Yes indeed, now if your warped little minds can even fathom such a creation those cute li'l SD Shinji & Asuka panties worn by the EVA Hell Custom beneath its armour, they were indeed the 2nd biggest panties known in the Anime universe.
Joel: "What's the largest pair then?"
Charon: ^-^ "Mega-Rei Ayanami's panties from the End of Evangelion movies after she goes into Lilith!"
Carnage: [grrr!] "You would know, wouldn't you?"
Skimehime-chan: "You mean you didn't see them on display at Planet Hentai? They take up the entire back wall of the club."
Tom: "And here I thought that was just a really big doily."
"By the bra's of Belldandy!" came Havoc's voice from within the EVA. "They *DO* wear panties after all! I must have them!"
"Take this, you freak!" Carnage exclaimed, cracking his knuckles. "DRAGU SLAVE!!!!"
The Zoantropied EVA turned around and reverted into a kawaii SD bug-eyed mode upon seeing the explosive array of fire and magic racing towards it.
"Damn that felt good!" Carnage sighed. "Anybody else here feel like levelling a few continents, or is it just me?"
"Ne, Akito," Makoto said nervously. "Doesn't Kamui-chan turn into that enormous monster when he's hit by magic?"
Carnage sweatdropped. "Um...oops?"
Chaos and Mayhem smacked their foreheads. "Baka."
Everyone watched as Pesti-chan Zoantropied while still being synchronized with his EVA Hell Custom. And in a rather impressive special effects display which we're not going to go into here (lest the producers of this Christmasfic have another heart attack), the EVA's armour sprouted hair in between its remaining plates, grew horns from its head and all its teeth were turned into fangs. The Zoantropied EVA roared and beat its mighty chest.
"Aiya," Psyco-chan said.
Chaos shook his head. "Now now what the hell are we supposed to do to get Pesti defused from the EVA?!"
Mayhem handed him a whip. "And remember, he has to call you the Queen."
Chaos' eyebrow twitched as he turned to Carnage. "You realize I hold you fully responsible for this, Dragu Slave-happy boy."
And as a female dominatrix Chaos beat the frantic SD version of a Zoantropied EVA into calling him--er her the Queen, the fanboys contended with Havoc then possessing Usagi. This wasn't made any easier when Usagi pulled out her and Mamoru's rod borne of love, causing all the fanboys and girls to nearly kill themselves in insane giggling fits of laughter.
[Fanboy's Note: incidentally, there really *is* a rod born of love between Usagi & Mamoru. (Wrong rod, ecchi!) It's the title of a Sailor Moon S episode. ^^ Hotcha!]
"Kuso," Pesti-chan groaned running a hand through his hair as he emerged from the entry plug. "Havoc's stupid hentai aura turned my LCL fluid into just CL fluid: Cream Lemon. And now my hair looks I just came out from a Legend of the Galactic Heroes marathon."
He shot Carnage a look. "No thanks to you, I might add."
Carnage shrugged. "I got him out, didn't I?"
"Good news!" Polaris announced. "Usagi just had a fit of clumsiness and facevaulted. The aura's gone from her now."
With a beleagured sigh and joint smacking of their ensuing sweatdrops across the temple grounds, the fanboys walked back inside to see who they'd have to hurt next.
"I vote it's the author," Chaos piped up.
"But how could we possibly find a way to get rid of Havoc's free-roaming hentai battle aura?" Pesti-chan asked. He immediately turned to Carnage. "And no Eye of God."
"You guys never let me have any fun," Carnage pouted.
"Hold!" exclaimed a trio of female voices.
"Na ni?" Vega asked, pausing from her latest attempt to drag Famine into the back room.
"I hold no enmity to those coerced into evil," one voice stated.
Ophelia sat up. "This sounds vaguely familiar."
"But to those who corrupt the hearts and souls of men," another voice continued.
"Strangely familiar," Chaos-chan agreed. "But from where?"
"Since the time of ancient gods we have been your destroyers," a third voice added.
"It's the Devil Hunter Yokho spiel," Vega said. "So what are Yokho and Azusa doing here?"
Pesti-chan massaged his temples as he sensed another impending headache. "Aiya. Those aren't the Devil Hunters you're listening to."
Suddenly a spotlight shone onto the wall to reveal Sol-Rei, Koneko and Drie-chan, all in their slinky Devil Hunter dresses. "We are...The Hentai Hunters!" the trio chorused.
Beans ducked her ensuing sweatdrop. "Oh, this is not happening!"
"So," Mayhem inquired to the other fanboys. "Do you think they stand a chance against Havoc?"
"Nope," Chaos, Pesti-chan and Carnage chorused.
Koneko grinned, giving the V-sign. "Hotcha!" she exclaimed.
Sol-Rei and Drie-chan turned to their leader. "Hotcha?" Both girls abruptly shrieked as a draft blew up their dresses, revealing their pantiless status.
"And your panty colours match your dresses too!" Koneko sighed, rubbing the pink and blue panties against her cheeks. "Ah, silken treasures for Hentenno-sama!"
Sol-Rei and Drie-chan's eyebrows twitched as they pulled out their Soulswords and whacked Koneko upside the back of her head with them. Koneko went facefirst into the floor, the hentai battle aura leaving her.
"There it goes!" Ami said. "It's leaving the temple grounds!"
"If he gets away there's no telling what Anime Havoc might get himself into," Pesti-chan groaned.
"I would help," Famine piped up, his hands tightly locked onto Christabel and having Vega drag the gargoyle along with him into the back room. "But I'm a little busy right now."
"He's gone already," Miyu stated. "Damn, he's fast. I doubt even Larva would be able to follow him."
"Chaos-chan?" Hotaru asked quietly, taking his hand in hers. Chaos grimaced. "Havoc could be in Sol Bianca or GPX Cyber Formula for all we know. I fear, Mayhem. I fear."
"How do you propose to stop him then?" Michiru asked.
As if on cue a series of rose petals drifted across the temple grounds. A whistling melody drifted across the air, accompanied by the Tuxedo Kamen theme music.
Charon emerged from an adjacent room. "Hey, does anyone know what a full strings orchestra is doing back here?"
"Tuxedo Kamen-sama!" the Inner Senshi chorused. "He can help us!"
And then there he was: Tuxedo Kamen appeared standing atop the scarlet torii of the Fire River Temple. The entire assembled cast either facevaulted or sweatdropped upon seeing the suave Tuxedo Kamen dressed in his tophat, cape and mask...and nothing else.
"Well, he got the Kamen part right anyways," Mayhem remarked. "However now he's more Kekko than Tuxedo."
"Wild guess," Chaos-chan said darkly. "Havoc just possessed Mamoru."
"Sexy!" Skimehime-chan said. "Oh, I do hope he doesn't mind licking my boots and calling me the Queen."
Tuxedo Kamen's cane extended with a Boing! sound, the masked warrior for love and Jello proclaiming, "In the name of the moon I'll smack your ass!"
Chaos pulled out an umbrella. "I just know Naoko-sama's going to hurt us for this one."
Suddenly a shadow fell upon Mamoru. "Oro?" the masked nekkid one inquired with his Chichiri grin. Seconds later he was smited by a 1000t hammer.
Naoko Takeuchi turned towards the fanboys, a dark glimmer in her eyes. A frightened SD Chaos leapt into the arms of Hotaru. "Kowai!" he whimpered.
"Daijobu, Chaos-chan," Hotaru said. "I'll protect you."
"I think in this case Chaos deserves that honour," Haruka countered, punting Chaos into Naoko's general direction. Fortunately Chaos' rather harsh flight was nicely softened by Naoko's mallet.
"This was supposed to be a thoughtful, quiet Christmasfic," Naoko stated, peeling Chaos off her hammer. "And now instead you've devastated Rei's temple, possessed almost my entire cast of believed Senshi *and* stolen their panties too at least five times!"
"You go girl!" Anarchy crooned from her Karaoke machine. "Give 'em hell!"
Naoko's eyes abruptly reflected a large fireball inside. "You guys had better fix this problem now...OR ELSE."
"Kowai!" the fanboys whispered.
Beans sighed as she approached the Sailor Moon creator. "Naoko-sama, I am so sorry for this," she said, shaking hands with Mrs. Takeuchi.
[Fanboy's Note: yes, Ms. Takeuchi is now Mrs. Takeuchi, marrying her longtime manga artist companion. I cannot divulge any more information as it might compromise our agents in the field, so let us return to the fic, ne?]
Pesti: "We have agents in the field?"
Mayhem: [chuckling] "Nah. The author's just trying to cover up the fact that he knows nothing else about the marriage."
"Please accept my apologies on behalf of everyone here," Beans continued. "We had hoped for something a little less grand and a lot less ecchi, but you know these otaku."
"Hai hai," Naoko lamented.
"The rest of us here try to do a good job when it comes to Sailor Moon fanfics," Beans added. "We work hard no matter how drafty we feel...Drafty?!"
Sure enough, Beans suddenly found herself sans panties. A large sweatdrop appeared next to her head as she reverted into SD mode, teary Bambi-eyes looking up to the illustrious and revered creator of Sailor Moon.
Naoko: ^-^ [twirling Beans panties on her index finger] "Hotcha! Silken treasures for Hentenno-sama! I was unaware you had little SD Haruka patterns on your panties Beans."
Michiru gave Haruka an amused grin as Haruka nervously coughed into her fist.
"This seriously can't be good," Sol-Rei said, watching Naoko chase after all five of her beloved Inner Senshi for their panties.
"Who gets to hit Naoko-sama and then face her wrath after she recovers?" Mayhem inquired.
Everyone looked at Chaos.
"What? What?!" Chaos exclaimed indignantly. "My Project Mako Chaosfic wasn't that bad, was it?!"
"Hai!" Naoko replied, smiting Chaos into the ground with her 1000t hammer. "There wasn't enough hentai in it! Where were the gratuitous panty shots? My Senshi deserved more nekkid flashes than what you--!"
Naoko turned her head just in time to see Christabel leap over her...and Rampage leap right into her face. Naoko went down for the count, crashing backwards and getting jarred enough to have Havoc's hentai battle aura leave her.
"Tasukete," Chaos sighed in relief, peeling his face off Naoko's mallet. He turned around to come face to beak with YaddaYadda. "I'm saved, I'm saved, I'm--KYAAAAA!!!"
"I guess that takes care of that," Carnage said, bending over to help Naoko up. He froze as his shirt with the BAD kanji on the back suddenly tore apart.
[Cue the Tenchi Masaki syndrome!]
"Akito-chan!" Rei called out, leaping into his arms.
"He's *MY* Carnage!" Miyu countered, trying to beat Rei to her beau.
Carnage whirled, throwing out his arm. "DILDO BRAND!!!"
Needless to say, the ensuing attack is not exactly something we should be really discussing here in this fic right now--no matter how ecchi it currently is.
"Look out!" Polaris exclaimed, using her Akigayama 23 battle hardsuit to push Miyu and Rei out from the blast of the attack.
"We are the No Brand Heroes!" Anarchy and Tasuki belted out on the Karaoke in the background of this pandemonium. "Taiyou no makenai hodo! We are the No Brand Heroes. Kagayaki ni afureteru!"
"Give what's been happening in this fic," Mayhem remarked. "That 'no brand hero' thing takes on a whole new meaning."
"Hey!" Carnage piped up. "I'm a Dildo Brand hero here. Hotcha! Panties panties panties!"
"That was too close," Psyco-chan said, sweatdropping at the strange phallic shape of the attack.
With a Chichiri grin on his face, Carnage pulled out from his pan-dimensional pant pockets a script. "At least I can finally write the ultimate sequel to my Gundam 0069 Havocfic: Gundam War in the Panties!!"
Needless to say, facevaults ensued.
"He must be punished," Koneko said, drawing her sword.
"Most severely," Drie-chan agreed.
"Pu-chan, come to Hentenno-sama!" Carnage exclaimed, turning to Setsuna. His left hand reached out to grasp at her bosom--only to be firmly caught at the wrist by his right hand. Sweat poured down Carnage's face as his hands wrestled to grope Setsuna. "Must...fight...urge no matter...Cannot...resist...tanned skin...No! Do not...want Jello...no matter...how lemony...fresh...it is!!"
Famine sighed. "Looks like Carnage is fighting a losing battle with Havoc's hentai battle aura."
"Oho?" Chaos inquired, cracking his knuckles. "Is that so?"
Carnage was suddenly aware of three shadows looming nearby. Chaos, Dark Schneider and Pesti-chan towered over him, evil grins on their faces. "Don't worry," the trio said. "We'll be gentle."
Carnage: ^-^ "Oro?"
Chaos: "FALLING COWS!!!"
Dark Schneider: "HALLOWEEN!!!"
Desolation: [emerging from another room] "Say, guys, guess what? I'm back, intact and ready to celebrate this Christmasfic with a cheer of--KYAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"
"Did that sound like a cheer to anyone else?" Psyco-chan asked.
"Sounds like what we were cheering when we had to read Trapped by the Jazzman," Joel replied, trying some Ecchinog. "Hm, could use a bit more of a lemon twist."
"Oh, I think this entire night has been twistedly lemon enough," Makoto lamented.
"Oooh!" ScrapperWolf said in yet another uberkawaii fit as she dragged the smoking remains of Desolation over to the karaoke machine. "Isn't he cute? George! George!"
Ophelia groaned. "Good lord, she just named him Azusa-style. Ne, Anarchy, could you hand me another bottle of Sake? I think I'm really going to need it."
"Note to self," Mayhem wrote in his daily planner. "Do not let ScrapperWolf and Hysteria EVER get together."
Chaos looked around the remains of the room. "Ne, where did Havoc's hentai battle aura disappear to now?"
Ami looked around the temple. "Good point. Where did Havoc disappear to?"
Hotaru shook her head as she stood next to Michiru and Setsuna. "No idea, Chaos-chan." And with that she playfully smacked Setsuna and Michiru's rears and skipped over to Chaos.
"Hime-chan!" Michiru exclaimed in shock.
Hotaru sighed she reached up and groped her chest. "Dammit," she sighed. "I don't even think there's a training bra worth stealing here."
Chaos' eyebrow developed a nasty twitch. "Oh no. Havoc, you didn't?!?!"
Hotaru gave them a Chichiri-like smile and the V-sign. "Hotcha!"
Everyone: o.O [sweatdrop!]
Beans: "Somebody's gonna definitely pay for this one."
[The entire cast immediately steps away from Chaos.]
Chaos: o.O "Oh no."
Carnage: [pulling out his Double X Gundam] "WHAT?!"
Red Queen Haruka: [with Space Sword!] "CHAOS...!!!"
Naoko: [with 1000t mallet!] "YOU LET HIM POSSESS MY PRECIOUS LITTLE HOTARU-CHAN?!?!"
Chaos: "KYAAAAAAAA!!! TASUKETE!!!"
Hotaru: [with a kawaii li'l whip of her own!] "Call me Hentenno Jo'o-sama, Chaos-chan!!!"
Mayhem: "Well, looks like now might be the best time to cue the eyecatch for Part III."
Polaris: "You mean there's more?!"
Charon: ^-^ "Hai! Panty Claus is coming to town!"
Chaos-chan: [dumping cold water onto Charon] "Maybe I should just permanently turn you into the Yamhead."
Chaos: "HEY!! WHAT ABOUT ME?!"
Carnage, Haruka & Naoko: "CHAOS, SHIN'NE!!!"
Chaos: o.O "KYAAA!! JO'O-SAMA JO'O-SAMA JO'O-SAMA JO'O-SAMA!!!"
[Cue the eyecatch!]
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