"Well," Mayhem said, staring up at the enormous frothing fountain of whipped cream that used to be their apartment building. "So much for that scene. Carnage, when will you realize that Havoc's Cream Lemon yield is directly proportional to the level of Mass Destruction used to smite him with?"
A teary, Bambi-eyed Carnage sat on the sidewalk, sniffling. "It's just not fair! Why? Why?! Why can't I smite him?!"
Chaos and Pesti-chan sighed. "Baka."
Pesti-chan lifted an umbrella over his head as a stray glob of Cream Lemon flew past them, whipped cream mixing with the gently falling snow. "Well, a lot of people were hoping for a white Christmas. Now it'll be white and creamy too. So now what?"
Chaos shrugged. "I have not the slightest idea. As far as we know the Senshi are all celebrating with that Christmas party, and I for one am not about to step foot in Planet Hentai again."
Havoc abruptly popped up behind them, causing Chaos to recoil right into Pesti-chan's arms. A less than impressed Pesti-chan unceremoniously dropped Chaos to the ground.
"How about spending some time aboard the spaceship Yamato?" Havoc asked. "We can collect Nova and Trelena's panties together!"
Chaos' eyebrow twitched. "And just how do you propose to pull that little stunt off?"
Out from Havoc's sleeves came the remote control of the gods. "Hotcha! Tis the season to be ecchi!"
"HENTAI!!!" Carnage exclaimed, punting Havoc high into the city.
"Call me Hentenno-sama!" came the echoing reply from the heavens.
"I am going to get that little twerp one of these days," Carnage snarled, hoisting his Zanba sword onto his shoulder.
"We really need to put that thing in a locked vault," Pesti-chan groaned. "Bad enough yesterday he turned the Tendo Family Christmas Scramble into the Tendo Family Panty Scramble thanks to the remote control of the gods."
Chaos was deep in thought (perhaps a first for him), and then suddenly punched his fist into his palm. "Aha! And what better a place the remote than where Beans also kept her lake god in Raiders of the Lost Omake?"
Mayhem's eyebrow raised at that. "So let me get this straight, Chaos: you're going to detonate Havoc and then *surf* the tidal wave of whipped cream all the way down the boobytrapped tunnel until you reach the lake god?"
"Hai!" Chaos exclaimed, giving the other fanboys the V-sign. Seconds later he was quite literally creamed by an enormous spray of...well, if you've been paying attention to the fic then you should know already.
Pesti-chan shook his head. "Chaos, thanks to that last Omake we still don't know where the hell Desolation disappeared to!"
Mayhem sighed, taking one last look at the burbling apartment tower of whipped cream. "Well, the night is growing late and we really should try to find a place to stay before the whipped cream starts to flood the area. Shall we?"
"CHU CHU!" Rampage squeaked, bounding across the sidewalk and opening her mouth wide enough to swallow an enormous meteorite of Cream Lemon whole.
Pesti-chan sweatdropped, the sweatdrop quickly taken out by the falling whipped cream. "Just how is it that something so small can eat so much anyways?"
Moving right along lest we decide to revisit F8!'s in-flight movie of Big Breasted Anime Babes Go To The Beach (And Havoc takes their tops off!), let us quickly do a jump-cut to the Fire River Temple, where all is normal and sane and we can safely say that the Sailor Senshi are not taking part in the usual deranged world of the fanboys.
Ami: [singing & drinking Hard Lemonade] "La la la, never give up! Ganbaru wa! Ne, Mako-chan, do you think Carrot-chan would like the silk or the lace lingerie?"
Makoto: o.O "A-Ano...."
Rei: [grrr!] "I'm telling you, Miyu, he's *my* Akito!"
Vampire Princess Miyu: [summoning a fireball] "*WHOSE* Carnage-chan, Rei?"
Minako: [bounding across the room with a Yggdrasil jacket!] "I can't wait for Na-chan to get here! I've even got enough Jello for both of us!"
Usagi: "Waah! I just can't knead my donuts right!"
--;; Okay, so I lied. Oh, like all of you out there haven't done a fanfic based completely on hearsay before?!
Ah, but I rant.
Actually, one of the large rooms of in the temple buildings had been cleared, the screens taken down to allow for more space, and Christmas decorations were being put up all over the place. Bows, presents, mistletoes were being placed everywhere--the mistletoes more than anything else. They had almost been without a Christmas tree had one not miraculously dropped from the skies above amidst a pile of whipped cream.
"I can't believe we managed this," Rei sighed. "Just think, a chance to celebrate Christmas all by ourselves with this party." She smiled. "I'll have to make sure I get a chance to celebrate tonight by getting Akito beneath a mistletoe!"
"*Whose* Carnage-chan?" Miyu shot back, lighting numerous candles with a snap of her fingers.
Larva floated behind the Vampire princess, carrying a load of presents to set under the semi-creamed Christmas tree. He paused in noticing the strange li'l SD Anime characters decorating the tree--especially the SD Larva. After a moment of consideration, he shook his head. "Nah!"
"So where is your grandfather?" Makoto asked, emerging from the nearby kitchen on a break from her cooking. "I'm surprised he's not here making a nuisance of himself."
Rei sweatdropped. "Um...he decided to take Yuichiro out for a training session."
"Oh! That doesn't sound so bad," Usagi said.
"At Planet Hentai's Christmas Bra Bash," Rei finished.
"So where are our guests?" Makoto asked.
Minako flopped down onto a pillow, sulking. "Hmph! And here I got Na-chan this jacket so he can turn into that mega-playboy and make Aino Minako's Christmas wish come true! After all, with the cat taking away the mice there's more cheese for everyone!"
Rei groaned. "That's 'while the cat's away the mice will play', Minako-chan."
"Ano...speaking of Duo and the others, they seem to be running rather late," Ami remarked, looking down at her wristwatch. "Usagi-chan, are you sure they got the invitations?"
"Hai!" Usagi proudly stated, pulling out a batch of invitations from her pocket. "They're right here!"
Moments later it dawned on her that if she had the invitations then the fanboys did not have the invitations and if that was the case then this Christmasfic would be forced to come to grinding halt. Now if you will please excuse the author for a moment as he puts the fic into Neutral and his brain into Park.
Chaos: [sulking] "Like that'll be hard for the author to do."
"Oops!" Usagi laughed nervously. "Gomen nasai!"
The rest of the Senshi groaned.
"Baka Usagi-chan," Rei sighed. "So now how do we celebrate Christmas without our guests?"
"Hmmm," Havoc remarked, affectionately giving Rei a smack on her rear. "I suppose that with Chaos and the others gone that can only mean more Jello for us!"
Minako smiled and looked up to the skies. "Thank you! Na-chan, I've got mistletoe!!" And with that she tackled the hapless Hentenno-sama...only to wind up at ground zero for yet another Cream Lemon detonation. Minako blinked as she wiped some off her face.
"I was so close that time too!" she lamented.
Havoc suddenly appeared in behind Usagi. "Care for something a little sweet and creamy?" she asked, producing a mug of steamy Ecchinog.
Usagi drooled at the sight. "Hai!"
"NOOOO!!!" Pesti-chan, Chaos and Carnage shrieked, diving across the room and tackling the mug before Usagi could even grasp it. Unfortunately all three fanboys managed to tackle the fair Mako-chan in the process.
Mayhem sighed as he strolled in through the open fusama. "What a perfectly good waste of Ecchinog."
Chaos groaned as he pushed off the ground. "Itaiii!! I don't see how that entrance could have possibly been any worse!"
"Then you had better not see what your hands are right on top of," Carnage remarked, impatiently tapping his fingers from the bottom of the pile.
Chaos went Bambi-eyed upon seeing he had copped yet *another* feel on Mako-chan. "Um...peace on earth and mercy mild?"
"Hentai!!" Makoto exclaimed, punting Chaos through the ceiling.
Pesti-chan helped Makoto to her feet as Carnage made certain that all his limbs were still working. Mayhem rolled his eyes as he joined the group. "You guys know that somewhere out there is a therapist reduced to a twitching fit thanks to us, right?"
All of them paused in looking up at the top of the frame of the doorway, where a cute li'l piece of mistletoe was hanging right above their heads. Pesti-chan, Makoto and Mayhem immediately dove for cover away from Carnage.
Carnage: o.O "Oh no."
"Akito!" Rei exclaimed, rushing over to him.
"Oh no, you don't!" Miyu exclaimed, taking a flying leap across the room. "Carnage-chan is mine!"
The next few seconds found Carnage tackled and discovering that those floorboards on the temple's verandah were not as solid as one might first assume.
"I...trust we're not interrupting?" Mayhem ventured. "We did show up kind of uninvited to your party.
Ami-chan smiled, sauntering up to him in her kawaii li'l slinky Santa leotard and raising some mistletoe over her head. "You're just in time, Carrot-chan."
Seconds later spontaneous combustion ensued.
"Na ni?" Pesti-chan asked, coughing out a kawaii li'l black cloud as the smoke cleared. "Were you expecting us?"
Rei nodded as she fought with Miyu in a tug-of-war over Carnage. "Since this is your first Christmas here in Tokyo away from your families, we wanted to make sure you felt at home. You're lucky you showed up when you did, because Usagi-chan forgot to give you guys the invitations."
"Gomen nasai!" Usagi giggled.
"...kyaaaaAAAAAAAAAA!!!" And with that Chaos came crashing back down through the ceiling--right into Larva's arms. Larva unceremoniously dropped Chaos onto the floor.
"Rampage-chan!" Makoto exclaimed happily as the SD Godzilla-thingy bounded into her arms for a tummy rub. "Ah, she is just so cute no matter what she does!"
"I hardly think eating my Tamahome Hilfiger pants in the last fic would hardly be cute," Chaos muttered, annoyed that a pan-dimensional bandaide had appeared to take over the space where his nose usually was.
He glanced around the room and all its wondrous decorations. "Ne, Mayhem," he said, nudging the smoldering remains of the Combustible Campus Fanboy as Ami-chan dusted the ash off him. "What's with the decorations? It's so...so...Western."
"Christmas is technically a Western holiday happily adopted by the Japanese," Mayhem replied, cleaning off his glasses. "If you wanted something cultural to experience, stick around for New Year. Everyone gets to go visit shrines."
"Excuse me?" Chaos said. "Remember what happened to Desolation the last time he visited a shrine? An Energist dragon from Gaea appeared and in the process of attacking Van, flambéed Desolation. If I'm as much of a smite magnet as he is, no way I'm going near a shrine!"
"Chaos, where do you think you are right now?" Ami asked.
Chaos' eyes bugged out. "Aha haaaaa...there's, um, no portal to Gaea here, is there?"
"Nope," came a female's reply. "But that can easily be arranged!"
Chaos' kitty ears popped up as he heard Anarchy snap her fingers. Slowly he turned around to come face to enormous snout with said Energist dragon. The dragon roared and stampeded after a frantic SD Chaos as he raced across the temple grounds.
"You're not helping me here, Rampage!! That's my sock!!"
"Just what exactly is he anyways?" Miyu asked, watching Chaos transform into Sailor Haley, don a leather S&M dominatrix suit, and get the Energist dragon to call him--er, her the Queen.
Carnage rolled his eyes, nursing the large bump on his head. "We'll get back to you on that."
"Okay," Anarchy announced, slamming down her pan-dimensional karaoke machine onto the floor. "I'm ready. Tasuki, you got the booze?"
"Hai!" Tasuki said, coming into the room with a handful of crates, and then leaving...only to return with more crates of Sake...only to leave and return with yet *more* Sake crates.
"S-Sugoi!" Usagi and Minako chorused. "That's a lot of Sake!"
"Only twenty crates?" Mayhem inquired.
Anarchy shrugged. "It'll do Tasuki-baby an' me for the rest of this page, anyways."
"An-chan!" a teary, Bambi-eyed Carnage whined.
"Oh, poor Carnage-chan," Miyu fawned over him. "Let's go hunt some Shinma and you'll feel better."
"Excuse me," Rei snapped. "But Akito's a guest at *my* Christmas party. He's not going anywhere!"
Abruptly the two girls stopped fighting as a rather cool draft blew past them. Havoc bounded across the room, twirling their panties on her index finger.
Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha! All for one, and panties for Hentenno-sama!"
Minako: [with the Yggdrasil jacket!] "Na-chaaaaaan!"
Anarchy: [On karaoke with Aika!] "Anata no subete, watashi no zenbu yo, mou enryo-nante, shitakunaikara!"
Tasuki: [oh yeah, he's hammered] "I remember! We got G.D.!!"
Ami: [kissing Mayhem] "Carrot-chan, I want this to be a night you'll never forget."
Dark Schneider: "You got it, babe! Hey Anarchy, throw on Monochrome Trouble will ya?"
Pesti-chan shook his head. "Gomen nasai," he apologized to Makoto. "I wish we could say we'll be on better behavior for the remainder of the night, but actually this is about as good as we get. Thank you for the party, though."
"We had to pull a lot of strings," Makoto added, heading back to the kitchen with Pesti-chan in tow. "But we managed to get some of your friends here too."
Chaos suddenly burst into the room, scorch marks all over him--er, herself and the whip tangled around his leg. His eyebrow developed a nasty twitch. "Friends?! Who? It's not Sailor Star Polaris, is it?!"
"That's *Star* Sailor Polaris, you moron!" snapped a voice.
Chaos immediately reverted into terrified SD mode and spun around to find his 1/2-sized self beneath the shadows of Star Sailors Polaris and Vega.
"Hotcha!" came Havoc's voice from somewhere in the room. "Are you two wearing those chastity belts again?" A pause. "Nope. Guess not."
Vega and Polaris shrieked as a draft blew past them. "Pervert!" Polaris exclaimed. She slowly turned back to Chaos. "And as for you...."
"Ano...should I be calling you two the Queens now or later?" he ventured.
"Maybe we should use the pink lawn flamingoes," Vega suggested. "They haven't been used as a smiting weapon in a while."
Polaris cracked her knuckles. "Nah. They're not as painful."
[Cue the Gentle Uterus!]
Back to Fanfics