Magic Knights: "Kyo wa...dare da?"
[Cue an SD Desolation popping up]
Chibi-Deso: ^^v "Finally, my own scene!"
Magic Knights: "Kyo wa...Funaho!"
[Cue the oversized Juraian tree/spaceship crashing onto Desolation!!]
Welcome, one and all to Wumake theatre, the part of the fic where we take the time to look in on the life of Desolation...and then smite him. Once again, we emphasize that the smites performed in this omake are done by trained, professional immortals. Please don't try this at home unless you have a 'Wu' mark, or a bunch of Kessenchu bloodworms.
Today's smite is:
DESOLATION VS. THE YAMATO
The fic had not been too kind to poor Deso-chan.
First there had been that unique imploding experience with the Iczelions, followed by an ugly hit & run with Mamoru's car. And guaranteed that he wouldn't be safe for much longer. This much was certain, given how his 10:30pm smite was fast approaching. Yet even self-inserted 'Wu' fanboys do get tired, what with all the dismembering and reattaching of oneself.
"I seriously need some shut-eye," Desolation yawned as he flopped out in a large, dark tunnel. "So long as that stupid Sara and her magic bouncy-ball don't plague my dreams again, I could use the nap."
"I warned you that bouncy-ball of hers could take out an eye, but did you listen?" the Fairy Godbabbit scolded him as it settled down on his backpak.
Desolation growled at his less than helpful Godbabbit, "Don't you have a coffee break you're supposed to be taking right about now?"
The Fairy Godbabbit consulted its wingwatch. "Hey, you're right! And if I'm lucky I can steal the beanbag chair from Kero-chan!"
And so off the Fairy Godbabbit fluttered, leaving Desolation alone to sleep in piece before he just plain went all to pieces. Curling up to get some rest, his "Who Da Wu?" blankey draped over him, Desolation drifted off to get lost somewhere in his sleep. However, a few seconds later a low humming noise caused him to stir.
"Great, just great," he muttered to himself, stifling a yawn. "How's an avatar supposed to get any sleep around--"
He paused and sniffed the air.
"Hey what is this?" he mused to himself, noting a curious odour in the air. It wasn't an overpowering stench, but it was enough to make Desolation worry that no good could come of it.
Then he abruptly noticed a strange glowing ball of light drifting past him. At first he mistook it for a firefly...right until he got an electric shock from grabbing it. Pretty soon an entire legion of the little glowing lights were moving past him.
This time using rubber gloves, Desolation picked one of the particles out of the air.
"Tachyons?" he said with a frown. "What are there tachyons in a tunnel?" His eyes suddenly widened. "Waaaaaaaiiiiit a minute! Tachyons...a basso profundo hum gradually climbing in pitch...a big, long, metal tunnel with--"
He paused to inspect the floor beneath his feet.
"--rifling running the entire length...(o.O;;) OH NO, I'M IN A WAVE MOTION GUN!!!"
Upon realizing the rather painful repercussions of this, he immediately shrank into a terrified li'l Chibi-Deso, frantically racing all around the barrel of the wave motion gun. But this being Desolation, instead of running out towards the exit, he wound up scuttling across the ceiling and right towards the firing chamber.
Desolation: o.O; "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! STOP THE COUNTDOWN!!!"
[Meanwhile, inside the Argo....]
Captain Wildstar smiled to himself about how good life was. Here he was commanding the English dubbed version of the Yamato, and further more he had Nova sitting on his lap. He smiled evilly, caressing her.
Nova looked apprehensively at the firing button on the console in front of her. "Oh, Derek, I don't know about this," she said with a great deal of reluctance.
"Go on, Nova," he urged her on. "Do it...you know you want to."
Mark Venture abruptly piped up from across the bridge, "I feel I should mention that there's an obstruction in the tube, Sir."
[Cue a panicky SD Desolation running around in circles inside the gun!]
Desolation: "Where's the emergency escape hatch? I can survive if I purged into oxygen-void realm of deep space!"
"Not for long," Wildstar said with an evil grin. He went back to feeling up Nova. "C'mon, it'll feel good, I promise...."
Nova squirmed on his lap in bad-girl anticipation as she leaned forward and then pushed the button to activate the awesome & destructive power of the ship's wave motion gun.
"Yeah, y'like that, don't ya?" Wildstar purred. "Yer a bad little girl."
[Cue Desolation kneeling in the tube, nuzzling Kasumi's apron and yelling to the heavens as the tube flashes bright yellow!]
Desolation: ;_; "KASUMI TENDOOOOO!! I LOVE Y--"
Wave motion gun: *GIGA ZORCH!!!!*
Across the Aniverse, Kasumi Tendo abruptly paused amidst cutting vegetables to give a dainty sneeze. "Oh dear," she remarked. "I must becoming down with a cold."
[Back on the Argo....]
With a passionate sigh of release, Nova leaned back against Wildstar, breathing heavily and glassy-eyed.
"Yeah baby," Wildstar cheered. "Didn't I tell ya?"
"Oh...my...God," she gasped. "So good...."
Wildstar chuckled, "Maybe next time we'll--"
Suddenly the door to the Yamato's bridge opened, and in stomped a thoroughly scorched and beyond furious Desolation.
Desolation: >( [evil demon mode!] "WU SMASH!!!"
Wildstar leapt up to his feet, sending Nova flopping out on the floor. "Hey, what's the big idea?" he snapped at the raging lost fanboy. "Y'go barging onto the bridge right when I'm about ter get Nova to--"
Desolation promptly decked Wildstar in the face, sending the would-be captain flying across the bridge and right into the lap of a startled (but not overly protesting) Mark Venture. "Wow, is it Thursday already, Derek-chan?" he wondered.
"I learned that one from being mistaken for Keitaro in Love Hina," Desolation growled. Then he slowly turned his head, his gaze levelling with Nova.
"A-Ano...." she stammered.
Deso's eyes flashed red. "As for you," he stated. "Remember that 'all-girls weekend' you, Starsha and Trelena took to the onsen at Iscandar last winter? Well, my dear...the portable Havoc-Cam he gave me sees all!!"
Nova gasped in horror as the kana for "Caught red-handed and bare-breasted!!" scrolled in behind her. "No, you wouldn't!" she pleaded with him.
Desolation growled, "'You can't have too much Rule 3 on the Internet'; thus spoke the Hentenno!"
He turned and began to storm out of the bridge, Nova frantically chasing after him.
"No, wait!" she protested. "You can't!"
"What I *can't* do is see straight, thanks to you, Trigger!" he retorted. "Oh, and then there's THESE!!" Desolation reached into the charred remains of his jacket and drew out a set of photographs. "You and Desslok making the beast with two backs! And let us not forget these classics of you and IQ-9!!"
Nova: o.O; "Noooo!!"
Desolation: --;; "Lady, I'm your worst nightmare: a Wu with Email and an itchy fowarding finger...and a link through the Planet Hentai server!"
Nova: ;_; [falling to her knees] "I'm ruined. My good-girl reputation...gone!"
Desolation: "See you in the pay sites, blondie."
[Desolation abruptly stops and looks back at one of the photos.]
Desolation: "Then again, you're obviously not a real blonde either."
Fairy Godbabbit: [flapping onto the bridge] "Okay, my break's over. What did I miss and are Nova and Starsha doing what I think they're doing in that photo?"
* * *
Sometime later, the fanboys were all sitting around the Cat Café, having lunch and shooting the breeze. Or in Carnage's case, shooting the youma who were bouncing around across the street.
"Okay, Deso," Pesti-chan said between mouthfuls of ramen noodles. "I understand you surviving the wave motion gun...but how did the apron Kasumi gave you survive it completely unscathed?"
"Because nothing anywhere, anytime, would ever hurt Kasumi Tendo," Dark Mayhem replied evenly, chowing down on a pork bun. "The apron must have her scent or something. Even the tachyons refused to zorch it."
Chaos shook his head, puzzling over one thing as he ate his bento box--and then realized that the food inside the bento box was probably a lot more edible and tasty. "Okay, but why did Kasumi give you an apron as a memento?"
Carnage nodded. "Our girlfriends give us panties."
Still eating his bowl of rice, Desolation nonchalantly replied, "Oh, that's because she doesn't wear any."
There was dead silence at the table as all the other fanboys stopped and gawked at Desolation. Well...all of them except for Havoc, who was busy finishing off his Hento Box. Pesti-chan dropped not only his jaw, but his chopsticks as well. Chaos blinked numerous times. Even Dark Mayhem was left speechless.
"Wait a minute," Carnage said, his eyebrow profusely twitching. "You mean to tell me that Kasumi Tendo, Anime's ultimate Yamato nadeshiko girl, doesn't wear panties?"
Desolation continued eating, and just shrugged. "I'm sure she did at some point...but she sure doesn't now."
Carnage: [turning to Havoc] "What the hell did you do to her?!"
Havoc: "Nothing. Well, I gave her a few books, but Deso brought it out of her, so to speak. Kinda like what Mayhem did to Ami.*shrug!* I guess she wasn't getting any from Dr. Tofu. Way to go, lost boy!"
[Havoc & Desolation give each other a high five!]
Havoc & Deso: ^-^ "Wai!"
[Cue the facevaults!]
Wumake written by:
Hentenno-sama & His lordship Chaos
Nova's dye job provided by:
The Wave Motion Gun appears courtesy of:
Crazy Hiiro's House of Gundams