"Ah, here we are!" Havoc announced. "Room 33-DD, one of the places we reserve for the group dinner parties at the Planet Hentai. The cast of Maze TV isn't due here for another two and a half hours, so we get to have it all to ourselves.
Hotaru nodded, looking around the interior designs modelled after ancient China. "It's pretty."
"You should have seen it this morning," Havoc said, flipping over a sign on the door that said PRIVATE PANTY PARTY. "I'm telling you, that's the last time I let the cast of X rent this place out. Spirit shields and bras all over the place--and Kamui and Fuma nearly ran me through with their swords when I boosted Kotori's panties too."
"Ano, where do we sit?" Hotaru asked. There were a good four to five tables with highback chairs, as well as a few floor tables located in a sunken part of the floor.
Havoc gestured indifferently to the room as he picked up the receiver from a phone on the wall to give his order. "Wherever you want, Hotaru. Just be sure not to sit on the--"
"--Omnilingus." Havoc rolled his eyes as he looked from a thoroughly licked-up Hotaru over to the vibrating, tongue-shaped chair. "Haruka and Michiru are definitely going to make me call them the Queens for that one at tomorrow night's Valententacle Party."
Well, after towelling Hotaru off the two sat down for the obligatory Jello scene. While Havoc dined on Cream Lemon gyoza, Hotaru spend more time talking during the meal and relating how she had gone to the other fanboys for advice. She also related how none of them really had any good advice to give before either they blew up or they blew something else up.
"Now then, down to business," Havoc said as he set down his empty shell of Piscuss fruit. "Of course you realize that if you snag Chaos while he's female, I've got dibs on his--er, on her panties."
Hotaru nodded, expecting as much from somome like Havoc.
"Let's get hentai and get you Chaos!" Havoc exclaimed. He reached over to a small console built into the arm of his chair, and pushed one of the numerous buttons.
Suddenly Hotaru's chair tilted back, tentacles snaking out from the back to wrap around her arms, ankles and midriff. Bound in place, Hotaru watched as a wind machine started blowing up the skirt of her fuku, a triad of naughty tentacles snaking across the table towards her.
Havoc's eyes widened. "Woah! That sure as hell wasn't the right one!" He frantically started punching all the buttons on his armrest. "There's too many buttons. It's gotta be one of these ones here!
"Havoc!" Hotaru shouted, her voice rising in fear as the tentacles drew closer.
Havoc elbow-jabbed the console, and with a loud Clunk! something connected. The tentacles were reset, Hotaru freed once again as the seat tipped forward and the wind machine disappeared back into the floor. Trying to fight back a fit of hyperventilation brought on by the sudden stress, Hotaru slowly looked to Havoc. Her lips moved but she still couldn't find the proper words to express her feelings on the incident.
"I am so sorry about that," he apologized. "I think that was the VIP one I hit. I'm not good at all when it comes to buttons, which is why I'm lobbying for all clothing to be changed to either velcro or tear-away."
He carefully scanned over the console before pushing another button. This time a Variable Geo waitress rollerbladed in with another combination tray and set it down in front of Havoc.
The waitress paused on her way out the doors. "Is it suddenly drafty in here, or is it just me?" she asked.
And so the two began to devise their scheme. Or at least they tried. Havoc accidentally pushed the wrong button while summoning his fair masseuse, and wound up filling the room with whipped cream.
"Yare yare," Hotaru said quietly, waist-deep in Cream Lemon. "This is getting us nowhere."
Havoc glanced around the now cream lemony room. "Fuckleducks! I can't create in such a constrictive place. I need to get into the proper mood to stimulate myself."
Hotaru stiffened, uncertain if she should take his double entendre at face value. However, after seeing what that "chair" of his could do, she voiced her agreement to find a better room to plan something.
The two left the room and proceeded down the hall to the next door. "Ah, here we are!" Havoc announced cheerfully. "Lounge #69!"
Hotaru glanced back at Room 33-D, and then over to the double doors right in front of them. "Why is it called 69? It follows no sequential order that I can see."
She looked up at Havoc when she didn't get an answer, and was forced to elbow him as Havoc had lost himself in rubbing Iria's panties against his cheek.
"Oh, that?" he remarked with a smirk. "Ask Haruka-poppa and Michiru-momma about Rule 3 sometime."
Havoc pushed open the doors, and immediately froze upon seeing the room already occupied. The colour drained from Hotaru's already pale face. Hastily Havoc picked Hotaru up and turned her around to face the opposite direction.
"Sorry about that Megumi-chan!" Havoc said, opening one of the doors again. "I didn't realize you were rehearsing an act in here...yes, I *know* it takes three to tango like that but I'm a little busy right now. Besides, I'm male too--but I'll take a showercheck for later."
He paused just as the door began to swing shut. "Incidentally, you should watch your breathing on that last movement; I think it's a little off from last time. Ja!"
With a broader Chichiri grin on his face, Havoc turned back around and saw Hotaru patiently waiting. "Ummmmm...you should probably just ignore that."
"I'm begining to think that applies to everything in this club," Hotaru answered. "But didn't you mean a raincheck and not a showercheck?"
Havoc shrugged nonchalantly. "Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no hentai's, Hotaru-chan. Shimatta, I think most of these rooms are taken for rehearsals for tonight's performances. Guess El Dojirado will just have to do."
The uneasy feeling that she was in the wrong place at the wrong time seemed to double inside Hotaru's chest. "El Dojirado?" she asked slowly.
"Daijobu," Havoc scoffed, waving her fears aside with a pair of panties. "So long as you stick with me, no harm can befall you or your underwear!"
* * *
Yes, just as many of you feared, it was time to return to that most memorable of places, the magical kingdom of El Dojirado! After proving to Ruruboss that he was indeed the Hentenno, access for Havoc and Hotaru was a breeze...and a draft as they passed by TTS Airbat pilots Miyuki and Arisa on their way to the El Dojirado entrance.
"Hotcha!" Havoc sighed, bounding down the tunnel while flinging panties in the air. "I think I'm going to have to order down some of my Creamy Ale for this project. I can feel the hentai all cumming back to me now!"
Upon properly stroking the enormous pair of panties that constituted as the front door for El Dojirado, Havoc led Hotaru inside. The young girl's eyes widened as she saw the beautiful green shrubbery and vegetation was everywhere, intermingled with cobblestone walkways and enormous crimson torii's.
Hotaru almost broke into a run when she saw the flowing waterfall that emptied into a serene pond, but her physical condition kept her walking slowly. Yet her amazement and awe was unable to be hidden from her face.
"Sugoi!" she exclaimed, laughing as a butterfly landed on her outstretched hand and flapped its wings.
"Well, what were you expecting?" Havoc inquired, heading down one of the cobblestone pathways. "The Skima realm? Nah, these are my meditation chambers where I am enlightened with Cream Lemon epiphanies."
A windchime sounded off in the distance as the two came to a small temple just beside the pond. Havoc slid open a fusama screen to reveal a room with a few small desks that were littered with papers and books. On one wooden beam was a kanji scroll. "'Naughty tentacles/trace a path along your chest/Glistening hentai'," Hotaru read. She blinked as she mulled over the poem. Finally she turned to Havoc. "That has to be the most perverted haiku I've ever read," she told him.
Havoc grinned. "Why, thank you."
One other fusama in the room was also open, a small meditation mat laid out facing the waterfall, The sounds of chirping songbirds and splashing fish echoing across the temple room. Hotaru lifted her head as she noticed a rope dangling next to her face, the rope attached to...well at first she presumed to something but on further inspection she discovered that the rope simply disappeared into the solid wood of the ceiling.
"Ne, Havoc, what's this?" she asked, giving the rope a sturdy yank.
Havoc turned around, reverting into SD mode the instant he saw the rope in Hotaru's hands. "KYAAA!! No Hotaru! Not the--!"
Seconds later both Hotaru and Havoc were buried beneath an enormous mound of stolen panties. Havoc's head popped out from the underwear. "Hmmm, guess I just get to do this an hour earlier than scheduled."
"G-Gomen!" Hotaru said, her face flustered as she managed to pull herself out from the pile. "I...oh, I just seem to be doing everything wrong today." Today was proving to be one frustration after another, and even now her cause looked hopeless.
Havoc stopped inspecting his silken treasures when he heard Hotaru try to hide a sniffle. The tears started running down her cheeks no matter how hard she tried to hold back from crying.
"I'll never be able to be with Chaos-chan tomorrow," Hotaru whispered sadly. "Maybe Haruka-poppa was right after all. I...I'm sorry if I bothered you, Havoc."
"Woah! Hold it!" Havoc said, frantcially waving his hands around in protest. "I said I'd help you, didn't I? Well, panties aren't the only thing the Hentenno keeps."
Hotaru wiped away her tears. "Really?"
With his Chichiri grin, Havoc gave her the V-sign. "Hotcha! This is *me* we're talking about! And don't worry about the panties; after all, curiousity creamed the hentai. Now just give me a few seconds to clean up this mess."
He closed his eyes in concentration, his hentai battle aura flickering to life around him. Hotaru watched in amazement as the entire mountain of panties started to tremble and then slowly rise up into the pan-dimensional storage pocket in the ceiling. Moments later the small temple was cleared of any underwear.
"How'd you do that?" she asked breathlessly.
Havoc rolled back the sleeves of his Planet Hentai staff shirt as he took a seat on one of the floor cushions. "Everything I do is through the power of the Perv. A true Hentenno-sama can feel the Perv flow through him, and if he remains true to the Perv, the Perv will never fail him."
He motioned for Hotaru to take a seat on one of the floor cushions at his table. Havoc pushed aside a few books and various papers, clearing a place for the two of them to work. "Now then, Hotaru-chan," he said, taking out an ink brush. "You wanted to get Chaos alone for Valentine's Day?"
Hotaru smiled and nodded. "Hai. What did you have in mind?"
What indeed? Well at the risk of incurring another Aika girl chorusline, most of you out there would vote that what Havoc had in his mind was Jello. But regardless the author isn't about to reveal the thickening lemony plot now, because then you'd all stop reading the fic.
And then where would you be?! You'd be doing something actually constructive with your time, that's what would happen! And this of course would trigger the world's maddening descent into hitherto unknown realms of deranged lunacy. Not that this series isn't any different.
But perhaps we should just get back to the fic, ne?
Fifteen minutes later, the conspirators had their plan.
Hotaru bowed to Havoc as she got up to leave. "Arigato, Havoc. What can I do to repay you for your help?"
"Videotape it," Havoc replied without even hesitating. "Annnnnd, if you'd step into that changeroom next door, could you try these on and then give 'em back?"
Havoc walked outside of the temple, stopping at the edge of the pond next to asign that read 'Only the pentient hentai may pass.' And hovering about five feet off the water at the centre of the pond was the royal thong.
"How are you going to get that?" Hotaru asked.
One of Havoc's eyebrows raised up. Suddenly the royal thong disappeared in the blink of an eye. Hotaru looked at Havoc in surprise, only to see the thong in his hands.
"Hotcha!" Havoc exclaimed. "The ultimate technique of Kacchu Tenkin Amapantiken." He held the thong out to Hotaru. "I'd just like you to have worn them for a short while. It'd be a terrible waste if you nuked the planet before you'd worn them."
Unable to surpress an exasperated laugh, Hotaru took the thong. "Hai hai. And no peeking, either, Havoc. Havoc?"
A sweatdrop appeared next to Hotaru's head as she saw Havoc racing down one of the pathways, Lipumura's panties in his hands and Lipumura chasing after him.
Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha! You might be one of the six ghost ships, but you're panties are quite real...and soft too!"
Lipumura: [grrr!] "Give those back, you pervert! Dammit, if only I had that Sacrifice Cannon handy!"
So just what had Hotaru and Havoc been plotting behind Chaos' back? Did it involve chocolates and long walks along the beach? Or maybe a whip and tight leather. Or probably knowing Havoc it had something to with a food product that rhymes with "Hello!", ne?
Well these and other bizarre questions, such as "what the hell was the author on when he wrote this?!" shall have to wait because we're about to cue the eyecatch! And what better way to end off this first segment of the Valentinefic than with a soft, romantic serenade for all you koibito's (that means "lovers" and so ends our Japanese vocab lesson for this fic! ^^) out there. And so the author proudly presents a tender song sung by two of our resident head-over-halissen singing duo!
[Cue Anarchy and Tasuki totally tanked and belting out bad karaoke with...Sana-chan, and her drum-pounding Babbit!!]
Anarchy, Tasuki & Sana: "Kokuhaku SCENARIO doori, kokoro o ki merukedo atama no naka wa PANIKKU!!"
Sana: "Drum solo!!!"
Babbit: [cue the drum solo!!] "Hai!"
Rampage: ^-^ [on one end of the keyboard!] "CHU CHU!"
Catastrophe: ^-^ [on the other end of the keyboard!] "chu chu!"
Hysteria: "Wah! Go Sana-chan!"
Pesti: [aside to Mayhem] "That's one of the first times I've ever seen Rampage co-exist with another kawaii mascot."
Mayhem: "But ya gotta admit, that Babbit plays a mean set of drums!"
[Cue Chaos frantically racing into the fanfic with the Virtual Fanfic helmet!]
Chaos: [gasp!] "Sugoi! I'm not late! I had a little trouble getting here thanks to Anarchy sending a horde of carnivorous cabbits after me, and--!"
Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha! Somebody cue my Aika girl chorusline for the back-up singers!"
Carnage: [pulling out an Aestevalis!] "Exit the pervert, stage left!!"
Chaos: [with kawaii kitty ears!] "Wait! Don't go yet! I just completed my latest Chaosfic and I want everyone else to see it! I call it: Four Wedding Peaches and a Funeral!"
Pesti: o.O "......"
Mayhem: "And without further ado, cue the eyecatch!"
Chaos: ^-^ "Hai! Somebody cue the--HEY!"
[Cue the eyecatch!]
^-^ Tee hee!
Much thanks has to go out to Lord Havoc who helped create the Valentinefic scenario *and* the entire conspiracy Havoc makes with Hotaru. And to Desolation, who's currently reading over my shoulder and smacking me upside the back of the head during the editing process.
Author: [oversized demonic head form!] "WOULD YOU CUT THAT OUT, LOST-BOY?!"
[Cue the oversized Gentle Uterus!]
On to Part 2
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