"But it seems unhealthy here. I feel like I'm back in Mugen High during the S season again."
"It's just a party," he insisted.
Usagi stamped her feet on the floor. "Well I want to go."
Mamoru tried to keep a polite smile, muttering through his teeth, "Well we can't go anywhere until I get to a phone."
"Then ask the guitar-playing butler or something!"
Neither one of them noticed that at the end of the hallway they were backing into, an elevator was starting to descend.
"We don't want to interrupt in their celebrations," Mamoru said.
Usagi nervously looked at the Senshi. "Mamo-chan, this isn't the Tendo family Christmas scramble!"
"They're from Kinmoku, with ways different than our own. They might do so more...folk dancing."
"Stripping themselves naked and doing pelvic thrusts is part of folk dancing?!"
Carnage: "DON'T even say it, Havoc!"
Havoc: "But it's an ancient Hentopia custom. My Aika girls reenact it every Monday night."
Carnage: [facevault!] "ARGH!!!"
Mamoru could only shrug. "Maybe they're from Transylvania."
Usagi wasn't convinced by his words. "Look, I'm cold and I'm wet and I'm just plain scared!" And then Usagi suddenly noticed the occupant in the elevator. Usagi gawked, opening her mouth and trying to squeak out a warning.
Mamoru, being the sensitive man that he was, was oblivious to her reaction. "Hey, I'm Tuxedo Kamen, babe. There's nothing to worry about."
Suddenly the stranger in the elevator turned around, and Usagi screamed as she saw the Mary Kay'd face of Dr. Frank N. Fighter!
Seiya: [singing] How'd you do, I
See you've met my
Faithful Starlight band!
Yaten's just a little honked off
Because when you knocked,
He thought you were from our motherland.
With that Seiya strutted his stuff down the hallway, his large, bulky cape fluttering behind him. Mamoru idly wondered where this guy got his smashing capes; they put Tuxedo Kamen's ones to shame, definitely.
As soon as he reached the back end of the dance club, Seiya turned around and then wantonly flung the cape off his shoulders. He thusly unveiled the feminine Sailor Star Fighter attire he was wearing.
Seiya: I'm just a sweet Starlight
From transsexual Kinmoku!
"Er...yeah. Okay," Mamoru said. "Look, could we use your phone? We're not making any long distance calls."
Seiya didn't really seem to be listening. He was busy shaking hands with the dancing Senshi, all of whom apparently admired him quite greatly.
"A pleasure to meet you Dr. Frank N. Fighter," Iron Mouse said.
Seiya licked his lips. "Believe me, the pleasure--and the fanservice--will be all yours later tonight."
Iron Mouse swooned.
"Ano...so can we use your phone or what?" Mamoru pressed (but didn't dry-clean, since that would have cost him extra on the bill).
"How ever did you manage to get yourselves stranded?" Seiya asked, swings his hips with synch with Minako.
"Our car was inexplicably attracted to a fanboy with a 'Wu' symbol on his forehead," Usagi answered.
That made Seiya laughed devilishly. He strutted his stuff across the club and then flopped out on his beanbag chair. Yaten sat by his head, Minako by his calves, and Taiki stood in behind of the crossdressing idol singer.
Seiya: Why don't you...stay for the fic?
Seiya: Or maybe teach us a trick?
Minako: ^^v Trick!
Seiya: I could show you my favourite obsession
Taiki: ^^;; Cologne?
Seiya: I've been making a fan
With blonde hair and a tan
And she's good for relieving my tension
I'm just a sweet Starlight
From transsexual Kinmoku!
[Seiya gets up, pushes between Usagi & Mamoru, and heads to the elevator.]
Seiya: So come up to the stage
And see what's all the rage
I see you shiver with antici...
Audience: "Say it! Say it!"
Seiya: [leering] …pation.
All the Senshi applauded his dramatic exit back up the elevator. Immediately they all tore their fukus off, revealing thong bikinis underneath. Much fanservice! Much rejoicing! With a loud cheer they all raced out of the dance club, heading for the bathrooms. Left behind, Usagi & Mamoru found themselves now being towelled off by Yaten and Taiki...and then stripped down to their underwear.
"Mamo-chan!" Usagi exclaimed, trying to hide her matching, rabbit-patterned bra & panties.
"Daijobu, Usagi," Mamoru reassured her, trying to look manly in his SD Fiore boxer shorts. "We'll play along for now and I'll pull out my roses when the time's right."
Usagi glowered at him. "You had better not make another lame speech about love and justice, or I'll take that rose and shove it right up your--"
"You're very lucky to be invited backstage with Seiya," Minako remarked with a grin, cutting Usagi off. "Most screaming female groupies would give their virginity for the privilege."
"Fangirls like you, maybe?" Mamoru inquired with a fair degree of sarcasm.
Audience: "Keebler-chan! Keebler-chan!"
Sarcasm-hime: [with her Zel-chan] "Oh, I had such a horrible dream! I was an annoying fairy, and I was attracted to Demolition."
Zelgadis: "Um...that wasn't a dream."
Sarcasm: o.O; "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
Demolition: --;; "How do you think I feel about it?"
"Ha!" Minako exclaimed. "I've seen him naked." She then copped a feel off Mamoru's crotch and grinned.
Minako: >) "His is bigger."
Mamoru: [ack!] "Shrinkage! I was out in the rain for three pages!"
Before Mamoru could salvage whatever was left of his dignity, he and Usagi were escourted over to the elevator. Minako, Taiki and Yaten crowded in with them. Taiki guzzled down a glassful of Planter's Monkey Punch before closing the elevator door.
With a slight lurch the elevator began to ascend.
Audience: "Second Floor: Stupid Questions!"
"So," Mamoru inquired innocently enough to Yaten. "Are you Seiya's boyfriend or something?"
Audience: "Third Floor: Prompt Responses!"
Yaten promptly slapped Mamoru in the face, causing Mamoru to stumble right into Taiki's slap-ready hand. That left Mamoru to fall back right into Usagi's arms--but since Usagi was getting a surprise groping from Minako, she didn't have the chance to catch him.
"The Master doesn't have a significant other, though the Tokyo tabloids all wish he did," Yaten replied, not bothering to see if Mamoru was all right. "We are simply his back-ups in the band."
The elevator shuddered to a stop and everyone got out, making sure to step over Mamoru, who was still sprawled across the floor. Oddly enough, they all walked right into the Deathbuster basement lab. Most of the lights had been turned off; a few overhead lamps let them see where they were going. That and a number of red chili
pepper-shaped lights hanging all over the place. Rows upon rows of test tubes and beakers were lined up on the tables, along with a number of glass flasks underneath open flames. But in the centre of the room was a large object hidden beneath a flowing red curtain.
"I thought this had been blown up along with the rest of Mugen High," Usagi mused to herself. She became acutely aware of all the other Senshi standing and watching her from the second-floor walkway that encircled the perimeter of the lab.
Mamoru on the other hand was flexing his manly body of love and justice for all to see.
Audience: [throwing Yen bills at the screen] "Suck in your chest!"
Demolition: [standing up & tearing off his shirt] "You call those abdominals? Check these babies out! LOOK AT ME!!"
"Say, coming out here wasn't so bad after all," Mamoru remarked, picking up some of the cash now littering the floor--courtesy of the shouting Senshi above. "I think I made enough money here to restore the licence plate of our--"
He turned around and stopped talking as he saw Seiya in a leather operating gown and carrying a glass of Pocari Sweat cleverly disguised as champagne. A sweatdrop hovered next to Mamoru's head. "Usa-ko, you ever get the feel like we're in a really bad J-Pop music video?"
Seiya approached the two scantily-clad people, grinning as he saw the chibi-Fiores on Mamoru's boxers. "My, don't we have rather intriguing tastes," he remarked with a devilish grin. He turned to the other members of the Three Lights band. "Yaten, Taiki: prepare my experiment. Since I am the lead singer for the band, I should be the one who gets to monopolize all the fans."
"Gomen," Usagi apologized. "I only know how to play Risk."
"Er, how about Candyland? Mahjongg?"
Dr. Frank N. Fighter grinned. "Only if it's strip Mahjongg. However, I wasn't able to get Miyuki-chan here for a crossover cameo, so that won't do. Of course, you two are so under-dressed that you wouldn't last two rounds against me before your...assets were laid out for all to see."
The Senshi on the walkway above all laughed.
"Now look here!" Mamoru stated, puffing his chest out in the attempt to look threatening. That failed, however, when Seiya ran a finger down his chest and Mamoru giggled like a schoolgirl.
"Mamo-chan!" Usagi hissed, smacking him on the shoulder.
"I'm ticklish there, I can't help it," he defended himself.
But the idol singer/mad sailor scientist was already turning to address the crowd of Senshi on the observation platform above their heads. "My dear sailor soldiers," Seiya stated proudly. "For years I have been searching the cosmos for something elusive. Something beautifully ecchi. And now, here on Earth, I have found what I was looking for."
Princess Kakkyou: ^-^ [glomp!] "Oooh, Seiya-chan, you came for me after all!"
Seiya: --;; "Security!"
Usagi and Mamoru could only let their eyebrows twitch in bewilderment as Taiki and Minako quickly hauled the fireball princess off. The other Senshi just chuckled at the unexpected interruption.
"Now as I was saying," Seiya said, quickly regaining his composure. "I have at long last found that spark! That starseed...I have the secret to life itself!"
Upon hearing this, the Senshi all broke out into celebration.
Audience: [with noisemakers & confetti] "Wai! Wai!"
Gendo & Yui: [clapping] "Omedito."
Misato: [clapping] "Omedito."
Kaji: [clapping] "Omedito."
Ritsuko & Maya: [clapping] "Omedito."
PenPen: *Wark! Wark!*
Hysteria: "Hey, down in front-chan!"
"You are fortunate!" Dr. Frank N. Fighter proclaimed, pointing back to Usagi & Mamoru. "For tonight is the night that my beautiful otaku shall be born!"
The red curtain was removed to reveal an EVA entry plug!!
"I didn't know we were doing anime crossovers," Usagi whispered to Mamoru.
Mamoru was suddenly and inexplicably clobbered by a large styrofoam wrecking ball that had been used to smash through the 4th Wall.
Seiya motioned to Yaten, who was over at a console with a lot of knobs, switches and colourful flashing lights that probably served no real purpose aside from looking cool. With a grandiose gesture, Seiya grabbed a nearby microphone and let a spotlight focus on him.
The cheering Senshi on the walkways above immediately started waving their glowsticks and lighters in the air. In the background, Taiki started to play some funky electric keyboard chords.
"Hey, I think we get front row seats for this performance," Usagi said happily. "Ne, Mamo-chan, can you get me a glowstick?"
Seiya: [pointing] "Throw open the witches--"
Yaten: "Switches, Master."
Seiya: "I knew that--switches on the Big Machine O' Science!"
Nanaka: [waiting in the wings] "So now what do we do?"
Akane: "Well, I have a date with Captain Tyler, so I'll just duck out now."
Nanaka: "Wha--hey, Akane! Get back here!"
Sae: [flying backwards on her broomstick] "Waaaah! How do you stop this thing?!"
"And make the hamsters in the wheel run faster!" Dr. Frank N. Fighter added.
Yaten started to crank on a wheel while pushing a lot of seemingly random buttons. The lab alternated between dark and light as sparks flew all over the lab.
Audience: ^^v "Minna, henshin yo!"
A large device began to descend from the ceiling resembling...well, suffice to say, small children probably should not be reading this part of the fic.
Usagi: [throwing herself into Mamoru's arms] "Oh, Mamo-chan!"
Mamoru: [matter-of-factly] "Daijobu, Usagi."
Usagi: --;; "Get your hand off my butt, cape boy."
The device was activated, and amidst the strobe lighting the hatch to the entry plug was thrown open, LCL fluid pouring out. And swept out with the LCL tides was a young blonde woman in a skin-tight plugsuit.
"It's alive!" Seiya exclaimed, doing a happy li'l Starlight dance. "It's aliiiiive!"
Out from the LCL fluid the creation emerged. And it turned out to be a somewhat confused Haruka. Taiki and Minako immediately stripped Haruka out of her plugsuit. As it turned out, Haruka was wearing a thong bikini underneath. Naturally this caused Seiya to give a loud and excited squeak. He immediately started to chase the
frightened Rocky Haruka around the lab, making kissy faces.
Haruka frantically tried to escape (and let's be honest people: wouldn't you if you were in her position?) from Seiya, ducking beneath the lab tables and even climbing up to the walkway above. And all the while singing something about how, "the Space Sword of Damocles is hanging over my head."
Numerous times Seiya nearly managed to catch her, but every time s/he failed, Seiya let out an indignant "hmph!" and tried to grope her again.
"This has to be one of the worst episodes we've ever been in," Mamoru muttered.
"Worse than that first time the Yamhead dropped on our heads in the R season?" Usagi asked.
They looked up at the walkway, where Seiya was now getting into a tug of war over Haruka with Michiru...and Makoto.
"No, this is much worse," Mamoru stated.
Seiya eventually won Haruka back, and angrily led her down to the main floor of the lab. "Well really!" he scolded her. "That's no way to behave on your first day out! I ought to give you a spanking for being such a naughty naughty Senshi!"
Haruka looked crestfallen as she heard that, and her expression caused Seiya's resolve to soften. He purred and traced a finger along Haruka's supple thighs. "But since you're of such sexually ambiguous beauty," he added. "I'm willing to forgive you."
Rocky Haruka smiled and perked up.
Yaten: "She's a credit to your genius, Master."
Seiya: ^-^ "Hai!"
Taiki: "A triumph of your will!"
Seiya: ^-^ "Hai!"
Minako: "I thought she was a he."
Frank N. Fighter stopped and looked back at her. "That was the point, Minako! I don't think we can do any better than this prime specimen of bishoujonen!" With a grin, he took Haruka by the hand and brought her over to the two visitors in the club. "Now, Usagi and Mamoru, what do you think of him?"
Haruka flashed them both a sexy, optimistic smile.
"Ano...she's really sexy," Usagi said. "But I'm into guys."
Haruka seemed a little hurt upon hearing that.
Seiya scowled. "I didn't make her for you!" he snapped. "She carries the Maze OVA seal of approval!"
Seiya: [singing] An otaku, with ninety-eight dubs
Will be harassed at Cons
And told to buy subs
But soon, with a TV
And a Bakuretsu OVA
The screaming of fans
And cabbits in cans....
And with Cosplay,
And a little bit of ramen
She'll be happy
And dressed like a daimon
She'll be a cute fan
Oh honey, but the wrong fan!
Such obsessive living
I just don't understand
When with just seven fics
I can make you a faa-aa-aa-aa-aaaan!