"Ne, Famine!" Carnage said. "You found out where Havoc's hentai battle aura went to now?"
"Nothing yet," Famine replied. Chaos-chan suddenly bounced in front on him as she twirled Polaris, Makoto and Beans' panties around her index finger. "Scratch that. I think I just found the possessed one."
Polaris, Makoto & Beans: "ECCHI!!"
Chaos-chan: ^-^ "Call me Hentenno-sama!"
Polaris: "Lecherous guy!"
Makoto: "Ano...Shinobu's a girl, Polaris."
Polaris: o.O "Shinobu?!"
Chaos-chan: "Hotcha! And I can prove it! Who's up for a round of Rule 3?"
"I would help," Chaos sighed, relaxing against a wooden post. "but I am not about get turned into Chibiusa again."
"And that's the only thing stopping you?" Anarchy exclaimed, snapping her fingers. Chaos was instantly catapulted by an AT Field right into the air, crashing into Chaos-chan. The two Chaos' toppled into a pile of SD plushies.
"Itai!" Chaos-chan groaned, rubbing the oversized bump on her head. "Whajya have to do that for, Chaos?"
"When I regain the use of my legs," Chaos replied, his limbs twitching. "I'll tell you."
Chaos-chan blinked. "The strangest thing came over me. Suddenly all I cared about was silk or lacy treasures. And something about visiting...Princess Fatoma's bedroom?"
"Well," Famine offered. "You do have that Haruka thing going, being a girl and looking like a guy and flirting with girls, so rampant lesbianism--"
Seconds later the underlord in training, training, was enveloped in a pink mist. As the mist cleared, Famine discovered he suddenly had pink yams for hair.
Pesti-chan shook his head. "I tried to warn you, Famine, but did you read what happened to Chaos when he said that same thing? Baka."
"That has to be one of the freakiest attacks I've ever seen," Vega remarked, poking at Chibiusa Famine's new hairstyle.
"WAAAAAAAAH!!!!" an SD Chibiusa Famine sobbed, geysers of water spouting out from his eyes. "I don't wanna be a Yamhead!!!"
"Relax," Chaos-chan said, dusting her hands off. "It's only on the 5-minute setting. But I, Chaos-chan, am not a--!"
"I AM THE ONLY CHAOS!!!" the oversized head of his dragqueenship Chaos exclaimed.
"Carrot-chan!" Ami's voice cried out.
The fanboys spun around, only to see Dark Schneider glowing with a strange new aura. "Kick ass!" Dark Schneider said. "This oughta be good!"
Seconds later Makoto, Ami, Minako Rei and Usagi all shrieked as every last inch of clothing was gone from them, nekkid flashes abounding everywhere.
"Kawaii!" Charon and Skimehime-chan chorused, fighting with each other to be the first with their favourite Senshi. In Red Queen Kasumi's case, that would have been...well, all of them.
[Fanboy's Note: yes, I know it's rather redundant right about now, but ECCHI!!!]
"Stop him!" Rei said, trying to cover up. Larva appeared behind her, throwing cloaks over all the nekkid girls.
ScrapperWolf looked at Chaos. "You first. I want to keep both my panties and my body in one piece."
"Take this!" Polaris stated, summoning a Gentle Uterus to send crashing down upon the uberwizard.
Dark Schneider laughed. "Like that'll work. GUNS'N'BLOW!!!"
Polaris' eyes bugged out as she leaped aside from the hentai attack as it detonated her Gentle Uterus.
Pesti: "It's become a Gentle Blowing Uterus!"
Chaos: o.O "Dear lord...!!!"
Miyu: [shaking her head] "Hunting Shinma was never this warped."
Carnage: [leaping for cover!] "INCOMING!!"
Practically the entire cast bolted for Anarchy and her AT Field--Anarchy thwacking Chaos and Famine aside. "Sorry," she said to the underlord. "No Yamheads allowed."
Famine sniffled. "Waaaaahh!! I can't believe I'm gonna die looking like this! Curse you, Chaos-chan!"
"Hey!" Chaos snapped. "I'm the only Chaos here!"
Both fanboys shrieked, recoiling into SD mode and into each other's arms as the detonated Gentle Blowing Uterus headed straight towards them. And it was at that exact moment that Desolation staggered out from his recovery room.
"Anyone have an aspirin?" he inquired, sliding open a shoji screen. "I've got this killer head--KYAAAAAAA!!!!!"
Desolation's eyes bugged out as he saw the Gentle Blowing Uterus suddenly pause in midair, and then redirect all of itself to converge upon him.
Desolation: [teary Bambi eyes!] "Stage Out!"
Needless to say, the smiting of Desolation hurt. A lot. The entire group of fanboys winced and turned away from the sight. ScrapperWolf passed out right on top of Carnage.
Anarchy just shrugged and them resumed her drinking. "Whatever."
"Damn!" Tasuki exclaimed. "If he managed to survive *that* he's sure gonna be feeling it in the morning!"
"CHU CHU!!" Rampage squeaked happily, Miyu scratching her chest. YaddaYadda enthusiastically bobbed his head while getting attention lavished upon him from Usagi and Makoto, the parrot-thingy turning a nice shade of blonde.
"I'm impressed neither one's tried to eat you yet," Pesti-chan remarked to Christabel.
Christabel sighed. "I just can't believe that either one of them had to eat so much Chocolate Pockymon just to be appeased."
Chaos leaped up from the ground, a terrified and quivering SD Chibiusa Famine still clinging to him. "ARGH! That's it! I did not want to see a Gentle Blowing Uterus. You're going down Dark!! (Oof! Get offa me, you Yamhead for an underlord!)"
Dark Schneider grinned wickedly, the fair and nekkid Ami-chan wrapped up in his arms. His eyes narrowed upon seeing Chaos, and Dark Schneider set Ami down.
Dark Schneider: "MEGABREAST!!!!"
Chibiusa Famine: o.O "This could be painful."
Chaos: "So long as they're Mako-chan's megabreasts I get hit with, at least I'll die a happy fanboy."
"HENTAI!!" came Makoto's voice, a happy and voracious Rampage then pile-driving Chaos in the face.
"KYAAAAA!!! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!!!"
"Duo!" Usagi cried out, managing to leap to her feet and knock Chaos, Famine and Rampage aside just as the Megabreast attack struck. Usagi screamed as she was caught up in the ball of light, the entire temple grounds rocked by the magic of Dark Schneider.
After a few minutes the smoke and debris cleared--as well as virtually every lady's panties which were now in Dark Schneider's hands. "Ah, glorious silken treasures!" Schneider sighed, rubbing them against his cheek.
"Carrot-chan!" a jealous Ami exclaimed, snatching the other panties away from Dark Schneider as she brandished Skimehime-chan's whip.
The Inner Senshi all gathered around the fallen Usagi. "Usagi, daijobu?" the girls asked frantically.
"Baka Usagi-chan!" Rei cried, cradling her blonde friend.
Usagi's eyes fluttered open. "Did we make it?"
Makoto nodded tearfully. "Hai, Usagi-chan. And what's more important you're...you're...."
The eyes of the Inner Senshi widened as they looked down at Usagi's chest. "Usagi-chan...you're humungous," Minako whispered.
Chaos glanced over at Usagi. "Shimatta!" he--er, she sighed, cupping her own bosom. "She's even more built than me now!"
Carnage promptly face-slammed him into the floorboards.
"MWAH HA HAH HAH!!!" Dark Schneider crooned. "Your dumbassed attacks can't do jack against the perverted attacks of Dark Hentenno-sama!" He pulled out a wooden rice spoon. "Now, Ami-chan, let's get spanking!"
Dark Schneider's came to an abrupt halt as he caught something out of the corner of his eye. There was Octopus Charon, lovingly groping the fair Ami-chan's bosom and loving every minute of it.
Pesti-chan shook his head. "Oh, he is so dead."
Carnage nodded. "Sushi won't even begin to be able to describe his fate."
"Somebody get this on film!" Tasuki exclaimed to Cameraman Dan. Cameraman Dan gave a thumbs-up and started rolling film--though not Rolling Stones because they're on tour right now and besides, such a series would be better suited for a band like The Yellow Monkey. But that's rather irrelevant to the fic, ne?
Psyco: "I'd argue that this entire plot was irrelevant to the fic."
Christabel: "Hai hai. Pocky?"
Ophelia: "Hey! That Pocky's mine!"
Dark Schneider cracked his knuckles as he ripped Octopus Charon off his beloved Ami-chan, holding an open palm to the Ecchi-chan. A large purple glow erupted from the sorcerer's hand. "HALLOWEENER!!!"
Octopus Charon held up a sign: *TASUKETE!!!!*
Anarchy threw up her AT Field yet again, whistling as the impressive indoor fireworks display exploded in front of them. "Cool," she remarked, her and Tasuki sliding on a pair of sunglasses.
Chaos-chan shook her head. "I don't think I can take any more of this fic sober. ScrapperWolf, can you pass me a bottle or six of Sake?"
"Now, while he's distracted!" Carnage shouted, summoning his own spell. "DRAGU SLAVE!!!!"
At the risk of stating the obvious, all hell broke loose. As the debris stopped raining down, the smoke cleared and whipped cream finished crashing to the earth after erupting into an enormous cross-shaped geyser, there were many things to behold at the Fire River Temple. Chaos and Dark Schneider's SD legs were both sticking out from the wall and flailing around. The Christmas tree was now pinned to the moon right next to the Spear of Longinus. There was no actual roof to the building anymore--however a certain Wu off in Tibet managed to soften the roof's landing on a mountainside.
Pai: [distant voice] "Wah! Yakumo got crushed by flying ceiling! Yakumo, speak to Pai!!"
And everyone outside of Anarchy's AT Field was waist-deep in Jello.
"Oh, Carnage-chan," Miyu sighed, draped all over Carnage's chest. "You're just so sexy when you do that!"
Carnage's eyebrow twitched. "Miyu, I'm suddenly very drafty. Did you just steal my SD Deathscythe boxer shorts?"
"WOH HOH OHO HOH!!" Red Queen Kasumi cackled, rising out from the whipped cream with Carnage's boxers. "Ara, they're all mine now, Carnage. And I would really like to give you them back, but I'm afraid you'll have to call me the Queen first."
"I wanted those boxers!" Miyu snapped, summoning a fireball.
"This fic is really starting to hurt," Chaos' muffled voice remarked from inside the wood.
"Usagi-chan," Rei said, embracing her friend. "You're back to normal!"
"Hmph!" Usagi pouted. "And here I was hoping to go on fighting evil without these little--"
"Thank you, Usagi," Pesti-chan cut in. "We get the point."
"But they're so small!" Usagi lamented.
Pesti-chan's eyebrow twitched. "Are you even listening to a word I'm saying?"
"I think the resounding reply is 'No'," Joel replied, still cleaning the whipped cream out of Crow's gears.
"Oooh! I'm experiencing an altogether new sensation!" Crow chirped. "And quite frankly I like it!"
"Hai!" Minako piped up. "After all, the size of your breasts doesn't count as a bill unless you get plastic surgery done to them!"
"Ano, that's 'It's not the size that counts but how you use it', Minako-chan," Rei groaned.
"I propose she's the next one we get tanked," Tasuki said.
Anarchy nodded. "Hai hai. Minako, come on over here and let's get pissed!"
Beans massaged her temples. "I can only pray this Christmasfic isn't a trilogy." She turned his head as the smouldering remains of a shoji screen were slid open. Instant bug-eyed SD mode ensued. "KYAAAA!!!" Beans exclaimed. "No! What are you doing here?! Anyone but you! Flee while you can!!"
"And while you're at it take some complimentary Jello too," Tom added, holding up a bowlful. "We've got lemon, lemon and more lemon!"
At the doorway, Haruka and Michiru exchanged curious glances with each other as they appraised the cream-laiden remains of the building. Setsuna's eyebrow developed a nasty twitch, while Hotaru just stared in bewildered shock.
"I take it we came at a bad time," Michiru remarked.
"With these guys around it's always a bad time," Haruka replied distainfully.
Hotaru broke into a large smile as she saw Chaos finally manage to pull himself out of the hole in the wall and detransform from female back into male. "Chaos-chan!" she exclaimed happily.
Chaos' eyes bugged out as Hotaru happily leaped into his arms...and sent him crashing backwards onto the floor. Fortunately the Cream Lemon broke most of his fall.
Dark Mayhem rubbed his head as he watched Chaos flail about, Hotaru dragging her hapless beau through the whipped cream. "You are going to wait until she's at least sixteen, right?"
"Some help you are, Newt-boy!" Chaos shouted back.
"Ah, you were so cool, Carrot-chan," Ami sighed, kissing Dark Schneider. An enormous fireball ensured that managed to torch the whipped cream and evaporate it.
"Just what happened here?" Haruka asked.
"Oh, the usual way we spend the holidays," Anarchy answered. "Get tanked, sing karaoke, and then smite half the cast as Havoc's hentai battle aura possesses them one by one! I can't wait for New Year!"
Setsuna sucked in a breath, magenta eyes widening. "No. I thought this would happen next Christmas. This means that I'm the next one to get--!"
Abruptly she stiffened, a Chichiri grin appearing on her face. "Hotcha!" she exclaimed, groping herself. "I can't believe a two thousand year-old body is this built!"
Everyone sweatdropped as they watched Setsuna happily skip across the room chanting, "I've got my own panties! I've got my own panties!"
Haruka slowly backed away from her friend. "Setsuna?"
"Don't bother," Polaris remarked. "Our best advice is you to get tanked first and ask questions later."
"Setsuna-momma?" Hotaru asked, gawking at Setsuna while she continued to glomp onto a frantic SD Chaos.
"I've got this one," Charon said, wiggling his fingers. "This time I'll prove my skill in the Kacchu Tenshin Amapantiken technique for certain! Hentenno-sama, here I come!"
Setsuna turned her head as Charon happily threw himself at her bosom. She raised her big-ass key and pointed its garnet orb at the incoming Ecchichan. "Dead Cream."
Moments later one of the walls of the building was blown apart as a cyclone of whipped cream tore across the temple grounds, Charon caught in the middle.
"Carnage," Mayhem remarked. "I hope you've got a Recovery Spell handy after this fic."
Carnage paused from his vain efforts to pry Rei and Miyu off himself. "What? You think I should use it now?"
Charon blinked, plastered to the now creamy, white torii. "S-Sugoi...Hentenno-sama!! We have got to make this a ride at Planet Hentai!"
"I think it's safe to wait until the Omake Theatre," Mayhem cautioned. "In the meantime, was it absolutely necessary to Dragu Slave me to get Havoc's aura out?"
Carnage shrugged. "Nope. But it sure was fun!"
"For you maybe!!" the oversized head of Mayhem snarled.
"WOH HOH HO OHO HOH!!!" Skimehime-chan belted out, standing defiantly before Setsuna. "And now, Havoc-kun, I shall take the Royal Thong from you by stealing that which you most desire: Pu-chan's panties--while *you're* wearing them! What do you think? I hope that doesn't hurt you too much."
Setsuna grinned. "Just try it! Dead Cream."
The Cream Lemon tornado erupted and charged at Skimehime-chan. Yet the Red Queen only laughed and cracked her whip at the cyclone, the whipped cream whirlwind detonating with her strike. Everyone was blown off their feet from the force of the explosion.
[Fanboy's Note: we are experiencing some technical difficulties as the sheer volume of whipped cream in this fic is leaking into the author's laptop and causing it to short out. Please stand by....]
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