In Chaos' room, Minako was already into full angel-of-love mode, complete with cupid wings and archery set. This didn't bode well for Chaos, since Minako's aim with her arrows was less than impeccable.
"Ano...Minako?" Chaos said, ducking yet another volley of flying arrows. "Just how am I going to find a replacement present for Hotaru-chan when I've been repeatedly perforated by your aim and lack thereof?!"
Suddenly a loud crash came from behind, and Chaos groaned upon seeing that Minako's latest shot had just taken out his favourite bust of the Deathscythe Hell Custom. "Gomen, gomen!" Minako apologised, sheepishly scratching the back of her head. "I'm sure we can just glue that thing back together."
She tossed her bow over her shoulder, blissfully unaware of the startled "PUCHUU!!" that came when the bow landed in behind Chaos' Gema beanbag-chair. "Now, first things first," Minako stated as she sat down on the Gema beanbag. She paused and glanced up at the large Hotaru poster tacked on the ceiling. "In order to buy for her, we must become her!"
Chaos remained deadpan. "I'm not going Haley here, Minako. I haven't shaved my legs at all this past week; if I go female, things could get...ugly."
Minako sweatdropped. "No, I was saying that we need to know Hotaru's interests. The more you know about what she likes and dislikes, the easier it is to shop for her! And the easier that gets, the better a present she'll receive and the more love she'll shower on you! As a soldier of Venus, the goddess of love, it is my duty to ensure that you two have a romantic, memorable Christmas!"
And with that, Minako dramatically pounded her fist on the endtable beside her chair. Unfortunately, she happened hit the control panel built into the tabletop, and pushed the button that deployed Chaos' emergency Motorslave, which came crashing down right on top of Chaos.
Minako: o.O; "Um...oops?"
Chaos: x.x [crushed beneath the Motorslave] "Daijobu. This happens more often than you think."
Well, once Chaos was able to get out from beneath the mecha- cycle, he and Minako sat down to make the list. However, they wound up sitting down on a Bug-Eyed Monster syringe, which proceeded to chase them around Chaos' room for about ten minutes, trying to poke them with his point needle.
"Ne, Chaos," Pesti-chan said, sticking his head through the wall scroll. "You might want to get your butt out here. The Outers just arrived, and--"
BEM syringe: >) "Time for your injection!!"
Pesti: o.O;;; "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
Minako: [eyebrow twitch!] "Kamui doesn't like needles, does he?"
Chaos: [eyebrow twitch!] "Not when they get stuck there. Um...maybe we should leave him here and get into the living room."
As Chaos skittered out from his wall scroll, he saw a number of the other fanboys and Inner Senshi clustered at the front entry. Haruka and Michiru were busy shaking hands and also getting Riot, Dark Mayhem & Demolition to haul a bunch of very large, bulky, and somewhat heavy packages into the apartment. Setsuna, on the other hand, was left contending with one uberperv as she removed her scarf and winter jacket.
Havoc: ^-^ "You, me, a bottle of olive oil and the top of the Tokyo Megadome. Whaddaya say, Sets-chan?"
Havoc: o.O; "What? Okay, that's it?! Just like that?"
[Havoc pauses suspiciously.]
Havoc: "Waaaaaiiit a minute! What are you plotting, woman! I'm onto you, Setsuna! You and your sick, twisted game!"
Chaos blinked a few times in surprise as Setsuna breezed past him and took a seat on one of the cushions next to the karaoke machine, Havoc very quietly sitting down next to her and giving her a paranoid eyeballing. "Um...okaaaaaaaay."
Suddenly he felt a peculiar sensation resonating from the back of his skull. Chaos stiffened. "Baka sense...tingling!"
Before he could turn around, Hotaru had zeroed in on his location and gave him a Christmas glomp that wound up being more like a tackle. Chaos let out a startled squawk as he toppled onto the floor, Hotaru giggling as she went down with him.
"Merry Christmas, Chaos-chan!" she said, nuzzling the hapless fanboy.
"Hotaru, isn't there a less painful way to greet me? Chaos asked as he picked himself off the floor.
A sly grin appeared on Hotaru's face. "Then how about this?" she whispered into his ear in a sultry, adult voice.
Chaos' eyes abruptly bugged out, and he turned his head only to see Hotaru in her distinctly mature and Gainax bouncy Mistress 9 version. Her hair now much longer and draped over her form, Hotaru flashed Chaos a seductive smile. "Now then," she purred, wrapping her arms around the terrified otaku's shoulders. "Seeing as how there's a mistletoe right above us, are you going to kiss me now, or do I have to wait until after Haruka-poppa and Michiru-momma punish you?"
Abruptly Chaos felt two ominous shadows looming over him. Against his better judgement, he turned his head almost all the way around-and then painfully realised that Kintaro Oe was right in saying the human head cannot turn 360 degrees--unless you're Futaba- chan.
Hotaru: "Ano...that sounded like it hurt."
Chaos: ;_; "D-Daijobuuuuuuuu...."
But there standing over him, larger than life and twice as terrifying, were Haruka and Michiru.
Haruka's eyebrow was twitching fiercely. "Chaoooooooos...!!!"
"I know a certain fanboy whose going to get a lot worse than a lump of coal in his stocking," Michiru stated icily, reaching into her pan-dimensional pocket and drawing out her whip.
And then Naoko Takeuchi joined the two Outers, hoisting her 1000t mallet over her head. "I'll certainly give him a lump for trying to take this fic into the hentai genre."
"N-N-NAOKO-SAMA?!" Chaos yelped, pointing at her in frantic disbelief.
Dark Mayhem: "Oh, that reminds me, Chaos: Naoko Takeuchi's here for the party tonight."
Chaos: --;; "Thanks for the advanced warning, newt-boy."
Chaos immediately turned back to Hotaru. "Could you hold onto that thought for just a few more paragraphs, Hotaru-chan?" He then shrank into super-deformed mode and took off down the hallway, Haruka, Michiru and manga goddess Naoko-sama in hot pursuit. "JO'O- SAMAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
As Chaos left a new set of footprints on the ceiling of the apartment, the other fanboys finishing hauling inside the last of the boxes. "Whew!" Riot sighed, plunking himself down on one of the cushions. "Five armloads of presents, and then all of these unlabelled crates too. What is in these most honourably heavy things anyways?"
Hotaru, having reverted back into her younger mid-teens self-
Demolition: [raising a hand] "Anyone else feeling like they walked into an Ayashi no Ceres scene with Chidori?"
Desolation: [raising his severed hand into the air] "Those tenyuu are really twitchy about being interrupted."
Fairy Godbabbit: [snacking on koala march] "It's not like you intended to walk out from her underwear drawer."
Desolation: "Exactly! I don't see why she had to get so flustered and splatter my internal organs across the wall. Serves her right if she can't wash my bloodstains out from her hagamoro."
"Well, the unlabelled parcels are actually my present to Chaos," Hotaru said.
"What? For me?" Chaos came to a screeching halt next to the living room's ceiling fan, which wasn't a good thing since gravity immediately took hold and he crashed right onto the DDR machine (inadvertently scoring a 'Styling!' compliment from the machine for his inadvertent combo move).
Hotaru nodded. "I've been saving up my money for a long time in order to buy this for Chaos." She then conspiratorially whispered into Ruckus' ear, "This also gives me a good excuse for visiting Chaos-chan more often."
Ruckus shrugged. "Who needs an excuse to fondle the little Chaos-cutie?" he remarked, yanking Chaos off the DDR machine and going for a little love-love action of his own.
"Will you stop that?!" Chaos exclaimed as he struggled to get out of Ruckus' patented ninja action-thigh grip. "A little help here!"
Replied Carnage, "Better you than us."
"That still doesn't help me, Carnage!"
And so resumed the evening of non-stop, non-alcoholic wine--
Demolition: --;; "I still can't believe Anarchy stole all our booze in the first part of this fic."
Dark Mayhem: "Hai hai. Here, have one of Havoc's cookies."
Demolition: ^-^ [munch munch!] "Mmmmm, kai awasensational! (o.O) I didn't just say that, did I?"
--dance dance revolutionizing action, and really bizarre Anime sight-gags. Ruckus spent most of his time bounding after any of the fanboys who had the misfortune of not always clinging to a Sailor Senshi.
Ruckus: ^-^ [bounce bounce!] "You can run, but you can't hide!"
SD Pesti #4: o.O; "Kyaaaaaa! Mako-can, tasukete!!"
SD Pesti #3: [popping out from beneath Makoto's shirt] "You can't hide in here, this spot's taken."
SD Pesti #5: "San-chan, put down Makoto's green bra this--B-B-B- Bra?"
[Cue SD Pesti #5's ingenue nosebleed!]
SD Pesti #2: "And there goes Go, ruining the cheesecake."
SD Pesti #4: [still fleeing Ruckus!] "Bad yaoi ninja, no biscuit! No biscuit!"
SD Pesti #6: [sigh!] "Forget the meal: Yon is the Christmas turkey tonight."
Makoto: --;; "Remind me again why I'm willing to make a Christmas dinner for you."
SD Pesti #2: "Ne, guys, better get the crowbar out. Rampage just ate Chibichi again."
Rampage: ^^ [with SD Pesti #1's legs sticking out of her mouth!] "CHU CHU!"
Riot helped espouse the virtues of Zen and the art of snowman making-fu, using the leftover piles of Cream Lemon for his snowsamurai. Thoroughly amused by this, Minako sculpted herself a snowperv resembling Havoc. Then the snowperv stole her panties. Demolition and Setsuna took turns stealing the microphone for the karaoke machine from each other, the songs being belted out alternating between Malice Mizer, DigiCharat, Arc-En-Ciel, SMAP, Penicillin and various EVA renditions of "Fly Me To The Moon." In the end, Pandemonium had to wrestle the karaoke machine away from the two under the pretext that they were disturbing the peace.
She and Largo then sang a heartfelt duet to "YATTA", complete with sumo loincloths and figleaves.
Dark Mayhem and Ami couldn't decide whether or not to set the apartment on fire or play Mah-jongg, so they opted to do both and made it Strip Mah-Jongg. Hysteria came out from her room chasing after chibi-Nehelenia just in time for a spontaneous combustion to leave a scorchmark-chan of her the wall. That meant more pretzel- chans for Usagi, so she didn't protest all that much. However, she did protest when most of the pretzels were subsequently eaten by Catastrophe-chan.
Carnage spent most of the hour reasserting his masculinity after Rei beat him in an arm-wrestling contest, while Haruka and Michiru decided to slip away for a little festive nookie session in the jacuzzi. Havoc was more than thrilled to suddenly pop up in the Jacuzzi wearing a snorkel and flippers.
Havoc: ^^v "Join me as tonight, I go on a muff-diving expedition to explore the deep mysteries of the--"
Haruka: "Let me change your itinerary into a high-earth orbit, you pervert!"
Haruka: [grrrrr!] "He certainly knows how to spoil a mood."
Michiru: "Calm down, love. Here, have a cookie."
Haruka: [munch munch!] "Mmm, this is delicious! What a fantastic taste! What's in is? Chocolate chips...brown sugar...and something else I can't quite put my finger on."
Havoc: >) "I did!"
Haruka: "Didn't I just punt you?"
Havoc: ^^v "The Hentenno always cums back for more!"
Sometime later, Sarcasm made her grand appearance atop a palanquin made to resemble Santa's sled, which was being pulled by a number of bishies dressed up as reindeer. Ruckus wasted no time in making off with Lost Universe's Rail Claymore, who happened to be playing Rudolph. Sarcasm Claus then led the mission to get back her precious boytoy, and they managed to stomp right over Desolation about a dozen or so times during the entire chase scene.
And in a plot twist no one but this author would have seen coming, Naoko Takeuchi tried kissing Desolation beneath a mistletoe...and wound up kissing Ebichu instead. This sent poor Naoko racing right into the bathroom and chugging back an entire bottle of mouthwash to get rid of the hamster aftertaste. However, the alcoholic content of mouthwash happens to be rather high, and Naoko managed to inadvertently get herself rather drunk, which she celebrated by showing off her mad strip-DDR techniques.
"She's really burning up the dancepad," the Fairy Godbabbit remarked while sipping some Monkey Fruit Punch.
"Absolutely," Desolation said. "And who'd have thought she wore Sanrio undies. Ne...what's the next smite on my agenda anyways."
Just then the doorbell rang.
"Um, that should be it," the Fairy Godbabbit said, consulting the day planner.
"Gotcha." Desolation sauntered over and opened the door, only to get a large, gift-wrapped octopus flying through the doorway and smacking him in the face. Rather unimpressed, Desolation glanced back into the living room as he closed the door. "Chaos, it's for you."
Just then the doorbell rang yet again.
"I got it!" Desolation called out.
The instant he opened the door, a large monster made of Invaders reached in and ate him. Sometime later on, AEGIS' Gatekeepers were able to get him out of the Invader's gizzard by blowing it, and subsequently Desolation, up.
And as for Chaos, well, he was trying not to panic as he racked his brains for a new present to get for Hotaru. Hotaru, on the other hand, was thoroughly enjoying herself as she sang some karaoke, ate lots of food, and managed to pummel Chaos in a match of DOA-2 Hardcore on the PMS-2.
"I...I lost again," Chaos said, rather bemused as his flawless trouncing. "I don't understand. I always win whenever I Cosplay in my lucky Kasumi outfit."
Cosplaying as Tina, Hotaru grinned and playfully stuck out her tongue again. "Ph33r my l33t kung-fu skillz."
"Okay, it's getting close to midnight, so we should start opening our presents," Dark Mayhem announced. "Everyone grab your gifts and start shredding some wrapping paper!"
Ruckus: ^^v [with Rail Claymore over his shoulder] "I've got my present already! And I intend to make full use of him!"
Sarcasm: [chasing after Ruckus] "Get back her with my bishie, you gift-stealing fanboy!"
The entire assemblage quickly settled down and passed out their presents to each other. "Oh, how sweet of you, Akito!" Rei said, staring down at her unwrapped gift. "It's a...just what is it?"
Carnage smiled as he presented Rei with a rather attractive young lass/personal computer who also happened to be armed with an incredibly big-assed sword. "For the Senshi who has all her power- ups but still needs to fight enemies," he stated, rather proud of his gift selection. "Rei-chan, say hello to your VORPAL Chobits!"
VORPAL Chobits: ^^ "Vorpal?"
Rei: "Um...arigato...I think."
"Leave it to Carnage to turn the most innocent thing ever into one of the deadliest weapons in our corner of the multiverse," Pesti-chan muttered.
Dark Mayhem waved it aside. "At least it wasn't a VORPAL Puchuu. What did you get Demolition?"
Demolition opened the lid of his box, and out emerged the dark reptilian head of a Sphinxaur came roaring out, devouring Desolation in one gulp. Demolition quickly stuffed the Sphinxaur back into the box and sealed the lid up with a demon ward. "Um...I'll open it and retrieve Deso once I've gained a few thousand more Experience Points."
And so the presents kept on rolling along, or in once case, vibrated along.
Pandemonium: ^^v "Wai! A replacement input jack! Thank you, Largo! Want me to try it out right here and now?"
Makoto was elated to get an entire set of professional cooking pots & pans from Pesti-chan, who had spared no expense in using the cash generated by the Kid Roku boyband's latest "USO!" tour. And when he opened up his present, Pesti-chan discovered awaiting him were 6 little jolly jumpers.
"Gee, thanks," Pesti-chan said dryly, looking at Makoto.
Makoto couldn't help but smile. "For the days the six of you get out of hand. Ne?"
Dark Mayhem & Ami's presents complimented each other, Dark Mayhem getting her edible lingerie with a fractal weave, while Ami got him a flame-retardant bedspread. Setsuna received a pair of top- quality running shoes, courtesy (of all otaku) of Havoc.
Havoc: ^^v "I wanted to make this sporting, my dear."
Setsuna: "Can I at least have a five light-year headstart?"
"Ano, Setsuna-san," Rei said a little nervously. "About what you said to Nagumo earlier...you didn't really give it up to him, did you? Ne?" Setsuna said nothing, sitting pertly and sipping her tea. All the other Senshi gaped at her. Setsuna shot them an annoyed look. "Oh, like the rest of you have never been out of character before in this series!" she huffed indignantly.
Ami: [with her hands down Dark Mayhem's shirt] "I have no idea what you're talking about."
Usagi: "Verily, Setsuna, you wound me with your grievous insinuations. I personally find such a charge as that reprehensible and slanderous to my impeccable and erudite reputation!"
Usagi:[glancing over at table] "Oooh, are those red-bean cakes?! WAI!!!!"
Luckily though, a joyously tear-filled explosion on Usagi's part was quickly avoided when she was handed her Christmas present: a new boyfriend meant to replace Mamo-chump/Tuxedo Kamen. Namely Captain Harlock.
[Author's note: What?! You DON'T love Captain Harlock?! Get thee gone from my fic, you heathen! And don't let the door hit your Rubeus-loving butt on the way out!]
"Say, where's Haruka-poppa and Michiru-momma?" Hotaru asked, looking around the busy living room. "I don't see them anywhere."
"Last I knew of, they were still in my jacuzzi," Dark Mayhem said. "Wonder what they got each other."
Havoc beamed and replied, "New swimsuits. I bet they've already 'unwrapped' those presents, if you know what I mean!"
Hotaru turned to Chaos. "What does he mean?"
"I'd tell you, but I'm afraid you'd put it into practice," Chaos groaned.
Meanwhile, Naoko in her drunken state had stumbled around the living room and bumped into the bust of Nakago by the dining room table. Without hesitating she picked up the Nakago bust, claimed it as her own Christmas present and walked off with it. No one really had the heart (or the deathwish) to stop her.
Havoc received a Yggdrasil thong from Minako, one that would stylishly match his jacket. Returning the favour, Havoc gave Minako--
Minako: [sweatdrop!] "A yellow volleyball?"
Gema: --;; "I am not a volleyball, gema!!"