* * *
And with that rather senseless smiting, let's go check up on Chaos' progress, shall we? Ah yes, so far so good! Having made it past the BEAST's naughty circuitboards (well what else would you call it when the BEAST supercomputer "interfaces" with Satsuki? Have you checked where it's mouse
has been lately, hm?), Chaos found himself still being chased by the twin breasts.
Chaos: [must go faster!] "The first person to make the crack 'Milk: it does a body good' gets crushed with a cow!!!"
"Hm? Chaos-momma?" Hysteria pondered aloud as Chaos floored it past her spontaneous kawaii li'l tea party. "Hysteria wonders where Chaos-poppa would be going now? He'll miss Hysteria's kawaii little tea party, ne, Tora-chan? Ne? Ne?"
The rather unimpressed tiger demon, accessorized in a kawaii little frilly apron and his hair done up in a horde of kawaii little ribbons & bows, muttered something that really shouldn't be repeated right here. As it turned out, Hysteria's tea party was right in the middle of a kindergarten school's playground. And in all honesty Tora wasn't exactly fond of having all the little kids playing with his mane.
"I can't believe I got stuck doing this," he said darkly. "I should be out eating Ushio but noooo! I gotta get my ass stuck here with the likes of her...AND WILL YOU KIDS STOP YANKING ON MY DAMNED TAIL?!?!"
Tora whirled, giving a fierce roar. Unfortunately, the innocent and ignorant kindergarteners only laughed more and then yanked harder on his tail. One little boy in particular was starting to get on Tora's already frayed nerves.
"What the hell are you looking at?" he snarled.
Crayon Shin-chan just gave his usual blank stare and stuck his finger into Tora's nose. "You're a tiger, right?"
"Yeah?" Tora growled, his eyes narrowing as he leaned into Crayon Shin-chan's face. "What about it?"
"What's a tiger?" Crayon Shin-chan asked. "Do you have one of these?" And with that, the oh so lovable Crayon Shin-chan yanked down his shorts. "You're a tiger but I've got an elephant," Shin-chan stated, wiggling his butt around.
"You're a tiger but I've got an elephant."
Tora's eyes bugged out, and ever so cautiously he glanced over to Hysteria.
"Ooooh!" Hysteria excaimed happily, serving tea and cookies to a group of kindergarten girls. "You're all just soooo kawaii! Hysteria wishes she could take you all home with her!"
Hysteria paused as she heard an enormous CHOMP! from Tora's side of the table. The tiger demon gave her the most innocent smile he could, wagging his tail and trying to hide the large bulges in his cheeks.
"Ne, Tora-chan," she asked. "What are you eating?"
"Nothing," Tora muttered between chews.
Hysteria immediately launched into a uberkawaii hissy fit.
Hysteria: "Waaaah! Please tell Hysteria-chan, Tora-chan! Please please please please?!?!"
Tora: [evil smile] "Kinder Surprise."
Tora made a face and then spat out Crayon's yellow hat.
Hysteria reverted into her kawaii Bambi-eyed mode. "Oooh! Kawaii little Hysteria can try some Kinder Surprise-chans too, ne? Ne? Ne?"
The tiger demon chuckled darkly and looked at the rest of the children all around them. "Oh, I think we can arrange that...."
* * *
Okay, that looks like a good place to switch scenery. And what scenery we're switching to! Down at the Planet Hentai the Valententacle bash was in full strip--er, swing. Tira and Chocolate Misu were up on stage belting out the
lyrics to Mask, while Carrot Glaces spent most of his time trying to feel up Arshes Nei.
Carrot: ^-^ "Hey babe, in celebration of Valentine's Day lets go all the way!"
Chocolate: [glare!] "Darling...!!!"
Tira: [grrrr!] "Carrot...!!!"
And with that, the performance came to an abrupt end as the two Misu sisters pulled off their clothes and donned their whips & dominatrix get-ups. Needless to say, Carrot freaked and tried to hide between the breasts of a Variable Geo waitress girl.
It worked for about 2 seconds.
While dragging the thoroughly maimed Carrot back to the stage, Tira passed by the female escort to Lord Koenma's underworld. And said female escort was having a slight problem and misinterpretation of her profession title.
"I said get offa me!!" Kurama exclaimed, whacking Happosai into the kitchen with her oversized oar.
"Are you insane?! Why are you sending him over here?!" Ukyo shouted from inside the kitchen. She pulled out her oversized spatula and sent Happosai right into one of the overhead ceiling cages.
Happosai nuzzled his face into the chest of the dancing girl. "Ah, now this is what Valentine's Day is all about! Silken darlings galore!" Abruptly his eyes bugged out, a terrified look on his face as he pulled open the collar to the dancer's blouse and peered inside.
"Na ni?!" he said, recoiling in shock and frantically pointing at the dancer. "You're a crossdresser!"
Nuriko shrugged. "And you're a pervert. Now...WOULD YOU MIND LETTING ME DO MY JOB?!?!"
Fortunately for Happosai, his subsequent punt across the Planet was softened nicely by Lina Inverse. Upon remarking he might have gotten a concussion due to her small breasts, the pint-sized pervert was unceremoniously Dragu Slaved through the ceiling.
"Aw man!" Yakumo groaned as he emerged from one of the other rooms.
"What is it?" Wonderland's Cheshire Cat asked, looking up from where she had managed to pin the hapless Miyuki-chan down on the table once more.
Yakumo sighed, shaking his head. "The entire cast of Gall Force just went for a nude swim in the whipped cream wrestling pit," he said, thumbing back to the stage area.
"They've filled the entire pit, so there's only enough room for one more person to join them."
He gave a frantic shriek as moments later the entire male population in Planet Hentai--not to mention the entire female cast of Clamp's Wonderland--ran him down in a mad dash for the whipped cream pit.
"Wah!" Pai shrieked, trying to retrieve her run-over 'Wu'. "Yakumo, speak to Pai!"
"I'm telling you, I'm the best there is at Sexcraft!" Mido Miko stated, seated at one of the tables near the dance floor.
Across from her the Seiyuu Seishi, Soi, laughed. "I'd like to see you help restore the chi of my Nakago-sama," Soi retorted. She leaned back in her chair. "We could use another round of Ecchichinoes!"
And their Ecchichinoes were brought over by Red Queen Kasumi. "WOH OHO HO HOH HO HO!!!" Skimehime-chan cackled, toying with her whip. "So you ladies think you deserve to be called the Queen, do you?"
Soi and Mido sweatdropped.
Meanwhile, behind the stage numerous contestants were already preparing themselves for the Valententacle Bosom Pagent.
"Trust me, you'll be great!" Aeka said, helping adjust the costume of one of the competitors--which consisted of a scarf.
Kekko Kamen blushed and uneasily looked out at the crowds from behind the curtain. "But I don't have a thing to wear!"
"That's the beauty of it," Aeka countered.
Cutey Honey sighed. "I just can't believe you're better built than I am. Ne, where's Naga?"
"Woh oho ho hoh!!," Maho Tsukai Tai's Miyama laughed, her own ample chest bouncing more than the rest of her. "She must be running late. But it doesn't really matter since we all know who's going to win!"
"Ohayo!" called out a voice.
All the girls sweatdropped as the Ogenki Clinic's head nurse came bounding through the door...followed by the rest of her.
"You were saying, Miyama?" Aeka chuckled.
"Ladies!" Havoc said, popping out from Miyama's bathing suit. "It's showtime in about half an hour!"
"Hai!" they chorused.
Havoc looked around the Undressing Room, which in itself was an impressive feat since everything from his neck on down was still in Miyama's suit. "Ne, where'd Naga disappear to? She's one of the top contenders, and the Gainax Bounce richter scale will be set up soon."
Aeka shrugged. "I don't know. But I don't think she'll miss something as important as this."
"Oh, Na-chaaaaaan!" a new voice called out cheerfully.
Havoc's eyes bugged out as Minako suddenly popped out from Miyama's swimsuit next to him. "Minako!" he groaned, an exasperated sweatdrop appearing next to his face. "You just can't keep popping up on me like this! I'm an artist, and you're messing with my perverted muse!"
Minako winked playfully at the Hentenno. "Then make me your next work of art, Nagumo! After all, if you can hold cream lemon in your hands then it really is a beautiful thing!"
Washu rolled her eyes as she passed by the group. "That's 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder'."
And so in that moment of embarrassed silence, Havoc took the opportunity to not only escape from Minako, but to also escape with her and everyone else's panties. Naturally Minako gave chase with the Yggdrasil jacket.
Minako: "Na-chan, come back! I wasn't wearing any panties!"
Havoc: [boing!] "Hotcha! Then what were you--?"
Megumi Amano: "Hey, Havoc, nice Benwa's!"
"So," Blue Seed's Kusanagi remarked with a smile as he draped an arm over Nabiki's shoulder. "Care to pick me up, you foxy nightgame?"
Nabiki's eyebrow twitched as she felt something slither across her back. "Is that you or the tentacle, Vine-boy?"
Kusanagi's smile disappeared. "Ano...those tentacles aren't mine."
Needless to say both of them shrank into SD mode and spun around, only to come face to face with a chuckling Satsuki. The Earth Dragon had a mischievous grin on her face as she playfully smached an electrical cable writhing out
from the floor. "Gomen," she said. "but my BEAST has a mind of its own. After checking out the alt.Hentenno.getnekkid newsgroup it just hasn't been the same."
"Hotcha! Naughty circuitboards!" Happosai exclaimed as he dropped back to earth and made a crater in one of the tables.
Batou tapped Satsuki on the shoulder. "You wouldn't happen to know if that's the Puppetmaster, would you?"
In another corner of Planet Hentai, things were a little more calmer...kind of. Okay, there was a strong definite absolute possibility of a maybe. Ano...would you believe some people still had articles of clothing on?
"Mokkori!" City Hunter's Ryo Saeba exclaimed, taking a flying leap from his chair towards the closest Anime babe he saw. Shortly afterwards he came crashing back onto the tabletop. "You know," he remarked. "When they saw Yawara is a fashionable Judo girl, they aren't kidding."
"That's perfect for me!" Happosai said with a grin. "It's time for anything goes martial arts stripteases!"
"We need another clean-up at the Jello wrestling pit!" Asuka Sohryu Langley called out as she towelled herself off.
Not three seconds after she had spoken those words, someone eagerly raced by with a mop in his hands and a bra on his head. "Benkyo benkyo benkyo benkyo benkyo!!!" Kintaro exclaimed.
Abruptly Havoc's head popped up from the Jello in the pit, his Chichiri grin still etched onto his face from behind a snorkel mask. "Hotcha!" he said, hoisting up a large handful of panties. "There be silken treasure buried 'neath them lemony waters!"
The Hentenno sweatdropped as he felt Minako nuzzle up to his back, her hands groping his chest. "Excuse me, Minako, but I'm trying to work here," Havoc groaned. "Could you distance yourself a little?"
Minako spun Havoc around. "But Na-chan, it's Valentine's Day, and I still haven't given you my present!"
Havoc blinked. "You mean it wasn't the Benwa's?"
Suddenly Minako yanked out the Yggdrasil jacket from the Jello and pounced on Havoc.
Havoc: ^-^ "Oro?"
Before the uberperv could detonate into Cream Lemon, he was transformed into mega-playboy mode. The now suave Havoc winked at Minako. "My dear, I must say that here in the lemonlight you must be the most beautiful Senshi I have
ever seen. Surely your planet was named after you. Now let's make out!!"
Minako giggled and lunged for Havoc, sending them both flopping over backwards into the Jello.
Minako: ^-^ "Itadakimasu!"
[Fanboy's Note: itadakimasu more or less means "let's eat!" And you thought it wouldn't be ecchi! ^^]
And so Minako managed to actually kiss the mega-playboy Havoc. Seconds into the hentai rapture, Minako promptly exploded in Cream Lemon. This naturally blew Havoc right out of the jacket and into the bosoms of Chun-Li.
Havoc: o.O [blink blink!] "What just happened? (^-^) Ooooh, soft!"
Suddenly an unexpected newcomer arrived at the club. A still super-deformed Chaos threw open the front doors and collapsed into a heap. Yet that barely even managed to slow him down as moments later, Chaos frantically slammed shut the front doors of Planet Hentai behind him.
"Moshi moshi," Minni-May said with a smile in greeting him. "I didn't expect to see you here, Chaos."
"Big breast! Big breast!" Chaos shrieked, throwing his back against the door, eyes bugged out as he wildly threw paranoid glances across the club.
Minni-May blinked and slowly nodded. "Hai?"
Chaos nodded vehemently with her. "Big breast!"
"Well, if it's Naga you're looking for I'm sorry but she has the night off," Minni-May said, waving for Havoc to get down from the lights Chun-Li had dropkicked him into. "She's running late for the Bosom Pagent too."
"No no no!" Chaos countered, waving his hands around as he grabbed a table and tried to barricade the door. "Out there! Big breast out there!"
Minni-May: [sweatdrop!] "Yes, like I was saying Naga has the night off."
Chaos: o.O "No! Out there! Big breast out there! Big breast!
Big breast chase me!"
"Hey, Chaos!" Havoc exclaimed, bounding over to the petrified fanboy. "Glad you could make it! The Valententacle party's just beginning! Grab a wooden spoon and start spanking!"
"Big breast!" the twitching SD Chaos said, turning to Havoc. "Out there! Big breast out there!"
Havoc sweatdropped. "And you just left it out there? You didn't even think of inviting it in?"
The doors to Planet Hentai abruptly buckled as something outside rammed into them. Chaos' kawaii kitty ears popped up as he did what came naturally. "Run away! Run away!" Chaos screamed, racing deeper into the club.
Havoc and Minni-May exchanged puzzled glances, while Havoc just took her panties. "What was that all about?" Minni-May asked.
Suddenly the front doors were shattered as an enormous breast charged into Planet Hentai, narrowly missing Havoc and Minni-May by mere inches. Off the bosom went, crashing through tables in its frenzied chase after Chaos.
"By the bras of Belldandy!" Havoc exclaimed, watching the bosom plough through and over most of the patrons of Planet Hentai. Strangely enough, there was more of a scuffle to get in the way of the breast than to get out of its way.
"Ne, Havoc," Kintaro remarked. "Don't those things usually come in pairs?"
Havoc shrugged. "Usually."
The Hentenno turned around--and was immediately flattened by the second of the two bosoms. Kintaro shook his head. "Shimatta! It's going to take a good five pages to wipe the grin off his face after this."
The Hentenno shook his head as he peeled himself off the floor and watched Chaos frantically try to outrun the oversized bosoms. "Yare yare. Will you look at the size of those things? Unbelievable, Kintaro. That's what this is:
Havoc turned to the Goldenboy, and gave him the V-sign. "Do you realize that somewhere out in Tokyo those babies have left behind one of the biggest bra's in history for us to find?!"
Kintaro's eyes widened. "Hotcha!"
"Mokkori!" Ryo Saeba exclaimed, suddenly popping up with a pair of panties between his teeth. "Count me in!"
Havoc: [dramatic flair!] "To the Pervmobile!"
Kintaro: "I'm riding shotgun!"
Havoc: ^-^ "I'm riding Megumi-chan!"
* * *
Elsewhere in Planet Hentai, a very tanked killer fangirl managed to stagger out of the karaoke room and find her way to the bar. "I need more Sake," Anarchy said, slamming back the contents of the nearest bottle she could
find. "Something with a real kick to it this time around!"
Anarchy blinked as she saw the twin bosoms chase after Chaos and smash through the wall. She glanced down at the empty bottle of Sake and grinned. "Now that's what I call a kick! I'll take a dozen more. Tasuki-baby, crank up the
karaoke! An-chan's bringin' home the booze for Valentine's Day!!"
"Hai!" Tasuki's voice shouted out from the karaoke room. "Hotohori! Chichiri! Tamahome! It's time for another THTC song!"
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