Oh, the plot twists!
The plot twists!
But just remember to not twist your plot backwards when it's already looking that way. Today's lesson: the self-insertion fanfic cannot turn 180 degrees. Kintaro can also tell you this same principle applies to the human head.
Anyhoo, back at the fanboys' apartment, the rest of the gang were leisurely waiting to hear the outcome of the latest Mako-chan melee. There were bets to be paid on how badly clobbered Chaos got. Dark Mayhem was working on a snack for himself in the kitchen, while Anarchy reminisced about all the bottles of Sake she had consumed in the past
week. Sarcasm was still in her room, and had yet to emerge for some air in the past few hours.
Zelgadis: "Sarcasm, I've been meaning to ask you this for a while. Given how long I've been in your harem, can I have the key to your room?"
Sarcasm: "Hey, I'll let you out when I feel like it."
Zelgadis: [shrinking down] "Hai."
[Sarcasm takes out her cellular phone & dials a number.]
Sarcasm: "Urd? Sarcasm here. I want a pajama party with the Weiß Kreuz boys later tonight...DBYOP."
Sarcasm: "'Don't bring your own pajamas.'"
Moving right along, Carnage had retired to his hangar bay to continue work on Escafanboy. That just left Demolition to keep on poking at Havoc with his Sword of Light. The glowing blade still had no effect on even injuring Havoc, but it did seem to be irritating him.
"Would you stop doing that?" Havoc finally asked. "You're as bad as Carnage."
Demolition didn't seem all that impressed. "Oh, and I suppose you can do something to rival our smiting powers, you pervert?"
"Call me Hentenno!" Havoc stated boldly. "And for the records, I do know a Slayers spell or two."
That got a laugh from Demolition. "This I've got to see."
Havoc closed his eyes and began to summon the power of his hentai battle aura. Cream lemony flames appeared around his body as he invoked a powerful spell.
Havoc: [pointing at Demolition] "ELEMEKIA PANTS!!"
Demolition shook his head. "Boy, did you mispronounce that spell. It's Elemekia Lance...and I don't even think you did anything."
Havoc's sly Chichiri grin begged to differ. "Didn't I?"
Demolition looked down--and saw he had been 'debriefed' by Havoc's spell, pants and all. His eyes ballooned out in shock.
And as it just so happened, Carnage had walked out from his hangar bay just in time to get stuck within the smiting radius. He glanced down at his drafty lower torso, and then looked to Demolition. "And I suppose I have you to thank for this."
Yet Demolition laughed it off. "Feeling a little inadequate, are we, nii-san?" He struck a macho pose.
Demolition: [flex flex!] "You realize this means that the women will be flocking to see my sexy, taut calves!"
[Cue the horde of love-crazed girls who mow Demolition down, and carry off a hapless Carnage!]
Demolition: ;_; [twitch twitch!] "Nii-san no...baka."
Dark Mayhem thumbed over in Demolition's direction. "What gives? If he and Carnage are related, shouldn't they both have the same Tenchi Masaki syndrome?"
"Our author does like a variety of methods when torturing you guys," Anarchy said, petting a sleeping Rampage.
"Come to think of it," Demolition added, flexing his manly abs. "Every girl I've ever met here in Tokyo seems to ignore me. And not just ignore; it's like I'm not even there."
Anarchy laughed. "That answers it. You've got invisible boyfriend syndrome, buddy. No cute and nubile Anime babe's gonna EVER notice you."
Dark Mayhem considered that. "Makes sense; it balances out Carnage's Tenchi Masaki syndrome. But I wonder if there's something else to this."
He and Anarchy looked back at Demolition.
Demolition: [posing in Speedos] "Look at me!"
[Cue Hysteria leaping in wearing a leotard]
Hysteria: ^-^ "Ooooh! Hysteria's got the most kawaii little bicep-chans, ne?"
Anarchy looked back to Dark Mayhem. "Must be your imagination."
"Must be," Dark Mayhem agreed.
Rampage abruptly perked up as something floated into the living room. Still trying to escape the crazed supernatural family of Kimaguri Orange Road, the rather rotund cat Jingoro yowled as he left clawmarks on the table. This feline was rather adamant about not going back home. Fortunately for him, Rampage decided to help out.
Rampage: ^-^ *BUUUUUURRRRRRRPPP!!!!* "CHU CHU!"
Demolition: [flex flex!] "Moshi moshi? Is anyone looking?"
Hysteria: ^-^ [tee hee!] "Hysteria's got such a kawaii, flat little tummy-chan!"
[Cue the catgirl who suddenly charges in from the hallway, mowing Demolition and Hysteria down!!]
Dark Mayhem appraised the twitching Demolition as he stepped out from the kitchen. "Those crazy fans will do anything to get close to you," he remarked, taking a sip of his Maho Tsukai Mai Tai.
"Maddy-chan's here!" the catgirl exclaimed, happily racing circles around the living room. "Maddy-chan's here!"
Her long tail swung behind her as kawaii kitty ears popping out from her hair. Clad in pretty much striped fur and a leotard all her own, she came to a stop on the coffee table, and licked one of her paws. The other fanboys took the moment of quiet to appraise their new and rather uninvited guest.
Dark Mayhem: [turning to Carnage] "Ah, just got back?"
Dark Mayhem: "How was the molestation?"
Carnage: "Not that bad. I got my boxer shorts back this time."
"It's....it's Merle," Demolition remarked, rather confused as he looked at the catgirl.
Dark Mayhem nodded. "Hai, but not quite. This nekojin looks a little differ...ent...Oh shit. Not another self-inserted character for us to contend with."
The catgirl turned her head, and spotted Anarchy.
Maddy happily leaped off the table, and with great teary Bambi-eyes flung herself at Anarchy. Anarchy paused in downing another bottle of rubbing alcohol (it was all the apartment had left to offer in terms of booze) and glanced over at Maddy. An eyebrow twitched involuntarily.
"An-sama!" Maddy cried. "Oh, I missed you so much!"
[Cue the facevaults!]
"Na ni?! You mean Anarchy's got another obsessed fan?!" Carnage exclaimed.
Anarchy's eyes narrowed.
Maddy suddenly hissed, her fur standing on end. "SHIN'NE!!"
Seconds later, the quiet and peaceful city of Tokyo was suddenly witness to a gargantuan, cross-shaped pillar of fire that stretched high into the air. The apartment being at point blank range was fortunately spared by Anarchy's AT Field--but the same fortune cannot be spoken of for the large hole in their ceiling...and through every other floor
subsequently above them.
"Eh?!" Demolition coughed, shielding his face from the dust. "That was an Angel's detonation!"
"Since when did a catgirl know how to pull off a stunt like that?" Carnage said, sunglasses covering his eyes.
The flare died down, revealing a rather irate SD nekojin being held up by her collar by Anarchy. Maddy hissed and started thrashing around pointlessly. "I hate unbilled cameos," Anarchy sighed. "This particular hairball-hacking kid's a die-hard Escaflowne fan who self-inserted herself into the series."
"What does this have to do with us?" Dark Mayhem inquired. "We've never crossed into other peoples' Escaflowne fics."
Anarchy looked at Carnage. "Remember when Tempura No Escaflowne was wasted by Odango-boy here?"
"You're so cruel, An-chan!" Carnage sniffled, bonked on the head by the falling kana for "rejection!!"
Anarchy: "Tasuki and I wound up being transported into this avatar's fic instead of the actual Escaflowne world."
Tasuki: [shaking his head] "Can you believe she's jealous because we sunk Zaibach's floating fortress before she even had a chance to show off her godlike powers to that Van Fanel weenie?"
Demolition: [looking at Tasuki] "When did you get here?"
Anarchy gave a wistful sigh. "The burning remains of that fortress made such a pretty bonfire when we dropped it on Zaibach's capital, ne?"
"Hai!" Tasuki cheered. "You the fangirl, An-chan!"
Carnage was by this point reduced to pint-sized SD form with really large, teary Bambi-eyes.
Dark Mayhem glanced over at Demolition. "What are you doing with that broom and dustpan?"
Demolition grinned. "I'm waiting for nii-san to turn into a stone gargoyle and crack apart. If we're lucky we can ship him to the dump before he has a chance to get glued back together!"
Dark Mayhem shook his head. "Baka," he remarked, ducking as the enormous Zanba blade of Carnage smacked Demolition high up into the skies via the hole in the ceiling. "And so this nekojin avatar, and all her self-inserted powers, decided to show up for revenge?"
Anarchy nodded. "That pretty much sums it up." She then tossed Maddy in their direction. "Here, she's all yours. And I would recommend you spay her; fangirls like this tend to shed all over the place."
"I am not buying her a litter box," Dark Mayhem stated.
Carnage shook his head. "What makes you think I want a catgirl avatar hacking up hairballs all over this fic? They'll clog up my Gundams!"
Maddy hissed angrily at them. "If you're friends of Anarchy, then you must become my scratching posts!" she growled, unsheathing her claws.
Demolition: "Aren't all catgirls supposed to be declawed for this series?"
Carnage: "How should I know; this is the first nekojin avatar we've ever had."
Demolition: "So what do we do about her?"
Dark Mayhem: "None of us can generate an AT Field, and if she does that Angel's flare thing again, the entire apartment will be incinerated. What we need now is a convenient distraction."
Havoc-chan: ^-^ "Hotcha!"
Maddy: [upon feeling a sudden draft] "Where'd Maddy's fur panties go?! Ooooh, Maddy's pissed off now!"
Carnage: --;; [turning to the author] "Someone other than the perv, okay?!"
Dark Mayhem looked around the apartment--and suddenly spotted mini-goddesses Urd and Skuld. He quickly reached down and plucked their companion, Gan-chan the mouse.
Gan-chan: o.O "What's going on?"
Dark Mayhem: "Sorry, Gan-chan, but better your ass then ours."
He then lobbed the stunned and hapless Gan-chan right out the balcony window. Spotting the mouse, Maddy gave a kitty grin and with an eager "niyao!" bounded right off the balcony after him.
"Problem solved," Dark Mayhem stated, dusting off his hands.
The gathered fanboys turned their heads to the front door as a loud commotion abruptly started up in the hallway. Carnage groaned and shook his head. "Oh, great; what is it *now*?!"
The front door was thrown open, and in spilled a small legion of Chibi-Senshi who began excitedly racing around the living room. The fanboys exchanged expressions of disbelief. Fortunately no one overpaid for their expression because it was an exchange that did not spring from a foreign currency market. But that has absolutely nothing to do with the plot, so let's just move on!
Carnage stared down at the kawaii li'l Chibi-Rei happily clinging to his leg. "They...they've gone super-deformed."
"Definitely a chibified state," Dark Mayhem said, putting his arms around Chibi-Ami's waist and lifting her up to eye level. "Did someone leave them too long in the bath, and they shrank on us?"
Chibi-Ami smiled and seductively blew him a kiss. "Ohayo, Carrot-chan."
He instantly combusted.
"How could this have happened?" Demolition asked, hoisting Chibi-Minako up by the back of her collar. "They only come up to our kneecaps...well, your kneecaps anyways."
Everyone's head slowly turned to Pesti-chan and Chaos, who were standing in the doorway. "PallaPalla decided to take something Chaos said literally," Pesti-chan explained, thumbing over to Chaos.
"Me?!" Chaos snapped. "Might I remind you, Pesti-chan, that you started this, and all because you were dating my Mako-chan!"
"Duo, I told you I'm not interested," Chibi-Makoto stated.
Chibi-Hotaru glomped onto Chaos' leg. "Besides, you belong to me now, Chaos-chan!"
A loud crash came from the kitchen as Chibi-Usagi climbed up onto the counter and started rummaging through the pantry. "I'm hungry!" she exclaimed, tossing boxes and cans onto the floor. Carnage quickly tried to get Chibi-Usagi down, but his progress was impeded as Chibi-Rei continued to cling to his leg.
"This is an idea more ill-conceived than that Nightmare Campus Detectives fic Hysteria wrote," Pesti-chan said, trying to pry Chibi-Haruka and Chibi-Michiru apart from each other. "Or the sequel she wrote: Dragon Peony Pink."
"Stop dissing Hysteria's kawaii little fic-chans!" Hysteria exclaimed, chasing after Chibi-Usagi. "Waaaah! They're just so kawaii chibi-chans, ne? Ne? Ne?"
Dark Mayhem set Chibi-Ami down on the coffee table. "Wait a minute. This sounds too damned familiar." He sat down in front of the computer. "Pesti-chan, which folder has your Hitoshi Doi Coles notes?"
Just then there was a knock at the door. Hysteria bounded over in her kawaii frilly leotard-chan to answer it, but got abruptly mowed down an energetic Sarcasm-hime. The Elfgirl flung open the door, smiling as one of the members of Weib stepped inside.
"You're just in time," she said, tossing him an article of clothing as she escourted him down the hall. "Here: your pajamas for tonight."
Youji glanced down at said 'pajamas'. "Um...this is a thong."
Sarcasm smiled. "Yes, and your point is?"
"But how am I going to sleep in this?"
Sarcasm smirked, grabbing hold of Youji's collar and pulling him into her bedroom.
Sarcasm: "Now who said anything about sleep?"
Youji: ^^ "The Elfgirl knows how to argue."
Chaos: [watching Sarcasm leave] "Didn't she notice anything wrong with this scene?!"
Pesti: [trying to get Chibi-Haruka, Chibi-Michiru & Chibi-Makoto to sit still on the couch] "What do you expect? She's a fangirl."
Chaos: [turning to Carnage] "So...how has your day been?"
Carnage: [trying to shake Chibi-Rei off his leg] "Oh, Demolition made me lose my pants, I got molested by love-crazed girls, and we got attacked by a nekojin avatar who wants to kill Anarchy."
Chaos: ^^ "Ah, the usual."
Carnage: [nodding] "Pretty much."
"Found it!" Dark Mayhem called out, scrolling down the computer screen. "There's a connection to this chibi problem after all. SuperS episode 158: 'Pegasus no Himitsu! Yume Sekai wo mamoru Bishounen.' According to Doi's notes, Usagi and Chibiusa get into an argument while fighting PallaPalla; The Yamhead calls Usagi's dream of being a child again--and thus having no more homework--selfish. Usagi retorts that the Yamhead's dreams of becoming an adult are just as selfish."
"And?" Pesti-chan pressed, now contending with Chibi-Haruka, Chibi-Michiru & Chibi-Makoto having pinned him to the couch.
Dark Mayhem scrolled down further--and then froze. After his eyebrow involuntarily twitched a few times, he groaned and then started to massage his temples. "And...PallaPalla decides to make Usagi and Chibiusa switch ages."
"But that didn't happen here," Demolition pointed out, nonchalantly using Chibi-Usagi and Chibi-Ami as weights for his arm exercises. Both Chibi-Senshi giggled as they were hoisted up off the ground and then
lowered back down.
Dark Mayhem rolled his eyes. "Really, I would have never noticed. But because our series doesn't feature Chibiusa--"
Carnage: ^^ "Unless you count MSTfic 2."
Chaos: [sweatdrop!] "Carnage, you've got that dumb grin on your face again. And you're starting to drool."
"--so it would appear that to compensate, PallaPalla chibified all the Senshi."
"And all because we don't have a Yamhead," Chaos huffed. He turned to Carnage. "You do realize I blame you for this."
Carnage snorted indignantly. "Hey, I'd welcome Chibiusa into this series with open arms. The caliber might vary, though."
"You already did that in the Bean Wars," Pesti-chan said.
Chibi-Hotaru giggled as she climbed onto Chaos' back. "Piggyback me around the apartment, Chaos-chan!" she said.
Chaos looked over his shoulder, and upon seeing the SD version of Hotaru, he did what came natural. He freaked out and started racing aimlessly in circles around the living room.
Chibi-Haruka shook her head. "I'm telling you, letting him live past that last fic was a mistake, Michiru."
"But I think they look cute like that, love," Chibi-Michiru drawled, watching Chaos slowly shrink into his own SD mode. "Besides, this might help him if he has kids of his own."
Chibi-Haruka recoiled in shock and terror. "Kyaaaa! You mean he and Hotaru might have kids?!" She immediately pulled off her chibified clothes, revealing Chibi-Red Queen Haruka. She then pulled out her petite
Space Sword and started chasing after Chaos.
Meanwhile, Chibi-Ami was happily freeing herself of all those restrictive clothes as she headed for the jacuzzi. Theory held that all the warm water and steam might help her bosoms enlargen, and Chibi-Ami was determined to test that.
Dark Mayhem frantically tried to follow her with a towel. "I don't know if spontaneously combusting over her current state would be classified as a Lolita Complex," he remarked dryly as he managed to wrap Chibi-Ami up in the towel.
"Speak for yourself!" Carnage said, panicking as Chibi-Rei charged and lunged him in his chair. The chair was sent toppling over backwards, Carnage groaning as he hit his head on the floor. Chibi-Rei snuggled up on his chest.
And then Carnage opened his eyes and saw Miyu standing over him. "And just how do you plan on explaining this, Carnage?" she inquired darkly.
Chibi-Rei stuck her tongue out at Miyu. "Even when I'm small like this, my Akito-chan likes me more than you, vamp-girl."
Pesti-chan ducked the inevitable flaming barrage. "Ne, has anyone seen Usagi?"
Chibi-Usagi: [frantically racing across the scene] "Kyaaaa!! Tasuketeeeeee!!"
Hysteria: ^-^ "Wait, kawaii little chibi Senshi-chan! Hysteria has soooo many kawaii little frilly apron-chans for you to try on!"
Hysteria was abruptly tripped and sent into the floor by Anarchy. Rampage purring in her arms, Anarchy surveyed the room full of SD Senshi and near-hysterial fanboys. "Kids," she sighed, claiming a spot on the couch for herself as she turned on the television set.
Chibi-Usagi was immediately sitting in her lap, laughing loudly at the Anime being shown on the screen. Anarchy merely looked down at the half-pint Senshi, and Chibi-Usagi scuttled off her lap.
Chibi-Usagi: [sweatdrop!] "I'll just sit over here."
Anarchy: "You do that."
Catastrophe hopped into the room, pausing next to Chibi-Makoto. Chibi-Makoto took one look at the baby SD Godzilla-thingy for a mascot sucking on its pacifier, and then grappled onto Catastrophe's neck.
"Kawaii!" she squeaked happily, tightening her grip around Catastrophe.
"chuuuuuu!" a startled Catastrophe squeaked, spitting her pacifier across the kitchen and right into Chaos' face.
"They're too hyperactive like this," Demolition said, trying to keep a squirming Chibi-Minako in his grip. "We can't possibly keep an eye on all eight of them *and* figure out how to solve this!"
"I want my Na-chan!" Chibi-Minako exclaimed. "I'll only cuddle with him!"
"Well what else do you propose?" Dark Mayhem shot back. "Somebody needs to watch them. Sarcasm won't want to, Anarchy obviously doesn't care, and I'm not about to let my Chibi-Ami-chan have a tea party with Hysteria."
Everyone abruptly paused, and then slowly turned to Pesti-chan.
A sweatdrop appeared next to Pesti-chan's head. "Oh no!" he protested, waving his hands. "No no no! Don't even think about it, you guys!"
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