Megumi Amano: [sweatdrop!] "Hysteria, just what the hell are you doing sucking the soup off the floor with a straw?"

Hysteria: ^^v "Hysteria can't let such a kawaii little lesbian soup-chan go to waste now, can she?"

Pesti: -.-;; [walking away] "This is even worse than those lesbian- flavoured cookies."

Havoc: ^-^ "Well if that's the case, can I interest you in our lesbian-flavoured candycanes?"

Chaos: [scratching his head] "How can a candycane be lesbian flavoured?"

Havoc: "Well you just take a very sexy Anime babe and let her gently stick the candycane right up her--"

Carnage: >( "DIL BRAND!!!"

           The ensuing explosion sent cascades of Cream Lemon rising up everywhere, Senshi, fanboys and furniture being upheaved in the process. Six SD Pesti-chans were sent into the stockings hanging on the wall, while Haruka was sent headlong into the remainder of the soup (something she didn't object to as much once she tasted it).
           And the remote control of the gods was sent spinning through the air, where it accidentally smacked a rather startled Hotaru in the forehead. The contact happened to trigger one of the buttons, and with a "Click!" that was barely audible over the Slayers spell Carnage had unleashed, Hotaru vanished from sight.
           A prevailing silence filled the apartment in the Dil Brand's aftermath.
           "Mental note," came Dark Mayhem's muffled voice from somewhere amidst the Cream Lemon. "Next year rename this event as a Splootmas party."
           Slowly everyone surfaced from the newfound levels of whipped cream.
           "I think I got some up my nose that time around," Minako remarked as she peeled herself off the living room wall.
           Demolition started the arduous task of scraping all the clumps o' Cream Lemon off his armour. "You know, Oni-san," he said somewhat crossly. "Maybe you should try cutting him in half with your Zanba sword next time. Think that'll reduce the whipped cream in the apartment just a teeny bit?"
           In the kitchen, Kintaro and Minni May emerged from a large drift of Cream Lemon, both of them grinning from ear to ear. "That was fun!" Minni May exclaimed, hoisting out a few of her pink grenades. "Let's find Havoc and do it again!"
           "Ne, has anyone seen Hotaru?" Chaos called out.
           Everyone looked around, but found no raven-haired Senshi in the apartment.

Haruka: [drawing her Space Sword!] "Chaos, what have you done with our Hime-chan?!"

Michiru: [tugging on her whip!] "Your fate depends on how you answer, Chaos."

Chaos: o.O;; "What are you accusing me for?! I'm the one who pointed out how she's gone missing!!!"

           But that didn't stop the two Outers from venting on poor Chaos. Yet luckily for Chaos, he quickly called in a stunt Puchuu to take his place!

Haruka: [stomp stomp stomp!] "Take that! And that! And that and that and that and that and that!"

Michiru: [grinding her heel into the Puchuu's crotch!] "Chaos, this punishment is for your own good!"

Puchuu bear: >o< "I knew I should have listened to Ice Hilde and gone into space piracy!"

           Meanwhile, everyone else was fanning out and scouring the apartment for Hotaru. Hysteria dragged a hapless Pandemonium into her room. Happosai led the search into Dark Mayhem's room, with Usagi following closely after him and demanding he give her panties back.
           Kintaro, Chaos and Pesti-chan ventured into the wall scroll. Minako checked out the bathroom, with an eager Ryo jumping in right behind her. Makoto and Rei checked Pesti-chan's room, while Carnage inspected his enormous series of hangar bays. Demolition volunteered to check out Lodoss Island.
           Havoc volunteered to check out Setsuna.
           That idea was not well received.
           "I hope this doesn't turn into another most dishonourable Omake of Doom debacle," Riot sighed. He turned to Dark Mayhem, who was currently sporting a Santa Claus hat...and Ami in a very seductive Mrs. Claus 2-piece bikini. "Ne, you think we could use our most honourable search-fu techniques to track Hotaru down on the computer like last time?"
           "It's worth a shot," Dark Mayhem said.
           He plunked himself down in front of the computer and started accessing some of the search engines. "Let's see...Washuu's computer should be able to track any sort of anomalies that recently occurred within the apartment."
           "Um, Carrot-chan?" Ami said as sweetly as she could. "You and your friends are all anomalies. But very sexy ones at that."
           Dark Mayhem grinned. "Point. Let's just scan for time-space anomalies then."
           It took a short while for the computers to scan the area, chat with each other, then play a few rounds of Shogun: Total War. By then, everyone had regrouped, but with no luck at finding Hotaru.
           "How can she just vanish like this?" Minni May sighed.
           "It's not like she can use Sailor Teleport either," Makoto added.
           Haruka and Michiru were particularly scowling at the situation, and Chaos proved no better. "So where's Hotaru-chan?" he asked, nervously glancing from the screen over to the two Outers.
           Dark Mayhem studied the screen. "Hmm, looks like she got clicked by the remote control of the gods."
           Carnage rolled his eyes. "Not the remote again. So where did it send her?"
           "To another Anime?" Demolition ventured.
           "To a different season of SM?" suggested Pesti-chan.
           Ruckus beamed. "To a place where there's nothing but cute bishounen who have nothing better to do than lounge by a pool in tight, skimpy bathing trunks?"
           The other fanboys all glanced over at Ruckus.
           "Well, one can always hope," Ruckus said.
           Setsuna shook her head and leaned on the back of Dark Mayhem's chair. "So where does it say she went?"
           "That's odd; it won't say." Dark Mayhem sat back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. "Might be she was dropped off in some obscure Anime even we haven't heard of."
           "So how do we get her back?" Usagi asked.
           Trying not to worry everyone else too much, Dark Mayhem replied as gently as he could, "I don't think we can, unless we spend the next few weeks hopping through every dimension, Anime and time until one of us stumbles across her."
           Pesti-chan leaned back against the kitchen counter. "I just knew we should have gotten one of those special beeping locator options for the remote."
           Just then, who should come sauntering in through the remains of the front door but Desolation. And standing right next to him was Hotaru.
           "Hey guys!" he called out, waving to them. "Look who I found!"
           "Figures," Jyako remarked aside to Havoc. "The eternally lost fanboy finds the lost Senshi in record time."
           Hotaru looked very shaken, if not a little frightened at her ordeal. She cast uneasy glances at the various smiling faces in the room and seemed unsure if she should run into their arms or just stay back where she was in the front entry.
           Of course, the Senshi made the choice for her.

Chaos: ^-^ [taking a step forward!] "Hotaru-chan, you're safe! I was terrified you might have been--"

           [Cue Chaos getting mowed down by a stampede of relieved Senshi!]

Sailor Senshi: ^-^ "Hotaru-chan!"

           Swarmed by the rest of the Senshi, Hotaru was brought into the living room and sat down on the couch. Haruka and Michiru especially fawned over her, bringing her extra plates of food and constantly asking if she was all right.
           Hotaru managed a weak smile, and accepted their praises and their food.
           "Where was she?" Riot asked as Desolation joined the party.
           Desolation paused and tried to recall. "Not sure, actually. I think it was inside some television station. But she looked kinda bewildered, so we just wandered around a few places before stumbling across here."
           "Ano...you are aware there's a large scorch mark on the back of your jacket," Pesti-chan said, his eyebrow twitching at the sight. "Ne, Deso?"
           "It happens sometimes," Desolation said. "Most of the time. All the time. Quite honestly I'm surprised it hasn't ignited and set me on fire yet."
           The Fairy Godbabbit nodded. "Hai hai. We had to hitch a ride on the Bebop before catching the Galaxy Express 999, and then there was a connecting pan-dimensional flight to Cephiro, followed by a fun romp through Meiji-era Kyoto...oh, and Kenshin says 'Hi' and 'Oro?' to everyone too...and then there was that strange stopover on Planet Digi Charat..."
           "So in the span of about ten minutes in our fic, you guys went on a three-month hike?" Kintaro asked, incredulous.
           "Welcome to my curse," Desolation sighed. He then brightened up. "But on the plus side, I got these great rice crackers from Kyoto! And we were able to pillage a stash of Sake from the Triple Nine!"
           Anarchy's head immediately perked up. "Did I hear someone mention stolen Sake?"
           Chaos sighed and headed over to Hotaru. Mercifully enough, Michiru scooted over and let him sit down next to her. Hotaru immediately cuddled right up to him, nearly cutting off his air supply.
           "D-Daijobu?" he gasped.
           Hotaru nodded. "I...I'm okay. Just a little startled at what happened, that's all." Noting the worried expression on her friends' faces, she smiled. "I promise, I'm fine. Sorry for ruining the party though."
           Chaos grinned and patted Hotaru on the shoulder. "Not to worry, I have the best way of getting this party back up to its genki genki speed. Presenting my newest creation: Alucard Captor Sakura!"

           [Cue Alucard the bad-assed vampire, dressed up in a cute black neko-chan dress!]

Tomoyo: [blushing & with her videocamera!] "Awww, you look so kawaii!"

Alucard: -.-;; "Shut up, you stupid kid! This thing's two sizes too small on me as it is!!"

Tomoyo: "Now now, no fussing, Alu-chan! I made that costume just for you. Now let's see you go and capture that Clow Card!"

           [Alucard draws out his big-assed gun, aiming it at the offending Clow Card!]

Alucard: >) "Blow this, bitch."

Windy Card: o.O;;;;


           "So, what do you think?" Chaos asked the rest of the crowd.
           Senshi, fanboy and Benkyo Brigade member stared at Chaos as if he'd told them he had in fact decided that he would rather lick broken glass off Akio's chest. All in all, it was quite impressive to see that the group was able to tie Chaos to a stake and try to burn him as an Anime heretic in under 3 seconds. Had it not been for Hotaru intervening and threatening to use her L33T glaive skillz if they continued, Chaos would have surely demanded a complimentary marshmallow roast as Rei set him ablaze with a Fire Soul attack.
           And there ends the tales of the Fanboys' latest Christmas party.

Gaffney: [sweatdrop!] "So let me get this straight: it took you almost fifteen pages of pointless exposition and sight gags just to get into the actual plot of this fic?"

His lordship Chaos: [shrug!] "I'm not used to writing fics that have plots."

Gaffney: "Ah. Well, time to relinquish your control over to me. I control the horizontal and the vertical now!"

His lordship Chaos: -.-;;; "This had better be good, Fedora-boy."

Gaffney: ^^v "Hey, when I'm done all the ladies will be saying how good I was in this fic."


*           *           *

           Throughout the apartment, not a creature was stirring. No, it wasn't later that Christmas eve--in fact, it was the 12th day after, traditionally a time for the revels to finally be over and for even the most serious New Year's drunks to get off their asses and get back to work.
           The moonlight shone through the windows, illuminating the typical mess that permeated the apartment even at the best of times. What the moonlight didn't reveal, however, was the figure moving quickly and quietly into Chaos' bedroom. It you weren't looking specifically for someone, you would never have seen her. A shadow, or a trick of the light.
           Chaos certainly didn't notice it. He was busily snoozing away, occasionally rolling over and attempting to assault his pillow. Once every few seconds he reared up, as though he'd just been hit--yet he continued to remain asleep.
           The figure moved up to the bed, and then paused. What she was about to undertake was beyond dangerous. If they were caught...well, she'd lose him forever. She knew what she was about to attempt, and also knew that if anyone found out, death would be only the first of many tortures Chaos might suffer.
           Plus she was still a little unsure. Chaos was nice enough to her, of course--he was forced to be. But he spent so much time in a state of barely controlled panic around her that she still couldn't accurately say whether he loved her or not. She didn't want to force this on him--well, yes she did, that was why she was here. But she didn't want to if he didn't love her.
           She certainly loved him. It had started as the adolescent crush of a young girl, but as her powers let her body grow, she began to realise just how adult her desire for Chaos could be. Many nights had been spent exploring her body, imagining the various ways Chaos could show her pleasure. She'd even been especially naughty one night and imagined seducing his Sailor Haley self as well.
           And there were other reasons for doing this. More serious reasons. The deaths. She had to stop those.
           Chaos moaned, and the figure sighed, watching the way he groped his pillow. Hotaru frowned. He was dreaming about Makoto again. He didn't love her. She was a friend, nothing more...and maybe even a threat. This whole idea was totally stupid.
           "Hotaru-chan," came a faint murmur from the bed.
           For a moment her eyes widened in shock and surprise. She double-checked to make sure he wasn't awake and looking at her.
           Then, when she realised, the look of love and devotion on her face was almost painful to see. Almost as painful as the rush of raw desire and lust that swept through her body shortly afterwards.
           She knelt down by the bed. "Chaos-chan?"
           He murmured again, "No, I swear, this isn't the kai you're looking for, Mr. Gowa...."
           "Chaos?" This time she punctuated her words with a hand movement--a rather erotic hand movement that would nearly have sent Chaos spinning out of the room if she hadn't been ready.
           She was in Senshi form, and used her not inconsiderable strength to keep him on the bed...and to keep him quiet, as she had a hand jammed to his windpipe.
           "I'm sorry, Chaos, I don't want anybody to know I'm here."
           "Mmmmmm-mmmm?" Chaos croaked.
           "Do you know what day it is today, Chaos?"
           Chaos glanced quickly over to his calendar. The date was circled in red 6 times, along with a white note pinned to the wall with a dagger saying, "If you forget her birthday, I *will* hunt you down!" He couldn't remember who that had been from...there were so many choices. "Mmm-hmm."
           "I turn 17 today, Chaos. It's a very special day..." she leaned closer, barely breathing into his ear, "and I want a *very* special present."
           Now Chaos was many things, but he wasn't stupid. Well, OK, yes he was quite, quite stupid. But even Chaos can see a clue when it's fondling his package, and he reacted the way any red-blooded young man would when confronted with a gorgeous, of age woman who offers her virginity to him.
           He fainted dead away.
           Hotaru blinked, realised it saved her the trouble of knocking him unconscious... and disappeared.

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