The Fanboys come a'calling!!
(But certainly not a'carolling)
Chaos: "Ah, finally a chance to steal a kiss with my Mako-chan beneath the mistletoe!"
Pesti: "*WHOSE* Mako-chan, you cross-dressing freak?!"
Chaos: "I am not a cross-dresser!"
Mayhem: "This coming from the otaku currently in a slinky red Santa leotard with ample Gainax bounce."
Chaos: [modeling!] "Oh, do you like it? I got this from Haruka and Michiru's closet."
Carnage: "Chaos, those Christmas stockings are the ones meant to be hung over the fire!"
Chaos: "Oh, you mean like the fire you set to the Tokyo Tower when you decided to use the Galaxy Gun to create a Yuletide fireworks display?!"
Mayhem: "Good will to men, yes. Good will to dragqueens and mecha-obessed freaks is another story, however."
Chaos & Carnage: "Hush, Newt-boy!"
Pesti: [lament!] "Baka baka."
Havoc: "Hotcha! Hark the herald ecchis sing "Panties to the Hentai King!" Cream on earth and Jello mild, prude and skime reconciled!"
Carnage: [grrr!] "Reconcile this, you freak: DRAGU SLAVE!!!!"
[Cue the gratuitous Cream Lemon explosion!]
Mayhem: [baka] "Gee, thanks Carnage. Now this really can be a white Christmas with Cream Lemon all over the fanfic."
Carnage: [teary Bambi eyes!] "Why? Why?! Why can't I even hurt him?!"
Havoc: "Aw, does Carnage need a little Christmas bonus? Daijobu! I've got enough Jello for everybody!"
Carnage: [eyebrow twitch!] "......"
Mayhem: "You even made eggnog too, Havoc. How festive."
Pesti: "How...non-hentai. He's not wearing his Yggdrasil jacket again, is he?"
Chaos: [trying the eggnog] "Mmmmmm! This is surprisingly good eggnog."
Carnage: [Ano....] "Very creamy too."
Mayhem: "And it has something else in the flavor."
Pesti: "Hai hai. I can't quite put my finger on it. It tastes like...like...?"
Havoc: ^-^ "Lemon?"
Chaos: "That's it! This creamy eggnog tastes just like--WHAT?!"
Havoc: ^-^ "I made it myself! I call it: Ecchinog, the newest seasonal drink featured in Planet Hentai."
Chaos, Pesti & Carnage: o.O "ECCHINOG?!?! KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"
Mayhem: [shrugs and then takes another sip] "Well, even though it's kinda late already we might as well cue the fic."
[Cue the Christmasfic!]
Have Yourself An Ecchi Little Christmas!!!
Okay, everyone, listen up:
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the fic not a creature was stirring...except for the pervert racing across the Fire River Temple twirling a bunch of panties on her index finger, and getting chased by the babes of Fushigi Yugi.
Hotaru: ^-^ "Hotcha! Just what I need to decorate my Christmas tree with!"
Soi, Miaka, Yui & Houki: [chasing after Hotaru] "Give us back our panties, you pervert!"
Chaos: [chasing after...well, everyone] "Carnage, do something!"
Carnage: [frantically holding onto one of Hotaru's legs!] "Do you think I'm getting dragged along like this just for the hell of it, you moron?!"
Taitsu-kun: [glare!] "I will definitely kick your ass for this."
--;; Ano...perhaps we should explain this scene before you scream and flee in terror. Then again, are you all *absolutely* certain you want to know what Hotaru is doing stealing the panties off all the cute Anime babes in the immediate area?
Haruka: [drawing her Space Sword] "This had better be good."
Chaos: o.O "What are you pointing that thing at me for?! It's the author who's doing this! Not me, not me!!"
It all started in the evening of December 24th, and naturally if insanity is to start anywhere it would have to be within the apartment of the fanboys. Fortunately, since F8! part I was already written, Carnage's recovery spell allowed for the fanboys to have themselves a merry little Christmas without an enormous skylight where their ceiling and walls used to be.
And tucked into one corner of the living room was a fair-sized Christmas tree with a pile of presents beneath it, the tree decorated with kawaii li'l SD ornaments of various Anime characters. And there were also panties strung across the tree much like tinsel (gee, now who could have made *that* contribution?).
Pesti-chan and Mayhem stood in front of the balcony window, sipping their bottles of Hard Lemonade and watching the snow begin to fall across the city at night.
"Sugoi," Pesti-chan sighed. "I never thought we'd survive this long in the series to celebrate our first Christmas in Tokyo."
Mayhem nodded. "Hai hai. And thankfully since this is an Omake, we don't have to worry about that kawaii, diabetic-inducing Hysteria showing up just yet."
Pesti-chan blinked at that. "Come to think of it...wasn't F8! taking place in the summer? How'd we get to winter so fast anyways?"
[Fanboy's Note: No, wait! Pay no attention to that flaw in the plot continuity! Wait a minute...why am I trying to defend my own god-like powers? This is *my* fic, and I can do whatever I want! HA HA!! You're all at the mercy of my plot devices!]
Chaos: [looking up at the author's rant] "You know, that kind of laughter really scares me."
"Daijobu," Mayhem said, patting Pesti-chan on the shoulder. "It's probably the same strange phenomenon that can have Ranma and Akane still ending the Ranma 1/2 series at the age of sixteen when they've gone through about four or five summers together."
Reclining on the couch, Carnage leisurely sat back and enjoyed his own Hard Lemonade. "Yep, I could use a quiet Christmas and finish repairing all my Gundams thanks to that baka, Miho...and Chaos, what the hell are you doing?"
Mayhem and Pesti-chan turned around as they noticed a bunch of blinking colored lights in the reflection of the glass. Chaos slowly hopped out from his bedroom, mummified with duct tape and then tied up with a colorful array of Christmas lights.
"Beans' response to you asking her to giftwrap the lake god for you as a Christmas present, I presume?" Pesti-chan inquired, looking at the bow and card taped to Chaos' forehead.
Mayhem removed the tag. "'To: Chaos'," he read aloud. "'From: Beans. HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS. NOW BYTE ME.' Yep, it's her alright."
"This wouldn't be half as painful if she hadn't stuck that candy cane up my nose," Chaos remarked.
"So much for good will to all otaku," Pesti-chan said, helping to untape Chaos. "You look like Famine had a go at you with that Christmas attack he created in the Slasherfic."
Carnage rolled his eyes. "At least it wasn't more octopuses. I've had just about as much sushi as I can take!"
Suddenly who should suddenly pop out from beneath the cushions of the couch but a very female Havoc wearing a cute Santa's hat...with a bra where the tassel should have been. Incidentally, Havoc also managed to send Carnage flying over the back of the couch.
Havoc: ^-^ "Deck the halls with Pu-chan's panties! Fa la la la la!"
Carnage: [demonic aura!] "Oh, something's gonna be decked alright. BOMB--!!"
"Hold it, Carnage," Mayhem stated, cutting Carnage's shout off. "Might I remind you that we're spending Christmas in this apartment, and it'll do us no good for you to make it another big hole in the earth like last time."
Carnage flopped back onto the couch, sulking. "I don't see why I have to spend Christmas with that hentai."
"Call me Hentenno-sama!" Havoc said, bounding over to the fridge getting some chilled Jello.
"That wasn't up for debate!" Carnage exclaimed, lobbing a Beam Saber at him. However it missed Havoc completely. Chaos, on the other hand, wasn't so fortunate.
Mayhem raised an eyebrow. "Would you like me to call a proctologist for you, Chaos?"
"Well," Pesti-chan said, leaning against the kitchen counter. "Had a certain panty-stealing otaku not gotten us banned from the Club Anipike two months ago, we'd be celebrating Christmas there."
[Fanboy's Note: cue the shameless plug for Nightbreak's fanfic series Club Anipike! On a completely unrelated note: Nightbreak, I expect to see that suitcase full of unmarked 10,000 yen bills waiting me tomorrow at our pre-arranged, undisclosed destination. ^-^]
"Club Anipike?" Carnage asked. "You mean the place where all the Anime characters, avatars and authors hang out after their day jobs as actors in Anime and fanfics? I thought Havoc got banned from that last week."
Mayhem shook his head. "Nope. He got banned from another one of those "private junior colleges" last week."
"Again," Chaos and Pesti-chan piped up from the pile o' duct tape.
"Havoc got the usual boot--or punt--from Misato at the Anipike a looooong time ago," Mayhem continued.
Chaos finally managed to free himself of the duct tape. "Ah, freedom!"
Seconds later Havoc landed on his head, sending it into the floor. "Hotcha!" Havoc said, evoking a deja vu--but certainly not a Cutey Honey--flash. "But even still, the Pike can't compete with the Planet! Check out our latest drink from Planet Hentai in celebration of the upcoming Christmasfic! I call it: Ecchinog! That, or else Creamy Egg Nagumo."
Fanboys: o.O [Ano....]
Chaos, Pesti & Carnage: "Pass."
Mayhem: "I'm game."
Havoc: "You know, Miyuki-chan said those exact same words right before I--!"
Carnage: [hammering Havoc through the ceiling with his Zanba sword!] "WE GET THE IDEA, YOU FREAK!! Anyhoo, so where does that leave us for Christmas?"
"This is it," Pesti-chan said. "The Sailor Senshi are all going to some kind of big Christmas party a la Tendo Family Christmas Scramble that we don't seem to be invited to."
Carnage sweatdropped. "Another Magical Girl competition?"
"Nah," Mayhem replied, sipping his Ecchinog. "If that was the case, Sailor Dragqueen here would be practicing the return of her Big Mac Attack."
"Hai!" Chaos exclaimed. "I'd be out practicing my Big--HEY!"
Pesti-chan sighed. "So please, Carnage, don't use any Slayers spells while we're indoors. Use Amelia's Good Will To All Men kick, or something like this."
"Somehow I think the mere idea of Carnage shouting 'Pacifist Strike!!!' would cause his enemy to die laughing rather than from the attack itself," Mayhem remarked with a smirk.
The other fanboys burst out laughing, Chaos' laughter abruptly cut off as Havoc crashed through the ceiling and landed on him.
"I fail to see what's so funny," an unimpressed Carnage said, polishing his Zanba sword. A dark smile grew on his face, and he reached over to grab one of the presents underneath the Christmas tree.
"Ne, Chaos," he said, tossing the present. "Open this one early, will ya?"
Chaos grinned as he caught the heavy present addressed to him, the kana for LUCKY!!! scrolling in behind him. However, Rampage was strangely absent to devour the hapless kana. Fortunately Pesti-chan had the presence of mind to belt the kana through the balcony door before it started floating around the apartment and running into furniture.
"Arigato gozaimasu, Carnage!" Chaos said, reverting into his usual SD mode complete with perky kitty ears and tail.
"No...thank you," Carnage said, taking another chug of his Hard Lemonade.
Mayhem leaned over Carnage's shoulder. "Ne, isn't that the one Anarchy wrapped up Rampage in?"
Rampage: ^-^ [bursting through the wrapping paper!] "CHU CHU!"
Chaos: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!!!"
"Hai!" Carnage said, watching Chaos tear across the room, his frantic crash into the wall nicely softened by the Christmas tree. "Now I'm a festive mood! Where's my Deathscythe?"
"*YOUR* Deathscythe?!" Chaos exclaimed, flailing his arms around as Rampage proceeded to nibble on his fingers.
Pesti-chan turned to Havoc. "So what are you doing here anyways? Isn't Planet Hentai doing that big Christmas Bra Bash? Aren't there panties for you to steal? And why am I asking questions like this?"
"Ecchi," Mayhem said.
"This coming from the guy drinking the Ecchinog!" Pesti-chan retorted.
"I'm taking some time off for the moment," Havoc replied with her eternal Chichiri grin. "You see, I'm waiting for Panty Claus and I don't want to miss seeing him this year!"
"Ah, I see. You're waiting for--WHAT?!" Chaos exclaimed as he sat up and picked an SD Israfel Angel ornament from his hair--which proceed to split into two ornaments and then chase him around the room. However since they were in kawaii SD mode, both Angels were promptly devoured by Rampage.
"Hai! On Christmas Eve, Panty Claus flies across the night sky in his enormous flying bra and gives out panties to all the good little hentais in the world!"
Three loud Thuds! echoed across the living room as Carnage, Pesti-chan and Chaos' heads facevaulted into the floor or coffee table. Mayhem simply shrugged and took a sip of his Creamy Egg Nagumo.
Pesti-chan groaned. "In any other fic that might have seemed strange, yet after Havoc and Lord Charon spent Halloween night waiting for the Great Humpkin, this all makes perfectly frightening sense."
"They must be stopped immediately," Carnage said with a nod. "DIL--!!"
"No Slayers spells!" Chaos and Pesti-chan shouted.
Carnage growled. "Dammit."
Havoc cleared her throat. "And now to commemorate this festive season, a hentai haiku: Naughty tentacles/Trace a path across your waist/Glistening Hentai. Boy, just thinking about that makes me hungry. Who else here wants some Jello?"
Carnage's eyebrow developed a naaaaasty twitch as his battle aura started to emerge. Chaos, Mayhem and Pesti-chan all groaned and pulled out their umbrellas.
"So much for the apartment," Chaos lamented.
Abruptly Carnage's magic summoning died down. He took a deep breath. "I can rise above this," he stated, turning and walking into his room. "I don't have to Dragu Slave Havoc for that."
There was a momentary pause as the fanboys remained very still. Finally Chaos let out a sigh of relief--though slightly annoyed when that mushroom-shaped cloud appeared in front of his mouth.
"Whew!" he said. "For a second there I thought we were going to have Cream Lemon all over the place."
Pesti-chan nodded. "Hai hai. Maybe there is hope for Carnage after all."
Suddenly the Physalis Gundam burst through Carnage's closet door, the enormous mecha pointing its atomic bazooka directly at Havoc.
Havoc: ^-^ "Oro?"
Chaos: [groan!] "Oh shit. Not the one with the 80 Megaton-yielding MK-82 shell."
Carnage: "YOU GO SQUISH NOW, HAVOC!!!"
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