* * *

           One hour and one too many shots of Sake later, His lordship Chaos decreed that he and Wolfwood-Muse were sufficiently sauced, so the brainstorming process for the fic could now begin. The key was to pick out a perfect and perfectly outrageous crossover title no one else had ever considered (or dared) using before.
           "Outlaw Five Star Stories?" His lordship Chaos asked, drumming a pencil that had long since flown out of his hands (though he had yet to notice).
           "Too obscure for our purposes," Wolfwood-Muse countered. "Maybe later, once we've established our unholy reign and the public will expect that sort of thing." He then ventured, "Vampire Princess Mononoke?"
           His lordship Chaos shook his head. "No, but I'll have to keep that in mind for another fic in the future. How about Wild Cardz Zero?"
           Wolfwood-Muse wrinkled his nose. "Guitar Wolf fighting against evil zombie chess pieces? While Drum Wolf and Keyboard Wolf pound the snot out of an undead Rook?" He grinned and slapped his palm against the couch armrest. "Hot damn, we have a winner! 'You can do it, Ace! You can defeat that evil White Bishop! Believe in the power of rock & roll!'"
           His lordship Chaos cackled with glee, quickly wheeling his swivel chair towards his desk. However, since he was too plastered to steer, he wound up crashing into one of his potted plants. With a deadpan expression, Wolfwood-Muse watched as the author flailed about amidst the vegetation, and then downed another hit of Sake.
           Suddenly his eyes widened as an epiphany struck.
           Either that, or his hangover had arrived 6 hours earlier than usual.
           "Wait!" he exclaimed, pointing at His lordship Chaos. His lordship Chaos froze in mid-clamour back onto his swivel chair. "Wild Cardz Zero can be written another tonight. But tonight, we shall write...Galaxiaquest!!"
           His lordship Chaos gawked. "Masaka! Wolfwood-Muse, you've discovered a holy grail of crossover fanfiction! This calls for more alcohol!"
           The two downed a few more shots as they began to exchange ideas for the fic.
           Wolfwood-Muse had already doubled over in laughter, kicking his feet in the air as he giggled. "Sigourney Weaver versus Sailor Iron Mouse! We can have an Aliens spoof!" Staggering about, he stood up from the couch and performed his best Dr. Lazarus imitation. "'By Grapthar's Hammer, their starseeds shall be avenged'!"
           "Ha ha, brilliant!" His lordship Chaos chortled, his fingers dancing across the keyboard of his laptop. "Don't go so fast, I'm trying to keep up here!"
           Wolfwood-Muse nodded, his head swinging loosely on his shoulders. "You know what this place needs?" he remarked.
           His lordship Chaos shrugged, at a loss for an answer.
           "Babes!" Wolfwood-Muse stated, dramatically raising his fist into the air. "We need a team of assistants to help you write your masterpieces! And they all need to be cute, nubile female assistants too, just like in Megami Paradise!"
           "I like, I like!" His lordship Chaos agreed. "It must be done! Now then, back to Tim Allen giving Usagi's henshin more power!"
           "Hai!"

* * *

           Not three days later, the fanfic 'Galaxiaquest' was unleashed upon an unsuspecting public. Despite the somewhat bizarre title used for the crossover, the feedback was so overwhelmingly positive that it defied all logic. Hardcore Anime fans in the know praised His lordship Chaos for writing such a clever and zany comedy. Newbie otaku introduced to the fic for the first time couldn't stop reading it over and over and over again. Video rentals for Galaxyquest skyocketed, suddenly making it the top video store seller for six weeks straight.
           Within a week of the fanfic's release, His lordship Chaos became a household name amongst fic authors. He suddenly found himself deluged with invitations to join mailing lists and usegroups. Fans flocked to his Email inbox.
           Yet he was not alone in riding this windfall of fame and infamy: in the Muse realm, Wolfwood-Muse shocked the rest of the abstract inspiration community with his contribution to the fanfic. The once obscure and unknown muse shot to the top of the Who's- Inspiring-Whom lists. Suddenly he found himself swamped with adoring Muses who adored his unique style of hyper-comedy. Likewise, the official Muse Gakuen requested that he lecture to a symposium.
           Wolfwood-Muse's work on the fanfic also garnered the attention of the Council of Muses, who wished to speak with him privately. It was at this time that Wolfwood-Muse made his future intentions known. In front of the entire council, he drunkenly performed an Asaba Sexy Dance and told them they could take their inspirations and shove it where the lightbulb of epiphany don't shine.
           Wolfwood-Muse was last seen living the good life in Acapulco, Mexico, taking a rather unprotesting Hotaru-Muse along with him. They cashed in everything he had made from becoming a sudden celebrity and bought an exclusive penthouse suite by the beach. Rumour has it that Wolfwood-Muse now runs an upscale dance club, with Hotaru-Muse enjoying herself as the resident D.J.

* * *

           The ripples created by the events surrounding 'Galaxiaquest' and Wolfwood-Muse's departure did not end there. It was only inevitable that a certain self-proclaimed, former rival of Wolfwood-Muse's would soon make her appearance.
           "Stupid off-the-wall slapstick," Nanami-Muse muttered darkly as she stalked down the hallway of His lordship Chaos' apartment complex. "How dare he show me up. Me, the top student Muse Gakuen has ever seen graduated! There's no way Wolfwood-Muse could top me with just a single fic."
           She smirked and gave a vicious chuckle as she stopped in front of the author's front door.
           "Well, two can play that game," she stated, giving a knock on the door.
           After pulling a few strings among her admirers & supporters in the Council of Muses, she had managed to get herself elected as the next muse to work with His lordship Chaos. Oh yes, she would discover the author's secret...and with it she'd help create an even better fanfic that would outshine even Wolfwood-Muse's by lightyears. Or else she'd expose Wolfwood-Muse for the petty excuse for inspiration that he was, and set this poor deluded author back on the path of true and noble fanfiction.
           Maybe then she could be close to her Touga-Muse onii-chan again; he had seemed oddly preoccupied with the fanfic, wondering if this story indeed had the power to revolutionise the textual world.
           Nanami-Muse pushed aside some of her blonde bangs, and confidently strolled into the apartment as the front door was opened up.
           "Konban wa!" she said, her entrance practically filled with a deluge of sakura blossoms and rotating roses. "I, Nanami-Muse, have arrived. Gaze upon my wondrous form, oh author, as I grace you with my illustrious presence. Feel the inspiration work its wiles on you as--eh?"
           Nanami-Muse abruptly froze, eyes bugged out as she beheld not one, not two, and certainly not twenty-eight, but six rather lovely & nubile young Anime babes in His lordship Chaos' apartment (and with no His lordship Chaos in sight). One young lass had opened the door for her, and was currently looking somewhat confused if not surprised at this unexpected guest.
           "Ne, Chaos," she called out. "I think it's for you."
           "Be there in a minute, Satsuki!" came the author's voice from somewhere inside the apartment.
           Nanami-Muse caught sight of another young lady working in the kitchen amidst an array of bubbling pots on the stove and sliced vegetables on the kitchen counter. Two more young ladies were busy jumping around on the couch as they played against each other in the PS-2 game 'DOA-2 Hardcore.' One was sprawled out on a lean, leather office recliner, reading a book beneath the glow of a sunlamp, a Cthulhumon in her lap.
           The sixth young lady emerged from the darkened bedroom, dressed in nothing but a long nightshirt with a large picture of Chobits on it. "Ne, would you two try keeping it down a bit," she yawned, scratching at her ravendark hair. "I'm trying to get a nap in before tonight's writing session."
           Needless to say, Nanami-Muse freaked.
           "N-N-N-NA NI?!" she exclaimed, lunging back against the wall.
           "Oh, I see you've met my kawaii writing assistants," His lordship Chaos remarked as he strolled out from the kitchen, a 'Have You Hugged A Puchuu Today?' apron wrapped around his waist. "Evening, Yui," he said to the young lady in the nightshirt. He then turned back to Nanami-Muse. "So, you're the new muse assigned to me, are you?"
           "Ne, Chaos," the young lady in the kitchen called out. "The soba noodles are almost tender. Should I get the dim sum out now?"
           "Give it another minute and we should be fine, Masayo-chan," the author replied. "Timing is everything."
           Nanami-Muse's eyes glanced from one kawaii female writing assistant to the next, panic creeping into her system as she noticed how they were all staring at her. "But...but how?!" she stammered.
           His lordship Chaos grinned and flashed Nanami-Muse the V-sign. "Wolfwood-Muse recruited them for me as a present after our fic became a huge success. And they're incredibly helpful. I've found pairs of socks I never even knew I had!"
           Nanami-Muse still refused to believe what she was seeing as she slowly peeled herself off the wall and dared to step deeper into the living room. "Th-They live with you?"
           With a shrug, His lordship Chaos remarked, "It was a little cramped to begin with, but once they taught me how to knock down a few 4th Walls, we found room in spare pan-dimensions. You should see the jacuzzi and sundeck; even though you have to walk through the bedroom mirror to get there, the glass ceiling is really spectacular."
           At this, Nanami-Muse boggled. "You...you've learned how to knock down dimensional walls?"
           "Don't all fanfic authors?"
           "No!" she exclaimed indignantly. "It's not what good, decent, classy fanfiction authors do!"
           "Really?" His lordship Chaos shook his head. "How sad."
           "And boring too," the one kawaii female assistant added as she turned a page in her book.
           "See?" he said, thumbing back to the recliner. "Even Yuu agrees with me, and she usually doesn't say much."
           One of the other kawaii female assistants cheered, raising one of her hands in the air--and nearly yanking her controller cord out of its PS-2 outlet. "Hai! Chaos onii-chan is so much fun to write with, it hardly feels like work!"
           "O-oi, Reiko!" her DOA-2 sparring partner exclaimed. "You're going to reset the game!"
           Reiko giggled, playfully sticking out her tongue. "Gomen, gomen, Junko!"
           Nanami-Muse's eyebrow twitched, her nostrils flaring as she fought to regain composure. After counting down from ten in Japanese, she felt she could continue. "Now then," she said, luxuriantly running her fingers through her hair. "What sort of fanfic shall we complete tonight? I've got a number of excellent ideas that are worth an author of your calibre."
           "Oooh, a brainstorming session," His lordship Chaos said, his grin broadening. "Ladies, let's begin!"
           Before Nanami-Muse knew what had hit her, she was suddenly thrust into a bathrobe and laid out on a lazyboy recliner. Reiko, Junko and Satsuki immediately set out giving her a pampering session, complete with manicure, pedicure and facials.
           His lordship Chaos was laid out on his back beside Nanami- Muse's recliner, happily humming 'Dynamite Mambo' to himself as Yuu gave him a therapeutic backrub. And right next to the author was Masayo-chan, still tending to the meal which had now been placed on a portable grill and counter. A pitcher of Sake was already being warmed up.
           Yui was sitting in the swivel chair at the desk, her fingers poised over the laptop's keyboard to begin recording any and all ideas.
           "Aaaaaah, that feels great," His lordship Chaos sighed wistfully as the muscles in his shoulders were worked. "Who cares about Washu's magic fingers? You're marvelous, Yuu-darling!"
           Yuu blushed as she performed her massage. "I keep asking you not to address me so informally."

His lordship Chaos: [shrug!] "If Havoc was here, formal or not, he'd be *undressing* you."

Yuu: [sweatdrop!] "Not again."

"Wha? This is all wrong!" Nanami-Muse exclaimed, fighting to rise from her recliner. However, the three assistants were much stronger than they looked, and effectively kept her pinned down as they continued to pamper her. Nanami-Muse turned to Chaos. "You can't write a fanfic this way!" she protested. "The writing process is a time-honoured tradition of ninety percent perspiration and ten percent inspiration. You can't just turn it into some frivolous party. That's not the way all the classic and revered fanfiction authors work! What you're doing is sacrilege!"
           "Masayo, could you get her a margarita, please?" His lordship Chaos said, thumbing over to Nanami-Muse. "She desperately needs to unwind."
           "Maybe she hasn't been getting any lately," Yui said as she typed in a few random notes.
           "H-Hey, my private affairs are none of your concern!" Nanami- Muse said hotly, her face turning red with embarrassment. The fact that the barb had been dead on wasn't something she intended to say aloud.
           "So then, ladies." His lordship Chaos said, glancing around at his kawaii writing assistants. "Let's hear your ideas. Remember, no crossover is too absurd or strange."
           Nanami-Muse opened her mouth to protest yet again, but couldn't get a word in edgewise as all six kawaii female writing assistants voiced their ideas. All Nanami-Muse could do was sit there in her chair, with cucumbers over her eyes, and listen to the titles being tossed around.
           "Vampire Hunter DNAngel?"
           "Gunnmsmith Cats?"
           "Handmaid Rei?"
           "Night of the Living Dead Moon Circus?"
           "Big GTO?"
           "Popeye the Sailor Moon?"
           "Ushio & Touga?"
           "Rose Bride of Versailles?"
           "City Hunter x Hunter?"
           "Knight Sabre Marionette J?"
           "Are you otaku insane?!" Nanami-Muse exclaimed, sitting straight up in her chair.
           His lordship Chaos shrugged as Yuu began working on his calf muscles. "According to the rest of the general population, yes. However, we know exactly what we're doing. Don't we, ladies?"
           "Hai!" the six kawaii, female writing assistants chorused.
           Junko made a tutted as she appraised Nanami-Muse's fingers. "Oh now you've gone and ruined the smooth finish to your pinky nail. That's going to cost you; these guest pampering sessions don't come cheap."
           Nanami-Muse's eyebrow twitched, her psyche crumbling apart to the point where she could no longer speak coherently.
           "Poor girl," Masayo said sadly, tending to the Sake. "The stress of having to perform is getting to her. Maybe I should see what desserts we have to cheer her up."
           His lordship Chaos nodded. "Sounds like a plan! But to tide her over first..." He placed a consoling hand on Nanami-Muse's, and held out a cereal box for her. "Here, have some Cereal Experiments Lain. It'll make you feel better."
           Needless to say, Nanami-Muse's practically bugged out of her head when she heard that pun. And to her horror, when she looked at the cereal box, there was in fact the label: Cereal Experiments Lain, now with Prozac! Beneath a picture of an expressionless Lain eating her own bowl in front of her Navi, was the caption: close the world, open the box.
           "Ne," Satsuki remarked as she continued with Nanami-Muse's pedicure. "Did we ever find the free toy inside?"
           "It was one of those bear caps Lain wore in the series," Yui said, typing in a few other random thoughts onto the laptop. "I think it's in Junko's collection now."
           Reiko huffed. "It was mine and you know it!"
           "Ha! I got my hands on it first, Reiko," Junko retorted.
           "But I poured it into my bowl! You stole it."
           "Piiiida!"
           "Fight you for it."
           "Aaaah, a DOA-2 rematch is it? Very well. But my nekkid Kasumi kung-fu is better than your kung-fu."
           "Is not!"
           However, they were interrupted by the sound of the gears in Nanami-Muse's head grinding to a traumatic halt. With a haunted look on her face, she began to laugh maniacally.
           "I think we broke her," Satsuki said, waving her hand in front of Nanami-Muse's face.
           "And we haven't even decided on a fanfic idea yet," Yuu replied, elbow-jabbing the author's stubborn back muscles. "This does not bode well."
           Nanami-Muse slowly turned her head towards His lordship Chaos. "And...what sort of story did you have in mind?"
           "Actually, I just got a great idea you can help us flesh out," His lordship Chaos said cheerfully. "It's a crossover fic called 'Sugoi Ne, Michiru: Senshi Commando Sidestory.'"

Nanami-Muse: o.O;; "Wh-what?"

"But only Haruka wears pants on a regular basis. Michiru can't unzip her pants, and attract all those butterflies from the Holy Grail when the flower pops out from her zipper," Yui said.
           His lordship Chaos waved that aside. "Moot point. We'll think of something. Now, would Minako or Mamoru make for a better Susan?"
           "Ne ne, Chaos-san," Masayo whispered into the author's ear. "Can I draw some sketches of Michiru's large golden shoulder rings?"
           "Maybe Nanami-Muse can help us," His lordship Chaos offered.
           However, given the vacant look on Nanami-Muse's face, it was evident that her brain had closed for the evening...if not the rest of the year.


* * *

           The next day, Nanami-Muse stormed into a Council of Muses session, and demanded that she be relocated to a division of fanfiction that wouldn't give her another total nervous breakdown. By all accounts, she's rather enjoying herself working as a Muse for the 'Sanrio Lemon Fanfiction' genre. But that's another atrocity whose Lucky Hello Kitty gym shorts we're not about get into here.
           Eight more failed muses later, the Council of Muses called an emergency meeting to address what had become known as 'The Fandom Menace.' The council room itself was a grand, spacious colonnade with marble floors and large doric columns reaching up to domed ceilings.
           The table the Muses met at was a large ring divided into quarters. Each quarter represented a different ruling branch of the governing body of Muses. But this was a notable meeting, since it was the first time in a long time that all four branches met together for a single meeting. There was a palpable uneasiness in the air as they forewent with the hours from the previous meeting and went straight for addressing their primary concern.
           "And so much for Inu Yasha-Muse," Nuriko-Muse sighed, shaking her--er, his head as he closed yet another personnel file. "I have been in charge of Muse Assignment and Relocation for almost fifty years now, and I have never seen anything like this before."
           There was a murmur of nervous agreement in the room.
           The vice-president of the Originality Branch, Dejiko-Muse, stood from her chair and addressed the entire council. "This guy, this 'His lordship Chaos', nyo; he's become an official fanfic author now, nyo. We are contractually obligated by the Inspiration Proclamation to send him a muse whenever he's working on a story, nyo. We can't ignore him, or we violate our own laws, nyo."
           "So who do we send in then?" Akane Tendo-Muse asked from where she sat amidst the Muses in the Accurate Character Portrayals Branch. "Any muse who goes in and is exposed to his textual madness comes out a basketcase. Hotaru-Muse was a promising young inspiration. And Nanami-Muse was the best candidate for being the newest council member."
           "It's official, then!" Dark Schneider-Muse exclaimed, pounding his fist against the tabletop. "His lordship Chaos is a fuckin' dork! Let me go kick his ass! Better yet, send his ass over to the bar so I can kick it there while having my ale."
           "This isn't another case of a bestial hermaphrodite self- inserting himself," Miyuki-chan-Muse immediately protested (amidst trying to escape the fondling she was getting from Alliele-Muse). "We don't have the precedence to terminate--Kyaaa!!"
           Tira Misu-Muse shot her a stern glare. "So you're saying he should continue as is?"
           "No!" Miyuki-chan-Muse responded, blushing profusely as she tried elbowing Alliele-Muse off her. "Yes, I'm concerned with what His lordship Chaos is doing to our muses. But we have rules of protocol to follow. We can't just arbitrarily erase his imagination. And even if we tried to use our primary weapons against him, there's no guarantee it would work."
           Priss-Muse sniffed and leaned back in her chair. "MSTings have worked rather well in the past."
           "Only with poorly-written fanfics," Duo-Muse countered. "This guy is making a name for himself." He sighed. "It's like DDFA all over again...."
           Abruptly, Belldandy-Muse cleared her throat.
           Everyone fell silent as they heard, waiting for the words to be spoken by the reigning president of the Council of Fanfiction Muses. Belldandy-Muse rose from her chair, placing her hands on the table. Her serene eyes scanned the entire crowd.
           "I have spent the past few weeks monitoring all the reports about this," she stated. "And I have come to the decision that His lordship Chaos is regrettably a threat. However, we are bound by protocol to stave off any actions until he gives us legitimate reasons. And that means his quality of writing has to first sink so low, that Dr. Thinker's early works by comparison will seem brilliantly coherent.
           "We are creative abstractions, not gods. There are rules to the way we go about our business, and so we shall abide by them. I want no one here to suddenly decide on vigilante retaliation; that sort of thing will tear apart the Muse Realm and cause nothing short of anarchy."

[Cue Ebichu-Muse, the house-keeping hamster & inspirational abstraction, racing into the council chambers and waving a pair of panties over her head!]

Ebichu-Muse: "Emergency, dechu! Emergency, dechu! Ebichu-Muse accidentally scrubbed out the part of Belldandy-sama's panties that covers her [beep!]!!"

Muse council: o.O;;;;;

Belldandy-Muse: ^^;; [eyebrow twitch!] "Would the council please excuse me for a second."

Ebichu-Muse: "Dechu?"

*WHAM! BIFF! OUCH! BITCHSLAP!*

Ebichu-Muse: o.O;; [soaring across the room] "Dechuuuuuuuuu!!!"

*SPLAT!*

Ebichu-Muse: x.x [sliding down the wall in a bloody mess] "Once again, Ebichu-muse gets the bejeezus beaten out of her, dechuuuuuuuu...."

Belldandy-Muse gave a diplomatic cough after the unexpected interruption, and turned to the muses of the Genre Division Branch.
           "His lordship Chaos must be sent a muse. However, we cannot afford to lose any more promising abstractions. I personally refuse to allow it. But I highly doubt we'll be able to find anyone who can withstand his deranged ideas, let alone have the dignity to cater to them."
           "We did try to send him that psychotic gerbil for a kawaii mascot, Tamagoyaki," Char Aznable-Muse said.
           Sasami-Muse shifted in her chair, busy scribbling down some notes for herself. "What happened? His lordship Chaos drove him away like all the others?"

Xellos-Muse: ^^ "Sore wa..."

Sasami-Muse: "Sore wa...?"

Xellos: ^^v "Himitsu da!"

[Cue the facevaults!]

Ruri-Muse: "Baka."

Totoro-Muse: ^_____________^

Kamui-Muse: [sweatdrop!] "You are really starting to scare me, you know that?"

Char Aznable-Muse shook his head. "The worst possible thing happened. Tamagoyaki *joined* him. From what I hear, Tamagoyaki got himself a sweet self-insertion deal where he gets to terrorize some poor guy in a magical girl parody series."
           Everyone gawked at the concept.
           Hushed whispers abounded.
           "What about Great Muse Onizuka?" Vampire Princess Miyu-Muse asked. "I heard he and His lordship Chaos hit it off rather well."
           "They hit if off too well, in fact," Nuriko-Muse replied. "Nothing was getting written since they spent all their time getting liquored up and chasing after girls."

Miyu-Muse: "Is that so bad?"

Belldandy-Muse: [sigh!] "We were in essence financing their drinking binges. And it was getting rather expensive at that. We couldn't afford to keep Great Muse Onizuka, so we had to pull him from Chaos detail."

"Why not send Wolfwood-Muse in again?" Dilandou-Muse remarked. "He worked once before."
           That muse, Yang Wen-Li, sighed, "We can only send registered muses. Wolfwood-Muse tendered his resignation. We could send him in, but since he's no longer an official muse, we'd still be obligated to send a second muse into the fray."
           "Well," Shinji-Muse ventured. "We could send...Vampy."
           The hushed whispers around the ringed table turned into dead silence, every last muse staring at her as if she'd gone nothing short of insane.
           "That's like dumping rocket fuel onto a forest fire," Akane Tendo-Muse said gravely, evidently disapproving of the idea.
           "But she's just a Muse, Negative-Tenth-Class," Shinji-Muse said. "She couldn't be that dangerous, could she?"
           "Need I remind you of when we sent her in as a temp for Sean Gaffney's muse?" Trunks-Muse stated briskly. "The end result were two fics entitled 'Dance Dance Revolutionary Girl Utena' and 'The Rose Bride of Chucky'."

Suu-Muse: ^-^ "Dance Dance Revolutionary Girl Utena? Is that tasty?"

Sanosuke-Muse: "You can't eat a fanfic, aho!"

"Or what about when we sent her to Greenbeans," Video Girl Ai- Muse said. "and three days later a CCS/Soul Calibre fic called 'Card Captor Mitsurugi' popped up?"
           "Well, in CCM's defense, Mitsurugi does look funny in a dress and swinging that large Clow Sword," PallaPalla-Muse offered.
           All the other Muses slowly turned their heads and glared at her with unamused expressions.
           "Ano...it is a cult classic," PallaPalla-Muse said, sinking a little lower into her chair.
           "Let's not forget when Vampy first started here as an apprentice muse," Tira Misu-Muse added.
           Priss-Muse winced at the thought. "I'd rather not recall that fiasco. Makes the Bubblegum Crash OVAs actually seem decent."
           ChibiChibi-Muse looked from one fellow Muse to the other. "Chibi chibi?" she asked, innocently enough. Beneath her came the subtitling: 'What happened?'
           "Before your time. You were just a Muse-in-training when it happened," Harlock-Muse answered. "Vampy had just graduated from Muse Gakuen--though we suspect she was passed in all her courses just because the instructors didn't want to have her in their classes for a second year. We sent her out on her internship assignment.
           "It was rather low-key assignment, really. Help a newbie otaku in writing their first anime-based fanfic. Nobody ever expects much, and the bar is set low from the outset anyways. It's an easy job most Muses would pass with flying colours. But Vampy...." Harlock-Muse's voice drifted off ominously. "She happily fluttered over to that fanboy's place and helped him create his first fic."
           Keroppe-Muse groaned as he pillowed his SD frog-head on his flippers. "Mach Go Go Go Nagai!" he bemoaned.

Aika-Muse: "What's so bad about that fic?"

Kasumi Tendo-Muse: [sigh!] "These council members never will understand we of the Hentai Muse genre, will they?"

"Havoc's never been the same since," Harlock-Muse finished. "'Mach Go Go Go Nagai' was hailed as an online masterpiece of old- school Anime fanfiction. What's more, it was a lemon! Within a month he'd completed three more hentai fanfics: La Blue Sonnet, Lupin III - the Goldenboy of Babylon, and G-Taste Gundam. And all of them were pervertedly flawless!"
           "I always wondered how he got like that," PallaPalla-Muse remarked.
           "Vampy was so dangerous that we took her off Havoc detail, and have been pinging her around from one author to the next ever since," that Muse, Yang Wen-Li said.
           Yet even after a half hour of heated debates, the Council of muses found itself at an impasse. Most of the muses did not want to involve Vampy in an already unstable and volatile situation. They wanted His lordship Chaos to start writing "classic" fics with lots of good drama, angst, suspense and romance. But by the same token, they were at a lack of other options to turn to. However, it looked like that particular author would only wreck more Muses with his deranged crossover fics.
           In the end, it came down to Belldandy-Muse as the council's president to make the final decision. "We could be creating a juggernaut that will one day return to haunt us and mow us all down," she addressed her fellow council muses. "However, in the past, using poison to fight poison has proven a most unconventional but highly successful tactic. With any luck, their combined insanity might destroy them both.
           "If we assign Vampy to become His lordship Chaos' patron Muse, there's no telling what sort of fanfiction the two of them would concoct. That could undermine the ideals and conventions of writing fanfiction that we have all struggled long & hard to uphold and teach to the younger generations of muses.
           "Yet at this rate, His lordship Chaos will cut down a swath of aspiring young Muses if things continue unchecked. Vampy is the only registered muse we know of who can not only withstand his deranged ideas, but caters to such ideas in the first place. At the very least, we have the potential to kill two proverbial birds with one stone by assigning two problem cases as partners in textual crime."
           Belldandy-Muse stood up and scanned the faces of the council.
           "I nominate that Vampy-Muse become the new patron muse to the author known as His lordship Chaos. Does anyone second my motion?"
           The count was almost unanimous, and Vampy was voted in.
           "We might as well send for her," Orphen-Muse sighed. "I can't believe we're about to do this."
           Ten minutes later, Vampy-Muse burst into the room.
           Known as one of the more curious hybrid-Muses, she didn't resemble any actual Anime character, though she did have distinct features of any generic Anime character. Namely a frighteningly kawaii look, kiwi-green hair, chibi-angel wings & hyper-genki incoherent disposition that rivaled Sana-chan's.
           Vampy flashed the group a fanged grin as she fluttered around the room over their heads. "Hai! Agent of inspiration and justice, I shall take any who would obstruct the writing process and rake them over red-hot coals before feeding them to rabid Pokerats! Vampy-Muse is here!"
           "We have a new assignment for you, Vampy," Belldandy-Muse said. She pushed a file folder brimming with papers across the table. "He goes by the pen name of His lordship Chaos, and he has been causing quite a stir in the Muse Realm with his fanfics. We would like you to work with him."
           Vampy suddenly stopped fluttering around the room, and saluted Belldandy-Muse. Of course, when you stop fluttering in mid-air, gravity does tend to suddenly take effect.
           "Hai!" Vampy said. "You caAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

*THUD!*

Vampy: @.@ "Aiyaaaaaaaaaaaaa...."

Belldandy-Muse: [sigh!] "I still can't shake the very bad feeling I have about this."

* * *

           The next evening at His lordship Chaos' apartment, not a kawaii female assistant was stirring since they had either passed out from too much Sake or fallen asleep after all their Anime binging. Reiko and Junko were sprawled out across the couch, poking each other in the face every now and again as one would roll over. Yuu was laying on the recliner chair, an open book on her lap and a half-emptied Sake bottle wrapped up in her arms. Yui had managed to stumble her way into one of the bedrooms, while Masayo and Satsuki were curled up on the floor together.
           Since he was a long-experienced veteran of Anime binge parties, His lordship Chaos was the only one still awake at 2am. And since he still had a pitcher of warm Sake all to himself, it was the perfect opportunity to start work on another fanfic!
           Effectively liquored up, he began his latest masterpiece. He scratched his chin in a scholarly way as he let his brain work through the plot trappings. Originally, they had looked at Gundama Suu, a Love Hina/Gundam crossover featuring the Tama-mecha unit.

Suu: ^-^ "What's a Gundam? Can you eat it? Is it tasty?"

Keitaro: [dramatic pose!] "I'm going to pilot one when I pass the test, just as I promised that mystery girl when we were kids. Toudai School of Mobile Suit Pilotry, here I come!"

Motoko: --;; "Why do I have to dress up as Char?"

But with his kawaii female assistants all passed out, that crossover would have to wait for another night when all of them could brainstorm the insanity together. Opting for a quiet, laidback session, His lordship Chaos turned to an old idea that had been slowly mutating in his deranged little mind for quite some time now.
           "Now, let's see...Bishounen Senshi Sailor Moon. What sort of pretty-boys could I sub in for the female Soldiers?"
           But try as he might, with no muse around to help, he was at a loss for ideas.
           "Ano...Ano...Ano...."
           Just then Vampy-Muse appeared, soaring through the window. Upon glancing back at all the broken glass littering the floor, Vampy reflected that perhaps next time she should check to see if the window was closed before running through it. Yet that was a moot point when she saw that His lordship Chaos was already in dire need of inspiration!

Vampy: ^^v [with squeaky hammer!] "Wai!"

*bonk!*

"Aha!" His lordship Chaos exclaimed, sitting up in his chair immediately after getting bonked by Vampy's squeaky hammer. "It's so perfect. Why didn't I think of it sooner?!"
           With that, he quickly sketched out a list of bishounen soldiers to fight for love, justice and sexy dances the world over!

Senshi being replaced

Bishie replacement

Usagi/Sailor MoonVash the Stampede
LunaKuroneko (nyaaaaaa)
Ami/Sailor MercuryZelgadis
Rei/Sailor MarsTouga Kiryuu
Makoto/Sailor JupiterShun Kisaragi
Minako/Sailor Venusmale Maze (as Maze-ako)
ArtemisKimba the white lion
Setsuna/Sailor PlutoLupin III
Haruka/Sailor UranusDark Schneider
Michiru/Sailor NeptuneHotohori
Hotaru/Sailor SaturnHayama Akito
Chibiusa/Sailor Chibi-MoonAsaba
DianaPokota



           His lordship Chaos nodded his approval at the list. "Naturally, being Saturn, Hayama has a large, squeaky Sana hammer for a glaive. And if Asaba is in Chibiusa's role...why, he could attack youma with a Pink Sugar Sexy Dance!"
           He began to cackle maniacally. "That's so damned insane, it just might work! Now...who could be Tuxedo Kamen?" he remarked, scratching his head. "Naturally, in being the total opposite of Mamoru, this guy would have to be cool and have personality. I could have Spike Spiegel or maybe Gene Starwind."

Vampy: ^^v "Wai!"

*bonk!*

"Aha! Bean Bandit stars as...Tuxedo Kevlar!"
           His lordship Chaos typed in the new addition to the list. Fluttering around by his head, Vampy beamed at all the help she was able to give him. And once he sobered up a lot more, odds are he'd actually realise she was in the room too.
           "But I need villains now," His lordship Chaos said. "You can't have a good magical girls spoof without mocking the villains too. If the Senshi have all been replaced with bishounen, should I do the same with their enemies? What would be comically brilliant yet amusingly ironic all at the same time?"
           Taking that as her inspirational cue, Vampy bonked the author in the head with her squeaky hammer.

Vampy: ^^v "Wai!"

*bonk!*

His lordship Chaos: [hmmmm] "What indeed...?"

Vampy: [blink blink!] "Wai?"

*bonk bonk!*

His lordship Chaos: [still musing] "Odd. Usually I get an idea by now. Who could the villains be? Che...and I was on a roll too."

Vampy: --;; "K-Kono yaro...!"

*bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk!*

Yet all of her efforts amounted to only a tired chibified Muse, and an author who was still trapped by writer's block.
           Confused, Vampy reassessed her squeaky hammer. She quickly realized that for something as epically ridiculous as this, she was going to need a bigger dosage. The squeaky hammer was tossed over her shoulder, breaking a hapless garage kit figurine on the coffee table in the process. Said hammer was then replaced by the author's very own Cthulhumon plushie.

Vampy: ^^v "Wai!"

*BONK!!*

"Naturally," Chaos said, continuing his thought without pause. "The bishounen senshi would have to fight against women and ugly- looking male youma!"
           A second list was typed onto his laptop:

Villain being replaced

Femme replacement

MetaliaKey the metal idol
Queen BerylLina Inverse
KunziteIfurita
Zoicite/CrossdresseriteHaruka Tennou
NephriteKodachi Kuno
JadeiteAsahina Mutsuki



           "'Will you be one of Key's 30,000 youma?'" His lordship Chaos remarked in his best impression of Key's muted voice. "Perfect! Oooh, they're going to rue the day they called me a 'just plain mad author' when in fact I'm an extraordinarily mad author! Bwah hah ha ha hah ha ha hah!!"
           His evil overlord cackling (Mk. II) completed, he concentrated his efforts back on the fanfic. "I should throw in a few other extras too, even if this is being kept in the first season of SM."
           Upon hearing that, Vampy hauled out a life-sized Zanba sword.

*WHAM!*

"The Amazoness quartet would work great here," Chaos stated with a satisfied grin. "And they should be replaced by chibi- bishies too! Let's see...SD Chic, SD Gorgeous SD Chichiri and SD Carrot Glaces!"

SD Chichiru: ^^v "I'm playing Yarf-chan, no da!"

PallaPalla-Muse: [argh!] "How many times does PallaPalla-Muse have to tell you it's not Yarf-chan!"

[Cue SD Carrot chasing around his female superiors!]

SD Carrot: ^-^ "I serve you! I want you! Let me touch you! I need you!"

*GLOMP!*

Haruka/Crossdresserite: "Will you get off my butt before I drill you one?!"

"Yes, yes, this is all good," His lordship Chaos agreed with a nod. "But something is still missing."
           Pulling out all the stops, Vampy tossed the sword and then hauled out the biggest mobile suit she could find, its large foot poised over His lordship Chaos' head.

Vampy: >)

*CRUNCH!!!*

"The Starlights...excellent," His lordship Chaos proclaimed from beneath the boot. "Let's get some freaks & cross-dressers in for these roles! Ranma can be Sailor Kung-Fu Fighter! Akio Ohtori can be Sailor Star Faker! And Nuriko can be Sailor Star Header, which works since they've both got the same seiyuu!"
           He sighed wistfully as he pulled himself out fro beneath the muse mech unit. "Damn, I'm having so much fun with all these stories, I should be *in* them!"
           Abruptly a very evil grin began to appear on his face.

His lordship Chaos: >) "Say, that gives me a fabulous idea...."

Vampy: >) "Wai!!"



AND THE REST IS SELF-INSERTED HISTORY...




           Vampire Hunter DNAngel comes courtesy of Yukie_1013.

Handmaid Rei comes courtesy of Kojiro.

Popeye the Sailor Moon comes courtesy of Tom Servo.

The Rat Bastard would like to take this time to announce his
           superiority to the world, and that he has a sexier butt than
           Chaos could ever hope to have. You may now go back to your
           otherwise dull & pointless, fansubbed lives.

Sugoi Ne, Michiru comes courtesy of Desolation.

Gundama Suu & the Toudai School of Pilotry comes courtesy of
           Eldrick Tobin.

Card Captor Mitsurigi comes courtesy of Greenbeans & Corvus.

Thanks as always to Vampy for...well, for just being her
           hyper genki self. ^^v

This fanfic was brought to you by the letters S, M and
           ridiculously large amounts of Sake.

His lordship Chaos would like to thank the Union of Anime
           Fanfic Muses for putting up with his silly ideas. Love,
           peace and Zechs Wax grease!


           -His lordship Chaos
           hislordshipchaos@hotmail.com
           carnage.fanfic.org




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