The fanboys sat in a circle with the Senshi, minus Rei, and enjoyed a round of green tea.
Mayhem: "No Hard Lemonade?"
Anarchy: "No Sake?"
Havoc: "No Jello?"
Fanboys: "SHADDUP HAVOC!!"
It had been a long day at school for them all since the sensei had decided to pop a *huge* test on them. The entire group was burned out, except for Ami, who liked the challenge that the test had given them.
Mayhem: "Ha! It'll take a lot more than a mere test to burn a genius such as myself out!"
Ami: [snuggling up to Mayhem] "Carrot-chan, I need to unwind after such a hard test. Would you like to take a bath with me?"
[Cue the spontaneous combustion!]
Carnage: [coughs out a kawaii li'l smoke cloud] "You were saying, Mayhem?"
"Hey, where's the pyro queen?" asked Chaos.
"She's reading the fire, as usual." replied Makoto as she snatched the last tea cake before Usagi could get it. Chaos went all bambi-eyed.
Chaos: [teary Bambi eyes!] "Mako-chan, you really do care for me!"
[Chaos happily nuzzles his kawaii goddess, Mako-chan!]
Mayhem: "On the other hand, Makoto might not really care for Chaos groping her breasts again."
Chaos: [Ano....] "There's no way I'm getting out of this, is there?"
Makoto: [cracking her knuckles] "Shin'ne."
"Arigato Mako-chan!" He was quickly throttled by Pesti.
"Knock it off baka-brain."
"You're so mean!" The two launched into a Ranma-ish fight before Mayhem intervened.
Pesti: "She's my Mako-chan, Chaos! Admit your defeat after I kissed her in F6! part III."
Chaos: "*YOUR* Mako-chan?! And just what makes you think that anything will stop me from kissing my Mako-chan right here and now?!"
[Chaos abruptly SD's as Haruka taps him on the nose with her Space Sword.]
Haruka: "You feeling lucky, Chaos?"
Pesti: "Depends on the author's whims."
Chaos: [kawaii li'l kitty ears!] "Kowai...!!"
"Both of you stop. We've all had a hard day. The last thing we need is another smiting session!" The fight started just as Rei came running in.
"What's wrong Rei-chan?" asked Luna urgently.
"I saw an evil presence in the fire
Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha!"
[The fanboys look at each other.]
and I think it was looking for the guys." All eyes turned to our heroes.
Carnage: "It's not the freak? So who else is there?"
Chaos: [grrr!] "It must be Beans! How dare Beans get herself inserted into Polaris' fanficfic just to make sure I don't steal the lake god!!"
[Cue the terrified flying octopus!]
Chaos: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAA!!!"
Terrified flying octopus: *SPLAT!!*
Hotaru: [sigh!] "Chaos-chan no baka."
Carnage: [exasperated] "That's what I've been trying to tell you since the last fic, Hotaru-sama!"
"Now why would an evil presence be looking for us?" asked Chaos as innocently as possible.
"I don't know," said Minako, "but I'd leave if I were you."
"Because Rei is about to boot you out." No sooner had the blonde spoken than Rei punted the guys out of her temple.
"Why did ya do that?" asked Usagi.
[All the fanboys turn to Carnage.]
Chaos: [very unimpressed] "Well if a certain mecha freak hadn't Flaming Odango Barraged her house and then Dragu Slaved the temple, we'd be just fine!"
Carnage: "Hey! I repaired that, I'll have you know!"
Mayhem: "What about the Satellite Strike and Rei having to work at Planet Hentai?"
Carnage: [sweatdrop!] "......"
"I can't afford the repairs on this place. Every time a new evil appears I have to foot the bill. Either they go or they pay." The Inners nodded in agreement as the fanboys landed just outside their apartment building.
"At least she has good aim." commented Mayhem. "Hey, check out the sunset!" They looked out at the setting sun, which lit the sky with golden rays of dying luminescence.
Chaos: "Oh no. Not sunset."
[Cue the female Havoc!]
Havoc: "Let the night of a thousand panties begin!"
Carnage: [grrr!] "Allow me to send you off, then. RA TILT!!!"
Chaos: "Carnage, at this rate you're going to have used every last Slayers spell by the end of this fanficfic."
Carnage: "And your point is?"
Chaos: [irate oversized head form!] "OUR APARTMENT CAN'T TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS!!!"
Carnage: [sigh!] "Fireball."
Chaos: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAAA!!! HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT!!!!"
"Sugoi." breathed Pesti. "It's really pretty."
"Yup. Let's go inside before we get mugged."
Carnage: "Ha! Like anyone will try to mug us when I've got my Gundam Nataku here!"
[Carnage reaches into his pocket and pulls out...ano....]
Carnage: "Giant Robo?! What the hell?"
"Well *that* broke the mood." grumbled Chaos. They made their way inside and into the elevator.
Carnage: [tossing mechas out from his pockets!] "Gundam, Gundam, Guymelef, Aestevalis, another Gundam, a Valkyrie...na ni?! I must have left my Nataku Gundam in my other pants!"
Pesti: "Strange as that sounds, what frightens me the most is that it makes sense."
Mayhem: "Hai hai. More Hard Lemonade?"
Pesti: "Definitely. I'm still too sober for this fanficfic."
"Have you guys noticed that we haven't gotten any mail from Polaris lately?" asked Pesti. Chaos quickly put on a party hat and blew into a noise maker.
"Yare yare. But anyway, it's not like her to keep away for so long."
"I know. And you'd think she'd be mailing more since she introduced us to that friend of hers. What was her name again?" asked Mayhem.
"Vega. She's rather nice, when you're not asking if she and Polaris are a couple." chided Chaos. He was quickly hit with a large mallet.
"Don't remind me."
[Author's note: In a recent e-mail between the fanboys and fangirls, Mayhem asked if Polaris and Vega (her best friend) were a couple, like Michiru and Haruka. He was soon hunted down by the two, smited soundly, and made to kiss their shoes while saying 'Hail Jo'o-sama!']
[Cue the facevaults!]
Mayhem: "Well it was a valid question to bring up!"
Mayhem: "Excuse me here, Little Miss Dragqueen, but do I go around groping the breasts of the girl I like?"
Chaos: "Ha! You only wish could you could do that since you always explode whenever you get close to Ami!"
"Too late!" The elevator stopped, the doors opened, and the boys exited. In a moment they were in front of their apartment door.
"I still wonder why no mails have been coming from them," mused Pesti.
Carnage: "They probably read this idiot's Ruruoni PenPen Chaosfic and realized that it was safer to stay away from ground zero when it detonated around him."
Mayhem: "You were the one who detonated that ground zero around Chaos after reading Ruruoni PenPen, might I add."
Carnage: [Bambi eyes!] "And what a lovely Gravity Blast it was too!"
Pesti: [groan!] "Don't remind me! The thrashing we got for that monstrosity was just as bad as that last Omakefic of yours, Chaos. Indiana Chaos, my ass!"
Chaos: "Hey, that last Omakefic wasn't fun for me either, buddy! All you had to do was lounge around and drive the tank. *I* got stuck with flying octopuses, carnivorous mascots, whipped cream everywhere, a den of ChibiChibi clones, I lost the lake god to Beans...and then she unleashed the Baka-retsu Hunters on me."
Pesti: "The return of Red Queen Haruka was a comeback I for one could have lived without seeing."
Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha! Now having Dominatrix Michiru is my kinda fic! Spank me, Michi-baby! I've been a bad little hentai today!"
Carnage: "Oh, you'll be punished all right, Havoc. DRAGU SLAVE!!!"
[Carnage Dragu Slaves the Email! Fireballs and Cream Lemon ensue.]
Mayhem: "Don't you think it's a little useless to keep doing this, Carnage, when he just keeps coming back?"
Carnage: [twitch!] "Damn you, Havoc...!!"
"I thought 'no news is no mail'." said Chaos.
"Oh great, another Minakoism. That's 'no news is good news'. But this time it's not. If they send us mail then we know that they aren't near us." said Mayhem. "The further away they are the better." He looked down at the lock, then at Chaos. "I don't remember the knob being missing."
Mayhem: "Now if we could find the knob in all this whipped cream, maybe we could actually put it back on the door."
Pesti: [lament!] "If we still had a door left thanks to Carnage's Satellite Strike."
Chaos: [waist-deep in whipped cream] "Do you just keep on forgetting he does that every time you smite him, or what, Carnage?"
Carnage: [pouting SD form] "Waaah! It's not fair! Why is he the only one I can't smite?! Not even the Giga Slave works!"
Mayhem: "Contractual obligations, Carnage. Frighteningly enough, Havoc here is one of our series' most popular characters."
Havoc: "Panties panties panties!"
Carnage: [eyebrow twitch!] "We're doomed."
Pesti: [wading through whipped cream] "Anyone see where Rampage disappeared to amidst all this?"
Chaos: "With any luck she got swept away in the tidal wave."
Rampage: ^-^ "CHU CHU!"
Chaos: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
"Same here." agreed Chaos. "Maybe Rampage ate it. I was wondering when she was going to get to it." They shrugged and entered the flat anyway, not really caring why the knob was gone.
Chaos: [frantic SD form!] "KYAAA!!! I CAN FEEL HER NIBBLING ON MY FINGERS!!!"
Anarchy: [on karaoke!] "You go, girl! La la la, never give up! Ganbaru wa!"
Ami: [hmph!] "That's supposed to be *my* song."
Hotaru: "Ano... this whipped cream tastes funny."
Chaos: o.O "YOU TRIED IT?!"
Havoc: "Hotcha! Doesn't it have that wondrous flavour of--?"
Carnage: [snarl!] "You'll be lucky to taste anything after this, Havoc! GAAV FLARE!!!"
The place was filled with shadows and little color due to the sun going down. They could make out the furniture and not much else.
"Hey, do you hear that?" asked Mayhem.
Havoc: "Crank up the volume on my Urotsuki Doco CD!"
Everyone else: "NO!!"
Chaos: "Maybe it's my record of--KYAAAA!!! Who put teeth marks on my record of the Lodoss War?!"
Rampage: ^-^ "CHU CHU!"
Chaos: [very unimpressed] "I swear one of these days I'm going to turn you into a pair of slippers."
"It sounds like the middle of 'Spaceship in the Dark' from Project A-ko. I guess I'm hearing things."
"Not like that is unusual. Damn weirdo. Uh, when did the couch get lumpy?" asked Pesti.
"Na ni?" asked his friends. He pointed at the couch. Mayhem and Pesti silently approached and found a red-head sleeping peacefully in a gratuitous cleavage shot.
Havoc: "Well it wasn't one before, but it is now. Guess who's bra I got?"
Pesti: [with the vacuum] "Like guessing that's a challenge. A little help with the Cream Lemon here, please?"
Havoc: "Certainly, Pesti-chan! Jello?"
[Seconds later Havoc is buried beneath a mound of cabbages!]
"There's one over here too." whispered Chaos. He looked at the lavender-haired girl who was also sleeping in a gratuitous cleavage shot.
Havoc: [now with 2 bras!] "Have no fear, Hentenno-sama's here!"
Carnage: [eyebrow twitch!] "Hentenno-sama's going to be *everywhere* in a few seconds. MEGA BRAND!!!!!"
[Cue the Cream Lemon explosion!]
Pesti: --;; [flicking whipped cream from his arm] "Gee thanks, Carnage. Now that Havoc and his Cream Lemon are everywhere *again*, you can clean up the mess."
"Oooh, fresh panties..." drooled Havoc. Chaos quietly SD'd in fear of waking the intruders.
"You baka!" he hissed. "How can you think of panties when we've got two strange girls in our house?"
Mayhem: "Chaos, how can he *not* think of panties when two girls are in the house?"
Chaos: "Hush, Newt-boy!"
"Easily." The hentai master disappeared for a moment, reappearing behind the couch. He was hold two gray pairs of very stiff looking panties.
"Nani? What are they?" asked Mayhem.
"Chastity belts." He hit them together, making a loud clanging sound resonate through the apartment.
Havoc: [sigh!] "Now if only Lord Charon was here. This would make good practice for my pervert-in-training. Or should I call him my Ecchi-chan?"
Chaos: [punting Havoc!] "HENTAI!!!"
Havoc: "Call me Hentenno Jo'o-sama!!"
The two girls woke with a start. Chaos clicked on a light, revealing the identity of the two intruders.
"A-ko and B-ko! What are you two doing here?" asked Pesti as the girls got up. "Did you lose C-ko again?"
Carnage: "We can only pray they lose C-ko for good."
Mayhem: "Daijobu, Carnage. We already took care of that whining twit."
Pesti: [nod!] "Hai! We fed her to Rampage."
Carnage: "Ah, you fed...C-ko...to Rampage? But C-ko's not a kawaii mascot!!"
Anarchy: "Rampage-chan wouldn't eat C-ko until we dunked her in Jusenkyo's Spring of Drowned Pokemon. With C-kachu bouncing around, natural selection took it's course. It was her best meal to date. Ne, Rampage-chan?"
Rampage: ^-^ "BUUUUURRRRPPP!!!! CHU CHU!"
Chaos: "It's amazing that someone who cooks so bad could taste so good."
Rampage: "CHU CHU!"
Chaos: "KYAAAAAA!!! SHE'S GOT MY ARM!! TASUKETEEEEE!!!"
Pesti: "Case in point."
Carnage: [sweatdrop!] "You guys are a bunch of deranged otaku, you know that, don't you?"
Mayhem: [handing Carnage a Hard Lemonade] "Isn't it great to know you're one of us?"
"No. We came to see you to warn you. There is a danger approaching that will destroy us all!" exclaimed the red head.
"She's right. We must ban together and fight off this evil." agreed the other one.
Chaos: "Hmm...and maybe if I'm lucky I can exchange some dresses with Captain Napolipolita."
Hotaru: "Chaos-chan, we really do need to talk about your love for women's clothing."
Chaos: [teary SD form] "But I look sooooo good in chiffon!"
Carnage: [hoisting up his Zanba sword] "Hotaru-sama, please say I can smite him!"
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