Polaris is back again.
The Fanboys are at the front lines.
And Havoc's all over the Jello....



             [Cue the fanboys!]

Chaos: o.O "So...Greenbeans is going to be gentle with me after that whole The Authors Must Be Crazy 3 incident, ne? Ne?"

Pesti: [shrug!] "I don't think she'll be feeling that gracious after the whole menage-a-Senshi you pulled in her body, Chaos."

Chaos: "But our author will defend me! Ne?"

Dark Mayhem: "Since when has our author ever felt gracious?"

Chaos: --;; "I hate him."

Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha! Why be so depressed when you can cure all your troubles with--!"

Carnage: [grappling onto Havoc's collar] "You say 'Jello' and I swear I'll come at you with every last Gundam in my hangar."

Havoc: ^-^ "Cream Lemon?"

             [Carnage unceremoniously drops Havoc on the floor.]

Carnage: "Can't argue with him there."

Dark Mayhem: "Um, Havoc, what's with all the wooden spanking spoons?"

Havoc: ^-^ "My Benkyo Brigade just came back from a visit to our Lady of the Holy Spankings!"

             [Cue the facevaults!]

Chaos: "You just...had to show him how to find our webpage's guestbook, didn't you Carnage?"

Carnage: [na ni?] "Me? I thought you showed him."

Chaos: o.O

Pesti: "Hm? Hoboy. Look alive, guys; it's another fanficfic!"

Dark Mayhem: "Yare yare, we've certainly been putting them off, haven't we?"

Carnage: [sulking] "Wanna bet *I* don't show up in them like usual?"

Chaos: ^-^ "Sugoi! Our fans have come calling again!"

Dark Mayhem: "Another day, another senseless story of our abuse."

Havoc: [bounding across the Email!] "Spank me, fan-maidens! I've been a bad little hentai today!"

Pesti: [sweatdrop!] "He's a bad little hentai *every* day."

Dark Mayhem: "Methinks that our trio of roving hentai hunters have little backlog to take care of then."

Carnage: [chasing after Havoc with the Zanba sword!] "It won't be in the name of the moon, but it's definitely going to hurt, you freak!!!"

Chaos: o.O "No, Carnage! Hit the pervert, not the fanboy! Hit the pervert, not the--!!"

             *WHAM!!!*

Chaos: "ITAAIIIII!!!! "That hurt!"

Dark Mayhem: [eye roll] "Ooookaaay...that intro bit was particularly pointless. So whose fanficfic are we up for today?"

Chaos: [sigh!] "No doubt someone who wants to praise me for that glorious Chaosfic of mine: 'Monkey Magic Knights Rayearth!'"

Carnage: [twitch!] "Monkey...what?"

Dark Mayhem: "Perhaps you should hit him again, Carnage."

Carnage: "I doubt it would help his stupidity."

Pesti: [consulting the fanficfic] "Um...nope. It's a Polarisfic we're checking out today."

Chaos: o.O [panicky SD mode!] "NA NI?!"

Pesti: "Remember how a long long time ago, we ended part 1 of her last fanficfic with an eyecatch? It's baaaaaaack. "

Carnage: "The dream is over, Chaos. Live with it. "

Chaos: "NEVER!!! I shall never bow down to Sailor Star Polaris and call her the Queen!! "

             [Cue the oversized Gentle Uterus!]

Chaos: [twitch twitch!] "J-Jo'o-samaaaaa...."

Carnage: [eye roll!] "You are such an idiot."

Dark Mayhem: "Hai hai. We should just begin part 2 of Polarisfic 3."

Havoc: "With twice the hentai for only half the panties! And for today only, it's all Rule 3 and absolutely free!!"

Fanboys: "Now is not the time to be advertizing for 'I Can't Believe It's Not Hentai Spray' Havoc!!!"

             Pesti stretched as he walked from the kitchen (after grabbing a cereal bar) into the living room.

Pesti: [sweatdrop!] "Cereal bars? We have cereal bars in our kitchen?"

Rampage: ^-^ "BUUUURP!!! CHU CHU!"

Dark Mayhem: "We had cereal bars, Pesti-chan."

Carnage: [sipping his tea] "We've got nothing but Hard Lemonade and Jello in our fridge anyways. And this strange but tasty little concoction."

Havoc: [checking the fridge] "Na ni? I had a fresh cup of cold Ecchichino in here this morning. Where'd it go?"

Carnage: o.O

It had taken a long time for him to get to sleep because he was worrying about Vega. Not that she was in trouble, but if she was trying to get into bed with him... He shuddered at the thought.

Chaos: [sinking down] "You're not the only one, Pesti-chan."

Pesti: "No, not me. The other Pesti-chan."

Chaos: --;; "Pesti, there's six of you now. Which one of you is it?!"

             [Cue Herself the Elf fluttering in!]

Herself: "Tasuketeeeeeee!"

Hysteria: [chasing after the fairy] "Waaaaah! Come back here, Keebler-chan! Hysteria hasn't finished making you look oh so kawaii in Hysteria's kawaii little doll dresses!"

Pesti: o.O [recoiling into six SD versions] "KYAAAAA!!"

Dark Mayhem: [now covered in Pesti-chans] "That's it. I'm switching seats."

Carnage: [lowering his Zanba sword directly in front of Hysteria's racing path] "There's a vacant couch over there, Mayhem."

             [Hysteria runs facefirst into the sword!]

Carnage: [feigning innocence] "Oh, gomen. I didn't see you there."

Hysteria: @.@ "Itaaaaiii-chan!"

"I wonder where the other guys are..." There had been no sign of them. Although he thought he had heard the shower running.

Havoc: [perking up] "Pu-chan?"

SD Pesti #3: [hentai grin] "With any luck, it'll be another Shower Rant with Beans!"

Other SD Pesti-chans: [clobbering #3] "SHADDUP!!"

Dark Mayhem: "Excuse me, would you...GET YOUR ASSES OFFA ME BEFORE I KICK THEM ACROSS THE JYUBAN DISTRICT?!?!"

"Maybe Mayhem is getting a shower.

Dark Mayhem: [ew] "At this rate, I'm gonna need one. SD Pesti-chan 3 just Cream Lemoned all over me."

Chaos: "So why the cellular phone?"

Dark Mayhem: "You think I'm going to sit in my jacuzzi and *not* make sure Ami-chan's there?"

Chaos: --;; "Please deactivate the smoke detectors beforehand this time, okay?"

I'm sure Chaos had trouble sleeping too, with Polaris around.

Chaos: "See? See? Bad enough she's after me when I'm awake, and now my dreams are invaded too! Curse you Sailor Sta--!"

             [Carnage whacks Chaos with the Zanba sword.]

Carnage: "Do you mind? I'm trying to enjoy a fanficfic, and this Ecchichino."

Havoc: "Would you like it with the lemon twist?"

SD Pesti #3: ^-^ "Hai!"

Carnage: [grrrr!] "He was asking me, not you! Certainly, Havoc."

The last thing he needs is a ChibiUsa doll in the face.

Anarchy: "Now *that* sounds like a damned good idea!"

Chaos: "I have a bad feeling where the next line is headed."

      [Cue the smite of the 100 falling Chibiusa plushie dolls!]

Chaos: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Incoming Yamheads!!!"

Sarcasm: [eyebrow twitch!] "Okay, that managed to get me out of fairy mode in under two seconds."

Then again, it would get him out of my hair..."
      A light groan took him from his thoughts.


Chaos: [groan!] "Stupid author...ask him to stop the Yamhead."

Pesti: "But we already nuked her in MSTfic 2. What more do you want?"

Dark Mayhem: "The chance to forget we ever did that?"

Carnage: "That chance to do it all over again, but with the Galaxy Gun this time?"

Havoc: ^-^ "Panties!"

Fanboys: "......"

Dark Mayhem: "And the winner for 'Total Lack of Continuity' goes to...."

Vega was lying down, yet suspended at eye level! Pesti's cereal bar fell from his mouth as he watched Vega sleep.

Sarcasm: "What the? What kind of a fanficfic is this?! Where are the cute Anime guys?"

Dark Mayhem: "Sorry, Sarcasm; this just features fangirls."

Sarcasm: [irate] "Then what the hell am I doing here?! I'm leaving this party, and I'm taking my harem of Anime studs with me. Come, Zel."

Zelgadis: "Hai!"

Chaos: [eyebrow twitch!] "I can't believe that our author lets the female avatars in this series get away with everything."

Pesti: "I still say it has something to do with his leather-clad S&M dominatrix Senshi fetish."

Dark Mayhem: [opening up his daily planner] "That reminds me; Red Queen Ami-chan's got another whip performance at the Planet Hentai along with Tira and Chocolate Misu. Chaos, do remember to show up on time; the girls really get cranky if their victims are late."

Chaos: ^-^ "Hai! The dominatrixes will be angry if I'm--WHAT?! When did I ever sign up for that?"

Carnage: "Remember when Anarchy had that subscription to the Avatars Anonymous fanzine, and no one else would sign up for it but you?"

Chaos: [sulking] "They haven't even sent me my first issue and complimentary breakfast cereal yet."

Pesti: "Baka. Chaos, that *wasn't* a subscription to you signed up for!"

Chaos: o.O "A-Ano.... "

There was a strange object set up in the middle of the room. It was about the size of a double bed and stood about four feet off the ground. There were four metallic poles holding it up and there wasn't any sign of what Vega was sleeping on. It was as if she was sleeping on air.

Havoc: "And without any panties on."

Carnage: [eyeball roll!] "Now there's a surprise I didn't see coming."

Havoc: "Wrong spelling of that last word, Carnage. It should be--"

Carnage: "WAS I ASKING YOU?!"

Havoc: [indignant sniff] "That's no way to talk to the 5-time winner of Planet Hentai's Spelling Bra contest."

Carnage: [eyebrow twitch!] "Pesti...tea...NOW."

And as the contract said, in the background 'Morning Light Type C' aka 'A-ko wakeie music' was playing.

Dark Mayhem: "Ah, the true mark of the Otaku: the psychotic urge to not only watch more Anime but listen to more Anime soundtracks."

Pesti: "Read more manga."

Carnage: "Buy more model kits."

Chaos: "Write more fanfics!"

Dark Mayhem, Carnage & Pesti: "Don't you dare!"

Havoc: ^-^ "Panties!"

Pesti: --;; "Same fanfic, different timezones."

Carnage: "Too bad he couldn't permanently get lost in one of those timezones."

Dark Mayhem: "No, that's Desolation."

Chaos: "Where is he anyways?"

Pesti: "You're asking me?"

      "It's one of Polaris' inventions." Pesti turned to see Mayhem standing by the couch. "I watched her set it up since I couldn't go to sleep.

Dark Mayhem: [evil grin] "Ami-chan wouldn't let me. Her and that tickle whip she has."

Chaos: "Hush, uber exploder Newt-boy!"

Havoc: "Was that the model T69-A tickle whip? Or the T69-B model?"

Chaos: "You too, Havoc!"

This evil stuff has me worried. Anyway, it's an anti-gravity bed. Vega is sleeping on the air that is suspended between the poles and it doubles as a short distance flying machine. Polaris didn't like that pink jalopy that B-ko uses."

Carnage: [crossing his arms over his chest] "Damn straight. My Deathscythe Hell would kick that jalopy's ass anyday."

Pesti: "Carnage, your Hell Custom's big enough to step on that jalopy and not notice."

Chaos: "*WHOSE* Deatscythe Hell, mecha-freak?"

      [Cue the Deathscythe Hell Gundam stomping on Chaos!]

Carnage: "Yes, Chaos. *WHOSE* Deathscythe Hell is it?"

      "Oh, ooookayyy. I think I'm going to get a shower now."
"Can't. Polaris is using it. That's where I was when I heard you get up."
      Pesti went bug-eyed. "You...you took a shower with Polaris!"


Chaos: "Uh-oh."

      [Cue Red Queen Ami-chan!]

Red Queen Ami: [with whip...but not the tickle kind] "Carrot...!!!"

Dark Mayhem: --;; "Pesti-chan, your ass is Megadethed when I get out of this."

      Mayhem smacked him on the head. "Of course not!

Dark Mayhem: "See? You're the only babe I want to see with a chain around your neck so I can undo it with my tongue, Ami-chan!"

Red Queen Ami: "......"

Chaos, Havoc, and I are watching her."

Fanboys: o.O

Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha!"

Red Queen Ami: "WHAT?!"

Dark Mayhem: "Um...oh shit."

Pesti: --;; "Sukebe."

Chaos: "I AM NOT A PERVERT!!"

      [Cue Red Queen Haruka & Dominatrix Michiru]

Red Queen Haruka: "Duo, what did we tell you about not breaking Hotaru-chan's heart?"

Dominatrix Michiru: "A punishment is in order, ne, love?"

Chaos: [argh!] "Curse you, Polaris! Curse you!!"

Pesti: "Yare yare. At least I get excluded from this."

Pesti returned to normal. "Oh, can I watch?"

Pesti: o.O "A-Ano...."

      [Cue Red Queen Mako-chan!]

Red Queen Mako-chan: "KAMUI...!!!"

Carnage: [with popcorn] "You know, under other circumstances I would complain about once more being left out of this fanficfic. Then again...."

Anarchy: ^-^ [grabbing the bag of popcorn!] "Long live wanton smiting!"

Carnage: [teary Bambi eyes] "I...I was saving that, An-chan!"

      "Sure." They walked into the bathroom. Havoc and Chaos were eating popcorn and watching the glazed shower door intently. "Hey guys."

Chaos: "What the?! She's indulging in a self-gratuitous scene in our fanfic!! The nerve of her!"

Dark Mayhem: "This coming from the guy who's been copping feels off Makoto's breasts ever since our *first* fanfic."

Chaos: "Hush, Mister I-Turned-Ami-Into-A-Sex-Kitten Newt-boy!"

Red Queen Ami: [cracking her whip!] "And that Newt-boy's going to call only *me* the Queen!!"

      "Shhh!" said Havoc quietly. "Gratuitous bathing scene." He then returned to bonding with Polaris' discarded nightie. Pesti shrugged and sat beside Chaos.

Havoc: ^-^ "Now this is my kinda fanficfic! Glorious silken treasures!"

Chaos, Dark Mayhem & Pesti: [frantically trying to escape!] "SHADDUP HAVOC!!!"

Red Queen Ami: [chasing after Mayhem] "Carrot-chan, how dare you look at other girls when you've got my sexy, nekkid body to look at?"

Dark Mayhem: [bowing down] "Okay! Okay! This time I'll wear the chain and you can undo it with your tongue!!"

Red Queen Haruka: "Duo, shin'ne!!"

Dominatrix Michiru: "It's time for the whip, Duo!"

Chaos: [panicky SD mode!] "KYAAAAA!! JO'O-SAMAAAAA!!!"

Red Queen Mako-chan: [with Supreme Thunder whip!] "Kamui no ecchi!"

Horde of SD Pesti-chans: [must go faster!] "WE ARE NOT PERVERTS!!"

SD Pesti #3: "Speak for yourselves."

SD Pesti-chans: "SHADDUP!!"

      "Why hasn't she noticed that we're here?"
      "She's been singing all the opening themes to Ranma 1/2. She's quite loud. That and the instrumental version of 'In Your Eyes' is playing."
      Pesti listened carefully.
      "Zettai! Zettai! Nani wa nakute mo. Zettai! Zettai! o-teage nashi yo. Kono yo de hitori no kimi da mono!!!" belted Polaris over the splashing water.


Anarchy: "Aw, that's not how you sing Karaoke. *This* is karaoke!"

      [Cue the pan-dimensional karaoke machine!]

Anarchy: "Tasuki-baby, crank up the volume! Semenai de kesanai de makenai de dare datte motteru hazu yuzurenai mono!"

Hysteria: [popping up!] "Ooooh! Kawaii little Outlaw Star-chan! Ai dake yume dake kimi dake sore dake ha hanasanai donna toki demo!"

Anarchy: [swatting Hysteria] "Never interrupt my drunken karaoke binges."

Hysteria: ^-^ [through the ceiling] "Hai, Anarchy-momma!"

      "See?" The group continued to watch as Polaris began to lather up with the soap.

Red Queens Haruka, Ami, Mako-chan & Dominatrix Michiru: "Say it! Say it!"

Chaos, Dark Mayhem & Pesti: [all tied up!] "Damn your self-gratuitous moment, Polaris!!"

      [Cue Red Queen Hotaru!]

Chaos: o.O "Yo."

Red Queen Hotaru: [with Silence whip!] "Call us the Queens, fanboys!"

Fanboys: "JO'O-SAMAAAAA!!!"

Carnage: ^^ "Now this is my idea of entertainment."

Fanboys: [evil oversized demonic head mode!] "Shaddup, Carnage!"

      "That's one lucky bar." whispered Chaos. She moved lower. Their eyes widened. "Very lucky!"
      "Hey, doesn't the song that is playing get like...violent or something after a bit?" asked Pesti.


Carnage: [looking down at the fanboys] "I'd say it's gotten quite violent already."

Anarchy: "Ha ha! To hell with the censors! More violence! More rampant smiting! More Sake!"

Havoc: ^-^ "More nekkid flashes for Hentenno!"

Anarchy: [???] "Who's the avatar incarnate here, Doji Boy, you or me?"

Havoc: ^-^ "Panties panties panties!"

Anarchy: [sweatdrop!] "Fear is wasted on the perverted."

Suddenly the door opened and there stood Vega.

Hysteria: ^-^ "Ooooh! Vega-chan! Vega-chan!"

Havoc: "There stands Vega...but here stands her panties! Hotcha!"

Chaos: [getting whipped by Red Queen Hotaru] "Ano...a little help here,
please!"

      [Havoc tosses him some Jello.]

Chaos: [grrrr!] "That's not what I meant!!"

She wasn't shocked one bit. She walked over to the shower, reached in, and turned it off. Chaos smacked Pesti on the back of the head.
      "Baka! Everyone knows when you say something like that something bad happens."

Chaos: [still tied up] "And just how could it possibly get any worse than this?!"

Desolation: "Hey guys! Did I make it on time today?"

Fanboys: o.O

Dark Mayhem & Pesti: --;; "Way to go, Chaos."

      [Cue the Super-Dimensional Fortress Macross suddenly dropping through the ceiling and smiting the entire apartment!]

Desolation: [sweatdrop!] "Oh no...not again."

      *CRUNCH!!!*

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