The lights became still and the music stopped. "This is the Max-5000. From the apartment to the city, the Blue God of Death is the ultimate in destruction and turmoil. Available now for next day delivery with credit approval. Thank you." The fanboys clapped loudly and whistled. Polaris blushed and bowed before her kind audience.
      "I have to have one." said Mayhem.


Carnage: "Oh yeah? My mecha now has aritificial intelligence; I managed to download Ghost in the Shell's Puppetmaster to become the automated pilot. Check out the precision in aiming my Escafanboy Mk. III can do;
it'll take the strokes off a floating kana."

Havoc: "But can it steal panties faster than the Hentenno?"

Carnage: "We're not debating that point, Havoc!! *Ahem!* Anyhoo, the Escafanboy's targeting and firing systems are flawless. Allow me demonstrate on our human target for the day: Chaos."

Chaos: ^-^ "Hai! I get to be the--WHAT?!"

Carnage: "Escafanboy, fire upon Chaos!"

Escafanboy: [automated voice] "One moment...loading ammo...loading ammo... loading ammo...."

Carnage: o.O "Na ni?"

Dark Mayhem: "Ah, I see you installed Windows 98 on your mecha."

      "Not before me. I have to be first since I'm the youngest." argued Pesti.
      "What about your Eva thing?"
      "But this has a juice and soda bar. I want it!"


Pesti: --;; "Anything that doesn't slice apart its own umbilical power cord is better than my EVA Hell Custom."

Carnage: "Hey, I'm working on the new model for your EVA, Pesti-chan. Just give me a minute to work out the bugs on this thing first!"

Escafanboy: "...loading ammo...loading ammo...."

Dark Mayhem: "I'd say you have quite the infestation, Carnage."

Chaos: ^-^ "I like this mecha already!"

      "No way. I'm the one who goes through the most torture, so I should get one first." said Chaos.
      "Boys, boys. There are plenty for everyone, but..." Polaris gave an evil 'guess what happens next' look to Vega. "Wouldn't you like to see a demonstration of its abilities?"


Carnage: [argh!] "Not before you all witness the spectacular mobile suited glory of my Escafanboy! Work, damn you, work!"

Escafanboy: "One moment...you mean 'fire' as in 'shoot bullets.' Ne?"

Carnage: [eyebrow twitch!] "What?"

      "YEAH!!" they cried in unison. The fangirls smiled at each other.
      "Then get ready." said Vega.
      "Max-5000! Destroy the fanboys!" The machine turned toward the now SD guys and lit up to show its power.
      "KOWAI!!" they screamed before running off, a little cloud of dust settling in their wake.


Carnage: [irate SD mode!] "You're letting the Queen of Oversized Reproductive Organs upstage me! DO SOMETHING!!!"

      [Cue the oversized Gentle Uterus which falls from the sky and smites Carnage!]

Carnage: [big hole in the floor] "Not you, Polaris!!"

Pesti: [shaking his head] "Yare yare. More popcorn, guys?"

Chaos & Dark Mayhem: ^-^ "Hai!"

      "Max, don't kill them just make them feel pain." said Polaris. It nodded and headed off in search of its prey.
      "You're being rather generous with them." said Vega.
      "I guess, but they haven't done anything wrong this time. I should be lenient."


Pesti: "I don't exactly think she's been lenient with all the abuse we've taken in this fanficfic."

Dark Mayhem: "Sadism is relative, Pesti-chan."

      "Eh, makes scene. Hey, you're disappearing!" exclaimed Vega. True to her word, the two girls were fading from sight. "Cardina is taking us back. Maybe we'll come again someday."
      "Maybe." Polaris smiled, the last thing she heard was the fanboys screaming for mercy. "If they don't find a way to ban us."

      
Pesti: "Well, so much for that scene."

Dark Mayhem: "Let's take a quick Hard Lemonande break. Carnage, you coming?"

Carnage: [sigh!] "Hai...."

      [Abruptly, Escafanboy fires off a round, but since no one's close by, the bullet misses completely!]

Escafanboy: "Oooh! That was fun! Let me shoot another."

      [An irate SD Carnage immediately starts to kick the metal shin of the mecha.]

Carnage: [grrr!] "Take this! And this! And this and this and this and this and this and this!!"

Escafanboy: "Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Oooh, nice cleats."

Carnage: "Arigato."

      [Carnage resumes his punt-fest.]

      Polaris stood on her front porch and looked up at the still sky. She ran a hand through her long lavender hair. Cardina had been nice enough to allow the girls to keep not only their anime appearance, but the abilities as well.

Chaos: o.O "Masaka! Rayearth's Caldina is on this conspiracy too?! How is this possible?!"

Dark Mayhem: "This is Caldina we're talking about."

Havoc: ^-^ "Her Ganiax Bounce!"

Pesti: "The illusionist who loves money."

Havoc: ^-^ "Her Gainax Bounce!"

Carnage: "I wonder how much the fangirls had to pay her off for this fanficfic."

Havoc: ^-^ "Her Gainax Bounce!"

Fanboys: "WE GET THE IDEA, HAVOC!!!"

She had also cast a spell that made everyone think that the girls had always looked like that. This was done only because she was now a good girl and feeling generous.
      I think I'll go visit my Lord Snugglypie tonight.


Fanboys: [sweatdrop!]

Pesti: "What the?"

Chaos: "Now what kind of a sorry bastard would wind up getting a nickname like Lord Snugglypie? "

Dark Mayhem: "I don't know...but he sure as hell has my pity."

My sweetie hasn't called me in a whole day! she thought. The biosuit had many advantages, especially when it could fly you anywhere you wanted for free.

Carnage: [indignant] "Hmph! I can fly anywhere I want on Earth or in space in my Escafanboy Mk. III."

Pesti: "You mean the one you Mega Branded about three paragraphs ago?"

Carnage: [teary Bambi eyes!] "He had to be put down...there was no other way to cure the programming flaw."

Chaos: "Okaaaay, I see someone needs their decaff again today."

I wonder if Vega will want to go to an anime con this weekend? We're a shoo-in to win for the costume contest.

Havoc: "All I want to know is why no one has dressed up authentically as Kekko Kamen at these Anime conventions?"

Pesti: [ano...] "Havoc, Kekko Kamen only wears a mask, boots and a scarf. Other than that, she's completely nekkid."

Havoc: "Hmmm...you're right. There'd be nothing left for me to steal!"

      [Cue the facevaults!]

Polaris smiled. From off in the distance there was a high pitched giggle that caught her attention.

Voices: *giggle giggle!*

Pesti: [looking around] "You hear that?"

Carnage: "It's not Sarcasm, and that can't be Hysteria since Mayhem stuffed her under the couch."

Hysteria: ^-^ [from beneath the cushions] "Hai!"

Chaos: [opening up a door] "It seems to be coming from this broom closet."

      [Cue the army of "Shake Your Booty" ChibiChibi Hyper Boomers!]

ChibiChibi Hyper Boomers: [shake shake shake!] "Chibi!"

Fanboys: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

      "What in the world?" She turned to see a shadow jumping and running in her direction. "Is that..?" In a few moments Vega was standing before her with a short blonde holding onto her arm.

Pesti: [recoiling into 6 SD versions!] "Who cares about the girl?! Run away Run away!"

ChibiChibi Hyper Boomers: [shake your booty!] "Chibi!"

Chaos: [bowing down] "KYAAAA!! JO'O-SAMAAAAA!!"

Red Queen Hotaru: "Chaos-chan! You can only bow down before me and say that!"

"Uh, Vega? Is that..?" She pointed at the girl. The blond was wearing a cute pink outfit and there was a white and green flower in her hair.
      "No, but it could be. This is Cindy. She's a freshman and she won't leave me alone. So I thought..." Vega had a pleading look in her eyes. Suddenly the girl piped up.


ChibiChibi Hyper Boomers: [shake shake shake!] "Chibi!"

Chaos: o.O "Masaka! Cindy's a ChibiChibi Hyper Boomer too!"

SD Pesti #4: "That was coming from our part of the fanficfic, you moron! Mayhem, you're the uber exploder otaku; DO SOMETHING!!!"

Newt Schneider: [being carried away by Red Queen Ami into the jacuzzi]
*Do it yourself, suckers!*

SD Pesti #6: --;; "I am soooo going to kick his ass when he gets out of
there."

      "Boy I love you Vega. You're my bestest friend in the whole wide world! Maybe tomorrow we can go on a picnic and I'll make us lunches.

SD Pesti #2: [sweatdrop!] "Maybe this Cindy girl is a ChibiChibi Hyper Boomer after all."

Chaos: "That, or another Hysteria."

Hysteria: [glomping onto Carnage] "Waaaah! Hysteria can't stand the ugly little ChibChibi Hyper Boomer-chans! Carnage-poppa, save poor kawaii little Hysteria!"

Carnage: [erk!] "What the hell? Get offa me, Hysteria!"

ChibiChibi Hyper Boomers: [shake shake shake!] "Chibi!"

Carnage: [still trying to vehemently shake Hysteria off his leg] "That's it! I've had it with this fanficfic. First Escafanboy and now this. SATELLITE STRIKE!!!"

      [The entire fanficfic is bathed in a red glow.]

Desolation: [stumbling in] "That's the last time I visit Planet Tea! Stupid Lamunes IV, invading the planet with his mobile suits and destroying the place. Do I look like I care about his Giga Genos project?! Those missiles hurt when they crash into your fa...ce...KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"

      [Cue the epic, budget-blowing spectacular Mass Destruction!]

I promise not to spoil them like the last time. I couldn't believe that they made you turn all sorts of colors, but they were pretty colors.

Carnage: [sigh!] "Aren't they, though?"

Pesti: --;; [smouldering li'l fanboy] "Are you referring to the fanficfic, or the flaming remains of Tokyo?"

Hysteria: "Oooh, the kawaii little City Council-chan isn't going to like this one kawaii little bit."

Havoc: "But as luck would conveniently have it, the Planet Hentai hasn't even been scratched!"

Carnage: [eyebrow twitch!] "If you say one word about your Ecchi Field, freak...."

Chaos: [frantic SD mode while dangling off the balcony] "Um, a little help here?"

I can bring my kitty backpack and wear my bunny undies!!" She then began to giggle insanely.

Fanboys: o.O

Carnage: "Dear lord! It's another Hysteria!"

Hysteria: "But Hysteria only wears kawaii little Lucky Kitty Gym Short-chans!"

      [Cue the facevaults!]

      "Oh no! I know what you're thinking!" Polaris backed away.
      "Please?! After all, I look like A-ko, you look like B-ko, and she looks like C-ko..."
      "No way. I will not take that girl."
      "But in the movies B-ko always wants C-ko."


Carnage: [eye roll!] "Yare yare. They're fighting again."

Dark Mayhem: "And the difference between them and us is?"

Pesti: [grrr!] "*WHOSE* Mako-chan, Little Miss Dragqueen?!"

Chaos: "You're one to talk! You turn into that 60ft high rabid gerbil!"

Pesti: "That is not a gerbil!"

      "Yeah, and fighting over some weird guy. You don't see that happening and I'm not taking her!"
      "Please?!?!"
      "NO!" The scene panned up the show the serene moon, yet the voices of the girls could still be heard.
      "She won't eat much."
      "She isn't staying with me."
      "I can pack the lunches in my kawaii new bento box. It's got cute bunnies and cute froggies and cute kitties on it and..."


      [Everyone slowly turns to Hysteria.]

Hysteria: ^-^ "Oro?"

Fanboys: [sweatdrop!] "......"

      "Matte! I can't stand it!"
      "Then take her!"


Pesti: "Ecchi."

Havoc: "Only I get to take any nubile young Anime babe--and her panties too!"

Carnage: "How about taking a long walk off a small world, Havoc? MEGA BRAND!!!"

      "No way!" Just as Vega was about to throw the C-ko wanna-be at Polaris she felt a warm hand someplace it shouldn't be.
      "Na...nani?" She looked down and saw Havoc clinging to her bosom.


Fanboys: o.O

Chaos: "Carnage, you idiot, you just blew the uberperv into the fanficfic!"

Dark Mayhem: "Not that Havoc couldn't have just bounded through it anyways."

Chaos: "Hush, uber exploder Newt-boy!"

      "Hotcha!" he said with a hentaiish grin.
      "Shin'ne!"

      [insert brutal fight scene here]


Dominatrix Michiru: [with whip!] "WOH HOH HO HO OHO HO HO!!! Ara, it's your turn now, Minako!"

Red Queen Minako: "Hai! Prepare yourself, Chaos!"

Chaos: o.O [bowing down] "KYAAAAA! HIME HIME HIME HIME HIME!!!"

Red Queen Hotaru: "Don't call me princess, Chaos-chan. Call me the Queen!!"

Red Queen Haruka: [with Space Sword] "Minako?"

Red Queen Minako: [evil smile!] "VENUS SPANK-ME CHAIN!!!"

Chaos: [terrified SD mode] "JO'O-SAMA JO'O-SAMA JO'O-SAMA JO'O-SAMA JO'O-SAMA!!!!"
      
Pesti: o.O "Aiya. All the Red Queen Senshi in one single scene."

Dark Mayhem: [sly grin] "Well, most of them anyways."

Red Queen Ami-chan: [wrapping her whip around Mayhem's waist] "Come on, Carrot-chan; it's time for you to be disciplined again, you naughty fanboy."

Dark Mayhem: ^^ "Spank me!"

Pesti: [eyebrow twitch!] "A-Ano ne...."

Red Queen Mako-chan: [leaning over Pesti-chan's shoulder] "Ne, Kamui, what makes you think I've forgiven you for peeping at this Polaris girl?"

Pesti: [sweatdrop!] "Aiya."

Carnage: ^-^ "And once again, I am left unscathed. Ha ha!"

      [Cue Red Queen Miyu and Dominatrix Rei!]

Red Queen Miyu; "Ara, you called, Carnage-chan?"

Dominatrix Rei: [tugging at her whip] "You didn't think we'd forgotten about our cute mecha otaku, did you?"

Carnage: o.O

      The End.
Really, it's the end. You can leave now.
Are you still here? Go home damn it!


Fanboys: [all tied up] "We're trying to! TASUKETE!!!"

Red Queen Senshi: "WHO HO HOH HOH HOH HO HO OHO HO!!"

      Oh, you are home. Then turn your computer off and go outside. There is life after fangirls, so hit the bricks!

Havoc: "Ah, lying on a floating bra in the middle of a cream lemon swimming pool, sipping Miwohochinoes...this is the life!"

Havoc-chan: [bounding across the deck] "Hotcha! I've got Pu-chan's panties! I've got Pu-chan's panties!"

Setsuna: [eyebrow twitch!] "I've tried to be nice, Havoc."

      [Setsuna pulls off her outfit to reveal...!!!]

Red Queen Setsuna: "You're going down, you pervert!!"

      Ps, the whole Polaris playing showgirl was my idea, but the stuff listed in it is taken from the Project A-ko RPG book.

Chaos: ^-^ "What a coincidence! We've almost completed our work on a Fanboys! RPG book too!"

Pesti: "The only section we're missing is Desolation's."

Dark Mayhem: "Not that any of us are really surprised about that."

I'm not getting money off this so you can't sue me. Not really anyway...Ja ne! Oh, and I'm planning on one other special, but that's it for my fangirl career.

Dark Mayhem: "Although our author apparently hasn't been even slowed down by his own armada of other fanfiction. He's still out there torturing us."

Havoc: "Jello, anyone?"

Chaos: --;; "Most of us."

Pesti: "How'd you manage to get over here so quickly? I thought Red Queen Setsuna had Dead Creamed you into an orbital satellite."

Havoc: [showing his sneakers] "Air Jello. Why do you ask?"

      [Pesti-chan facevaults & breaks apart into his 6 SD selves upon impact!]

I have bigger fish to fry. ;P

Chaos: "At last! It's over! I live!"

Havoc: [sniff!] "I can't believe it...they're gone already. Oh well; at least I have their panties to remember them by."

Carnage: "How about trying to remember this and stay smited, ya freak: DIL BRAND!!!"

Dark Mayhem: "Methinks now's a good time to make a hasty exit out of the fanficfic."

Pesti: "I second that."

Chaos: [with panties!] "Hm? Vega's panties are so small."

Carnage: "NA NI?! Okay, it's a two-for-one smite!"

Chaos: o.O "Me?! What did I do?!"

Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha!"


             [End! Last one out kills the light!]



Carnage: "Way ahead of you. DRAGU SLAVE!!!"

Chaos: [frantic SD mode!] "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"



Back to Fanfics