* * *
Moving right along (or prancing right along if you feel so inclined, but please just get out of that tutu!) the fanboys arrived at Jyuban High with about ten minutes to spare. And there awaiting them at the front gates of Jyuban
Ami: "Ohayo, Carrot-chan!"
Minako: ^^ "Na-chaaaaan!"
Ami and Makoto stepped beside their respective beaus and joined them in walking across the courtyard. And naturally Minako had to break in her new shoes as she chased Havoc across Jyuban.
"Hotcha!" Havoc exclaimed, sliding effortlessly between the legs of many a female student and flipping up their skirts. "It's Mutiny on the Panty...starring the Hentenno!"
"Na-chan, wait!" Minako exclaimed, twisting and dodging the numerous enraged female students. "Na-chan, I want to star in your next Havocfic of Minako-chan in Wonderland!"
"You notice she's walking kinda funny?" Pesti-chan remarked aside to Mayhem.
Mayhem simply shrugged. "Wherever Havoc is concerned I don't ask questions, Pesti-chan, and I trust you will do the same."
Both fanboys paused and glanced back to see a forlorn li'l otaku standing at the front gates of Jyuban, a little raincloud raining down on top of him.
"Mako-chaaaaan!" Chaos sniffled, his eyes starting to
go all teary. "So what am I here? Chopped liver?"
"You will be if you don't move two steps to your
right!" Mayhem called out.
Chaos sweatdropped. "What?"
Hysteria: [frantic kawaii SD mode!] "Waaaaah! Poor kawaii
little Hysteria-chan's soooooo late!!"
Chaos: o.O "Oh no."
Seconds later Chaos was mowed down by a land speed record-breaking Hysteria. Fortunately, that little raincloud over his head was devoured by Catastrophe-chan. Chaos was pleased...right until the baby SD Godzilla-thingy burped out a lightening bolt that fried him.
"Gomen nasai, Chaos-momma!" Hysteria giggled, sticking out her tongue.
A now smoking and scorched Chaos staggered over the rest of the group, glaring down at Hysteria. "Is there a sign on my back that says 'Human Speedbump' or what?"
"Actually, there is," Ami said, reaching over and removing a piece of paper taped to Chaos' back.
"Anarchy," Pesti-chan said. "Who else could pull a stunt like that without even being in the scene?"
Makoto looked at the group. "Ne, where's Akito?"
"Probably being used as a virgin sacrifice somewhere," Mayhem replied nonchalantly.
However Mayhem was proven wrong as Carnage hobbled out from one of the doors to Jyuban, using Ifurita's power staff as a crutch.
Ami's eyes widened. "What happened to him?"
"Oooh! Carnage-poppa Carnage-poppa Carnage-poppa!" Hysteria exclaimed, racing over and then drag Carnage over to the others.
Chaos appraised the battered fanboy. "Um...Carnage, are you aware you're not wearing any pants?"
Carnage nodded, wobbily hoisting himself up with the key, his SD Deathscythe Hell Custom boxer shorts on display for the whole student body to see. "H-Hai...." he wheezed. "Last I saw, Princess Emeraude muscled out Kyoko Otonashi for them. I managed to escape with my Deatscythe boxers when
Skuld used her mallet to clear half the competition away."
Makoto and Ami exchanged confused looks.
"Come on," Pesti-chan sighed, slinging Carnage's arm over his shoulder. "We had better find you a spare uniform to wear before the syndrome kicks in again."
"Too late," Mayhem remarked.
Carnage's eyes bugged out as an all-new horde of lovely young Anime babes charged through the front gate of Jyuban and made off with the halpess mecha maniac. "An-chan!" Carnage shouted as he was carried away. "Forgive
[Cue Anarchy, boozing it up with Tasuki at a hapless
karaoke bar on Graviton City's alien spaceship!]
Tasuki: [looking around] "You hear something?"
Anarchy: "Must be have been your mind going sober again. More Sake! Give me my Sake!"
Captain Napolipolita: [yep, he's bombed too!] "You, my friend...have a serious drinking problem! To treat this I demand we switch to vodka!"
Anarchy: [considers] "Vodka it is! I can steal Chaos' Hard Lemonade stash from here!"
Mayhem and Pesti-chan shook their heads. "Yare yare."
Just then Usagi came racing into the courtyard, gasping for air. "I...made...it!" she panted, collapsing in a heap in front of everyone.
Makoto laughed. "Ara, Usagi-chan, it's only five minutes before classes start. You're early today."
"Arigato..." Usagi wheezed.
Ami sighed, latching onto Mayhem's arm. "Usagi-chan, at this rate the only good marks you'll be getting will be in P.E."
"At least she hasn't managed to slam dunk herself through one of the basketball nets," Pesti-chan remarked, slowly turning to Chaos. "Unlike some fanboys I know."
"Hmph!" Chaos sniffed indignantly. "I'd like to see Sakuragi Hanamichi try to one-up me on that trick shot."
"Ne, Duo," Usagi added, straightening out her fuku. "There were a group of girls out there who wanted me to ask you to come to the front entrance."
Chaos' eyes bugged out. "Na ni?"
An equally stunned Mayhem and Pesti-chan leaned over next to Usagi. "What was that?"
Usagi nodded. "Hai. They all had lots of delicious-looking chocolate in their hands and even when I tried to get some for myself to eat, they said they only wanted to talk to a Duo Maxwell."
Mayhem and Pesti-chan promptly facevaulted.
"M-Masaka," Pesti-chan said. "How can the creative idiot behind that My Neighbor Tetsuo Chaosfic have a fanclub?!"
"Wah! Go Chaos-poppa!" Hysteria cheered.
Mayhem warily glanced down at the excited fangirl. "It's not the school uniform she has that's scary. The pompoms are what worries me."
"Ano...I never knew Duo was so popular," Ami remarked to Makoto.
Makoto shrugged, evidently at a loss for words or even an explanation herself. "I guess miracles do happen after all."
Chaos leaped into the air, an inspirational tidal wave crashing up behind him. "Yes! I may not have Mako-chan but I still have Anime babes who love me! Ha ha! I laugh in our author's face!!"
And as luck would have it, that same inspirational tidal wave got a little out of control and swept Chaos right across the Jyuban courtyard. Yet as the floodwaters died out, letting the thoroughly waterlogged fanboy to wash up on
the sidewalk, Chaos wasn't fazed at all--even when the liferaft clocked him on the side of the head.
"That didn't hurt," he said, his kawaii kitty ears popping out from his hair and twitching. "Really, that didn't hurt!"
Abruptly the oversized granite kana for "girlfriends!!" fell from the sky for no apparent reason and neatly crushed Chaos right into the ground.
"Ohayo!" he said with a sincere smile as he struggled to pull himself out from beneath the kana. "I am Duo Maxwell. I hear you young ladies wish to speak to me?"
He looked up at the surprisingly large handfuls of Valentine chocolates...all from an enormous gathering of female pre-schoolers and elementary students from the schools just down the street.
Chaos: o.O [sweatdrop!] "What the hell...?"
Mayhem: "Now *that* makes more sense."
Seconds later the granite "girlfriends!!" kana on top of him was shattered as Ryoga Hibiki walked up and performed the Bakusai Tenketsu technique on it. Aside from the rock shrapnel sending Chaos right into one of the trees across
the street, Chaos took the shock rather well. Chaos' cheerful expression turned into one of stunned horror, his eyebrow twitching so fiercely it twitched itself right off his head and flapped off towards the Nerima district.
Elementary schoolgirl: [blush!] "Ano...these are for you, Duo-chan."
[All the girls blush and giggle furiously.]
Young ladies: [giggle giggle!] "We love you, Duo-chan!"
Chaos: --;; [curse our author!] "Son of a bitch must pay."
Usagi: "Ooh, Duo! Could you save some chocolate for me if you're not going to eat all of it?"
Makoto & Ami: "Usagi-chan!"
Usagi: ^-^ [Tee hee!] "Just asking."
And as it turned out the day progressed with many many deranged incidents. We could get into them right now, but we're trying to keep this fic down to a 2-parter, so prepare to fast-forward!
Kawaii all-female writing assistant team: [with remote control of the gods!] "Hai! Preparing to fast-forward!"
Fast-forward the fic!
Kawaii all-female writing assistant team: ^-^ "Hai!"
So as the day went by we saw the fanboys wind up being greeted with an abnormally large amount of chocolates from various ladies. Mayhem and Pesti-chan were swamped with boxes from fellow classmates, but even still politely reserved their affections for their queen goddess Senshi above all.
After trying to live down the elementary schoolgirl fiasco, Chaos managed to get Valentine chocolates from a few people his own age!
Chaos: [irate li'l fanboy!] "And what's so romantic about that?!"
Mayhem: "Shouldn't you be flattered that the entire cast of Bronze gave you chocolate, Chaos?"
Chaos: "Do I look like a shonen ai character, Newt-boy?! HM?!"
Makoto: "They were kind of cute, though."
Chaos: "Okay then, Mako-chan, *you* date them."
Pesti: [lobbing a cabbage at Chaos!] "WHAT?!?!"
Chaos also wound up accepting chocolates on behalf of a mysterious brown-haired Senshi girl whom Tatewaki Kuno was trying to search for to declare his affections to.
Hysteria got so excited in thinking just which boys she would give her chocolates to that she spontaneously combusted and took out a row of desks in the process.
Havoc didn't get any chocolates nor did he even notice that he didn't get any chocolates. He used the opportunity with all the large female gatherings to teach Lord Charon more about the Kacchu Tenkin Amapantiken technique. Jyuban High proved to be quite drafty that Monday.
At lunch, Chaos and Pesti-chan got into yet another duel over who would get to date the fair Mako-chan that night (despite the fact that Pesti-chan & Makoto already had reservations at a restaurant). The match ended when Chaos
transformed into a female Sailor Haley and tried to blast Pesti-chan. Unfortunately he managed to hit Hysteria, who then transformed into the most kawaii li'l Zoantropy beast you've ever seen.
Needless to say, Pesti-chan freaked. Chaos, on the other hand, got three guys vying for a date with her for the evening. Kuno appeared and promptly bested them all. Yet right after Kuno declared his love for the mysterious brown-haired Senshi girl, a cow fell from the sky and squashed him.
And a few ghost sightings of Carnage also appeared. The first time he was seen frantically hobbling down the hallway, that horde of Anime babes still chasing after him.
A while later he was seen in crutches making yet another desperate escape attempt...in nothing but a sleeve from his uniform and his boxers. The last time he was seen he was in a wheelchair, an SD Tallgeese III Gundam pushing him along.
And yes, for the records this time he was nekkid.
Carnage: [groan!] "I can't believe I lost my boxers to
Kasumi Tendo of all--KYAAAAAA!!!
Anime babes: ^-^ [with chocolates!] "OH AKITOOOO!!!"
Carnage: o.O "Faster, Zechs, faster! They're gaining on us! I just knew I should have stuck with the Wing Gundam!"
Finally the school day ended, and with it our rapid fast-forward mode of the fanfic. An exhausted Pesti-chan, Mayhem and Chaos hiked out from school long with the rest of the Inner Senshi.
"I can't believe Polaris and Senshi Chaos managed to steal my Those Who Hunt Elves boxer shorts," Chaos muttered. "All those little SD nekkid elves gone, I tell you! Gone! How could this have happened?!"
"How about right when Anarchy showed up to give you that box of chocolate-covered Aragami?" Mayhem inquired. Chaos sweatdropped. "Argh! Curse you, Sailor Star Polaris!"
Seconds later he was crushed by a heart-shaped, oversized gentle uterus.
Pesti-chan shook his head. "I'm just glad I managed to duck away from Star Sailor Vega when I had the chance." He turned to Makoto. "Ne, Mako-chan, you ready to go now?"
Makoto nodded. "Hai."
"Hold it right there, Pesti-chan!!" Chaos exclaimed, finding newfound strength to lob the oversized Gentle Uterus into the school's gymnasium. "She's *my* Mako-chan, and no one's going to date her on Valentine's Day except for-!!"
And then Chaos was promptly mowed over by a frantic young Clamp Campus' Elementary division VP racing frantically past the group.
"Masaka! She's still behind me!" Suoh Takamura muttered.
"Waaaaah!" Hysteria's voice came from across the courtyard. "Come back here, Suoh-chan! Hysteria's got soooo many kawaii little chocolate-chans for you. And then afterwards we can have a kawaii little tea party and you can
wear Hysteria's kawaii little frilly aprons!"
Usagi looked around the school. "Na ni? What's going on?"
"Hysteria's just found a new victim," Mayhem said, shaking his head. "We might want to seek shelter."
"Wah, where are you going?!" Hysteria whined. "Don't you want to have a kawaii little tea party with kawaii little Hysteria, and read her kawaii little Hysteriafic: Yu Yu Pikachu? Suoh-chaaaaaan! Hysteria's getting tired of running, Suoh-chan! Suoh-chan?! YOU'RE PISSING OFF KAWAII LITTLE HYSTERIA HERE, SUOH-CHAN!! KAWAII KILLER BUTTERFLY ATTACK!!!"
Everyone winced as an enormous butterfly explosion
"That is *so* Carnage or Anarchy," Pesti-chan sighed.
"That had to be one of the most surreal things I've ever seen," Minako remarked.
Ami nodded, looking at Mayhem. "Hai hai." She smiled and nuzzle up next to her smoking otaku. "At least you let your suitors down gently, Carrot-chan."
Mayhem laughed, then sweatdropped as he noticed Usagi practically drooling over the armful of chocolates he had.
"Did you want some?" he asked, handing them all over to Usagi. "They're yours; don't choke on them."
Usagi sniffed tenderly. "For me? Arigato, Carrot! You've got such a kind heart!"
"Nah," Mayhem replied. "The dumptrucks still have to come back to finish hauling the last load of chocolates Pesti-chan and I got to the apartment."
Chaos' eyebrow twitched. "At least the girls who gave you chocolates are old enough for you to date...and all female!"
"Well that's your fault for showing up in the fuku," Pesti-chan retorted.
"Hai hai," Mayhem agreed. "But at least this time he was female while he was wearing the dress."
"Aw, but at least somebody out there likes you," Minako piped up. "After all, absence of your heart will kill you!"
"That's 'absence makes the heart grow fonder', Minako-chan," Ami sighed.
"Somebody may love me," Chaos muttered. "But it isn't the author." He lifted his head--and promptly reverted into SD bug-eyed mode as he saw Carnage in a wheelchair heading straight for him. "KYAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
And while Chaos was nicely used as a speedbump, Carnage grabbed hold of Mayhem's uniform. "YA GOTTA HIDE ME!!" Carnage exclaimed. "I was ambushed at the water fountain and they stole my SD Tallgeese! They're everywhere!
No matter where I go they find me! I hide in the bathroom, they find me. I hide in a mall, they find me. I hide in a mecha and they still manage to find me!"
"Have you tried a space colony?" Mayhem inquired.
Abruptly a girl behind the wheelchair cleared her throat.
"*Ahem* Allow me take care of my Carnage-chan," Miyu said, smiling down at Carnage. She giggled, hoisting Carnage over her shoulder and carrying him off. "You wouldn't believe how athletic your body gets when fighting Shinma for
a few hundred years."
"*WHOSE* Akito, Vamp-girl?!" Rei exclaimed, chasing after Miyu.
Usagi sighed. "I wish I could be with Mamo-chan right now!"
Pesti-chan and Mayhem laughed uneasily, recalling that whole Christmasfic incident with Kekko Tuxedo Kamen.
Ami looked over at Chaos. "Ne, Duo, have you seen Hotaru around?"
Chaos froze. "Why?"
"Well, she was asking around for you yesterday,"
Makoto said. "She wanted to know if you were available for a date tonight."
"Hai hai," Usagi piped up as she devoured most of the chocolates.
Chaos recoiled right into Mako-chan's breasts. "KYAAA!!! I don't want Red Queen Haruka and Dominatrix Michiru to hurt me!"
"And just what makes you think you're going to get out of *this* situation intact?" Mayhem inquired.
Chaos: [Bambi eyes as he looks up at Makoto] "Ano...(^-^)
Makoto: [grrr!] "Kiss this, you pervert!"
Makoto's fist: *WHAM!!!*
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