So Pesti-chan and Chaos went over to the dangling Havoc and took the underwear from her hand. It was hard to do because apparently, Havoc didn't want to part with her last acquisition. The two remaining Fanboys looked inside the underwear and there, sewed around the entire inside of the elastic-band waste was written the name: The Crazed Killer Who Knows What You Did Last Fanfic.
Pesti: "And...and such a kawaii little sewing job too."
Chaos: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!"
my, the killer sewed his name very nicely. Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Pesti: "Did you just get a déjà vu flash there, Chaos?"
Chaos: [frightened Bambi eyes!] "Waaaah!!! I don't wanna be smited! I wanna live to date my Mako-chan!!"
Pesti: "*YOUR* Mako-chan?!"
>Pesti: Ok, we are stuck in a house with no food or water, one dead Fanboy and a Crazed Killer who wants us all dead. (Pesti-chan hit Chaos with a mallet to snap him out of his scared out of his mind state)
Chaos: Ahhhhh, a mallet. He's gonna kill me!
Pesti: Chaos, its just me.
Chaos: Well how do I know that you aren't the killer.
Pesti: If I was, I would have killed you a loooong time ago!
Pesti: "Damn right."
Chaos: "Your camaraderie is staggering me, Pesti-chan."
Pesti: "Then impress me and get us outta this slasherfic before we all get killed off!!!"
>Chaos: Gee thanks, heeey. Pesti-chan, there is only one thing we can do at a time like this.
Chaos: Run and scream! Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Pesti: I'm not going anywhere so if you want to run off and be alone then you can.
That stopped Chaos who instantly jumped over to Pesti-chan and huddled behind him.
Pesti: [sarcasm!] "Oh, my valiant knight!"
>Chaos: Now what?
Pesti: Now we think like the killer to figure out what he would kill next.
Chaos: Well I would go after the person who is by himself.
Pesti: That's is surprisingly a great idea. How did you figure that out?
[Chaos hoists up a Yggdrasil bug.]
Chaos: "Dammit, they're starting to multiply and screw with our character profiles again."
Pesti: "What if we just glue a Yggdrasil bug to the crazed killer? They might become a serene, peace-loving fanboy then!"
[Both fanboys pause for a moment.]
Chaos: "Suddenly I want the evil psychotic crazed killer bac."
Pesti: "Me too. And that does terrify me. Hm? Na Ni? There's some paper on the floor."
>Chaos: Apparently the killer dropped his things to do list. Here it is on the floor.
THINGS TO DO:
-kill the Fanboys
-each by themselves
-buy dishwasher soap
-buy a puppy to keep my lonely self company
Chaos: "Idea! Let's sell the crazed killer Bigot!!"
Pest: "Too late. Rampage already ate him."
>Pesti: So who is by themselves right now?
Chaos & Pesti: Mayhem!
The two Fanboys bolt out of the library and up the steps to Mayhem's room. They found the door open and from the bathroom they heard the water running. They went into the bathroom and found what was left of Mayhem. Pesti-chan broke out in tears. Chaos had to keep a solemn face.
Chaos: "Famine shall pay for this, yes he shall. We must have Havoc unleash Hiryu Shoten Bra on him!"
Pesti: "But Havoc's already dead!"
Chaos: "Well can you at least try to think of something to help?!"
>Chaos: That bastard, he's gone too far. First Havoc and now Mayhem. We got to do something!
Pesti: Agreed. Let's go kick the Crazed Killer's butt.
Chaos: You mean fight him? I just thought that we could give Mayhem a little eulogy, flush him down the toilet and get the hell out of here.
Pesti: I can't believe that your going to flush Mayhem, in his newt form, down the toilet.
Chaos: "Well it worked that one time for Rampage."
Pesti: "Hai. And then she managed to come through the plumbing while you were taking a bath that one time."
>Chaos: Well if he looks this bad in newt form, do you want to see him smashed up as a human being?
Pesti: Good point. Is there anywhere we can keep Mayhem in cold water so he won't revert back to human form?
Chaos: We could put him in a margarine container, add a lot of water and put him in the freezer.
Pesti: "You know, if by some miracle we managed to survive this slasherfic, Mayhem's going to have some rather irate words with you, Chaos."
Chaos: "Hai hai. Hand me another cup of water, Pesti-chan."
>Pesti: Ok, I guess we have no other option. Onward, to the kitchen.
(note form the author: Again I remind the readers that I like the characters Havoc and Mayhem. This is just a story. Don't hold a grudge against me because the two of them will be back in the real Chaos' stories. And will Lord Charon, wherever he may be, get off the floor. It is not funny that they are going to freeze Mayhem's body. Them going to the kitchen is needed for the next death. dum, dum, dum.)
[Chaos grips a cow. Pesti-chan grabs a mallet.]
Chaos: "Okay, we've barricaded all the bedroom doors, clogged the pipes, welded shut the balcony, chained up the doors, and placed Chibiusa Yamhead plushie dolls in the venitaltion ducts. There's no way that crazed killer can get us now!!"
Pesti: "What about in Famine's fic?"
>Chaos: Hold on, aren't you forgetting something?
Pesti: I am not carrying the squashed form of Mayhem down to the kitchen.
Chaos: Well I'm not going to.
Pesti: Rock, paper, scissors?
Chaos: K, one, two, three? Ha scissors beat your fingers that seem to be about to snap?
Pesti-chan snaps his fingers and cabbages rain down on Chaos. Finally his body emerges.
Chaos: [spitting out a cabbage] "You know...we really need to talk about how to handle these crisis situations a lot better, Pesti-chan."
Pesti: "This coming from Mister 'KYAAAAA!!! SHE'S GONNA SMITE ME!!!!', ne, Chaos?"
>Chaos: Fine, I'll carry him. But you get to tell Ami what happened to him, if we get out of here.
Pesti: On second thought......
So the two remaining Fanboys make their way to the kitchen and the duties of the proper way to "preserve" Mayhem's memory. Before they dealt with Mayhem, they took Havoc's body down and buried it beneath the pile of Lunatic party dojinshis. It seemed the right thing to do. Anyhoo, back to the kitchen.
Pesti: Well, now that that is over with we can figure out how to:
a)kill the killer
b)find a way out of here
c)figure out whose yellow footprints those are
[Chaos & Pesti-chan warily look down at the yellow footprints on the living room floor.]
Chaos: "And I just waxed it too!!"
Pesti: "Um, we've got bigger problems than the floor, Chaos."
>Chaos: ??? o_O ??? Hey, those aren't mine.
Pesti: And they aren't mine either.
Chaos: Do you know what? I remember them being in the bathroom when we got there. Also when we raced from Havoc in the library to Mayhem in his bathroom, the footprints were already on the steps leading down.
Pesti: Therefore the Crazed Killer killed Mayhem, stepped in Mayhem's painted clothing and left behind a trail of yellow footprints that lead from Mayhem's bathroom to the kitchen in which we are in right now.
Chaos: "Brilliant! So then that means we're in the same...room..."
Pesti: "...as the...crazed killer...."
Both: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"
The realization came to Chaos that The Crazed Killer was IN the kitchen with them, somewhere? Chaos realized that if the Crazed Killer was in the kitchen, it would be a very great and safe idea for himself to get out of there and hide. So Chaos ran out of the kitchen screaming. Pesti-chan was left there all alone.
[Chaos valiantly tries to escape out a boarded up door...and smites himself silly.]
Pesti: "Chaos, daijobu?!"
Chaos: [big swirly lines for eyes!] "The slasherfic's going around and around and around...!!"
The phone in the kitchen which was right beside Pesti-chan rang. Pesti-chan was startled and jumped off the counter he was sitting on and dove to were he could best defend himself. The phone continued to ring. Pesti-chan summed up his courage and answered the phone.
[Pesti-chan picks up the phone!]
Pesti: "Roadkill Café: you kill it and we grill it! How may I serve your carcass, Sir or Madame as the case may be?."
Caller: "N-Na ni?!"
Pesti: "Oh, I'm sorry! You must have the wrong number!"
[Pesti-chan hangs up the phone!]
Pesti: "Chaos, I think I just bought ourselves a few more paragraphs."
Chaos: [groan!] "Make the bad Famine stop!"
voice: Who is this?
voice: Do you like Fanfics Pesti-chan?
Pesti: Yes I do. Who is this?
voice: What's your favourite Fanfic?
Pesti: Fanboys. Now who is this?
voice: What would you do if the Fanboys existed no more?
[Cue the freaked out SD Chaos!]
Chaos: "We'd cease to exist too! KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"
>Pesti: Ok, you're weird. I am gonna hang up now.
voice: Don't hang up on me you baka.
Pesti: And if I do, what could you do about it.
voice: Oh plenty. Hang up and I'll show you.
Pesti-chan realized who it was and a look of great fear came across his face. But even though he knew who it was it didn't matter. He didn't even have enough time to hang up. The Crazed Killer leapt from right out of the shadows beside Pesti-chan and the mallet came around in a great arc, hitting the phone receiver right into Pesti-chan's head. Pesti-chan slumped to the floor. You couldn't see it but the Crazed Killer was smiling for the torment he was about to put on Chaos. The phone in Pesti-chan's head went:
Chaos: "I've got it! Pesti-chan we've got to either Zoantrophy you or get you into EVA 01!!! There's no way the crazed killer could stand up to either of those two weapons of Mass...Pesti-chan?"
[Chaos looks around a now empty room.]
phone: Your call has been disconnected. Please phone back later. This is a recording.
Chaos: [kowai little kitty ears!] "Pesti-chan? Moshi moshi? Pesti-chan?"
Back to Fanfics