Night of the Living Gentle Uterus!
Polaris' fanficfic 2!!!
[Fanboy's Note: Polaris' fanficfic 2 was intended to preceed F8! but thanks to some computer errors it was sadly delayed. This will explain the Satellite Strike gags, the missing presence of Hysteria, and the true meaning behind Miyu's appearance in F8! part I. Gomen nasai!]
Chaos: [singing] "C is for Chaos, and that's good enough for me! C is for Chaos and that's good enough for me! C is for--!"
[Cue the MS-18E Kampfer mobile suit that drops through the intro to squish Chaos!]
Carnage: [evil smile!] "C is for Carnage too."
Pesti: [stretching] "Ah, just what we need right now: a Hard Lemonade break!"
Mayhem: "Indeed. All these fanficfics and Omakefics are starting to take their toll."
Pesti: "At least we're making back some money to repair all the damages the city of Tokyo's billing us for."
Carnage: "For the last time I said I was sorry about the H2Omake! Mokona was right there, and that demonic marshmellow-thingy had to die!"
Chaos: [grr!] "Hai, but he just bounced through your Satellite Stri...stri...ACHOO!"
Mayhem: "I wonder who's talking behind his back this time?"
Pesti: "The poor bastards who got to read his Sabre Marionnette Jadeite Chaosfic?"
Chaos: "Daijobu; I just feel a little sick. It's probably just allergies from all this dust in the air thanks to a certain mecha-crazed fanboy Satellite Striking the city."
Carnage: "You want a smouldering crater to match the one I almost gave Mokona, Little Miss Dragqueen?!"
Mayhem: "Don't bother Carnage. Chaos here is just as resiliant as Mokona."
Carnage: [eyebrow twitch!] "And still just as annoying. How in the hell did Hotaru wind up having a crush on him anyways?!"
Pesti: "Is there actually a point to this intro?"
Mayhem: "Is there ever?"
Chaos: "I'm just impressed that Desolation had more than a one-line cameo role in that last Omakefic of ours."
Pesti: [glancing around] "Ne, just where did he disappear to anyways?
[Meanwhile in the Shinma realm....]
Desolation: [still trying to outrun the giant rolling Gentle Uterus!] "KYAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"
Vampire Princess Miyu: [giggle!] "Larva, it would appear another Shinma has escaped. You will show him back to the darkness, ne?"
[Cue Larva's fireball!]
Desolation: o.O "Oh no."
[Back to the fanboys!]
Chaos: [flipping through the mail] "Ano...bill, bill, bill, SD cybersheep that pees on my icons and shorts out Windows, another bill, a rant about my Ukyo & Tora Chaosfic, another bill, and...the acceptance of a Kimagure Lemon Road Havocfic onto the Sakura Lemon Fanfic archive?!"
Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha! Come to Hentenno-sama!"
Carnage: "Just what the [beep!] [beep!] is your problem anyways, Havoc?!"
Mayhem: [tapping Havoc on the shoulder] "You are going to let me read that when you're done, ne?"
Pesti: [sweatdrop!] "Ano...."
Chaos: [back to the mail] "Hey, we've got another fanficfic! Any guesses as to who's it from?"
Anarchy: "Who else? Cue the crashing Gentle Uterus!"
Mayhem: "And everyone but Chaos duck right about...now."
Chaos: o.O "EH?! YOU MEAN IT'S SAILOR STAR POL--?!"
[Cue the Gentle Uterus!]
Gentle Uterus: *SPLAT!!!*
Author's notes: This took me ages to write, but I finally got to it. I started it at the beginning of my summer vacation and finished it the first night that I spent at college. Needless to say that anxiety and several cans of soda gave me the time and energy.
Chaos: [trying to get out from beneath the Uterus] "You think *you've* got anxiety?! Curse you, Polaris! I shall be triumphant this time!"
Pesti: "Not if the either of the authors have their ways with the fanficfics."
This is, in my opinion, better than the first since there is a plot no matter how minuscule.
Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha! Does that mean Polaris wrote a hentaific for Hentenno-sama?"
Carnage: "You only wish, freak."
Mayhem: "Sorry, Havoc; no panties for you."
Havoc: o.O "Na ni? A fanfic or even a fanficfic with seemingly no plot and it's *not* a hentaific?! But technically that's impossible!! Someone get the Doji Overlord on the phone! Oh wait...I am the Doji Overlord."
Pesti: "That's it! I'm leaving!"
Also, it takes place just after F5!. Well, without further delay here is...!
Carnage: [eyebrow twitch!] "Na ni?! But I show up *after* this! Whaddaya mean I don't get to appear in this fic, Polaris?!"
Mayhem: "Ah, the perils of throwing in new characters practically every fanfic."
Chaos: "Dammit, Carnage, for the last time this fanficfic was writen before you ever appeared! Deal with it!!"
Carnage: "BRAM GUSH!!!"
Pesti: [cough cough!] "Ah, the perils of throwing in *his* character in our last fanfic."
Attack of the Fangirl 2: Return of the Fangirl Times Two
Last time in Attack of the Fangirl; In the first installment of this cheap Fanboy imitation fanficfic, we met our girl with a mission Star Sailor Polaris aka Morgan Skye. She appeared before our fanboys as B-ko (although she didn't look the part) and was carrying a grudge against Chaos for always getting her name wrong (he called her Sailor Star Polaris, which is quite a vile thing to do).
Chaos: [pouting] "Stupid Sailor Star Pol--!!"
[Cue the Gentle Uterus!]
Chaos: o.O "KYAAAA!!! I meant Star Sailor Polaris!! *Star* Sailor!!"
She became Lady Vengeance, smiter of dumb boys and fangirl extrodinaire.
Chaos: [grrr!] "I don't believe it! This really puts a run in my pantyhose in just reading this!!"
Pesti: "Run...in your pantyhose?"
Carnage: "I'm not even going to bother asking and just smite him."
[Cue the falling Aestevalis that crushes Chaos!]
Chaos was rather upset at her attempts to squash him and challenged our beautiful heroine to a dual. Alas, her smiting powers weren't up to Chaos' for he buried her under a pile of DiC videos. She left, after a quick brown-nosing session with Sailor Star Maker, and vowed to return someday. And so our story...begins.
Carnage: [turning to Chaos] "Are all your fans as deranged as you?"
Pesti: [sigh!] "At least I have normal fans."
Mayhem: "So do I."
Pesti: [crossing his arms over his chest] "I don't spontaneously combust around mine."
Anarchy was sitting peacefully at the local karaoke bar chugging down bottles of sake while trying to convince the bartender to turn on the karaoke machine. She looked over at Cameraman Dan, who was panning in on her. "Hey, ya dork. I'm not in this one. Go find the other fangirl." She said before emptying another bottle.
Chaos: [whew!] "At least Anarchy's not here. Can you imagine the smiting that would ensue if she *and* Polaris showed up?!"
[Carnage, Pesti-chan and Mayhem immediately step away from Chaos.]
Chaos: [blink blink!] "Ano...I really shouldn't have said that, ne?"
[Cue the GD-42 Crab Mech that crashes through the remains of the apartment and promptly smites Chaos!]
Anarchy: [Sake Sake Sake!] "Now *that* was a kickass concert at the Tokyo Megadome!"
Tasuki: "Hai! Vision's such a babe!"
Anarchy: [demonic AT Field aura!] "*WHO'S* a babe?"
Carnage: [teary Bambi eyes!] "An-chan...!!"
Achem...The young girl leaned against the side of the wall that surrounded Juban Park, her knee bent to take the pressure off one foot. A gentle breeze lifted her light, waist length lavender hair slightly. She ran her fingers through it and shivered in pleasure.
Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha!"
Pesti: "Don't even *say* it Havoc, because I sure as hell know you're thinking it."
Pesti: [oversized balloon head form!] "I AM NOT A PERVERT!"
Havoc: "I was in luck today: Momiji had on a set of panties with the kana for 'I love you!' written on them! Such a kawaii little gift for Hentenno-sama."
Chaos: [sweatdrop!] "Didn't Kusanagi have anything to say about it?"
Havoc: "Ha! Vineboy there might be a pervert but he's no Hentenno-sama! That guy doesn't even have naughty tentacles at his disposal!"
Chaos: [skeptical] "And *you* do?"
Carnage: "Chaos, if you value your life, your panties and your room in this apartment you will never EVER challenge Havoc's hentai powers again. One Hiryu Shoten Bra was enough for me."
She was wearing a pair of shorts, which seemed shorter than reality due to her long legs, and a tank top. The outfit showed off her sculpted body quite well.
Havoc: "And her little green panties are quite kawaii too!"
Chaos & Pesti: "ECCHI!!!"
Mayhem: "Well, he's got a point. They are quite kawaii."
Carnage: [priming his Gunbuster] "Don't make me Buster Beam you, Mayhem."
She lifted her afore mentioned hand and gazed at it in joy. It was flawless, along with everything else. Not a blemish adorned her alabaster skin. This perfection attracted the attention of every passer-by, both male and female alike. All could have sworn that they heard music playing.
Havoc: "Music? Crank up my Urotsuki Doco CD! Cue my Aika girl chorus line!"
Havoc & the Aika girls: [singing and tap dancing!] "Oh, the wonderful thing about Havoc is Havoc's a wonderful thing! His brain is made outta Jello, his ass is made outta spring!!"
Carnage: "Let's see you spring outta this: ZELAS BLEED!!!"
It was the kind that wanted to make you sing 'dance away'. She smiled at the silent appraisal of her body and the soft tones in the background.
Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha! Such a firm little body indeed!"
Chaos: "Havoc, don't you dare!!"
Mayhem: "Too late. He's gone already."
[Everyone looks as a dust trail left by Havoc slowly dissipates]
[They'll never guess.] she thought. She looked down at her travel pack a la Ryoga (umbrella and all!) and frowned. [Where was she?]
Pesti: "Ano...did Desolation have a sister we didn't know about?"
Mayhem: "I doubt Desolation would even know that himself."
Suddenly a bright voice called out. Her head popped up, soon followed by a hand to wave hello. An athletic red-head was running her way at an incredible speed. In two seconds the red-head was by the first girl's side. She was had an identical pack that the first girl carried. Her clothing consisted of a white baby tee and a pair of *short* blue overalls. A pair of armbands accented the outfit. They were dark brown and went from her wrists to her elbows.
Pesti: "Strange. This is a Polarisfic and we haven't even seen her yet."
Chaos: "Yes! There's hope for this fanficfic after all!"
Mayhem: "We stress the word 'yet'."
Chaos: o.O "EH?!?!"
"Hey! I made it on time, didn't I?" asked the panting girl. "Yes, with only a few moments to spare. I almost left without you. Did you wear what I told you to?" The red-head shifted her hips slightly.
"Uh huh. This thing is heavy!"
Pesti: "I fear to ask what it is that's so heavy."
Havoc: [flexing his fingers] "Want me to find out?"
Carange: [grrr!] "It'll be a little hard to try that when you're a few thousand feet in the air, Havoc! DYNAST FLARE!!!!"
"You've got super strength. You can handle it. Besides, you'll thank me later. Do you remember the plan?" The red-head nodded in agreement. "Good. Let's go before those...people find us again." The first girl shouldered her pack and began to walk away. The red-head adjusted hers and followed, soon catching up.
"Do you think they can help us?"
"I suppose. It's not like we have a choice. They might be the only ones who can deal with this situation."
"So, does that mean you and them are friends again?"
Mayhem: "Chaos will be friends with you if you can exchange dresses, Polaris."
Chaos: "Only if they're knee-length. All mine are full length."
Pesti: "Ano...we were joking."
Chaos: [nervous laughter!] "Aha haaa...so was I!"
Carnage: "Then explain the blouse, Chaos. On second thought *don't* explain the blouse."
Mayhem: "Wise choice."
"I don't know if we were ever friends...just people looking for someone to write to. I just hope they can put the past aside." Her voice was far off and dreamy. "I really want some more friends."
[The fanboys all turn to Chaos.]
Carnage: "She...wants to be your friend?"
Pesti: "I'll go fetch the cabbages. Hopefully we can snap her out of such a foolish idea."
Chaos: [sweatdrop!] "Nice support, guys! Isn't there someone here on my side?!"
Rampage: ^-^ "CHU CHU!!"
Chaos: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAA!!! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!!!"
Mayhem: "Was that a yes or no response from Rampage?"
Anarch: [chug chug!] "Do we care? Atta girl, Rampage-chan! Shred that blouse!"
"That's why you have me!" chirped the red-head. "But I'm kind of hurt."
"You didn't introduce them to me sooner." The first girl smiled.
"Well, we'll have to make up for that."
"Sure will Polaris...I mean, B-ko."
Chaos: [recoil!] "ERK!!"
Pesti: "My, that's a nasty twitch he's developed."
Hotaru: "Daijobu, Chaos-chan! I'm here for you!"
Haruka: [with Space Sword!] "Chaos...!!!"
Carnage: "The new few moments of Chaos' written life are going to be rather painful."
Pesti: "Hai hai. Popcorn?"
They continued to walk on, quickly approaching a rather familiar looking apartment building as those familiar 'dancing' tones played on.
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