[Fifteen minutes later....]
"I think that takes care of the lot of them," Dark Mayhem remarked, surveying the living room now littered with Chibi-Senshi and SD Pesti- chans.
"This is surreal," Chaos remarked. "Half the time, the Chibi-Senshi are behaving like little kids. The rest of the time, they act like their normal selves despite being shrunk."
SD Pesti #6: "Dammit, get back here! I told you Akito's busy!"
Chibi-Rei: [pida!] "You've got to catch me first!"
SD Pesti #6: [grrr!] "Don't tempt me!"
Chibi-Usagi: [somewhere with the condiments] "Oyster sauce, Jello, lettuce, day-old Boston Cream Lemon donuts. Ne, where do you guys keep the wasabi?"
SD Pesti #4: o.O "Kyaaaaa!! She's into the refrigerator!"
[SD Pesti #4 makes a valiant charge into the kitchen...and slips on the cans that Chibi-Usagi's tossed onto the floor.]
SD Pesti #3: [bounding after Chibi-Minako] "Hotcha! I'll get your panties yet!"
Chibi-Minako: "Na-chaaaan! Where are you?!"
SD Pesti #2: [talking on the couch with Chibi-Ami] "So as I was saying, there are some fascinating ramifications happening in this room that could be used for future posterity."
Chibi-Ami: "Such as?"
SD Pesti #2: [absently watching SD Pest #5 try to catch Chibi-Hotaru, only to run into the balcony window] "Um...I'll get back to you."
SD Pesti #1: ^^ [cuddling with Chibi-Makoto] "Mako-chan...."
Suddenly the other five SD Pesti-chans pounced, all of them stomping SD Pesti #1 into the floor. "YOUR Mako-chan?!" they chorused angrily.
It then turned into a large scuffle between the six Pesti-chans to see who would get to sit on Chibi-Makoto's lap. By the time it was over, a pile of dazed faces and limbs sticking out in every direction was all that could be seen.
Chibi-Makoto: [sigh!] "I hope this isn't permanent."
Demolition could only shake his head. "Yare yare. You guys have some of the strangest girlfriends I've ever seen. Just what did you do to these ladies?!"
"At least we have girlfriends," Dark Mayhem retorted.
"Hey, I almost had a psychic girlfriend in Lodoss once!" Demolition protested. He then gave a pouting expression. "But she left me before we met. Damned invisible boyfriend syndrome. Maybe there's a spell that can
lift this curse...."
Carnage turned to the others. "We need to find a quiet place to see how we can reverse this."
Chaos nodded. "While I like Haruka and Michiru being unable to really hurt me in their SD forms, this is seriously going to cramp our future fics."
"We can talk in my room," Dark Mayhem said, opening up the door to the pan-dimensional library. He froze upon seeing the jacuzzi in use, bubbles surging as Chibi-Haruka and Chibi-Michiru were enjoying a nude dip in the tub.
"Could you close the door?" Chibi-Michiru asked politely as she took a sip from her wine glass. "It's causing a draft."
Dark Mayhem slowly nodded and retreated from his room. He made sure the door was fully closed behind him. "Okay, my room's out," he announced to the others. "Anyone else?"
"How about my room?" Carnage offered. "Besides, there's something I want to show you guys."
Chaos, Dark Mayhem and Demolition stared up at a large display of what looked like the electronic merging with the organic. There was a large display of tubes, conduits and panels; at the very centre was a sealed yet unlocked chamber.
"What is this? A recreation of Lain's room at the end of her series?" Demolition inquired.
Chaos made a perplexed expression. "What is that, Carnage?"
"This," Carnage replied. "Is something I borrowed from the Slayers universe."
"A cloning machine?" Dark Mayhem said, looking at the chamber. "Why would a mecha freak want that? You can't exactly clone your mobile suits, Carnage."
Carnage grinned. "Simple."
He motioned to a hidden room on the loading dock. And then out from the shadows emerged a peculiar half-pint version of Carnage.
Chaos: o.O [blink blink!] "What the hey?"
Carnage: ^^ [Dr. Evil impression] "I shall call him...Chibi-Me."
Demolition's eyebrow twitched. "A-Ano ne, nii-san."
"But wait, there's more!" Carnage added enthusiastically, pulling back a pan-dimensional curtain to reveal an SD Gundam.
Chibi-Me quickly climbed onto the chestpiece and then into the cockpit. He gave a salute to the fanboys.
Chaos: --;; "Chibi Deathscythe Hell? Oh, this is just wrong."
[Chibi-Me glares at Chaos, then tries to squish him with the SD Gundam!]
Chaos: o.O "Crap. I said that outloud, didn't I?"
Carnage: [raising a hand] "Now now, Chibi-Me; we do not stomp on Chaos with our mini-mechas. He might leave unsightly stains on our metal boots."
Demolition shook his head. "That's it, I'm outta here. I'll stick with the chibified Senshi; that scene may prove to be the saner one."
"I doubt it," Dark Mayhem countered. "Didn't you read your contract before you showed up?"
"No," Demolition said with a shrug. "Your author said it was just a bunch of legal technobabble that didn't mean much anyways."
Chaos smacked his forehead. "Our author's like a serial killer of avatars. He'll charm you, invite you into his house of horrors, and before you know it, Wham! Gone! Smited like Desolation in any given scene!"
Oblivious to their discussion, Carnage was busy bonding with his Chibi-Me incarnation. Chibi-Me tugged on his pants, and made some sort of gesture.
Carnage smiled. "Okay, Chibi-Me, we'll do it again."
Carnage: [playing with Chibi-Me's toes] "This little Gundam went into space, this little Gundam stayed on earth. This little Gundam nuked an OZ battalion, and this little Gundam nuked none. And this little Gundam fought Taaaaallgeese all through the show!"
Dark Mayhem: [stifling a chuckle] "Please tell me someone's getting this on videotape."
Cameraman Dan: "Hai!"
Havoc: ^-^ [landing on top of Chibi-Me's head] "Hotcha!"
Carnage: o.O "Chibi-Me!!"
As Carnage ensured his mini-version survived the unannounced faceplant onto the metal paneling, Havoc looked around the hangar bay. "Say, nice place! I could service my Gundam XXX mecha here. This hangar is just...." Havoc tried to grope for a word. "Hentastic?"
"How about, tentacular?" Chaos suggested. He was smacked upside the back of the head by Demolition and Carnage for that.
The cloning machine caught Havoc's attention. "Hey, I remember that!" he said. "Diol had one of these babies back in F8!; this is what he used to try and pry my male and female sides apart."
"Then allow me to continue his work, you freak!" Carnage snapped, punting Havoc into the machine.
Demolition gave his brother a confused look. "So you want another Havoc?"
Carnage: o.O [ack!]
Dark Mayhem: "This is one of those occasions where that radical concept of thinking things through might actually work."
Carnage: [grrr!] "Hush!"
Chaos sighed, resting his elbow on the control panel. His elbow abruptly pushed down one of the buttons. And then the door to the cloning chamber sealed Havoc inside.
"Chaos, you twit, you just started the cloning sequence!" Dark Mayhem exclaimed.
Chaos' eyes bugged out. "You mean we're going to get a *third* Havoc?!"
"Not if I have anything to say about it," Carnage stated, pushing Chaos aside and frantically working the buttons. "Ano...if I speed up the process, we'll only get a mini-clone of Havoc."
Abruptly the panel sparked, and then exploded.
There was a loud whirring noise as the cloning cycle was completed, followed by a hiss of air as the chamber was depressurized. Chaos, Dark Mayhem, Carnage, Demolition and Chibi-Me all backed away as a burst of vapor poured out from the opening chamber door.
Suddenly out spilled a landslide of miniature Havocs. Uberperv upon uberperv came bounding out, each of them cheering "Hotcha!" as they emerged. All too quickly the fanboys found themselves standing in a sea of Havocs who covered the entire floor of the loading dock.
"There must be hundreds!" Demolition exclaimed. "Damn, am I glad I'm not a female right now."
Chaos scowled. "Don't remind me. Stupid Relena Peacecraft
"The electrical short must have not only sped up the process, but multiplied the clone output," Carnage groaned, banging his head against the nearest solid object.
Chibi-Me tapped Carnage on the side, and then held up the Zanba sword. With a weary smile, Carnage proceeded to start banging his head against the broadside of the blade.
"And yet another technical feat of scientific progress goes 'sploot'," Dark Mayhem glibly remarked. "So what the hell are we going to do with five hundred Chibi-Havocs?"
"Correction," Chaos said, bending over and surveying the army of chibified Hentennos. "One Chibi-Havoc-kun and four hundred ninety-nine Chibi-Havoc-chans."
Dark Mayhem could only shrug. "Must be a holdover from when Diol used this to pull Havoc's genders apart. But the question still remains: what are we going to do with them?"
"If they get into the fic, they'll infest it like panty-snatching cockroaches," Demolition stated. "We need something that can keep all of their simultaneous attention."
Abruptly the door to Carnage's hangar bay opened up.
"Moshi moshi?" Setsuna called out, walking in. "Any of you guys in here? We need to talk about what's happened with the other Senshi right a--"
Setsuna froze upon witnessing the vast expanse of Chibi-Havocs, a horrified expression on her face. As if sensing her presence, every last Chibi-Havoc turned their head in perfect synchronicity to stare right at her.
For a brief moment, there was dead silence.
Chibi-Havocs: ^-^ "Oro?"
Chaos: "Run, Setsuna! Run and don't look back!!"
Setsuna immediately turned and raced down one of the corridors in the hangar bay. Chibi-Havoc-kun turned to the female Chibi-Havocs, snapping his fingers and getting everyone's attention. Without even saying a word, the last thirteen rows of Chibi-Havoc-chans detonated themselves into Cream Lemon, numerous echoes of *chibi-sploot!* being heard.
The ensuing tidal wave of whipped cream washed down the corridor after Setsuna, the other Chibi-Havocs cheering and riding the crest.
Chibi-Havoc-chan #369: "Panties off the port bow!"
Setsuna had a good headstart, but the distance between her and the tsunami of Chibi-Havocs was being rapidly closed. At the last possible minute, she hit an intersection and made a sharp turn down one of the other corridors. The Chibi-Havocs and their tsunami rounded the bend after her--and then abruptly freeze mid-stream as Carnage, an evil grin on his face, lowered the Galaxy Gun to aim it directly at them.
Carnage: "Chibi-Me, is the last safety lock disengaged?"
Carnage: >) "You go squish now, Havoc. ALL of you."
And with that, he squeezed the trigger.
The Galaxy Gun went off, unleashing a torrential blast that overtook the entire corridor and struck the Chibi-Havoc armada at point blank range. A near blinding explosion of whipped cream could be seen. Yet unexpectedly, everything got sucked up moments later.
The other fanboys caught up with Carnage just in time to see the dissipating smoke where the Chibi-Havocs had once been. Not even a scorch mark was present on the walls.
"I'm impressed," Dark Mayhem admitted, not sure what to think. "The first time you used your Galaxy Gun on Havoc, and he didn't do the sploot thing."
Chaos nodded. "With that amount of firepower, the Cream Lemon yield would be near infinite. It could cover an entire solar system easily!"
"Provided the Galaxy Gun itself didn't annihilate it first," Demolition added.
Carnage put his legs up as he stretched out in his chair. "Daijobu; I opened up a portal right behind the Chibi-Havocs when I blasted them. The Galaxy Gun's beam *and* their Cream Lemon explosion was all sucked into a negative dimension. We don't have to worry about a thing."
Abruptly Chibi-Me appeared with a tray full of tea cups.
"Tea?" Carnage offered.
Demolition carefully poked his finger at the wall where the portal had been opened, setting numerous protection wards there. "So, just what negative dimension did you fire them into?"
Carnage sighed. "Oh, that anti-space place where the Galaxy Police locked Kain away for a few centuries."
"Are you sure?" Setsuna pressed, still trying to calm her nerves with three of the cups of Chibi-Me's tea.
An unamused scowl on his face, Carnage tossed a stack of papers on top of Chaos. "See for yourself. The mathematics are all there. Right time-space plotting and everything."
Dark Mayhem skimmed over the calculations. "Um, Carnage? You forgot to carry the decimal point. The Chibi-Havocs and their Cream Lemon supernova didn't get sent into Kain's dimensional prison."
Chaos: "But...but then where *did* it all go?"
Meanwhile, Beans heard a strange thumping noise from inside her closet. Curious, she walked over and opened up her closet door to find out what it was....
"So we're agreed," Dark Mayhem said as the fanboys emerged from Carnage's hangar. "We have Hysteria use the Twinkle Bell and get Helios to change them back to normal."
Setsuna nodded. "That's how it's supposed to happen. But with you guys, I'm rather hesitant to put my faith in its success."
"Ne," Chaos remarked. "Why is it so quiet?"
Everyone stopped dead in their tracks (but fortunately did not get run over by another random train of thought) upon seeing all the Chibi-Senshi fast asleep. They seemed almost angelic as they quietly sat on the couch, one seated next to the other. A few were sprawled across everyone's legs. And in the middle of them was Anarchy holding a children's book.
"The Adventures of Captain Bob Stupendous and his Caterpillars of Doom?" Chaos said, unable to conceal his surprise as he saw the cover of the book.
Anarchy smiled fondly as she ran her fingers through Chibi-Rei's hair. "I guess I have an affinity for children after all," she sighed. "Their minds are so much easier to manipulate."
"I knew it was too good to be true," Chaos groaned, shaking his head.
Carnage surveyed the SD Pesti-chans sprawled out on the furniture and the floor, exhausted from having to chase after the super-deformed sailors. "Looks like they won't be much help for the rest of the fic."
Demolition looked around the apartment. "Ne, where's Hysteria?"
"Oh, her?" Anarchy chuckled. "I had the Chibi-Senshi help me flush her down the toilet. Then we had cookies and milk, and I read them this book to celebrate."
Fanboys: [sweatdrop!] "......"
Chaos headed into the kitchen. He looked over to Miyu, who was seated on the edge of the counter, having her own quiet meal. "Whatcha eating? Shin Ramen?"
Miyu grinned and shook her head. "I prefer Shinma Ramen. Care for some? I think this has a bit of Lemures in it."
Chaos' face went green. "Iie. I think I just lost my appetite."
The others congregated at the dining room table. "So now what do we do?" Demolition asked. "Hysteria's gone, so we can't call Helios."
"We could find Yarf-chan and kick her ass," Carnage suggested.
"MY NAME IS NOT YARF-CHAN!!!" came PallaPalla's booming voice across the city.
Dark Mayhem shook his head. "Won't work. We have to find that Dead Moon Circus tent first. Our best bet is to babysit the Chibi-Senshi and wait for Hysteria to resurface."
"Let's just forget about the Chibi-Senshi for the moment," Chaos offered, walking in with a tray of drinks for everyone. "These things always work themselves out by the end of the episode. How about we just relax, and let the happy ending take its course?"
Everyone nodded their agreement.
"Kanpai!" they chorused, and then guzzled back their drinks.
"Mmm, this is good," Setsuna remarked, nodding her head in approval.
"Hai hai," Dark Mayhem agreed. "What is it?"
Chaos scuttled over to the kitchen to appraise the containers he had poured the drinks from. "Ano...Panda Brand juice drinks."
Fanboys & Setsuna: o.O
Suddenly the fic found itself with a Chibi-Chaos, Chibi-Dark Mayhem, Chibi-Carnage (okay, so there's *two* of them now), Chibi-Demolition and Chibi-Setsuna.
"Chaos, you moron!" Chibi-Carnage exclaimed. "This Panda Brand juice was from Akazukin ChaCha. It's designed to make whomever drinks it shrink into babies!"
"Thankfully we didn't drink too much to let that happen," Chibi-Demolition said.
"But we've still been chibified," Chibi-Setsuna countered. "I don't understand it. I'm the guardian of time; I should have seen something as stupid as this coming a decade away!"
They all looked to Anarchy for help.
The fangirl sauntered over to the table, looking at the Chibi-fanboys. Anarchy then shrugged indifferently. "Whatever. When in Rome...."
And with that, she chugged back the Panda Brand juice and got reduced to Chibi-Anarchy (half the fangirl, but still all the killer avatar). She grinned in appraising herself. "I'm still so damned sexy even when I've gone SD," she purred.
"What about the nekojin?" Chibi-Dark Mayhem said. "Won't she try going after you now?"
Chibi-Anarchy shrugged. "Doesn't really matter. I spiked her bowl of milk with this stuff an hour ago."
[Cue Chibi-Maddy leaping into the scene!]
Chibi-Maddy: [grrr!] "Maddy's been turned into a kitten! And she's going to use someone as a scratching post for this!"
[Everyone immediately steps away from Chibi-Chaos.]
Chibi-Chaos: --;; "Evidently something is amiss here."
Chibi-Pandemonium: "I'll say."
Chibi-Chaos: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"
"What are you doing here?" Chibi-Carnage asked, as in the background Chibi-Maddy pounced on Chibi-Chaos.
Chibi-Dark Mayhem: "Scratch her belly, Chaos! Scratch her belly!"
Chibi-Chaos: [flailing uselessly] "I need a ball of yarn!!"
Chibi-Pandemonium picked up one of the Panda Brand drinks. "Some idiot's been distributing these things all over the city. I've had to cope with Chibi-mobile suits, Chibi-Saiyans and Chibi-youma! Even the AD Police wasn't spared; do you have any idea how much of a pain Chibi-Leon is?"
"I can imagine," Chibi-Demolition agreed consolingly. Suddenly he flung off his pauldron and tore his shirt, flexing his exposed chest. "But is he built like this?!"
Chibi-Pandemonium: [looking around] "Did someone say something?"
Chibi-Dark Mayhem: "Gomen, Demolition; your curse is working beautifully."
Chibi-Demolition: ;_; [pose!] "Damn. And she had great bosoms too."
Chibi-Pandemonium hoisted up a scruffy red chicken. "And look what they've done to Suzaku!"
Chibi-Suzaku: o.O *brawk brawk braaaawwwwkkk!!*
Chibi-Dark Mayhem: "It's like looking at Chaos in Chicken Fist mode."
Chibi-Carnage pointed to the mighty, flaming chicken god. "I've got a barbecue sauce that would go great with him."
"Making threats against deities is a federal offense, I'll have you know," Chibi-Pandemonium stated. "I'll have to arrest and strip search you now, Carnage. Naughty tentacles of justice: deploy!"
And with that, many wiggly things appeared!
Chibi-Dark Mayhem gave her a rather unimpressed look. "I've seen worms that are thicker than your tentacles."
"They must have shrunk along with the rest of her," Chibi-Chaos remarked, limping around in having survived the wrath of the chibi-catgirl.
Chibi-Demolition looked the bedraggled fanboy up & down. "How'd you survive the nekojin?"
Grinning, Chibi-Chaos held up a ball of yarn. "I just got her to chase after this."
Chibi-Maddy: [pounce!] "Aha! Maddy found the yarnball!"
Chaos: --;; "I have really got to stop doing stupid things like this."
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