lighters, blaring blue and white spotlights suddenly flash to life.
                  The audience hollers wildly upon seeing an enormous Dance Dance Revolution machine looming before them, the members of the boyband SMAP crucified across the coin slots. And standing there upon the oversized DDR dance pad is His lordship Chaos, dressed up like Guitar Wolf. He steps forward, raising the microphone to his mouth. With a triumphant proclamation he states:

His lordship Chaos: "I, His lordship Chaos, do hereby permit this part of the Pestific to be about J-pop bands! Gatchabagoose!!"

Puchuu bear back-up singers: ^^ "Puchu!"


                  [Cue the fic!]




His lordship Chaos presents:


THE PESTI-FIC




                  Pesti-chan here again.
                  Okay, this is the last chance I have to prove my sane disposition to all you readers out there. Fact is, I think we started out on the wrong foot with this fic. So just forget all those rampant chibi-avatar idiocies, those ridiculous scenes of all of me fleeing in terror or floating around in LCL, and the fact that #4 still claims to have a more well-toned butt than Mai Shiranui.
                  Now while I wish I could root for #4 here, I have to be perfectly honest: you can't compare his butt to Mai Shiranui's. It's akin to comparing apples and talking banana-thingies from Idol Project. Mai has the most supple and well-toned rear end in all of Anime. You can see it whenever she turns around since she spends most of her time fighting in butt-floss.
                  Mai has got the better ass.
                  The fact that #2 bet all his money against #4 validates this. There's no question that #4 will have to watch my 'Buns of Gundamium' video a lot more before he can even hope of competing against her in the next Cosplay competition.
                  But I think I'm digressing.
                  What were we talking about?
                  Ah yes, how I'm a perfectly normal avatar.
                  So you see, good readers and otaku, let's just let self-inserted bygones be self-inserted bygones. Forget about all those deranged things my chibified selves did in the last 5 parts of this fanfic. We'll start fresh here and now, and let this final part of the Pestific prove once and for all that I am the poster fanboy for good-natured, ordinary, boy-next-door avatars.
                  And just to keep things straight, here's the usual handy-dandy chart to know which of me is which!

SD Pesti #1 - Chibichi
                  SD Pesti #2 - Ni-san
                  SD Pesti #3 - San-chan/Chibi-san
                  SD Pesti #4 - Yon
                  SD Pesti #5 - Go
                  SD Pesti #6 - Roku


                  [Fanboy's Note: since, as of Pestific #4, 'Nane Nani Fanboys!!' was cancelled from the fic's line-up, we give you this new review of the sequel OVA series to Bubblegum Crisis: Bubblegum Crash!]

Knight Sabres: [Riverdancing around in their hardsuits!] "We're Knight Sabres of the round table, we dance whene'er we're able! We do routines and action scenes and physics implaus-able!"

[Cue the villains standing atop a hill, staring out at the city!]

Mason: ^-^ "The GENOM Research Center!"

Quincy: ^-^ "The GENOM Research Center!"

Largo: [offside] "It's only a model."

Quincy: --;; "Shhhh!"

[Pan back to Leon standing in front of the C'est Lavie bar!]

Leon: "Who are you vigilantes anyways?"

Sylia: "We are the Knight Sabres who say...NI!"

NeNe: ^-^ "NeNe!"

Linna: "No, 'ni'."


                  [Fanboy's Note: on second thought, let's not review Bubblegum Crash. 'Tis a silly bunch of OVAs.]



Part the Sixth: N*Sync or Swim




The time: midnight in Tokyo.
                  You'd think that any normal otaku in their right mind would be sleeping soundly and getting ready for upcoming school day. But naturally, otaku are far from being normal, and this gang of fanboys was far from being in their right mind...or their left mind for that matter. Yes, as Desolation would proclaim, "Sleep is for the weak!" But then again, Desolation also proclaims, "Where the hell am I now?!" a lot too, so we can't exactly call him a credible source.
                  Anyhoo, despite it being so incredibly early in the morning, virtually all of the fanboys were awake and just milling about after watching a rousing session of Celebrity Anime Deathmatch. This time around, the combatants had been Lupin III's resident samurai, Goemon (who will kill any newbie that dares mistake him for a Digirat), and Himura Kenshin (namely the red-headed, nancy-boy version from the TV series).
                  Naturally, nancy-boy ruruoni lost...poorly.

Goemon: --;; "Once again my sword has cut a VERY unworthy object."

Nancy-boy Kenshin: @.@ "Oroooo-ooo-ooo-ooo....."

"We certainly cleaned up on that round," Demolition sighed happily, relishing how many weapon upgrades he could buy once he cashed in his betting ticket.
                  Dark Mayhem nodded, reclining on the couch. "Hai hai. Though the odds were kinda stacked against Kenshin in the first place. Goemon vs. OVA Kenshin--now that would have been a sword fight!"
                  "What's on for the next Celebrity Anime Deathmatch anyways?" Demolition inquired, rummaging around for the TV guide. However that was easier said that done since their coffee table was covered with stacks of various tankobans, video games, fansubs, containers of take-out food, and a randomly-placed Puchuu bear.

Puchuu bear: ^^ "Puchuu!"

Demolition: [eyebrow twitch!] "Rampage, snack time!"

[Demolition lobs the Puchuu bear across the room, an eager Rampage chasing after it with jaws wide open!]

Rampage: ^-^ "CHU CHU!"

*CHOMP!*

Puchuu: ~_* "I am damn unsatisfied to be killed this way!"

"I think the next death match is supposed to be Sailor Iron Mouse vs. Di$ney's Mickey Mouse," Dark Mayhem said, picking up one of the take-out cartons and heading towards the kitchen for a spare set of chopsticks. "A deserved retaliation against Di$ney for not distributing any more of the Ghibli films, those jealous pricks."
                  "Five thousand Yen says Iron Mouse nails him with a giant mousetrap," Demolition piped up.
                  Dark Mayhem shook his head amidst slurping up some of the leftover cold uudon noodles in the container. "Nah, too obvious a sigh gag. Maybe she runs him down with the Nekobus or some other cat-related Anime smite."
                  "There's always stomping on him with Nariya and Eriya's Guymelefs."
                  "Point."
                  The two tipped their heads back as the door to the broom closet opened up, and a beleaguered Carnage made his way into the living room. Carnage plunked himself down on one of the dining room chairs, his hands stained with grease and his overalls sporting a number of oddly-coloured blotches.
                  "How goes the repairs?" Dark Mayhem asked.
                  "At this rate, they may actually finish Puni Puni Poemi before I get all my Gundams recustomised again," Carnage replied, wiping at the sweat and grease on his face with a spare rag. "Mihoshi practically reduced my mobile suits into a bunch of tinkertoys. The only thing that survived the all-encompassing blast was my Zeorymer...not that it actually helped."

[Meanwhile, somewhere in Carnage's room/hangar bay....]

Zeorymer: [with a banjo & singing tinnily] "De sun shines bright, in me old kentucky hommmmmmmme..."

"So much for attending that 'Mecha Codpieces: Are They Really Necessary?' seminar this weekend," Carnage sighed, tossing the rag onto the table. "I'll be spending all my free time trying to repair the damages to my beloved mechs. And the costs for all the Zechs Wax bottles will be ridiculously high too."
                  "Awww, poor Carnage-poppa!" Hysteria exclaimed, bounding out from nowhere and glomping onto Carnage's back. "Does Carnage-poppa want kawaii little Hysteria-chan to give him a kawaii little massage-chan?"
                  "Not unless Hysteria wants to suffer a painful little death-chan," Carnage growled in response.
                  Hysteria pouted, giving Carnage the largest pair of kawaii Bambi eyes she could. "But all Hysteria wants to do is help her poor little Carnage-poppa!" she sniffled.
                  "Will you stop calling me your poppa?!" Carnage exclaimed. "I don't care if the paternal tests are inconclusive. I don't care if you do own a Gundam you painted in cute pastel colours. Just leave me and my testosterone alone!"
                  Rather indifferent, Hysteria turned to Dark Mayhem. "Ne ne, Dark-poppa, Carnage-poppa's ranting again. Does he need Hysteria to give him a kawaii little dose-chan of decaff?"
                  Dark Mayhem waved it aside. "Nah. We've got him covered. Just go back to your room and continue crocheting those mittens for Havoc's naughty tentacles."
                  "Wai! Tentacle-chans tentacle-chans tentacle-chans!" Hysteria cheered, bounding back down the hall and into her bedroom.
                  Carnage warily glanced at her bedroom door as it slammed shut, and then back at Dark Mayhem. "She crochets?"
                  "Better Havoc's tentacles than a large doily to go over the tiles on the apartment floor," Dark Mayhem replied.
                  Demolition nodded. "Definitely. You wouldn't believe this ridiculous scarf she wants me to wear whenever I'm venturing off to the ice-capped Trabia mountains. It's got a bunch of Keroppe smiley faces on it! What sort of self- respecting dark elf babe would take seriously a heroic adventurer wearing that?"
                  "Well, she would have to actually notice you first," Carnage said with a snicker.

Demolition: --;; "Fireball."

Carnage: ^^ "Payback."

As it so happened, Chaos walked into the front entry just in time for the *FWOOSH!* effects to explode right on top of him.
                  "And so much for that fanboy," Dark Mayhem said as he appraised the smouldering form of Chaos. "I certainly hope he didn't want to use those pants again anytime in the near future."
                  "And people think I never receive any warm welcomes when I go home," Chaos glibly remarked as he coughed out a small cloud of smoke.
                  "Ah, the village idiot returns," Demolition said. "How did Hotaru's birthday surprise go?"
                  "Ano...she was certainly surprised when the chocolate cake I made for her started eating the chibi-Pesti's," Chaos replied, flopping down onto the couch next to Demolition. "I actually had a rather trying task too. I spent the rest of the evening barricaded in her room while all the chibi-Pesti's did the ridiculously easy task of chasing after that cake and trying to kill it before it voraciously devoured them."
                  "Ridiculously easy?" Dark Mayhem drawled scathingly.
                  Chaos hmphed. "Compared to Hotaru pouncing and straddling me on her bed right as Haruka manages to break down the bedroom door, killing a demon-possessed cake is childishly simple."
                  Dark Mayhem immediately tossed a bottle of Hard Lemonade in Carnage's direction. "He's getting that nasty eyebrow twitch again," the uber exploder fanboy explained to the others.
                  Carnage chugged down the bottle in a few seconds and then set it onto the table. "Okay, my urge to viciously smite Chaos is fading."

Chaos: "But it didn't help when Haruka noticed how my hands happened to be copping a feel off Hotaru's chest."

Carnage: [turning to Dark Mayhem] "More alcohol, Newt-boy!"

"So where is Pesti-chan anyways?" Demolition asked.
                  Chaos could only shrug. "Last I saw, the six of him were high-tailing it towards the outskirts of Mt. Fuji, with the carnivorous demon cake chasing after them. Who knows what happened after that?"
                  "We haven't lost power to the city, so it looks as if they did something remotely intelligent to solve the problem," Dark Mayhem replied.
                  "Hai hai. Whoever thought that celebrating a birthday could be so stressful?" Chaos sighed. "I'm going to do some gaming for a bit to unwind. Anyone mind?"
                  Demolition gave Chaos a pointed stare. "Are you going to be beta-testing your stupid FF8 dancing game, Doink Doink Revolution?"
                  Chaos happily nodded. "There's still a few bugs I need to get out of the way before I start mass-producing the game."
                  "Then we mind," the other three fanboys chorused.
                  "Too bad, I'm doing it anyways!" Chaos proclaimed, sticking his disc into their PS2 game console.
                  The large-screen television was turned on, displaying oversized Tonberries dressed as the various characters in FF8, each one showing off their best dancing moves. Chaos quickly went to work, clearing a spot on the floor so he could unroll his dancing pad.
                  "Now, time for me to choose a character," he stated, adjusting his socks. "Hm...I'll go for the Quistis Tonberry this time."
                  Chaos quickly performed some fancy footwork so as to select his dancer and the style of dancing. Abruptly a small hatch on the back of his console popped open, and an enormous mallet emerged. Chaos had just enough time for a sweatdrop to appear before he was clobbered by the gaming console.
                  "BAKA!!" screeched an irate feminine voice from the console. "Why did you have to do a thing like that? I have feelings too, you know?"
                  Chaos groaned as he stumbled around, small Piyo Piyo chicks chirping and circling his head. "Itai! What did I do?"
                  "Oh you know damn well what you did, you insensitive bastard," the console snapped irritably. "I hate you! I hate all gamers! You all suck!"
                  With that, the console turned itself off, the TV screen going blank. Utterly stunned, Chaos could only blink every now and again as he stood on the dance pad.
                  Finally Carnage voiced what everyone was thinking: "What's with our PS-2?"
                  Demolition shrugged, opting to venture forward and inspect some of the wiring behind the console. "Um...found your problem, Chaos. You didn't buy a PS-2 after all. This is something called the PMS-2."
                  There was a moment of bemused, awkward silence as all the fanboys looked over to the PMS-2 gaming console. The kana for "Refleshing Flavour!!" scrolled in behind Chaos, and then tried to push him into Hysteria's bedroom.
                  Demolition shook his head in bewilderment. "Either Sony really is evil, or you found one of the strangest Hong Kong knock-offs in gamer history, Chaos."
                  "Even stranger than prehousing the seamy side volitation?" Dark Mayhem asked.
                  "Who's to say? That plastic, Goku wanna-be action figure's a classic unto itself."
                  "Looks like I won't be beta-testing my other games tonight," Chaos sighed, rubbing the large, swollen bump sticking out from his hair. "I guess Pong Poko will have to wait until next week."

Demolition: [sweatdrop!] "Pong...Poko?"

Chaos grinned. "Yep. Atari-styled table tennis where instead of a ball, you have a large-testicled tanuki ricocheting around the screen. It's not as good as my 'Immortal Kombat 2' game...but the problem is I can't have any fatalities when my players are Yakumo and that detective dude from Giant Robo. The first round alone just keeps going and going and going and--"
                  With a deadpan delivery, Dark Mayhem slowly turned to Demolition. "Demo, reset the PMS-2 console. I don't think it's bitch-slapped Chaos enough tonight."
                  "My pleasure," Demolition agreed, hitting the console's reset button.
                  Suddenly another large mallet emerged and squished Chaos into the nearest wall. As she sauntered into the living room, a Sake bottle in one hand and a Legato Bluesummers plushie in the other, Anarchy grinned in seeing her little brother pretending to be an abstract painting.
                  She swung her head around as the phone rang. Tossing the Legato plushie into the air--where it was subsequently shredded by the ceiling fan--Anarchy grabbed the receiver and answered the call. "Moshi moshi, why aren't you worshipping me yet?"

SD Pesti #5: "Good, someone's home! Listen, San-chan's keeping the guards busy with panty raids as we're using their office phone, so we'll be quick. We've been arrested by the AD Police. We need you to come to the station and bail us--!" Anarchy: [hanging up the phone] "Boring!"

"Who was that?" Carnage asked.
                  Anarchy took a swig from her bottle of Sake. "Who cares? They didn't have any alcohol for me." That said, she drunkenly strolled out the front door and looked for another karaoke bar to pillage.
                  "But of course," Demolition sighed, rolling his eyes. "Ne, it's getting late. I'm going to book it back to Lodoss and see if I can't gain a few experience points before I crash. Later."
                  Dark Mayhem waved to Demolition as the oversized fanboy crawled back into the kitchen freezer. "Ja. What about you, Carnage?"
                  "I just need a break from all that mech upgrading," Carnage sighed. "And a hot bath might help too."
                  "If anyone needs me," Chaos stated, eyeing the PMS-2. "I've got a score to settle with that console...."
                  Dark Mayhem thumbed over at Chaos. "I'll just be here enjoying the show."

* * *

                  "Thanks for coming down to the station, Makoto," Pesti-chan said as he & Makoto walked down the hallway of his apartment complex. "And I'm so grateful to you for offering to bail me out. I owe you bigtime for this. But are you sure you can spare the money? I mean with your rent and all--"
                  "Oh, it's no problem, really," Makoto interjected, her arms wrapped around one of his. "It just means I'll have to go back to my part-time job as a Planet Hentai waitress. A week or two there and I should be fine."
                  Pesti-chan sweatdropped. "Oh...that's good...kinda." With a sigh he shook his head. "Sorry you had to go through all this trouble just for me. How did you even know I had been arrested anyways? Chibichi never did manage to speak a coherent phrase when he used my phone call to you."
                  "Actually, I saw the eleven o'clock news," Makoto replied. "Their top story featured your six chibi versions getting hauled into a cruiser by our school's truant officer."
                  Even more sweatdrops appeared around Pesti-chan's head. "I am never going to live that down," he lamented, hanging his head in despair. But then he brightened up, managing to find one faint silver lining in the cloud.
                  "At least I can assemble insert myself again!" he stated, patting his chest. "About time that stupid reverse- polarity gag wore off."
                  "I don't think I would have been able to handle another school day with the six of you running amok again," Makoto agreed, tapping him playfully on the nose.
                  They reached what obviously had to be the door to the fanboys' apartment, namely because it had the lustrous shine of Gundanium, plus a few scorch marks from various fiery smites, and one large dent where Hysteria had yet again run into the door.
                  As Pesti-chan opened the door, he made a point of opening it a crack before venturing to stick his head inside. Anything to make sure a random smite wouldn't zorch him or Makoto. However, it was fairly docile in the apartment.
                  "Looks like they finished their binging without me," Pesti-chan remarked, closing the door behind them.
                  Dark Mayhem was busy sitting in the dining area, his feet up on the table as he grazed on leftovers from the fridge and read from one of his doujinshi. Carnage, fresh out of his hot bath, was towelling down his long hair and chuckling at the spectacle of Chaos & the PMS-2 console shouting Japanese obscenities at each other amidst the gameplay.
                  "What's he up to?" Makoto asked, gesturing to Chaos.
                  Carnage shrugged. "Last I bothered paying attention, he was tempting fate by trying out some new Dual Shock accessory for that PMS-2 thingie."
                  Suddenly there was a loud shriek from Chaos, which was abruptly cut short as a large Core Robot crashed through the ceiling and landed on him. Pesti-chan and Carnage calmly watched the dust settle, while one of Makoto's eyebrows performed an interesting twitch.
                  "Nice wax job," Pesti-chan remarked, thumbing back at the mecha.
                  Carnage nodded. "Thanks. I finished that one about an hour ago. But if you'll excuse me, I've got to get a few hours of sleep before patching up another few hundred mobile suits. Ja."
                  Makoto waved good-bye to Carnage as he adjourned to his bedroom in the broomcloset.
                  "Did you want me to call a cab for you, or something?" Pesti-chan asked. "The last thing I want is to have you walk home by yourself this late at night."
                  "Then why didn't you just walk Makoto home first before coming here?" Chaos asked as he crawled out from beneath the Core robot.
                  He was subsequently clobbered by a flying head of cabbage.
                  "You're the reason Makoto had to go out of her way tonight to bail me out of prison, bakayaro!" Pesti-chan snapped. "Thanks to that stupid demon-possessed cake, I got smacked down by Toho Studios."
                  "Calm down, Kamui-chan," Makoto soothed, trying to placate the frazzled fanboy. "It's all over now, so there's nothing to worry about."
                  Dark Mayhem reclined on one of the couches with an amused grin on his face. "Well, if anything I'm sure there's a place for you to stay tonight." He then waited until after both Pesti-chan and Makoto blushed profusely before adding, "We're bound to have a spare pan-dimension around here somewhere."
                  "Demolition's in the ice box, and Carnage is in the brook closet and I've got a wall scroll," Chaos said, busy trying to pull his PMS-2 control pad out from beneath the Core Robot. "Ne, don't we have some sort of makeshift guest room somewhere by the towel rack in the bathroom?"
                  Dark Mayhem shook his head. "No, that dimension's been out of order for months now. What about the one hiding in the philodendron pot?"
                  Pesti-chan's brow furrowed as he head that. "Definitely no good. A wandering martial artist Pudding took up residence there during the summer."
                  As the trio of fanboys discussed other possible locations of dimensional portals lurking in their apartment, there was a polite knock on the front door. Being the only one who noticed, Makoto discreetly slipped away and opened the door a crack.
                  "Yes?" she asked.
                  Before Makoto had the chance to really see who was on the other side, the front door was abruptly pushed opened. Chaos, Pesti-chan and Mayhem stopped short in their debating, staring curiously as the large green goblin of street fighter, Blanka, lumbered into the room.
                  Naturally the first thing out of Dark Mayhem's mouth was, "No, the set for your Incredible Hulk crossover is two floors down."
                  But then to add to the mounting confusion, into the apartment stepped a well-built but rather psychotic battle athlete. She ran a hand through her long dark-blue hair, and gave the apartment a disapproving scowl from hell that made even the PMS-2 shut up & cringe.

Chaos: ^^ "Hey, I know you! You're that chick from the University Satellite. What's your name...ano...aha! Mylanta!"

Chaos was instantly walloped across the apartment, crashing right through the wall and landing somewhere in Dark Mayhem's room. Wide-eyed and cowering behind the safety of the nearest sofa, Pesti-chan gawked as the battle athlete sniffed indignantly, "It's Mylanda, you sorry excuse for a self-insertion."
                  "Well, that certainly answers the question as to whether or not she's the psychotic OVA version," Pesti-chan remarked aside to Dark Mayhem.
                  "What's an OVA?" Makoto asked, stepping out in front of Blanka. "And what are these people doing in your apartment?!"

Dark Mayhem: [looking through the Chaos-shaped hole in the wall] "Hey, don't scratch the upholstery!"

Chaos: x.x "I love you too, Newt-boy...."

The door to Dark Mayhem's room opened up, and shortly after a sopping-wet Chaos emerged. He finished wiping his hands on a towel and tossed it to the uber exploder fanboy. "Thanks. Good thing your jacuzzi was there to break my fall."
                  Chaos immediately sweatdropped as he saw Blanka and Mylanda head straight into his wall scroll. Loud rummaging noises were heard inside, and then both Anime characters emerged with armloads of Chaos' prized possessions.

Chaos: o.O;; "What the? Hey, that's my Navi laptop. And my collection of empty Pocky boxes stacked to model the Tokyo Tower!"

Makoto: [sweatdrop!] "And a dancing kappa doll too."

Pesti-chan: [sigh!] "I really want to know just how Chaos and Michikusa managed to wind up as secret santa's to each other last Christmas."

"Hey, that's my stuff!" Chaos exclaimed. "What gives?"
                  Mylanda flashed a vicious smirk as she hauled an inflatable chair out from Chaos' wall scroll, and then deflated it by forcibly crushing (and popping) it between her hands. "We're repossessing your furniture."
                  Chaos gawked at her, the kana for 'should I call a furniture exorcist?' landing on top of his head. The kana was then immediately grabbed by Mylanda and lobbed out the front door with everything else.
                  "Ne Chaos, looks like you really sparked the Outer Senshi's wrath with that cake," Dark Mayhem chuckled. His smile abruptly faded when Blanka suddenly hoisted the living room couch up and flipped him off it. "That wasn't funny!" he warbled, angrily shaking a fist at them.
                  A sweatdrop ensued as Pesti-chan watched them carry out the television set and dining room table. "Ano, we doing an alternate universe set of OVAfics or something, and nobody notified me?" he asked.
                  Just then, who should step into the apartment with a clipboard in hand, but Saito High's own Holy Student Council president: Haruto! Dressed in his white priestly garb, he began checking off things that were getting tossed out into the hall corridor.
                  "Nothing personal, really," he said. "This is just one of the duties we're required to perform when avatars can't meet the financial requirements of whatever Aniverse they decide to reformat."
                  Haruto glanced back out into the hall. "Ne, Bean, looks like we're going to need you after all. You want to start with the bedrooms at the far end of their apartment?"
                  In stepped the towering form of Bean Bandit, complete with his kevlar-lined leather jacket and shades. However he didn't get too far before encountering a large furry dustball with ears and a heart-shaped tail. Bean turned back to Haruto. "Just what is Jamapi from Wedding Peach doing here?"
                  He received his answer as the frantic-looking magical girl mascot squealed, "You've got to save me, pii! They're going to eat me, pii!"
                  Bean scratched his head in confusion. "What?"
                  "Jamapi's outta here, pii!" Jamapi shrieked, bounding up and over Bean, landing on his head. "I've got to--"
                  Abruptly there was a loud CHOMP!!, and Jamapi pii'd her last. Bean Bandit was suddenly aware of two green lizard-like things happily perched on each of his shoulders.

Rampage: ^-^ "CHU CHU!"

Catastrophe: ^-^ [with pacifier] "chu chu!"

Bean turned back to Haruto. "Ne, do we take the SD Godzilla-thingies too?"
                  Chaos was more than agreeable to hand them over. "By all means!" he said rather cheerfully. "I can gift wrap them for you too if you--KYAAAAAAAA!!! SHE'S GOT MY ARM!! AND SHE'S GOT MY OTHER ARM TOO!!"
                  "Hold it," Dark Mayhem said, getting up off the floor. "You're repossessing everything we own?"
                  Blanka grunted an affirmative, and then hoisted Makoto up over his shoulder. "That's what our orders are," he growled as he carried her away.

Makoto: o.O;; "Kamui...!!"

"Hey! Give me back my girlfriend!" Pesti-chan exclaimed, grabbing the nearest weapon he could find and whapping Blanka in the kneecaps. Unfortunately, an inflatable Hello Kitty hammer proved a less than effective weapon of choice.
                  "Blanka, Makoto doesn't actually belong to this apartment; she's a guest in this scene," Haruto sighed. "You can let her be. Go see what's at the end of the hall, since Bean is working on the bathroom."
                  Mylanda took to shaking down Dark Mayhem's room, as Bean Bandit (pardon the pun) stripped the bathing room bare. And Blanka foolishly ventured further down the hall to where the fangirls were located. Haruto busied himself by making sure all the items they repossessed were accounted for on his clipboard.
                  Chaos and Dark Mayhem could only stare in disbelief as their apartment was systematically cleared out. Pesti-chan protectively clung to Makoto, who watched in bewilderment as all the large pieces of living room furniture were removed.
                  "Why are they taking all your things?" she asked.
                  "I haven't the slightest idea," Dark Mayhem replied. He warily eyed Pesti-chan. "This isn't because of the Toho lawyers, is it?"
                  Just then, Carnage kicked open the door to the closet. "Someone just impounded my Gundams!" he exclaimed indignantly. "And I haven't even been able to stomp on anything yet since I repaired a few of the ones Mihoshi blew up!"
                  "Most dishonourable," Riot stated with a scowl as he walked in through the front door. He quickly sidestepped more of the movers, who were busy wheeling away the jacuzzi. "My anything-goes martial arts meditation-fu was suddenly interrupted when the Utenamobile came along and most dishonourably towed away the entire Student's Council office!"
                  Ruckus nodded from his perch on the ceiling. "And just when I was having a fun interrogation session with Dee Laytner."
                  Suddenly Bean Bandit reached up and yanked Ruckus off the ceiling. The bishounen ai crashed onto the floor, whereupon Bean tore the velcro pads off his legs and placed them atop the stack of towels he had removed from the bathroom.

Bean Bandit: "And I'll take those too."

Ruckus: ^-^ "Ooooh, so forceful! I like that in a man!"

Bean Bandit: [sweatdrop!] "A-Ano...."

Deciding that getting the hell away from the bishounen ai was the better part of valour, Bean shuffled off to the kitchen and wheeled the fridge away on a dolly. As it was rolled past the fanboys, Demolition stuck his head out from the freezer door. "Anyone want to tell me where Lodoss floated off to?" he asked. He turned his head as the fridge rattled on its way out, and got clothes-lined by the doorframe.
                  "Wait, they're taking everything?" Carnage said, scratching his head in confusion.
                  "Oh no, not my dresses! You can't take my dresses!" Chaos shrieked, clinging to his eveningwear as it was hauled away. Mylanda tried to wrestle the gowns away from the teary-eyed fanboy.

Chaos: ^-^ "Yes! I saved my blue sundress!"

Suddenly Havoc-chan dropped in on Chaos' head. "Ne, anyone know why Planet Hentai's Olympic-sized, Cream Lemon swimming pool just got drained?" she asked.
                  "Aiya. If it's affecting even Havoc, then it has to be serious," Pesti-chan stated ominously.
                  Dark Mayhem grabbed the phone, punting Haruto when he tried to yank it away. He quickly dialled Ami's number, only to hear an automated, female voice state, "We are sorry, but your phone line has been disconnected. Please hang up, and--(o.O;) Hey, give me those back, you pervert!!"
                  Dark Mayhem slowly turned around.
                  Havoc-chan was standing there with an angelic smile on her face...and feminine underwear draped over her head.

Havoc-chan: ^-^ "What panties?"

The Kai Awasensei abruptly found herself getting felt up by Mylanda, who rather enjoyed stripping the DOJI BOY sweater off Havoc-chan. Mylanda then began to shake the sweater to tabulate what other items were hidden inside.
                  "Just how can you fit three hundred and five panties, four hundred and twenty-six bras, two used-panty vending machines, a vibrating bed *and* four chibi-Havocs in here?!" she exclaimed, gaping at Havoc-chan in exasperation.

Havoc-chan: ^^v "Nature's pan-dimensional pocket."

[Cue the facevaults!]

"Well, the phone's out so we can't even call the Senshi for assistance," Dark Mayhem said. "I'm willing to bet they've also pulled the plug on our pizza delivery cannon, so anyplace we go to, we'll have to walk."
                  "I've got my communicator," Makoto offered.
                  "But just why is this happening in the first place?" Pesti-chan asked.
                  Haruto cleared his throat and then handed Dark Mayhem a large slip of paper.
                  "What most honourably is it?" Riot asked as everyone gathered around.
                  Dark Mayhem's eyebrow twitched as he scanned the document. "It's the bill for all the damage we did to the city in the F9! fanfic."
                  Chaos boggled as he looked at the final cost being charged to them. "Aiya...that's a lot of zeroes. And that had better not be your hand down my pants, Ruckus!"
                  "Apparently," Dark Mayhem explained. "Until we can pay back this debt to cover the repairs and clean-up, the city of Tokyo is taking all our stuff and forcing us to work in the Gundanium mines."
                  "Are we that much in debt?" Demolition asked. He unceremoniously lurched forward as the Sword of Light was removed off his back.
                  Riot shook his head. "We can't be. Our most honourable Sell-Out Fic-fu should have recovered any losses we had, and then some."
                  "Unless Dragu Dork over here managed to nuke another continent," Dark Mayhem scathingly added.
                  "Hey, there's not actual proof I turned Gravitron City into a large hole in the Earth!" Carnage protested. "It was that alien ship with C-Ko in it; ask anyone! Our cover-up's flawless!"
                  Pesti-chan suddenly found himself being picked up and carried out of the apartment on Mylanda's shoulder. "Um...guys? Guys?! A little help here!"
                  "If our stuff's getting repossessed, do we have to do a Sell-Out Fic 2?" Carnage asked, oblivious to Pesti-chan clinging for dear life to the doorframe as Mylanda and Bean Bandit tried to push him out into the hallway.

Bean: [scratching his head] "Well this isn't working."

Mylanda: "Let me kick him in the balls. That oughta take the fight out of him."

Pesti: o.O; "Tasukete!"

Chaos crossed his arms over chest and emphatically shook his head. "This doesn't make any sense. I don't understand it!" He then turned to Havoc-chan. "How could the fic's greatest pervert...have such soft, virgin smooth skin?"

Havoc-chan: ^-^ "Because I soak in Cream Lemon for an hour each and every fic. It has five essential moistening agents that just makes nubile Anime babes want to strip down and rub their skin against mine."

Chaos: [mock surprise] "But Havoc, I don't have access to Cream Lemon--unless Carnage or Demolition are around to zorch you and trigger your Sploot Defense. How can I get my skin feeling like yours?"

Havoc-chan: "Fear not, fanboy! You too can now share in feeling fanservice fresh, when you go out to the stores and buy: Havoc's Oil of Olaid. Apply it twice a day, and soon you'll feel like an Ecchi-chan. Isn't that right, Lohengrope?"

Lohengrope: ^^v [amidst a harem of adoring, nekkid Anime babes] "Hai, Havoc-tono!"

Chaos got clobbered upside the back of the head by Carnage and Demolition. "Knock it off!" they chorused.
                  "There's no need to pander just yet," Dark Mayhem stated. He paused as a pair of frantic li'l SD Pesti-chans ran through the living room and down the hall.

SD Pesti #4: o.O; "Run for your lives! Women and Pesti's first!"

SD Pesti #1: [clinging to Makoto's leg] "Mako-chaaaaaaaan!"

SD Pesti #3: ^-^ "Hotcha! I didn't know Mylanda wore crotchless panties!"

Bean Bandit: [scrambling after them] "Dammit, they're hard to catch!"

Mylanda: "Then just grab a net and some tasers! But that perverted one's mine...."

SD Pesti #3: ^-^ "Oro?"

"Ne," Demolition remarked. "If we all pitched in, we should have more than enough cash to cover for the bill. I mean, we do have all those part-time jobs and advertising gigs."
                  Chaos nodded. "Good point."
                  And so each fanboy hauled out their wallets and cut a check for the portion they owed to rebuilding Tokyo. Naturally the fangirls were exempt...much to the displeasure of those of the Y-chromosome persuasion. However, the fanboys did take some joy in seeing a rather freaked-out Blanka darting past them in a blur of fangs, green skin, and large frilly bows & aprons.

Blanka: o.O; "It's the attack of a chibi Chung-li from hell!"

Hysteria: "Don't make Hysteria kick your kawaii little green ass-chan! Get back here for Hysteria's kawaii little tea party-chan or else!"

[Meanwhile, still chained to the tea table....]

chibi-Nehelenia: [hmph!] "Serves him right for hogging all the sugar. Ne, how's our escape tunnel coming along?"

Tora: [dressed up in a Kuroneko outfit] "Do I look like a dog demon who enjoys digging? Give me another day or so."

Anyhoo, virtually every male member of the Fanboys! cast was able to make payment on their portion of this rather outstanding bill. SD Pesti #5 sweatdropped at the ease in which everyone else was signing off. "Ano...just where did you guys get all that money? We're teenage avatars without the self-gratuitous glamour and riches. How can you guys afford it?"
                  "Just because we're not allowed self-gratuitous moments doesn't mean we can't make money," Dark Mayhem said, handing his cheque over to Haruto. "It's all about investments, Pesti-chan. You have to know how & where to make money in a way that won't cause the author to think you're having fun--and thusly give him reason to smite you."
                  "Like he's ever needed reason to do that," Chaos grumbled. Seconds later he was crushed by a marble bust of the author which fell from the sky for no apparent reason.
                  And somewhere in the background, Mylanda was still chasing after SD Pesti #3, irately swearing at him and demanding he return her panties before she bent him over backwards and shoved his head up his ass.
                  "I loan my mobile suits out on an hourly basis for a substantial fee," Carnage explained. "Every now and again I'm also called to do F/X explosions or implosions for filming at Studio Anipike."
                  "The Anime stock markets for me," Dark Mayhem added. "Some of my dividends have big pay-offs."
                  "But you couldn't have made that much money to cover such an exhorbantly huge bill," Makoto interjected, sweatdropping. "Could you?"
                  Dark Mayhem just shrugged. "Well...last week Mendou bet all his family fortune in a poker match at Club Anipike. I'll just write off his inheritance to cover this particular debt."

Demolition: [sweatdrop!] "You are one evil bastard, you know that?"

Dark Mayhem: [fanged grin!] "Correction. I'm an evil 'bastard!!'"

Chaos: ^-^ "And half newt too!"

Dark Mayhem: "GUNS N' RO!!!"

Chaos: o.O; "Kyaaaaa!"

Carnage: [scratching his head] "How'd he pull that spell off without a virgin girl's kiss?"

Dark Mayhem: ^^v "This afternoon's make-out session with Ami-can goes a loooong way."

"What about you?" Makoto asked, turning to Demolition.
                  "You wouldn't believe how much money a mercenary can make as a Fortune Hunter," Demolition said with a grin. "So long as you can decapitate an ogre without breaking a sweat, you get money, a free tavern wench and all the ale you want!"

SD Pesti #5: "......"

SD Pesti #4: ^^v "Wench!"

SD Pesti #6: "What's that all about?"

SD Pesti #2: ^^v "Little Gamers."

SD Pesti #5: [scratching his head] "You mean those Bomberman guys? I've never seen anything so ridiculously chibi in all my life."

SD Pesti #2: "What about Yon?"

SD Pesti #4: ^-^ "Wai! I just discovered that my head actually *does* turn 180 degrees! It just hurts a lot."

SD Pesti #6: [.......] "Debatable."

Riot most honourably sign-fu'ed his check and handed it over to the collectors. "I have my own most honourable series of ass-kicking-fu instructional videos, not to mention an equally honourable book series: Zen-fu for Most Dishonourable Dummies."
                  And somewhere in the background, Mylanda was being chased across the living room by SD Pesti #3, who was now leading a charge of chibi-Havoc-chans primed to strip the bitchy battle athlete nekkid!
                  Ruckus giggled as he snatched an SD Pesti-chan running across the living room, squeezing it like a plushie doll. "I'm a ninja. You'd be surprised at how many thefts and assassinations people want me to perform. I also double as an interior decorator...though sometimes it's not so great when I have to kill the guy I just redid a living room for."
                  "Do I look like I care?!" SD Pesti #6 exclaimed, frantically trying to pry himself loose from Ruckus' arms.

Desolation: [signing his cheque] "I get my money from my Norwich Wunion insurance policy. I may be an unlucky bastard, but I'm the richest unlucky bastard on the face of this planet."

SD Pesti #4: [jumping back in surprise] "Ack! Where'd you come from?!"

[Abruptly Bean Bandit pops Desolation's head off and carts it away!]

Bean Bandit: "And I'll be taking this, thank you."

Deso-head: "Hey, I'm not finished with that body, Mister!"

Makoto glanced over at Havoc-chan. Her eyebrow twitched as she appraised the uberperv's Chichiri grin. "I already know how you make your money, and that frightens me," she stated.
                  "Aw, but don't you don't want to hear about my newest line of fanart graphic novels: Urotsuki Dojinshi?" Havoc asked.
                  Came the resounding reply: "NO!"
                  "What about my new line of Havocfics?"
                  "What about them?" Carnage asked darkly.
                  SD Pesti #5 immediately yanked away the beam sabre Carnage had hidden behind his back. "Not in the house," he stated. "I don't care how much of our furniture has been repossessed."
                  "But...but he so deserves it!" Carnage squeaked, giving the Pesti-chan his best teary Bambi eyes.
                  "That may be, but I just waxed the floor yesterday," SD Pesti #5 replied. "Smite him outside of the apartment, where only you will get the bill."

SD Pesti #4: "Ne ne, how is it that Go can stay balanced while holding something so much larger and heavier than him?"

SD Pesti #2: "He can't."

[Cue SD Pesti #5 pitching sideways as the beam sabre nearly takes off Bean Bandit's head!]

SD Pesti #5: o.O;; "Kyaaaaaaaaaaa!"

Bean: "Damn, that was close. It's a good thing my bandana is made from a Kevlar-Gundanium blend, otherwise I'd have been a goner for sure!"

"As I was saying," Havoc-chan continued, totally unfazed. "We all know that in Japanese, 'havoc' translates to 'sangai'. Therefore in a cleverly perverted pun, all Havocfics from hence forth shall be called: mangai!"

Minako: ^-^ "I'll have the cream of some mangai!"

[Cue the facevaults!]

"Okay, the rest of you I can understand," SD Pesti #2 said. he thumbed over at Chaos. "It's this guy being able to ante up that I don't get."
                  "Baka pension," Chaos replied, signing his cheque in crayon. "Not to mention the rather bountiful and generous cash contributions made towards my latest Chaosfic."
                  "Chaos, you dolt, those are bribes for you NOT to write another Chaosfic," Dark Mayhem sighed, rolling his eyes.

Haruto: "Is he always this clueless?"

Dark Mayhem: "Does a decapitated 'Wu' miss the urinal when he pees?"

[Meanwhile, in the bathroom....]

Deso-head: "No, to the left! The left! Argh! You're getting it all over the towels!"

Headless Deso-body: "......"

Fairy Godbabbit: "This is why sitting down on the toilet seats is safer. And you had better wash those hands when you're done!'

[Back to the fic!]

SD Pesti #5 groaned as he felt how light and dreadfully empty his own wallet was. "Great. So all you guys have money to pay off all our damages. What about me?"
                  "What about you?" Dark Mayhem remarked, thumbing through his stack of Yen. "You've been in the series as long as Chaos and I; you should know better by now. Why didn't you set up some sort of second source of income, or a nest egg to pay off our bills?"
                  "So long as that nest egg doesn't hatch into a Phoenix chick that'll sit on my head," Chaos interjected.
                  He was smacked upside the back of the head by Riot and Demolition.
                  "Been there, done that," the Deso-head said as it was hauled off by Bean Bandit yet again. "Got the clawmarks on my forehead to prove it. I'd, uh, point to them, but I don't know where my body's wandered off to."

[Somewhere in Tokyo....]

Announcer: "And the winner of the Karate Tournament is the mysterious new entrant: the headless avatar!"

Headless Deso-body: v^^v

Fairy Godbabbit: "See, I told you that kneeing Grappler Baki in the groin would gain you victory. After all, he was at a loss for kicking you since you had no head to kick."

"Kamui, don't worry," Makoto tried to console the distraught chibi-fanboys. "I can help you pay off this...somehow."
                  "No!" all the SD Pesti-chan's chorused.
                  SD Pesti #2 shook his head. "It's one of those male pride things, Makoto. Besides, we already owe you for the police bail, and you're going to be working at Planet Hentai to pay off that as it is."
                  "Hai hai," SD Pesti #6 nodded in agreement. "We'll take care of this debt from our end. Now, which creditors do I need to smite for this to go away?"
                  SD Pesti #5 sighed and massaged the temples of his forehead. "Let's try finding a more constructive solution, Roku."
                  "You could work for me," Chaos offered. "I could use you chibi-versions for my latest Chaosfic: Charlie and the Chocolate Misu Factory. You could play the part of the Oompa Loompas!"

Haruto: o.O;; "OH MY GOD!!"

Needless to say, the Pesti-chans rejected the offer and promptly clobbered Chaos for even conceiving such an idea. However, when they tried to create a list of options, they found that there was little else in the way of gainful employment. The pay from most part-time jobs would only amount to very little.
                  "At best, it would still take us another season of fics at least before we'd be back in the black," SD Pesti #2 sighed, shaking his head.
                  With everything (save for the contents of Pesti-chan's bedroom) having been returned to the apartment, the six of them were busy on the living room couch trying to come up with a plan. A cab had been called for Makoto, and after she left the other fanboys had gone off to bed.
                  "Face it: we're getting nowhere," SD Pesti #5 lamented. "We'll be working in those Gundanium mines by morning if we can't pay it off. This debt is going to bury us for the rest of the series and we'll never be able to treat Makoto to anything ever again."
                  "Mako-chan...." SD Pesti #1 sniffled forlornly.
                  SD Pesti #4 crossed his arms over his chest. "I still think my 'create your own Clow Card' idea could have worked. I'm sure a Dark Schneider card would be worth some money to Sakura."
                  He was immediately thwapped upside the head by SD Pesti #6. "Just so long as it's anything other than going with Ruckus' recommendation to sell two or three of us to Fred Lau in exchange for cash."
                  "We need to look at our options and lack thereof," SD Pesti #2 stated. "We can't float this bill by ourselves. That means we need to find a friend or acquaintance who can pay off the city, and will let us work off the debt over a longer period of time."
                  SD Pesti #5 shook his head. "So just where are we going to find someone we know who has a more money than they know what to do with, is as easy-going as they get, and will be able to help us find a high-paying part-time job?"
                  Just then SD Pesti #3 was heard to cheer, "Wai! This Ecchi Sketch of Havoc's is so cool! You draw a girl on the screen, shake it and her clothes disappear!"

SD Pesti's: o.O

SD Pesti #5: "M-Masaka...."

SD Pesti #6: "You can't be seriously thinking about going to him, Go."

SD Pesti #2: "Okay, who else fits those qualifications?"

SD Pesti #4: [venturing a guess] "That man, Yang Wen-Li?"

Other SD Pesti's: "BAKA!"

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