Carnage: (with a malicious glint in his eyes)"Well, we do have one alternative..."
Pesti and Mayhem: O.o "NO! You are not going to do it!"
Carnage: "Oh, come on! Its been at least five fics now since I did it last, and that is way too long. Besides, it's better to do it now while that monster is still on the relative out-skirts of town."
Havoc: "Hotcha! Speaking of skirts, have you seen these beauties? I just lifted them from..."
Carnage :"DRAGU SLAVE!"
Pesti: "You have a point. Okay, do it. I'm going to cancel our pay-checks for the next half cenutry."
Well, you've probably guessed it by now (and if you haven't, I suggest you go and re-read each and every fic up until now) Carnage pulled out a small palm top computer and began putting the coordinates for the Satelite Strike. "Hold onto your umbrellas, this is going to get messy. SATELITE STRIKE!"
Yet, mere moments before impact, an urgent beeping came from the computer. "What the hell? The coordinates are all screwed up! The Strike has located a new target! It's not even near the monster! What is going on?"
At this same moment, in a small secluded location many miles from Tokyo we see a disheveled looking young man stumbling uneasily down the street. He had just been released from the ICU of some hospital after finding himself on the wrong side of a very irate and hungry Lina Inverse. He was currently trying to compose what he would put into his next postcard when, for no particular reason, he stopped dead in his tracks and looked high into the
sky. At this point we see that there is a strange marking on his forehead, one that many of us familiar with anime will identify as the mark of the "Wu." As he peered into the sky, he saw a bright, shining star. This struck him as odd, for it was 1:00 p.m. in the after-noon. Almost a split second later, he knew this was going to hurt. A lot.
"Carnage, you are my friend and I do respect you, but if you don't tell me what the HELL just happened, I will kill you," Dark Mayhem said in a threateningly low voice.
Carnage, who was reduced to a very large pair of Bambi eyes, just sat and murmured to himself, "How can this happen? I am Carnage, Master Of Mass Destruction! I don't miss!" He suddenly leapt to his feet, striking a victorious pose, "Oh well, we'll just take another shot. Let me just reprogram it...there. Let's do it this time, SATELITE STRIKE!
"What in the world?" Carnage looked carefully at the small screen. "'Low Batteries'? What the hell do you mean "Low Batteries'? Okay, I'm calm, we'll just use the mechas," Carnage wandered over to the closet, and found it locked?
Carnage looks up at the author, "Oh, you are so Dragu Slaved."
Author: "Hold on! This isn't supposed to happen!"
[Author checks his script and scratches his head furiously. ]
Author: "Yeah here it is, 'Dramatic and death defying mecha battle against the beast.' It's not supposed to be locked. What is going on? The only reason it would be locked is if we reached our special effects budget limit"
"Oh come ON! Have you never read this series before? We use a special effects budget larger than Havocs' panty collection!" Chaos fervently proclaimed.
Author: "You don't think I didn't know that! I set a huge amount aside for this battle specifically. Why do you think the plot and script have been so lame up untill now? My entire story is riding on this scene!"
"Then where did all the damn money go?" asked Dark Mayhem as he tried to get female Chaos to kiss him so he could Halloween the author.
"Um...heh heh," Pesti coughed nervously into his hand and tried not to look at anyone.
"Oh no. Pesti you DIDN'T!" Chaos cried as he thoroughly drenched a now very irate Jusenkyoed Dark Newt in a waterfall of tears.
There were suddenly six lil' SD Pestis all shouting the same thing: "How was I supposed to know the Satelite Strike was going to miss? I lost my script when Ami was over earlier and Mayhem incinerated it! I thought the Strike would hit. I cancelled the rest of the budget to repair the city!"
The apartment was entirely quiet except for the kana for "Hwooooo" scrolled behind all of the fanboys. "You know, I usually reserve this kind of thrashing for Chaos, but I think I can make an exception!" Carnage wipped out his Zanba Sword and lunged for the SD squad of Pesti-chans.
"SCRAMBLE!" They all screamed. And thus the apartment was filled with the sounds of a grand and incredibly odd chase. All hell seemed to permeate the area, except for a small corner in which both Ruin and Hysteria were carrying on an incredibly kawaii little tea party-chan.
Ruin: (Very intensely)... Sew, if yoo phollow all mi direkshins too the ledder, that iz the root to bothe imortalitee and eternall happiness (I refuze two spell that in a Hen-tay manner!). 1uv the few tings I r'member frum miy Avatar daiz.Du you understand?
Hysteria: ^-^ No. More tea-chan?
Ruin: ^-^ Yez, pleez!
At that very moment, one of the SD Pestis came tearing over the super kawaii little table and tea set. Close on his heels was Carnage, who further grinded it into dust. "Aaaaaaaargh!"
Surprisingly, it was not Carnage who bellowed this, but rather Ruin. "All write. Thatz it." Ruin held his arms onto his chest and ducked his head. The, his trench coat flared open to reveal at least a hundred pods attached to the inside. These pods burst open and launched hundreds small bomblets. They resulting explosion could be heard across Tokyo, and even caused the Bra Monster pause in its destructive rage.
"Pikked that little typ up frum Lucile!" Ruin proudly said as he straightened his coat.
Pesti (who had been blown back into one piece) coughed out a kawaii little smoke cloud then asked, "Ruin, how did you do that? I thought we lost..."
"What is this 'We' business? YOU lost it! Wow, I never thought I would say that!" a very amazed Chaos cut in.
"Hush! Anyway, how did you pull that off?"
"O, I werk offf an entirely diffrent speshel fx budget!"
Fanboys: Of course. Why didn't we know that?
"Husch! Enneeway, its a rezult of my preveeus life-tyme as a souper Avatar! Wow, I doo love 2 rubb that inn!"
"You don't think we are going to accept a lame-ass explanation like that?" Carnage asked, never one to be one-upped in the mass destruction department.
"Whell, we have 2 get this fanficfic rapped up sumhow!"
"Well, good enough. We use that excuse often enough in this series," Pesti reasoned. "So, I guess we'll just hope you can pull this off."
A very upset Carnage was off pouting in the corner. "It's not fair! I'm the master of smiting! I should blow the creature up!"
"Well, you can take some consollation in the fact that your boxers fetched a cool million on ecchiBay.com!" Havoc proudly announced with that Chichiri grin.
"How is that supposed to make me feel better?" Carnage asked sullenly, yanking Havoc over by the collar.
"It's not. But this is! Jello?"
"Over heer!" Ruin happily downed the Jello.
"I think I like this kid," Havoc said as he watched Ruin devour bowl after bowl of Jello. "Tell me, have you ever used the Perv?"
"Um, n0. But, eye doo have thiss!" Ruin placed another game into the Neon Sega Genesis Evangelion. "I caul it 'La Blue Stinger,!" Ruin handed the controller to the Hentenno-sama and let him try.
Everyone's favorite SD, grammatically challenged fanboy pops in. "Sallutashunz! Do'nt ya' luv it? 'La Blue Girl' is a hentai animay. I don''t think I have to sei more than that. 'Blue Stinger' however, is an akshin/schooter video game ekskloosivlee for the Sega 'Dreamcast.' Enjoy your nawty tentakles in fulll 3-dee ecchi-ness! "
"Hullo!" Ruin abruptly said to a blank wall. "How R U this fyne dei?"
"I think he's reached a new level of insanity," Chaos muttered to Pesti.
A second later, it didn't seem too foolish (as compared to before, maybe) as the wall exploded and was replaced by the gaping maw of the Bra Beast. As it roared into the small apartment, one could definately smell the ------- from the panties.
[Censor Board: We do not believe that such information is prudent to the fic at hand. We demand that you cease such graffic depictions at once!]
The author is currently embroiled in a heated argument, in which the Oscar Resurrection Fic, Havoc's Omake Theaters, and F5 are pieces that dictate such descriptions are a valid and a necessary part of the fanboy series. With him hencely occupied, the fic is free to go to hell in any of over a dozen designer hand-baksets!
"If you plan to stop this thing, now would be a good time to do it!" Mayhem managed to shout from under the refrigerator.
"All-rite, keep yore pantz, er, skert on! Ime afrade I wyll nead to uze mai ultimat smyting tekneek! "
"This should be good for a laugh," DarkMayhem muttered sarcastically.
"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" At this very inappropriate moment, Chaos reverted to his 'Chicken Fist' technique. "Cluck cluck!" the now delrious Lord Chaos screamed as he ran through the room. Ruin, who had pulled a giant Squeegee from his coat, smacked Chaos and amde a nice little fanboy shaped hole in the wall.
Ruin:[as Mr. Greene] I had to stop the clukking!
"Ruin, anytime you're ready here!" Pesti shouted as he was backed into a corner by a brassier clad claw.
"Awright."And so, Ruin's battle aura flared in bright pinks, greens, and purples, and he began a chant that reduced Carnage to tears.
"Preposterousness beyond luniest pitch,
Crazier than the wackiest night.
King of madness, who shines like bright fuchsia on a sea of Confusion,
I call thee on collect and swear the charges to thee!
Let the fool who stands before you destroy with the sanity you and I lack!
Squeegee, accept this foolishness and obey my command!
Fanboys: O.o "What the hell?"
And so that said, a blast of pure and unadulterated insanity was unleashed upon the monster. For a second after the impact of the blast, nothing happened.
"Good shot, you just..." Chaos began but was quickly cut off by some laughing. "Who's laughing at me? Who!" Chaos asked indignantly. "Did Anarchy put another sign on my back? Come on! Tell me?"
The other fanboys would've got a good laugh or two out of the scene of Chaos whirling in place, trying to see if there was sign latched to his back, and promptly failing unconscious. Unfortunately, they were preoccupied by the other incredibly ridiculous sight before them: for the one who had uttered the first laugh was, in fact, the beast. What had started as a small twitter of laughter had evolved into a full-fledged belly laugh. The creature was currently lying on its back rolling in laughter, and each moment after words the laughing becoming even more intense.
Soon all of Tokyo was filled with the laughter of this huge beast. The laughter then reached the unbearable "WOH HO HO HO HO HO" of Naga, (only hundreds of times louder. Yes, it was that bad.).
"The... pain... stop... when?" Carnage asked as he tried to cover his ears against the sound.
"Yoo need too smite it! It's energee is being drained by the laffter, but youu nead to hit it with a something!" Ruin explained as he too, tried to stop the horrible sound from getting to his ears.
"We can't, our budget can't handle another big smite!"
Forever after, it was known as one ofthe greatest days for Hentais everywhere, for panties rained from the sky, covering Tokyo in a thick layer of panties and bras. Almost instaneously after words, a duel "HOTCHA" was heard, and all the panties were gone. Havoc and Havoc-chan were celebrating their massive haul soon after.
[For all of you keeping track, this took a mere 45 seconds from the end of the chant to now. You may have noticed the redundant time indicators. They are there for a reason people!]
Pesti: Wait, did you just remove over one hundred tons of panties in under 5 seconds!?
Havoc and Havoc-chan: Hai!
Mayhem: Well, now I've seen just about everything
Carnage: Hold on. Who smited the bra bug then?
Cow: O.o Moo?
Fanboys: [sweatdrops!] Moo?
Ruin. ^-^ Mu.
Chaos: YES! I did it! I finally did something right. [Evil Overlord cakle can be inserted here] Now Mako-chan will have no choice but to go out with me. And Beans!, Yes Beans. It is now incredibly obvious that I, Chaos, "Saver Of The City Of Tokyo,"[pausing for a second] hey, that has a pretty good ring to it, ne? Anyway, she will have to hand the Lake God over to me, for I saved the fanficfic and the city. [Another Evil Overlord cackle can be inserted here].
Carnage: It's official: this fic is completely screwed up beyond all recognition.
Pesti: [To Mayhem] Did Chaos just do something right and save our lives?
Pesti: O.o I'm afraid.
Mayhem: Me too.
Ruin: I luva happey ending!
[Chaos continues to rant, that is, until and entire mob of octopi armed with Herring came knocking]
The day passed and it turns out that Ruin would be leaving for a while (and there was much rejoicing.)
"Where exactly are you going?" Pesti asked in a flatly monotone voice as he, Ruin, Chaos, Dark Mayhem, and Carnage stood outside near the bus stop. Pesti the held out his arms, and from the sky, Makoto fell into his arms!
Makoto: How did I get here?
Pesti: ^^ Who cares? Let's go!
"I halve absolootey no ideya!" Ruin to a group of now three fanboys.
"Will we ever see you again?" Mayhem asked in a voice similar to Pesti's, before he left that is. For in a similar manner as before, Ami fell into Mayhem's arms, and they promptly left.
"Mei-Bee. I mihgt come bak in anuther fanficfic, or maybe a holiday fik, if the original awthor deams it phit!" Ruin exclaimed to a pair of fanboys, seemingly oblivious to the fact that the fanboys were leaving in what was supposed to be a fairly dramatic scene.
"Carnage, what is happening?" Chaos asked in his SD form as he stilled stared in the general direction Makoto went off in.
"Haven't you figured it out yet? The author knew he had to pay us off in order for us to finish this fic. Hold on, it's my line. Ahem, 'Ruin, you will not be soon forgotten.' Man how lame was that?" But still, as Carnage held out his arms, and Rei (holding an S2 organ, no less) fell into his arms.
Rei: [draping herself all over him] What a pleasant surprise!
Carnage: [ignoring Rei completely] I hope THIS one won't possess Escafanboy
"Hey! What about me? Don't I get something?" a very irate Chaos asked.
"Y uv course u doo!" Ruin snapped his fingers and Hotaru fell into his arms, dressed in her pajamas.
"Ohayo, Duo?" Hotaru questioned, but still wrapped her arms around Chaos' neck. "Oh! Ohayo Haruka-poppa!" Chaos promptly whirled around to see the business end of a Space Sword pointed at his throat.
Chaos gingerly set Hotaru down and looked at Haruka with huge Bambi eyes, "Do I get a head start?"
"I'll give you 'till the count of 10," Haruka replied levelly as Chaos breathed a brief sigh of relief and began to gear up for the run of his life. "1, 2, 10!"
"Wait! Duo! What about me?" Hotaru shouted as she joined the chase for Chaos.
"Ah, Fanboys and Senshi share romantz, poore old Ruin has no pants," the pantless and mad fanboy rhymed as he climbed into NekoBus and spead off.
I bet that was what you were hoping to hear, right? Well, it ain't yet. There's more, but first, the legal stuff.
Lord Chaos, Lord Petilence, Lord Mayhem, Lord Carnage, Hentenno-sama, Lady Anarchy, and Lady Hysteria, belong to His Lordship Chaos. All anime and manga belong to their respective artists, writers, and/or publishers. All named video games named belong to thier respective designers and publishers (notice that this is the exact same thing from the first part?).
I would like to apologize to the fanboys and girls who never played a very large part in this fic. But, it is my firm belief that they probably wouldn't want anything to do with this anyway. And now, the Omake!
The infamous mad fanboy himself, Lord Ruin, appears on an otherwise blank screen. "Wellcum and sallutashins to my own brand o' 'Omake Theater'. Sinse sed Omake is trademarked by Lord Ckhaos, I halave had 2 rack my lil' fanboy brane to come up with this 1. Butt, eye don't thynk ewe will bee dissapoynted!"
With a lavish and over-exagerated gesture of his arms, dozens of lime, or as the case may be, lemon-lights (so generously donated by the Hentenno-sama him and herself!) flare into life to illuminate row upon row of... arcade machines?
"Yes, beehauld the 'Omake Arcade!' This steat uv the art fasilitee will howz all of my bryllyant creations!" Ruin leads the audience to the nearest machine.
Ruin: Ai prezent "Bushido Sailor Senshi." A fyne blend of "Bushido Blade,"one uv Squaresoft's phirst 4-rays in2 the relm of phighting entertaanment with the combatants engaajing in tradishunaul Japaneez armed conflikt, and Naoko Takeuchi's master-piece, "Bishoujo Sailor Senshi. Nuph sed. Doo U have enouhg soard dooling skillz two ade yer favorite Sailor Scout in the ultim8 kwest 2 destroi the North Amerikan dub version of Chibi-Usa?"
Ruin leads us to another game.
Ruin: Fore the gamer knot sattisfyed wit' morr traditional gaems, I giv ya'll, "Dance Dance Revolutionary Girl Utena!" An ek- cellant miks of the l-eight-est arcade fad in Japan (dance and muzik simulators) "Dance Dance Revolution"and the ultrar-shoujo art hevvy anime "Revolutionary Girl Utena." Compeet for the Bara no Hana Yome bi busting some major rivalooshinaree danse grooves!"
Ruin gestures to another game.
Riun: This liddle b-yoody will keep yoo and three uther frends okkupied 4 uors on end! "Goldenboy: 007" O yah, the eppitomb of 1st persin schooters "GoldenEye: 007" and the hillaree-us antiks of the eternull stoodent of "Goldenboy," all at yer' dispozall! Smite your friendz in the faymuss Death-Match moad in order 2 meat babes that make Silicon, erm, Plastic Little karakter desine seem run o' da' milll!"
We are now lead to another game.
Ruin: I no it mei bee wrather redundent bie now, butt oui got anuther fightin' game four you. "Tekkenman!" "Tekkaman," (ore Techno-Man to you North American dubbers) is the storey of peeple with mekka. Thair aint much more two care abaut then that! And az for "Tekken," well, Tekken is Tekken, THE fighting gaym. Anywei, what IZN'T appeeling about mecha kicking the living krap outta' each uther?"
Ruin heads to another machine and pets it affectionately.
Ruin: This iz a partikuler favoryte o' mine. You nede a good shot uz boath anime and video game class'ks? "Final Fantasy Yamato 7!" Yup, the modern classic "Final Fantasy 7"...
Ruin motions to the audience slightly, "Enny 1 hoo duz not no what "Final Fantasy 7" is, pleez raze your hands now." Ruin writes down the name of everyone who raised thier hand. "Good. All uv U who raised yar hands will be promptly smoat at the end of the Omake."
Ruin: ... and "Final Yamato," the dramatic, if cunphuzing (just how da' helll did thee Capten come bak?!) continuation of the original anime serees. Leed Cloud and the krew of the Yamato agenst the Water Plan't Aquarius and its evul Preest-Kyng, Sephiroth!"
Ruin now beckons the audience to a machine that is covered in a heavy black shroud.
Ruin: This is a very speshal masheen. It utillizes revolooshinary "Dreamcast Hunter Rem" teknaulogy to enhanse itz graffics a hundread fold!"
Ruin flings the shroud away and stands proudly next tho his creation.
Ruin: Viola! "Sol Caliber." That smasch arkade fiter hit "Soul Caliber" and the anime "Sol Bianca!" all combyn'd into 1 helluva' game! Watch your faverite space pierate babe kik the crap outta' there enmies in full 3-dee gloary!"
"Well, that 'tiz all fore now, yet, thier WILL be more. O yeah verily eye proclame, thair WILL be more!"
In order to name all the video game and anime titles I've used would take too long, so I'll just say this (no wonder His Lordship Chaos gave up!). So, I'll say this, instead: all anime and video games thusly name belong to their respective author/designer/artist/publisher, and not to me. Alright, coo'. This is Lord Ruin signing out of here and into a psychiatric ward
(no, really this time!)