"Ophelia-chan!" Anarchy exclaimed from her karaoke machine. "C'mon over here! Me 'n Tasuki were just about to start another Fanboys! drinking game. Every time Chaos goes SD we chug more Sake!"
Chaos: o.O [frantic SD mode!] "GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!!!!"
Ophelia, Tasuki & Anarchy: [Sake Sake Sake!] "Kanpai!"
"Hotcha!" Havoc exclaimed. "Now for the Fanboys! panty game: every time I show up, I get to steal everyone's panties!" Seconds later a chorus of female voices was heard across the temple grounds courtesy of an all too familiar cool draft. "Next!" Havoc said, proudly admiring his silken treasures.
"Is there a season when you aren't hentai?" Famine sighed.
Havoc blinked in confusion. "No. Is that possible?"
"Look around you!" Pesti-chan said, gesturing to the room. "Just where else do you see hentai here?!"
Havoc looked around. "I see Dark Schneider with a sex kitten in Santa leotards, two girls arguing over Carnage, Polaris and Beans are trying to get the female, cross-dressing fanboy to call them the Queen, Vega's trying to haul off Famine again, Charon and Skimehime-chan are still trying to steal panties from--"
By this time Pesti-chan was nearly engulfed in an armada of sweatdrops. "I'm fighting a losing battle, aren't I?"
Havoc grinned. "Why fight when you can cream?"
Dark Schneider laughed, tanking up on his own bottle of Sake. "Ah, this is a helluva Christmas, Ami-chan!" he said, bending her back and giving her a passionate kiss.
One special-effects display later found a stunned Mayhem wondering what he had done to get himself smoky black and Ami-chan sighing contentedly. "Damn," Mayhem coughed. "And just when it was getting good too. I can't even remember what the hell happened."
"Then allow me to refresh your memory, Carrot-chan," Ami purred, running her fingers along Mayhem's chest.
Spontaneous combustion ensued.
"Come on, Mayhem," Chaos sighed, dragging the smoldering remains of the fanboy across the room. "We need to air out the room from all this smoke, so if you don't mind putting some distance between you and Ami-chan."
"H-Hai...." Mayhem warbled.
"Hotcha!" came a happy hentai's voice from outside. "Jingle bras, jingle bras, jiggle all the way! Oh what fun it is to bounce in a Gainax kinda way, hey!"
Pesti-chan joined the two fanboys. "We had better stop him before someone else catches a cold thanks to his Amapantiken technique."
"Think it's safe to leave the room as it is?" Chaos asked.
The trio looked back.
Anarchy and Tasuki were belting out more karaoke. Beans and Makoto were busy trying to keep Miyu and Rei from torching each other and the building as they squabbled over an already torched and smoldering Carnage. Ami was skipping around the room with mistletoe in her hand searching for Mayhem. Charon, despite still being a Jusenkyo octopus, was trying to get Skimehime-chan's panties. Vega was trying to get a frantic SD Famine through the doorway. Desolation walked out from a nearby room just in time to get crushed by the spaceship Tsunami that fell from the sky for no apparent reason. ScrapperWolf, Polaris and Ophelia were busy with the Fanboys! drinking game.
"Check it out!" Ophelia exclaimed, pulling out Pikachu from her bakpack and then dunking the pocket monster in a large pan-dimensional vat of warm chocolate. Ophelia proudly hoisted up the stunned critter, her cheeks flushed from the alcohol. "Chocolate Pockymon!"
"CHU CHU!" Seconds later Rampage devoured the tasty new snack.
"Better it than me," Christabel said.
Pesti-chan and Chaos looked at each other. "It's safer outside," the chorused.
"Oh, is Na-chan out there?" Minako asked, skipping up to the trio with Usagi in tow. "Sugoi! Now I can finally snag him with this jacket and get a kiss under the mistletoe!"
"Me too! Me too!" Usagi added. "I wanted to try his Egg Nog!"
"Her stomach is her worst enemy," Chaos said. "I can't believe she *wants* to try his Ecchinog."
"Better her trying that then getting on karaoke and singing When the Saints Go Marching In in Japanese," Pesti-chan replied.
[Fanboy's Note: yes, you WILL experience terror the likes of which you have never seen before in listening to the Senshi belt out Christmas carols in Japanese--unless you've purchased the CD soundtrack to Miyuki-chan in Wonderland. Hurting...stop...when?!]
The group slipped out from the room (but not their clothing, ecchi!) and walked outside. The air was cool and crisp, and all around them was the wondrously seasonal mixture of snow and Cream Lemon. This was the perfect packing material to make snowmen...or at least a snow-something.
The fanboys gawked at the enormous snow-made Doji creation sculpted and now sitting in the middle of the temple grounds. Its proud owner, Havoc, was just finishing packing down the final bit of the base when she noticed her audience.
"Whaddaya think?" she asked.
Chaos smacked his sweatdrop aside. "It's...it's...just what the hell *is* it?"
"It's the latest in avant-garde hentai art," Havoc proudly stated. "I call it: Urotsuki Snowji. And this is the very first Snowjin!"
Chaos and Pesti-chan facevaulted.
"Chaos," Pesti-chan muttered. "That thing has tentacles."
Chaos nodded. "I know, Pesti-chan. Just ignore them."
"No, but Chaos," the new overlord hissed. "Those tentacles are *moving*!!"
Chaos: o.O "Ano...."
Mayhem: "Kinda makes you wonder if this will be performance art. Care to volunteer, Haley?"
Chaos: "Hush Newt-boy!"
"Na-chan!" Minako called out, hoisting up the Yggdrasil jacket. I've got a present for...you?" Minako's voice trailed off as she started out to the torii behind Havoc's Urotsuki Snowjin.
Usagi poked her head out from the group. "Na ni?" she asked, looking around. "Na ni, na ni?"
"Who's that?" Pesti-chan asked, pointing to a silhouetted figure that slowly made its way towards the Snowjin. And they would have remained in the shadows had the author not had the presence of mind (Hai hai, I know: that's debatable) to suddenly cue the full moon to shed some light on the woman's face.
She was tall and beautiful, long brown hair flowing down behind her. And in here eyes was a look that one would not want to toy with--not even if one was playing with a Child's Toy (BTW: you pimp!). She was cute. She was dangerous. She was...a teacher?
"M-Miss Hinako?!" Chaos exclaimed, his--er, her kitty ears popping out from his hair. "What's she doing here?!"
"One moment," Mayhem said, walking over to Havoc and her Urotsuki Snowjin. He tapped Havoc on the shoulder. "I believe she's for you, Havoc."
"Oro?" Havoc remarked with her ever-present Chichiri grin. Miss Hinako's eyes narrowed. "Aha, so here you are! You're the one who crashed into Kasumi Tendo's Christmas Scramble and then stole all of our panties! I will not allow such immature actions to continue!"
Pesti-chan shook his head. "This is not happening."
"What?" Usagi asked innocently enough. "What's not happening?"
"Other than a quick end to this Christmasfic?" Mayhem inquired. "Someone's about to fight Havoc."
Chaos' eyes bugged out. "KYAAAAA!!! NOT HIRYU SHOTEN-BRA AGAIN?!?!?!"
"Baka," Mayhem said, smacking Chaos upside the back of the head. "Remember how Miss Hinako dealt with the Ranma 1/2 cast? She uses that 5-yen coin to suck out the battle auras of her opponents and then uses it as her own power to retaliate."
Miss Hinako raised one of her arms at Havoc, a 5-yen coin placed in between her index and middle finger. A circle of yellow light started to glow around her as she performed her special Yoiko-no-tasio step.
"Behold, delinquent. Feel the power of the Anything Goes technique!"
"She'll have to move fast to beat his panty-stealing technique," Chaos remarked to Mayhem.
Usagi was visibly impressed. "Ooooh! So Hinako-san's going to absorb Nagumo's hentai battle aura?"
Suddenly the entire temple was lit up in a tremendous explosion of light, the deafening roar of the winds punctured by a distinct "HOTCHAAAAA!!!" Squinting their eyes, the fanboys, Minako and Usagi saw something ripple in the air between Hinako and Havoc. Hinako shrieked. Abruptly the light died down, Hinako dropping to the ground in shock--and in the process flashing the fanboys and proving that the hentai is quicker than the eye.
Havoc simply stood where she had last been. Minako cheered and raced up to her, embracing the Hentenno-sama. "Oh, Na-chan!" she sighed, draping herself all over Havoc. "That was soooo cool! Na-chan? Na-chan? Nagumo?"
By now the other fanboys were noticing that Havoc hadn't reacted at all to Minako's affections...or her panties for that matter. Very cautiously Chaos, Mayhem and Pesti-chan inched towards Havoc.
Usagi's eyes widened. "Sugoi! What happened to Nagumo?"
Chaos blinked in surprise. "I haven't the slightest idea."
Everyone leaned in closer to a catatonic Havoc, who was wearing the largest leering grin on her face, knuckles wrapped tightly around Miss Hinako's panties. Her eyes were vacant and void of life.
"This is creepy," Pesti-chan said, waving a hand in front of Havoc's face. "Whenever Havoc's used Hiryu Shoten-Bra, he reverts into a twitching puddle of hentai. But this is a new one to me."
"Us too," Mayhem agreed. "What the hell happened?"
Minako's body suddenly convulsed, Minako crying out as she fell onto the ground. Usagi was at her side in a heartbeat. "Minako-chan!" Usagi cried out, shaking her friend by the shoulders. "Minako-chan, say something! Minako-chan!"
Minako's eyes slowly opened. "U...sa..gi?"
Usagi nodded. "Hai. Daijobu, Minako-chaAAAAANN!!!"
Everyone's eyes proceeded to bug out upon seeing Minako latching onto and groping Usagi's bosom. With an insane giggle Minako sat right up, playing with Usagi's breasts. "Hotcha! Usagi-chan, you still need to grow a little more."
To make sure he wasn't having another flashback nightmare from the H2Omake, Pesti-chan brought out a mallet and clubbed Chaos with it. "Nope," he said uneasily, tossing the mallet over his shoulder. "This is really happening."
"ARE YOU DELIBERATELY TRYING TO INJURE ME?!" an irate Chaos snapped.
"You do that quite well, like when you wrote that Please Save My Rayearth fanfic a few days ago," Mayhem retorted with a chuckle. Seconds later he was drenched by a bucket full of cold water. The newt was not impressed.
"Has she been hanging around Nagumo far too much?" Pesti-chan asked, trying to pry Minako off of Usagi. Minako abruptly bounded right out of Pesti-chan's grip, Pesti-chan stumbling forward but fortunately saved by one of the revolving tentacles of the Snowjin.
"Ewwww," Pesti-chan murmured, shivering as he backed away from the Snowjin.
The newt held up a sign: *This isn't even close to her usual character--let alone the one she was given thanks to the author*
Chaos spun around and started digging through the snow. "Okay, Mister 'One-Shot' Wong!" he exclaimed, lobbing a plushie across the temple. "I know you're in here somewhere! Now is *not* the time for us to be having another usual morning!!"
Usagi stood up, pleading with her friend. "Minako-chan, what's gotten into you? Why are you like this? Why am I suddenly so cold?"
*Should I tell her?* Mayhem the Newt asked, who was right beneath Usagi's legs.
"Ecchi!" Pesti-chan exclaimed, lobbing a kettle of warm water at the newt.
"Hotcha!" Minako exclaimed, hoisting up Usagi's panties in her hands. "Silken treasures!"
Mayhem toweled his damp hair off as he reverted back to his abnormal ecchi self. "Since when did Minako say 'Hotcha'?"
Chaos gripped Mayhem's shoulder. "And that was the Kacchu Tenshin Amapantiken technique!"
"I thought only Havoc knew that," Pesti-chan said. He immediately reverted into SD mode. "Unless when she tried to pull out Havoc's hentai battle aura, Hinako released it from his body!"
"Meaning what?" Chaos asked, body-slamming the large purple question marks hovering round his--er, her head into the Snowjin.
"Meaning that Havoc's hentai battle aura was unleashed and freed from his body," Mayhem replied, pointing to the bouncing blonde. "And it just possessed Minako."
Chaos & Pesti: o.O "Oh no."
Naoko Takeuchi: [with mallet] "CHAOS...!!!!!"
Chaos: [erk!] "BUT IT WASN'T ME, NAOKO-SAMA!!"
Chaos: "KYAAA!!!! JO'O-SAMAAAAAA!!!!"
Minako: "I got Usagi-chan's panties! I got Usagi-chan's panties!"
Pesti: [sweatdrop!] "Just what kind of a Christmasfic is this?!"
Mayhem: "The cursed kind, naturally. We might as well cue the eyecatch."
[Cue the eyecatch!]
OMAKE THEATRE EXTRA: SING ALONG WITH HAVOC!!!
[Fanboy's Note: Yep, here they are! Havoc might have only had a chance to sing a few lines from them before natural smiting took its course, but now you can read them in their lemonicious semi-entirety! Oh, did I forget to mention: ecchi!]
SUNG TO THE TUNE OF "HARK, THE HERALD ANGELS SING"
Hark the herald ecchis sing
Join the chorus of hentais
With the one of whipped cream fame
Hentai rules, all else is lame!
Hark the herald ecchis sing
"Panties to the Hentai King!"
SUNG TO THE TUNE OF "DECK THE HALLS"
Deck the halls with Pu-chan's panties
'Tis the season to be ecchi
Spank Haruka and Michi-mama
Treasures for Hentai-sama!
Cue the delicto flagrantis
SUNG TO THE TUNE OF "JINGLE BELLS"
Jingle Bras, Jingle Bras,
Jiggle all the way!
Oh, what fun it is to bounce
In a Gainax kinda way, hey!
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