It's not the size of your characters that counts.

         It's how you abuse them!


         [Cue Chaos walking onto the obligatory intro. bit]

Chaos: [ahem!] "And now for a posthumous seasonal poem I wrote: 'Twas the fic before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring...oh, look. A mouse!"

Hysteria: ^-^ "Hai! It's Hysteria's kawaii little Nezumi Gundam-chan!"

Carnage: o.O "What the hell is that SD Gundam doing dressed up like a rodent?!"

Dark Mayhem: [shaking his head] "It's like watching someone try to one-up the G Gundam mobile suits...not like Sailor Gundam needed help, though."

Pesti: [eyebrow twitch!] "As if her Mysterious Thief St. Tallgeese mecha wasn't bad enough."

Chaos: "Guys, can I finish my poem?"

Hysteria: "Isn't Hysteria's Nezumi Gundam-chan just oh so kawaii, Carnage-poppa? Ne? Ne ne?"

Carnage: --;; "Isn't it though."

Chaos: [sweatdrop!] "Moshi moshi?"

         [Cue the Nekotank Hell Custom suddenly pouncing on the Nezumi Gundam-chan!]

Nekotank Hell Custom: "Rowr!"

Nezumi Gundam-chan: o.O "Squeak! Squ--!"

         *CHOMP!*

Hysteria: "Kyaaaaaa!! Carnage-poppa's kawaii little Nekotank Hell-chan just ate Hysteria's kawaii little Nezumi Gundam-chan!"

Dark Mayhem: "Ah, natural mech. selection at work."

Carnage: ^^ "Isn't wildlife wonderful?"

Pesti: [eyebrow twitch!] "I don't believe this."

Chaos: [irate SD fanboy] "Hey! What about my poem?!"

Havoc: "If you want, I could recite another hentai haiku I just wrote."

Chaos: [grrrrr!!] "Not a chance, Havoc!!"

Havoc: "Okay, how about I do *this* instead?"

Setsuna: [from offscreen] "I feel a draft...HAVOC!!!"

Havoc: ^-^ "That better?"

Chaos: [groan!] "It's like arguing with a two year-old."



         [And since this introduction is evidently sinking faster than Chaos' Battle Athletes Sailor V fic, cue the SD Double feature!]




         It was a beautiful morning.
         Birds were singing, the sky was blue, and the light was glistening off the Cream Lemon residue still left from the Giga Sploot. Yes indeed, it was a great day to be alive...unless you were chaperoning a certain uberperv.
         "This is so [beep!]ing humiliating," SD Pesti-chan #6 groaned, glancing around and trying to look inconspicuous. This however was proving to be a difficult feat given how he had Havoc on a leash and collar.
         Happily bounding across Jyuban Park, Havoc was busy exclaiming "Hotcha!" as he tried to leap into the bosoms of the cute women passing by.

Havoc: ^-^ [boing boing boing!] "Helloooooo Gainax bounce!"

SD Pesti #4: o.O "Kyaaaaa!!! Stop that! Bad pervert! Naughty naughty Hentenno!"

SD Pesti #2: "You do realize you're being utterly redundant."

SD Pesti #4: --;; "Shut up."

His lordship Chaos presents



         Just across the street from Jyuban Park, the other fanboys were enjoying their day off at the local Komawari Cafe.
         "So as I was saying," Dark Mayhem continued. "Fact of the matter is, Chaos, no matter how hard you try and suck, you just *can't* steal Beans' lake god through a straw."
         A kitty-eared Chaos pouted as he shrank down in his chair. "It seemed like a good idea at the time."
         Dark Mayhem sighed. "It's an impossibility of physics."
         "Like physics means anything in Anime," Carnage countered. "Look at the Heavyarms Custom. Do you see any place on that mobile suit where its ridiculously large supply of bullets can be stored?"
         Sarcasm-hime, happily seated in the lap of Marron Glaces, waved it aside. "Pan-dimensions, pan-dimensions. How else do you think I can have all my forty-seven Shonen in my room without overcrowding it?"

Fanboys: [sweatdrop!] "......"

         "Here we are!" waitress Sana-chan said, doing some sort of strange victory dance as she brought them their meals. "Five orders of oyakodonbaka!"
         Elsewhere in the cafe, waiter Tsuyoshi slowly turned his head to waiter Hayama. "Oyakodonbaka?"
         Waiter Hayama nodded slightly. "Oyakodonbaka."
         The fanboys were just about to grab their ohashi and give a chorus of "Itadakimasu!" when they heard a distant chorus of female shrieks that quickly got louder. Seconds later a horde of half-nekkid Anime babes made
a mad dash across the sidewalk just outside the cafe.

Anime babes: "Kyaaaaaaaaaa!!!"

         And then a few seconds after that, Havoc was seen bounding after them, the collar and leash leisurely flapping behind him.

Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha! Ladies, come for Hentenno!"

         And then a few seconds after that, all six SD Pesti-chans were seen frantically trying to race after Havoc.

SD Pesti #1: "Sit!"

SD Pesti #4: "Heel!"

SD Pesti #6: "Get your ass back here, you freak!"

SD Pesti #2: "Stop!"

SD Pesti #5: "Bad Havoc! Bad Havoc!"

SD Pesti #3: ^-^ "Same some of that for Number Three, Hentenno!"

Other SD Pesti's: "SHADDUP!"



Y2omaKe: SUPERDEFORMED DOUBLE FEATURE!!!




         A few hours later found Dark Mayhem reading up on the business section of the newspaper, Chaos deciding which Anime he wanted to watch, and Carnage working on a model Gundam figure at the dining room table.
         Abruptly the front door opened, and six SD Pesti-chans dripping in Cream Lemon stumbled into the apartment.

SD Pesti #6: --;; "I hate you guys."

Dark Mayhem: [shrug] "Hey, you lost Jan-Ken-Pon. Not our fault."


2nd Absurdity:

THE OBLIGATORY SUPER-DEFORMED EPISODE!!!



         [Later that day....]

         In the apartment adjacent to that of the fanboys', two fangirls were busy living up the simple, self-inserted life. Senshi Psyco was sprawled out on the couch, idly playing with a number of Fanboys! plushies she had acquired in their last fanficfic. Senshi Chaos was busy getting herself a drink in the kitchen.
         A knock came from the front door.
         Senshi Psyco lifted her head up from the couch. "What was that?"
         "A wonderful new device we call a door," Senshi Chaos replied dryly. "I'll get it."
         She headed to the front entry & opened up the door, only to be presented with the series' newest fanboy posing topless and flexing his muscles for all he was worth.

Fanboy: ^-^ "Excuse me, but I live next door...and I seem to have lost my shirt."

Senshi Chaos: "......"

Front door: *SLAM!!*

         "Who was that?" Senshi Psyco asked as her roommate sauntered across the living room.
         "No one was there," Senshi Chaos replied with a shrug. "Probably just a prank. Come on, let's watch some Anime."

Fanboy: ;_; "C-Cruel...!!!"

*         *         *

         Chaos grinned as he emerged from his wall scroll in the early afternoon. Yes indeed, it was a good day to be a self-inserted fanboy; it was summer vacation in the Sailor Moon universe, he had yet to be smited, today he would fight for the honour to date the fair Mako-chan, and his 'Cassan Corps' Chaosfic was near completion.
         But before he could let anything else transpire, he had to take the customary hot bath. Chaos froze upon opening the bathroom door, seeing it already occupied by Anarchy...who was busy trying to flush Hysteria down
the toilet. Chaos glanced warily at the pair of kawaii li'l leg-chans sticking out from the toilet bowl.

Chaos: [sweatdrop!] "What are you doing?"

Anarchy: "What does it look like? I'm flushing Hysteria down the toilet just for the hell of it."

Chaos: [hopeful] "Can I pull the lever?"

Anarchy: [evil smile] "Sure...."

*         *         *

         "Shimatta," Pesti-chan said as he emerged from his bedroom. "I've bathed three times, change my clothes five times, and I still smell like Cream Lemon! How am I going to date Makoto today when I have the scent of perv on me?"
         Although it would be cutting close to the time when he'd have to leave for Jyuban Park to meet her, Pesti-chan opted for one final scrubdown in the bath. He headed for the bathroom.
         "At the very least, Chaos isn't around to agitate me," he sighed.
         Pesti-chan froze upon opening the bathroom door, seeing it already occupied by Anarchy...who was busy trying to flush Hysteria and Chaos down the toilet. He glanced warily at the two pairs of leg sticking out from the toilet bowl.

Pesti: [sweatdrop!] "What are you doing?"

Anarchy: "What does it look like? I'm flushing Hysteria and my brother down the toilet just for the hell of it."

Pesti: [hopeful] "Can I pull the lever?"

Anarchy: [evil smile] "Sure...."

*         *         *

         Sometime later, Dark Mayhem headed towards the bathroom. He froze upon opening the bathroom door, seeing it already occupied by Anarchy. The uber exploder fanboy's gaze drifted towards the toilet bowl, which had numerous pairs of legs now stuffed inside it.

Dark Mayhem: [ID check] "Ano...Hysteria, Chaos, Pesti-chan, Carnage, Havoc--and Minako? That's cold, even for you."

Anarchy: [indifferent shrug] "I didn't. She jumped in after Havoc. Care to pull the lever?"

Dark Mayhem: "Not a chance, Anarchy. I know you too well."

         A few moments and yet another pair of legs sticking out of the toilet bowl later, Anarchy cheerfully strolled out from the bathroom. Rampage was eagerly awaiting her, the kawaii li'l SD Godzilla-thingy hooting playfully upon the coffee table. Moments later Rampage burped up one of Chaos' high heel shoes.
         The doorbell rang.
         Hoping it was another shipment of Sake (seeing as how she'd already drank all the alcohol the fanboys had stashed in their apartment), Anarchy headed for the front door.
         "CHU CHU!" Rampage chirped, bounding along after her.
         Anarchy opened up the door, and instead of the Sake delivery guy she was greeted by a very tall and very topless fanboy who was flexing his muscles for all he was worth.

Fanboy: [pose!] "Excuse me, but I was out for a walk, looking for my older brother...and I seem to have lost my shirt."

         Not exactly impressed by his manly biceps, Anarchy merely raised an eyebrow as she looked up...and up...and up. "Demolition?" she remarked with a bit of surprise. "Oh, you must be looking for Carnage. Hang on."
         She disappeared down the hallway, and returned a few moments later. Anarchy handed Demolition a plunger. "You'll have to fish him out yourself."
         Demolition blinked a few times, contemplating the task now set before him. "Um...okay."

         [Cue the Babbit scene change symbol!]

         Chaos, Pesti-chan, Dark Mayhem, Havoc and Carnage all emerged from the bathroom after Demolition, each fanboy trying to dry their clothes off.
         "Toilet Hanako won't be too impressed when she sees we left Hysteria in the bowl," Chaos remarked. "And yet...somehow it's a scolding I can happily face."
         "Just how did she manage to stuff you into the toilet without detonating you anyways?" Dark Mayhem inquired, turning to Havoc.
         Havoc seemed to sulk even more. "She told me there was a pair of panties down there."
         Carnage was unable to contain his incredulous laugh. "And you believed her?"
         "Would *you* disagree with her?"
         Dark Mayhem glanced over at the karaoke machine-toting fangirl. "Point taken."
         Pesti-chan removed his wet shirt, shaking his head as he headed for his bedroom. "Well, at the very least that got the Cream Lemon smell off me. Now I can change and leave for Jyuban Park."
         Chaos' body abruptly twitched, and he slowly turned his head. "What are you doing at Jyuban Park?" he asked darkly, his expression just the slightest bit maniacal.
         "I don't have to answer to a fellow overlord of Mass Destruction," Pesti-chan retorted evenly. He reached out to give Demolition a friendly slap on the shoulder, then reconsidered upon seeing how high he'd have to stretch in order to actually reach Demolition's shoulder.
         "Arigato for getting me out of the toilet," Pesti-chan said. Then he added, "Just who are you, anyways?"

         [Demolition facevaults!]

         "Forgive Pesti-chan," Dark Mayhem said. "He's usually the last to learn about new cast members."
         Pesti-chan shot the uber exploder fanboy a dark look. "And just where do you guys know him from?"
         Carnage gave a sigh, and then walked up beside Demolition. "Pesti-chan, meet my younger brother, Demolition."
         "This is your *younger* brother?" Pesti-chan remarked, tilting his head up. "That's one hell of a growth spurt."
         The fanboys adjourned to the living room, everyone taking a seat for themselves. Chaos flung himself onto the kitchen counter to lay dibs on it. However, the counter had just been washed & waxed, and so he shot across it and flew right into the fridge.
         "Twit," Dark Mayhem sighed, claiming the counter for himself. He then gestured to the other otaku present. "I'm sure you're familiar with most everyone here, Demolition. You've just met Pesti-chan, our former underlord-in-traning."
         Chaos opened his mouth to take issue to that, but was abruptly silenced by a mysterious yet torrential downpour of cabbages.
         "As you can see," Dark Mayhem continued. "I've gone through a few character mutations, plus we've also got an Elfgirl, and an alleged daughter from the future who took over Chaos' bedroom."
         Demolition nodded, absently playing with his battle armour. "Ne, what about Desolation? I haven't seen him lately."

Carnage: "Hmph. Join the club."

Demolition: [sweatdrop!] "He's still lost?"

Pesti: --;; "Much like the plot of any of our fics."

         Chaos looked around the apartment. "Ne, where did Havoc disappear to?"
         "Hotcha!" Havoc exclaimed, dropping in from above and landing on Chaos' head. "Did I hear someone pining for the perv?"
         Demolition leapt from his chair, stunned to see Havoc in his presence. "Na ni?!" he exclaimed. "You mean he survived the HentaiCon 98 tentacle disaster?!"
         Everyone nodded. "Hai."
         Demolition's eyes narrowed. "I should warn you, Havoc, that I'm an expert in fantasy RPGs." He pulled out from behind his back a number of protective wards against demons. "And I also am the closest thing to a supernatural combatant your series has!"

Havoc: ^-^ "Oro?"

         With a loud shout, Demolition raised the wards over his head, ready to fling them at Havoc. "Akuryou Tai--!"
         Suddenly Minako appeared, defiantly standing between Demolition and Havoc.

Demolition: [with demon wards] "Um, Minako, no offense, but it's a little hard to get a clear shot at him when you're standing in the way like that."

Minako: "You can't have my Na-chan. How am I supposed to smuggle myself into his three o'clock body sandwich if you exorcise him?"

Demolition: [blink blink!] "What?"

Carnage: [sipping tea] "Believe me, she knows what she's doing. You do not want to even try and smite the pervert."

Demolition: o.O "Nii-san, have you gone mad?!"

Carnage: [sipping his tea] "Nope. I've gone through denial. But I'm much better now thanks to that 12-step decaff program."

         "Ha!" Demolition laughed. "Havoc doesn't scare me. Ever since I learned my brother was in this series, I've traveled through countless Animes to join him."
         One of Dark Mayhem's eyebrows raised up. "This should prove interesting."
         Demolition quickly side-stepped Minako.

Demolition: [launching the demon wards] "Akuryou Taisan!"

Havoc: "Oro?"

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