Tis the season to smite Chaos!
[Cue the mad chase scene!]
Red Queen Kasumi: [with jingle bell whip!]"WOH HO HO HOH OHO HO!!! Call me the Queen please, Chaos-kun!"
Red Queen Haruka: [with Space Sword!] "Chaos, shin'ne!!"
Beans: [with Octopi!] "Get the hell away from my lake god!!"
Dominatrix Michiru: [with whip!] "Chaos, it's time for the whip!"
Star Sailor Polaris: [with Gentle Uteruses!] "Say my name right for once and then I'll date you!!!"
Naoko Takeuchi: [with a 1000t mallet!] "CHAOS...!!!"
Chaos: o.O [frantic SD mode!] "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! JO'O-SAMA JO'O-SAMA JO'O-SAMA JO'O-SAMA!!!!!"
Mayhem: "Yare yare, and we've barely even introduced half the entire cast yet."
Pesti: "Ano...is the author absolutely *sure* he needs more people to terrorize Chaos with in this Christmasfic?"
[Chaos cops a feel on Makoto's bosoms!]
Makoto: [scandalous!] "Duo!"
Pesti: [NASTY eyebrow twitch!] "Apparently he hasn't been terrorized enough. RUMBLEQUAKE!!!!"
Chaos: o.O "KYAAAAA!!!! MUST GO FASTER! MUST GO FASTER!!!"
Mayhem: "I wonder how we could make this intro any more festive?"
[Cue the flickering Christmas lights!]
Carnage: [looking around] "What the hell?"
Rei: [glomping onto Carnage!] "Akito-chan!"
Miyu: [putting Carnage into a headlock!] "Carnage, you belong to me!!"
Carnage: [ACK!] "Tasuketeeee!!"
Pesti: "You know, Mayhem, it's at times like this where I'm glad I'm normal enough to get spared a thrashing."
Mayhem: [nod!] "Hai hai."
[Cue the fair Ami-chan dressed in a Santa suit leotard!]
Ami: [nuzzling Mayhem] "Ohayo, Carrot-chan."
[Cue the spontaneous combustion!]
Pesti: [kawaii black li'l fanboy] "*cough cough* An the Zoantropying otaku stands alone."
Minako: ^-^ "Hotcha! I got Pu-chan's panties! I got Pu-chan's panties!"
Setsuna: [glaring at Chaos] "I can't believe you would allow the author to get away with this. Chaos, you must pay!! Dead Scream."
Chaos: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!"
Pesti: [groan!] "And I had almost forgotten about Havoc's hentai battle aura possessing Minako too."
Famine: "We had better cue the second part of the Christmasfic before all hell breaks loose."
Pesti: "Too late."
[Cue the Christmasfic!]
A CURSE OF THE FANBOYS CHRISTMASFIC:
Have Yourself An Ecchi Little Christmas!!!
(Part II: Walkin' in a Hentai Wonderland)
Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha! Not even H3Omake and already I'm everywhere with my hentai!"
Carnage: [cracking his knuckles] "Trust me, Havoc: that can be arranged. DYNAST FLARE!!!"
[Cue the Cream Lemon explosion!]
Chaos: [groan!] "This brings back the nightmares of when he wrote that Mononoke Skime Havocfic."
Pesti: "Or that El Bastard! Havocfic."
Mayhem: "What was so bad about Arshes Nei meeting Fatoma and Alielle anyways?"
Chaos: "Mayhem, if you were Dark Schneider right now, there'd be even more Cream Lemon all over this intro. bit thanks to you Exodusing him for that Havocfic."
Minako: ^-^ "Panties panties panties!"
Carnage: [eyebrow twitch!] "Somebody's gonna hurt badly after this fic, that's all I have to say!"
Mayhem: "In good time, Carnage. Shall we?"
Greetings and hallucinations, fellow otaku!
By now you've realized that just when the fanboys have hit rock bottom in terms of how deranged their world can get it can only mean one thing: the author's about toss them a shovel! And I'm sure you're all left wondering just who among the cast will be next to become an uberperv.
Charon: ^-^ "Oooh! Me! Me! Pick me!"
Carnage: "Were we asking you, Charon?! FIRE LANCE!!!"
We've had Ecchinog, Snowjins and Jello (oh my!), and that's just the beginning...so why are you all fleeing in terror? The Christmasfic's not even half over yet! So without further commotion or rapid dialogue, let's all have ourselves an ecchi little Christmas, ne?
"Hotcha!" Minako exclaimed, hoisting up Usagi's panties in her hands. "Such soft silken treasures!"
Mayhem towelled his damp hair off as he reverted back to his abnormal ecchi self. "Since when did Minako say 'Hotcha'?"
Chaos gripped Mayhem's shoulder. "And that was the Kacchu Tenshin Amapantiken technique!"
"I thought only Havoc knew that," Pesti-chan said. He immediately reverted into SD mode. "Unless when she tried to pull out Havoc's hentai battle aura, Hinako released it from his body!"
"Meaning what?" Chaos asked, swatting the large purple question marks hovering round his--er, her head into the Snowjin.
"Meaning that Havoc's hentai battle aura is now roaming free," Mayhem replied, pointing to the bouncing blonde. "And it just possessed Minako."
Chaos facevaulted. "Shimattaaaaaa!! Naoko-sama's gonna kill us for this one!"
*What's this 'we' thing?* the Jusenkyo Newt asked, nonchalantly putting space between itself and Chaos.
"But technically this wasn't even our fault," Pesti-chan protested. "For the first time no one but the author had anything to do with it...well, other than Havoc."
Usagi gripped Chaos' arms, going all teary Bambi-eyed on the fanboys. "Duo! Isn't there was to fix Minako-chan?"
"She's not a toaster oven," Mayhem replied. "What could we
possibly do to get Havoc's hentai battle aura out from her?"
"Hotcha!" Minako exclaimed, bounding across the temple grounds. She cupped her bosom. "Hmm...different size than what I'm used to but nothing I can't grope! Let the Lunatic Christmas Party begin!"
And with that Minako summoned a new attack: "Venus Spank-Me Chain!" she exclaimed, chasing after Usagi.
"Stop her, somebody, stop her!" an SD Pesti-chan exclaimed, chasing after Minako--and getting spanked right into a tree. The others winced as Pesti-chan wobbled around groggily. "Jo'o-sama," he squeaked, toppling face first into the snow and whipped cream.
"Easier said than smited," Mayhem retorted, using Chaos' head as a springboard to get some height and catch Minako as she leaped into the air. His hands wrapped around her--and suddenly Minako exploded into a geyser of Cream Lemon.
"Ne, where'd the village idiots disappear to?" Polaris asked, stepping outside. She recoiled as an enormous pile of whipped cream crashed down right beside her. However in turning around Polaris managed to run right into the bounding Minako...moments later realizing that she was suddenly feeling a draft.
"Ooh," Minako groaned, rubbing her forehead. "Wha...what happened? I was suddenly filled with hentai thoughts. I had Na-chan inside of me!"
[Cue the facevaults!]
Chaos: [grrr!] "That was *NOT* something I needed to hear!!"
Usagi: [embracing Minako!] "Minako-chan, thank goodness you're back to normal!"
Minako: [groping Usagi!] "Hai!"
Usagi: o.O "N-N-NA N?!"
Minako: ^-^ Tee hee! "Gomen, I just couldn't resist."
Polaris: "So, would anyone care to explain just where the hell my panties disappeared to?"
Pesti: "First ask yourself: with the fanboys involved, do I *really* want to know?"
Mayhem shrugged, trying wipe off a small stain of Cream Lemon from his shirt. "You know, now whenever we bring our clothes to be dry cleaned, the staff just raise their eyebrows and ask who managed to detonate Havoc this time. At least while being at point blank, I managed to come off relatively clean."
"Speak for yourself, Newt-boy," replied Chaos, who staggered over to the rest of group, the only identifiable bit of fanboy in the moving pile o' whipped cream being his very irate eyeballs. And we're just going to omit what that Snowjin's tentacle was doing fondly wrapped around his--er, her chest.
"Hai hai," Pesti-chan agreed. "But Havoc's hentai battle aura's gone from Minako now."
"Havoc possessed someone?!" Polaris exclaimed.
Mayhem nodded. "And after you ran into Minako, the hentai battle aura was released."
"Strange," Minako remarked. "I now have this craving for lime-green Jello. Nothing else, no other flavour. Just lime-green. I wonder why?"
Polaris shook her head. "I can't believe I ever accepted an invitation to be here. What possessed me to do that?!"
"My thoughts exactly," Chaos agreed, shaking the last Cream Lemon out from his hair. "Man, this will never perm right now!"
Polaris smiled. "Now I remember!" she exclaimed, lunging happily for Chaos.
"KYAAAAAAAA!!" his all-powerful SD lordship shrieked as Polaris glomped onto him. "At least let me turn back into a guy first!!"
Pesti-chan elbowed Mayhem. "Care to make a crack about how Polaris seems to have dumped Vega for Chaos?"
"Do I look like someone who enjoys having Gentle Uteruses crushing me?" Mayhem retorted. "But as for Minako, it would appear that this is just like that oni from Ranma 1/2: Faster Kasumi! Kill! Kill!"
"Hm? What about Skimehime-chan?" Usagi asked.
"Not *that* Kasumi," Mayhem countered. "The gentle, peace-loving one in the Tendo Dojo."
"I think I remember that OAV," Pesti-chan added. "Wasn't the only way to get the oni to leave someone's body was to hit them hard?"
"Arigato, Polaris!" Usagi said with a smile. "You saved Minako-chan!" She paused as she saw Chaos trying to beat Polaris off himself--er, herself with a herring.
"Back! Back, I say, Polaris!"
"Oh, Chaos, you're so forceful!"
"I kinda liked having Na-chan's aura," Minako sulked. "Now I'll never get to date him."
Pesti-chan glanced back at the statue that used to be Havoc, the dumb grin still on the Hentenno's face. "Well, it didn't go back into him. So...where is it now?"
Carnage abruptly pulled back another fusama, his eyes wide. "Hey, guys!" he exclaimed. "You had better get in here quick! Somethin' freaky just happened to Beans!"
Chaos, Mayhem and Pesti-chan leaped through the door (Chaos suddenly tripping and falling to the floor thanks to Polaris snagging his foot) just in time to see Beans chasing Ophelia around the room.
Beans: ^-^ "Hotcha! Ophelia-chan, come to Hentenno-sama!"
Ophelia: [frantically lobbing Chocolate Pockymons at Beans!] "Did that Begging Favours rant we did with JoanM make you go insane?!"
The fanboys blinked, uncertain of what to say.
"Havoc...just possessed Beans?" Pesti-chan said.
Carnage immediately went SD. "HE WHAT?!"
"This is perfect," Chaos said with an evil smile. "Now while Beans is distracted by stealing panties I can steal her lake god once and for all! MWAH HA HA HAH!! I am the Otaking! I am invincible! I am...drafty?"
"I would have voted for 'out of his mind' myself," Pesti-chan said aside to Mayhem.
Chaos looked down at his--er, herself to discover that the S&M dominatrix outfit was suddenly missing a crucial piece. "KYAAA!!!" a frantic SD Chaos squeaked, turning red as he--er, she did a nekkid flash to the entire room.
"A full body blush," Mayhem remarked. "Impressive."
"Hush, Newt-boy!! That's it, Beans! I'm gonna take both you and Havoc down for certain with this cow!!"
And with that Chaos started lobbing bovines at Beans, who was bounding across the room and laughing as she twirled Ophelia's panties on her index finger. Suddenly one cow shot past Beans, the horns ripping the panties from her finger and impaling in onto the wall. Everyone froze, sweatdrops nearly turning the room into an enormous aquarium. Luckily no one popped a sweatdrop in the hopes of draining the temple out and drenching the fic.
"You just ripped...Ophelia's silken treasures," Beans growled, the hentai battle aura starting to manifest around her as she glared at Chaos.
Chaos' kitty ears popped up "Um...oops?"
*Yeah...'oops'* Octopus Charon agreed with a sign, both he and Skimehime-chan backing away from Beans.
"What's happening?" Miyu asked.
"Duo no baka!" Rei hissed. "What did you have to go and do that for?!"
"I strongly suggest we seek shelter," Mayhem said, slinging Ami-chan over his shoulder and racing towards the nearest exit. Everyone except for Chaos cleared the room--aside from Anarchy, ScrapperWolf and Tasuki, who were still deep in their Fanboys! drinking game and behind an AT Field.
"Get ready!" Anarchy crooned. "If Chaos gets hit with Hiryu Shoten-Bra we get to chug the whole damned bottle!"
"Hai!" the others chorused.
"Beans? Beans?" Chaos nervously said. "Now I didn't mean to rip Ophelia's panties! Look, I'll steal a new pair of hers for you!"
"Ecchi!" Ophelia's voice shouted, the gargoyle Christabel suddenly clocking Chaos on the back of the head.
Beans raised her arm over her head. "Such a crime...is unforgivable, Chaos...Prepare yourself. HIRYU!"
Naturally Chaos freaked. "KYAAAA!!!"
Chaos dropped to the ground, bowing before her. "Bean goddess! Bean goddess! JO'O-SAMAAAAAAAAA!!!"
"Yes! Worship me, fanboy!" Beans cackled. "BRACTOPUS!!!"
Chaos looked up. "Bracoptus?" His eyes bugged out upon seeing hundreds of bra-clad, terrified flying octopi being hurled at him.
Chaos: o.O "KYAAAA!!!!! RUN AWAY RUN AWAY!!!!"
Desolation: [hobbling out from the back room] "Okay! That's it! I'm gonna have more than a mere cameo role in this Christmasfic even if it kills--KYAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
Bra-clad, terrified flying octopi: o.O *SPALT SPLAT SPALT SPLAT SPALT SPLAT SPALT SPLAT!!!!*
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