It's all about love, chocolates, and edible panties!
Chaos: ^-^ "Hai! It's Valentine's Day! Finally my Mako-chan and I can have a date and then have a gratuitous kissing scene!"
Pesti: [grrrr!] "*YOUR* Mako-chan?! She's going to share that gratuitous kissing scene with me, Chaos!"
Chaos: "Ha! You and what army, Pesti-chan?"
[Chaos is suddenly smited by a hailstorm of falling cabbages!]
Hysteria: "Wah! Pesti-poppa and Chaos-poppa are fighting over Makoto-momma again!"
Carnage: [blink blink!] "I'm surrounded by idiots."
Mayhem: "You know, Carnage, with your Tenchi Masaki syndrome you're probably doomed about two paragraphs into this fic if the ladies have their way with you."
Pesti: "I'm impressed he's lasted this long through the obligatory intro. bit."
[Cue the horde of love-crazed Anime babes!]
Carnage: o.O "Oh shit."
Rei: [grabbing hold of Carnage's left leg!] "He's *my* Akito!"
Miyu: [grabbing hold of Carnage's right leg!] "*WHOSE* Carnage-chan, Rei?!"
[Mayhem & Pesti-chan leap aside as Carnage is carried away by the gang of Anime babes!]
Mayhem: [dusting himself off] "You know, there are other avatars out there who would kill for that disorder."
Pesti: "Hai hai, but Carnage's only love is for Anarchy."
Anarchy & Tasuki: [yep, they're drunk and on karaoke...again] "Hake shiku Lady, Ah gimme your love! You shiku Lady, I need your love!"
Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha! In celebration of this day, the Hentenno has done it again!"
Pesti: "What's so new about you boosting more panties?"
Havoc: [tsk tsk] "Au contraire, mon ecchi-chan!"
Pesti: [oversized balloon head!] "I AM NOT A PERVERT!!!"
Havoc: ^-^ "Give it time. But for those who have already embraced their inner hentai, I present all new Planet Hentai membership cards!"
Hysteria: [giggle giggle!] "Oooh! What a kawaii pair of gold panty-chans!"
Mayhem: "I'm just impressed he managed to get a magnetic strip on that."
Havoc: "We call that our 'racing stripe' Mayhem."
Chaos: [leaping out from the pile o' cabbages!] "MWAH HA HA!!! I shall triumph, Pesti-chan! Mako-chan is as good as--!"
[Chaos facevaults upon seeing Pesti-chan and Makoto, hand in hand, walking away!]
Chaos: [teary Bambi eyes] "M-Mako-chaaaan...!!"
Hotaru: [glomping onto chaos] "Daijobu, Chaos-chan. I've got our Valentine's date all planned out!"
Chaos: ^-^ "Hai! You've got our Valentine's date all--WHAT?!"
Haruka: [with Space sword!] "I believe that's *my* line, Chaos."
Chaos: o.O "Ano...if this is just the introduction, I fear what the actual fic will bring about."
Mayhem: "We might as well cue it, ne?"
Ami: [groping Mayhem] "Hai, Carrot-chan."
[Cue the spontaneous combustion...and the fic while we're at it.]
Go ahead, read this fanfic!
(Translation: we know who you are)
You know you want to!
(Translation: we know where you live)
An FBZ FANBOYS VALENTINEFIC!!!
Part I: Like Water For Chocolate Misu!
[Fanboy's Note: while Feb.14th for 1999 takes place on a Sunday, for all intents and purposes I've moved it to Monday...just because I felt like it! Ha ha! Come on; if I haven't paid attention to plot continuity in the past, you think I'm gonna start now?! Hey, chowerderheads, who's writing this fanfic?! You or me?!]
Welcome to the official, first-ever, whip-cracking, "Jo'o-sama!!" screaming, gratuitous gropefest of a romantic installment for Curse of the Fanboys!, the series that has everyone saying--
Anime babes: "Give us back our panties, you freak!"
Havoc: ^-^ [bounding off!] "Hotcha! Call me Hentenno-sama!"
--;; Well...that too.
And one thing's for certain: we're not in Kansas anymore. Come to think of it, we never were in Kansas in the first place. (o.O) Good lord, where the hell are we?!
Anyhoo, this is the fic you've all been waiting for! Yes, we shall at last reveal which couples get together for Valentine's Day and celebrate with kawaii little dates! Rest assured that the author and his kawaii all-female writing assistant team have pulled out all the stops for this one!
And with the author in control, we have nothing to worry about in this Valentinefic. (Translation: be afraid. Be VERY afraid.)
So be prepared for romantic interludes! (Translation: nekkid flashes! Nekkid flashes for everybody!)
Be prepared for tender, endearing moments! (Translation: pick the leather-clad, whip-toting, S&M Dominatrix Senshi of your choice and call her the Queen!)
And be prepared for some friendly rivalries over the affections of a kawaii Sailor Senshi! (Translation: get ready for kung-fu smiting so authentic it'll kick your ass from inside the fanfic!)
But before our author can rant further, not only getting us nowhere fast but also a speeding ticket over it, let the Valentinefic begin!!!
* * *
SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 12
TWO DAYS BEFORE VALENTINE'S DAY.
TWO SECONDS BEFORE YOUR PANTIES ARE STOLEN.
Havoc: ^-^ "Too late!"
Fanboys: "SHADDUP HAVOC!!!"
The day would have merely come and gone like days would in most other fanfics. However this being the world of the Fanboys!, the day came and was then Dragu Slaved into next week. So in essence today marked all hell breaking loose in the fanfic...not that hell's ever failed to break loose any day the fanboys are around. But that's not really important right now, is it?
Up at their apartment, Pesti-chan was busy rummaging through the bottles of Hard Lemonade in the fridge in the hopes of finding some leftover sushi for dinner. Mayhem was nicely reclining on one of the couches, flipping through the business section of the paper.
"How are the finances doing today?" Pesti-chan inquired, sitting on the counter and opening a bottle of Hard Lemonade while raiding a bento box full of kappa maki.
Mayhem shrugged. "The usual, as to be expected. Nergal, Genom and the Daitokuji Financial Group are level, but the Romafeller Group's stock just plummetted overnight."
"Well what do you expect?" Pesti-chan replied. "That sort of thing happens when you try to take over the world with a batallion of Serpent mobile suits. I'm just glad the Gundams and not the EVAs were called in to handle that."
Abruptly the entire apartment rumbled as a muffled explosion was heard from inside of the hall closets. The closet door opened to unleash a cloud of smoke, and then a thoroughly charred fanboy walking out totally covered in mecha parts.
"Dammit!" Carnage growled, shaking a piece of hose off his leg. "It never fails! The second I step into the shower, a mecha melee ensues without me!"
"Wild guess, Mayhem inquired. "Your vision of the ultimate mecha just Escaflowne'd the coop?"
"Aha haaaa...cute," Carnage said dryly, brushing a group of frayed wires off his shoulder. "The author's got a sadistic streak in him a mile wide given the stunt he just pulled on me. I volunteered to revamp Alita's cybernetic Berserker body...and it got a little out of hand."
Pesti-chan groaned, taking another swig of Hard Lemonade. "Yare yare. I *know* where this is going."
"I was doing fine right until I tried to compact a transpositional cannon and install it onto the Berserker body's arm," Carnage continued. "Then for some dumb reason, a squadron of Serpent mobile suits hiding in my hangar since last night's seige decided to pick that exact moment to take over my room. Blind luck that only Alita's arms were blown off when she nuked them...right until she hit Gunbuster with her gravity blast. Of course that set off the Buster Beam and took out a space colony--which naturally had to crash right into the hangar bay and crush my latest prototype for Escafanboy!"
By this time Pesti-chan's eyebrow was rapidly twitching, sweatdrops circling all around his face. "You didn't happen to see Desolation there, did you?"
Mayhem just shrugged and went back to his paper. "I told you to double-check your hangar for stray Serpents after Marlemeiya's invasion, Carnage."
Carnage removed his now tattered BAD T-shirt and grabbed a Hard Lemonade from the fridge. "Hai hai. But I *own* six squardons of those Serpents to begin with, Mayhem. I can't keep track of which ones are out to take over the world."
He glanced around the quite peaceful apartment. "Ne, where's Chaos? He should have been in there to get smited with the colony got dropped."
"He's out trying that new VF system prototype we installed in the apartment yesterday," Pesti-chan replied, polishing off the last of his sushi.
This time it was Carnage's eyebrow that twitched. "You're letting the idiot who wrote that "Princess Army of Darkness Wedding Combat" Chaosfic play around with the Virtual Fanfic system?"
"Would you rather have him write it instead?" Pesti-chan asked.
"We're testing the parameters," Mayhem explained. "Once we see how bad of a fanfic the VF program can take, we'll be able to upgrade it to withstand the worst of the worst. The next time when it realizes what Chaos is up to, it'll lock him out of the system."
"Oooooh!" Hysteria exclaimed, dropping in from the above to land on the couch cushion next to Mayhem. "Fanfic-chans? They're just all sooooo kawaii, ne? Ne? Ne? Just like Hysteria's kawaii little Mokona Tsukai Tai fic-chan!"
The fanboys all facevaulted.
"Na ni?" Hysteria asked, blinking ever so innocently. "Was it something kawaii that Hysteria-chan said?"
"Somebody please tell me she's adopted," Pesti-chan groaned.
* * *
Priss Asagiri's eyes widened, and with a vicious yank on the handlebars of her motorbike she came to an abrupt stop. A thick black skid mark from her tire treads were left on the road behind her.
It was a Boomer alright, and an ugly one too.
"Just what the hell has Genom been up to these days?" she muttered, shaking her head as an enomorous quarterback-built 55-C Boomer suddenly pirouetted right past her.
"Wooo! Tutu!" the tutu-clad Boomer exclaimed, prancing around.
Priss scanned the area, her gaze stopping as she spotted Mason. "Bastard. I should have known it was him behind this."
Mason scowled, looking over a halpess citizen at his feet. "Yes, she has a pure heart but it's not the one we're looking for. Shimatta, the Dark Messiah who can trigger the Silence Glaive Satellite Strike must be here somewhere!"
"Hey!" Priss shouted, lobbing her helmet at Mason. "You want to fight someone, then you fight me!"
Mason swatted the helmet away before it would have struck him in the face. "Pathetic," he remarked, standing up and straightening his suit jacket. "My work here is done regardless. Tutu-chan, take care of this woman for me."
"Hai!" the Boomer chirped amidst its leg-lifting exercises. Its eyes focused in on Priss. "Let's rehearse Swan Lake!"
Priss stepped back as the Boomer's mouth opened to reveal an enormous cannon muzzle. "M-Masaka."
"First Act!" the Boomer proclaimed. "The fair prince prepares to shoot the Swan Princess through the heart with his bow and arrow!"
A blinding volley was unleashed, Priss leaping aside as the blast took out her motorcycle. The ensuing explosion sent Priss toppling wildly across the road before she was stopped by a group of helping hands.
Priss looked up to see Nene, Linna and Sylia all standing over her. "Took you guys long enough to get here," she remarked, wincing as she slowly got to her feet. That attack had left her bleeding...and pissed off too. Priss growled. "Everybody ready?"
They all nodded.
Priss pulled out her henshin stick. "Moon Bubblegum Crisis, Make Up!!"
In a blinding flash of light the four girls were suddenly clad in armoured harsuits with sailor-style skirts and blouses on. "We will not allow Genom to rule the world!" Nene exclaimed, pointing at the Boomer. "Agents of love and vengeance, we are the Knight Sailors!"
"More extras?" the Boomer asked, adjusting its tutu. "I'm sorry, ladies, but the lead role's already taken. You'll have to leave the theatre now!!"
The Tutu Boomer lumbered towards them, opening its mouth to unleash another laser blast. Yet a bullet ricocheted across the ground at the Boomer's feet, causing the Boomer to stop and look around.
"Now I can't have you trying to literally hit on my babe," a stranger in a tuxedo remarked. He turned around, blowing the waft of smoke away from the barrel of his gun. "For I am Tuxedo Leon!"
Tuxedo Leon lifted his shades from his eyes and winked at Priss. "Hey, babe, are we still on for a date tomorrow night?"
The Tutu Boomer impatiently stamped its feet. "How dare you go criticizing my work! You shall pay for--!"
The Knight Sailors all looked around, their confusion visible even from behind their tinted visors.
"Chu?" Linna asked.
And then suddenly--!!
"KYAAAAAAAA!!!! RAMPAGE, WHADDAYA THINK YOU'RE DOING TO MY VIRTUAL FANFIC?!?!"
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