She charged as Pluto and Neptune made the scene. Vega was unprepared and was knocked back slightly. Uranus' face contorted from surprise to shock to pain. "Owie!!" she yelped. Neptune ran up and looked at her lover's hurt hand.
      "You demon!" she screamed. "I'll make you pay for hurting my koibito!"

Dominatrix Michiru: "Haruka, daijobu?"

Red Queen Haruka: [feigning hurt] "They ganged up on me...I ran away crying."

Dominatrix Michiru: "Here, let me kiss it better."

Red Queen Haruka: "Mmmm. They also hurt me here."

Dominatrix Michiru: [chuckling] "Ara, that's a rather sensitive spot. Ne?"

Red Queen Haruka: [squirming] "Your hands are so soft...."

Chaos: --;; "Moshi moshi? Anytime you want to get back to the fanficfic is fine by us, Michiru. Michiru?"

Dark Mayhem: "She and Haruka already left for my jacuzzi."

Chaos: [blink blink!] "Ano ne...."

      She took a step back. "Deep Submerge!" The wave hit Vega full force, knocking her against a wall. A huge crater was left from where she hit.
      "Vega!!" Polaris ran to her friend's side. "Are you all right?" Vega's uniform was torn and bloody.

Carnage: o.O "Bloody hell!"

Dark Mayhem: "Bloody well right!"

Chaos: "And a bloody good time was had by all!"

Pesti: [groan!] "Are you guys finished?"

Fanboys: "No."

Chaos: "Now let's play...Bloody Roar!"

      "Yeah, I guess. Give me a minute. I didn't know Neptune could be so brutal. That what love does I guess." Polaris' head snapped around as the three remaining Senshi approached.

Chaos: [heh heh] "So now you see, Polaris; Senshi will always triumph, because our series' avatars are cursed."

Dark Mayhem: "Then how do you explain the shower scene?"

Chaos: [pondering] "Ano...ano.... "

      [Nakago suddenly stumbles out from Hysteria's room-all dressed up in a cute dress and kawaii frilly bowties.]

Nakago: o.O "K...K...Kawaii...!!!"

Carnage: "Those hairbows are a new look for you, Nakago. Sake?"

Nakago: "H-Hai. Lots of it."

      "You'll pay for this!" She lifted her arm and aimed at the group.
      "Akagiyama Missals!" Uranus pulled out her sword as the missals shot forward.
      "Space Sword Blaster!!" The yellow streak disintegrated the missals and hit Polaris at full force. She screamed as she was blown back to land next to Vega. Her helmet was cracked and her outfit was dirty and ripped.

Pesti: [with popcorn] "This is getting rather violent."

Dark Mayhem: "It's too bloody late to put a bloody parental warning on it with all that bloody fighting."

Pesti: [oversized demonic head mode] "Enough with the bloody word already!!!"

Carnage: [sigh!] "It's too late to put a parental warning on this series, period. You saw what happened in H2Omake, the Christmasfic and the Valentinefic. "

Havoc: [ahem!] "That's 'Valententaclefic' Carnage."


      "We've got to help them!" said Mayhem as he stood up.

Chaos: [hmph!] "No we don't."

Pesti: "Aw, is poor Chaos-chan still upset over that Gentle Uterus thing?"

Chaos: [smacking Pesti-chan with a herring] "Hush, you!"

"Isn't there something we can do?"
      "Well we have to now since you just gave us away." mumbled Pesti.
      Mayhem bugged.       "Oops."

Dark Mayhem: "Hey! That's Chaos' job to screw things up!"

Chaos: ^-^ "Hai! It's my job to--HEY!!"

      "Oops is right!" chirped Saturn as she jumped off Chaos and joined the others. "It was fun Chaos-chan."
      "K...k...kowai." he stammered.
      "Mayhem..." whispered Vega. The fanboy walked over and bent down over her.
      "Yeah?" Suddenly Vega wrapped her arms around his next and kissed him.

Fanboys: o.O "......"

Dark Mayhem: o.O "What the hell is this?! Is she trying to get me killed

Red Queen Ami-chan: [grrrr!] "CARROT...!!!"

Dark Mayhem: "Ami-chan, listen! This is just like that Arshes Nei incident; it's nothing to get upset about!"

Pesti: "See what happens when you overdo a bloody running joke, Mayhem? (o.O) Shimatta! Now you've got me doing it!"

      She let go and whispered an apology. "Crap. You're a virgin, aren't you?" She smiled and nodded. "Double crap." In a flash of magnificence the mighty Dark Schneider appeared before the masses.

Dark Mayhem: "Ha ha! I am vindicated! And what's more, as always I make a fuckin' cool entrance! Ne, Ami-chan...could you please unchain me now?"

Red Queen Ami: [naughty wink!] "Oh, but I'm having too much fun, Carrot-chan."

      "Ah, free again! So, where's my kawaii little Ami-chan?" He looked around but didn't see his kawaii little Ami-chan. "So...where is she?"
      Vega weakly got up and approached him.
      "I was the one who set you free. I'm Lady Obsession. We need your help." His eyebrow lifted slightly.
      "You? are cute in your own way. Fine, I'll help. Who do I have to kill?"

Chaos: [grrr!] "Them! No mercy for Sailor Star Pol--!!"

      [Cue the Gentle Uterus!]

Chaos: o.O "TASUKETEEEE!!!"

Hysteria: [shaking her head] "Poor kawaii little Chaos-momma. That kawaii oversized uterus-chan ruined his kawaii little dress-chan."

      "Them." Vega pointed at where the Senshi were standing only to find an empty space.

Carnage: "So they were looking into Chaos' mind?"

Chaos: [blink blink!] "Na ni?"

      "What the hell?"
      "That's my line." D.S. corrected. "What the hell?"
      "I guess they split and left their stuff." said Chaos as he finished getting out of the ropes. "You can, however, kick my friends' lowly asses for tying me up."

Carnage: "Aw, but what are friends for, Chaos?"

Chaos: [teary Bambi eyes] "Really? You mean you like my rose-patterned skirt after all?"


Rampage: ^-^ "CHU CHU!"

Chaos: o.O "KYAAAA!!! I didn't mean whether you liked it as a snack, Rampage! Heel! Heel! NOT MY HEEL!!!"

      "Not a chance. Come 'ere baby!" He swept her up into a kiss. In another flash of light Mayhem was left holding a surprised Vega.
      "Aaaahhh!" He promptly dropped said surprised Vega.
      "Love you too, jerk." she said as she got up. "Could you have dropped me any harder?"

Dark Mayhem: "At least I didn't drop you as hard as Polaris drops her Gentle Uteruses."

Pesti: "Is the plural for that uteruses or uteri?"

Dark Mayhem: [shrug!] "Damned if I know."

      "Actually...." Polaris suddenly ran up to them and pointed at the computer screen.

Chaos: [staring at the computer screen] "Ne, who's this General Failure and what's he doing reading my hard disk?"

      "Hey! You're filling this up with useless chit chat.

Dark Mayhem: "No, that's our job."

Get to the conclusion so I can get my paycheck!"

Carnage: "Paid? They got paid?"

Pesti: "Well we would have too had we not blown last week's earnings on drycleaning bills."

Dark Mayhem: "I hear they've refused to do our laundry now since that last Cream Lemon tsunami melted all our wardrobes together in a sticky ball of whipped cream."

Chaos: o.O "My negligee!!!"

      "Oh, right. Sorry." blushed the author. "Woah, wait! Now I'm talking back to the screen. I have to get a therapist now." The author got up and left to find some mental help. Back to the story...

Nakago: [half-drunk but working on it] "*hic* It was many pink fluffy pillows...kawaii dresses...I think I've been *hic* scarred for life now...hold me!"

      [Nakago glomps onto Tasuki.]

Tasuki: [recoiling] "Hey, get the hell offa me, blondie!!"

Anarchy: [patting Nakago's shoulder] "Daijobu, Nakago. We're here for you."

Nakago: [teary Bambi eyes] "*sniff!* Really?"

Anarchy: [blink blink!] "You thought I was serious? HA HA!! Now that's funny! BWAH HAH HA HAH HA HA HA!!!"

Nakago: [sniffle!] "I can't take this abuse anymore. I'm going home to Soi-chan."
      "Look it, there's a note on Neptune's mirror." said Pesti as he picked it up. "Dear fangirls. Sorry we had to leave before the big finish, but we had a photo shoot to do. Maybe we'll fight again later and get some coffee afterward. Sincerely, The Outers.
PS, I am still going to hurt you for hurting my koibito."

Pesti: "Ah...cheerful."

Hysteria: ^-^ [tee hee!] "Ooooh! We can all have one big kawaii little tea party-chan followed by a kawaii little vicious battle-chan! And Hysteria will provide the kawaii little fuku-chans!"

Carnage: "Ne, Chaos, since you're Sailor Dragqueen, maybe you should show up for this."


Dark Mayhem: "Quoth the fanboy in pantyhose."

      "Aw, how nice. They want to go for coffee after our next fight. I guess they might like us a bit." said Vega.

Havoc: [popping up] "Hotcha! Happochinoes for everyone at the Planet Hentai! And for that fight, we can do it together in the Jello wrestling pit!"

Pesti: [massaging his temples] "I'm not even going to ask just what he meant by 'we can do it'."

      "Hey! What about us?" protested the guys.
      "Did you all help us earlier? No."
      "I did." said Mayhem.
      "Not by your own free will might I add."

Chaos: "I didn't even volunteer to read this fanficfic!"

Dark Mayhem: "And once again contractual obligations managed to screw us all."

Carnage & Pesti: [lament!] "Hai hai."

      "Anyway, I think it would be a good idea if we left now."
      "So soon?" asked Pesti as Chaos pulled out another party hat and celebrated.

Chaos: [happy li'l fanboy] "Yes! The fanficfic's over!"

Havoc-chan: "But for the Hentenno, it has only just begun. Michiru-baby, the Dead Moon Circus is threatening Tokyo! We must form the lesbian sex pretzel to save the world!"

Carnage: [pulling out a particle gun] "Try sex pretzelling this, you freak!!!"

Havoc-chan: ^-^ "Oro?"


      "Yeah, Vega has band practice and I have college. Gomen."
      "No prob. See you next time!" smiled Chaos.
      "Uh, yeah. Bye." said Vega. "Uh, Pol? How do we get home?"

Dark Mayhem: [beneath an umbrella] "Follow the Yellow Brick road?"

Chaos: [covered in whipped cream] "No, that's if you want to see the wonderful Uber Exploder Wizard of OZ."

Carnage: --;; "Moron."

Pesti: "At least he didn't cause a whipped cream tsunami inside the apartment, Carnage."

Carnage: "It was supposed to blow a hole through him, not detonate him!"

      "Easy, we break a rule." She pressed a button on her armband. "Come to me, my Blue God of Death!"

Havoc: "It's Mido Miko!"

Chaos & Pesti: "The La Blue Girl is *NOT* a goddess, Havoc!!!"

The ground began to shake, and a huge mecha suddenly burst forth in front of the fanboys. "Meet the Max-5000 revised. I fixed B-ko's flaws and now present it to you."

Fanboys: [gawking] "Sugoi!"

Carnage: [hmph!] "I fail to see what's so impressive about that useless piece of tin foil."

      The Max-5000 lifted it's arms and turned slowly. Several spotlights appeared on it and one on Polaris, who was now wearing a pretty little lavender powersuit and holding a microphone.

Hysteria: ^-^ [holding up Polaris' uniform] "'Was' wearing a kawaii little lavender powersuit, ne? Ne? Ne?"

      [Cue the oversized Gentle Uterus!]

Hysteria: ^-^ "Oro?"


"The Max-5000 has the Max Arm Crushers which are made of micminium, a B-ko invention." The machine began to show off itsskills as Polaris announced each one. The fanboys sat down and stared in awe at the display.

Carnage: [sticking out his tongue] "Ha! My ultimate mecha can kick Max-5K anyday. Check out the newest model on mobile suit Mass Destruction: the Escafanboy Mk. III!!!"

      [Cue Escafanboy!]

Pesti: [sweatdrop!] "Yo."

Dark Mayhem: "Impressive."

Havoc: "What? No literal 'cockpit' and codpiece for it?"

Chaos: "This is not Brain Powerd, you idiot!!"

Rei: [grabbing hold of Carnage's arm] "Oh, Akito, you're such a sexy mechanic!"

Miyu: [grrr!] "Get your hands off *my* sexy mechanic, Rei."

      "There are the Max Bomber Saws. They can be launched or dropped on an opponent with deadly accuracy. Next there is the Max Beam; two laser arrays that heat up to 1000 degrees centigrade."
      "Ooooh, aaaaaah." said the guys as Polaris continued. Vega passed out some popcorn and reading material to them.

Carnage: [hmph!] "You wish they were all awed at something as amateur as the Max 5000. Behold the newest technological feat in the world of Mass Destruction: Escafanboy!"

      [Carnage begins to walk around the new mecha model.]

Carnage: "We've got here shoulder blade rocket launchers, each one unleashing 8-tube Buster missile pods. The chest plates open up to for the Gravity Blast generator. There is the Epyon Gundam's scorpion's tail with can extend or retract to unleash the dual SDF-3 Reflex canons, with a 360 degree tracking and firing range. Mounted onto the back is the mega-destructive energy cannon of the Gundam X mecha. HA HA! No direction is safe from my Escafanboy!!"

Dark Mayhem: "Now there is a fanboy who enjoys his job far too much."

Chaos & Pesti: [nod!] "Hai hai."

Hysteria: "Ooooh! And the kawaii little Buster Beam eyeball-chans are sooo kawaii too, ne? Ne? Ne?"

      [Carnage facevaults!]

Carnage: "Excuse me here, Hysteria, but I'm trying to promote weapon of kick-ass high collateral damage Mass Destruction, which has nothing to do with cute things, SO SHADDUP!!!"

      "Finally there is the Multiple Max Facility. This is a projection system that can display exact copies of itself to confuse any opponent. These are the basic elements of the Max-5000. There are, however, many extras that you can purchase with this model." The lights changed from color to color and swirled around quickly for a disco effect.

Carnage: "Now, what, you might ask, could make this any more a Weapon of Mass Destruction?"

Chaos: [putting up his hand] "Actually, I just want to ask if anyone else might know what that gibberish sound coming Sarcasm's room is?"

Carnage: [sweatdrop!] "I've got a mecha that could end the solar system on a whim, and you want to know what?!"

Dark Mayhem: [opening up Sarcasm's bedroom door] "It appears that Marron Glace's discovered a drawback to smearing Sarcasm with honey and then licking it off."

Carnage, Chaos & Pesti: [all turning their heads sideways] "Aiya."

      Dance music was played as Polaris listed off the special pluses. "These options are air conditioning, tinted windows, hardtop option, CD/tape/radio stereo system, a cellular phone, swivel fan, juice and soda bar, snack dispenser, and for those with safety concerns there are ABS brakes, driver and passenger air bags, anti-theft alarm, and more!"

Carnage: "Ha! You dare to call those optional extras, Polaris? Well check out these babies: Escafanboy Mk. III also has for your smiting pleasure the big-ass, double-bladed swords wielded by the Mass Production EVAs from End of Evangelion. You've also got at least sixteen Beam Sabres hidden in different parts of the mecha arms, legs and torso.
Mounted onto the back for longrange sniper precision is the Positron Cannon, and if you feel that you might actually need some protection, you've got straight from the Mercuius the crash shield and planetary defensor array! And then there's the stealth wings of the Deathscythe Hell Custom too."

Pesti: [eyebrow twitch] "Those are the extra features?"

Chaos: "This is Carnage we're talking about."

Carnage: [pulling out a Beam rifle] "Quit interrupting my mecha-obsessed rant!"

Chaos & Pesti: o.O [kowai!] "H-Hai!"

Carnage: [ahem!] "Now then, my newest Escafanboy model also comes with AM/FM radio, cable TV, full air conditioning, leather upholstery, retractable sunroof, IMAX screen and THX sound systems, air freshener, four different sized cup holders, optional cherry red finish, a 40 megaton-yielding self-destruct mechanism, a cute little Deathscythe Hell-chan plushie handing from the rear view mirror, and--my personal favourite--instead of the twin vulcan cannons you see mounted on both the Heavyarms Custom's arms, we've got the twin Galaxy Gun cannons. And
just a warning: the recoil packs quite a kick."

Havoc: "What about those naughty tentacles I gave you to install into the pilot's seat?"

Carnage: [cough cough!] "Third button on the left to activate."

Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha!"

Fanboys: [sweatdrop!] "......"

Page 5
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