OMAKE THEATRE!!!



           It was noonish at the Planet Hentai, and the Benkyo Brigade was celebrating the roaring (not to mention jiggling) success of their Christmas Eve bash the night prior by sitting back and revelling in the now very empty and very deserted club. All the Delmo's and Variable Geo waitresses had the next few days off, and the last of the rambunctious customers had staggered out (or been punted out) around sunrise. Rare was the occasion where there was really no one at all in Planet Hentai, and Havoc-chan & her crew were taking full advantage of the serenity. Namely because they were all dead tired, or nursing hangovers from drinking too much Creamy Ale.
           "Now that was a party," Jyako Amano said, his arms sprawled out over the back of the booth--not to mention Minni May and Mai Shiranui's shoulders.
           Happosai sagely nodded. "Hai hai. I don't think I've seen that sort of wanton flinging of panties like rubber bands since I wanted to have a little fun with those Chinese Amazon girls fifty years ago."
           "I could seriously use a full body massage, though," Megumi Amano sighed, slouched back in her seat. "Or else a full body tongue bath. Any takers?"
           "Sorry, Meg-chan," Havoc-chan said as she ate from a special breakfast Hento box. "Male Maze would be the best candidate for you there, but we still haven't seen him and Carrot Glaces since they went chasing after the entire team of Hanaukyo Maids."
           "I doubt we'll be seeing either of them at all for the next year, if that's the case then, nyo," Jyako snorted. "Lucky bastards, and they didn't even invite me! Not to mention of all the indignities, we lost the Pocket Pool Tournament to those Digi Charat things too, nyo." He crossed his arms over his chest and sulked. "And to add insult to injury, now they've got me talking like them, nyo."
           Mai Shiranui shrugged her shoulders, which in turn caused her bosoms to jiggle mightily and repeatedly bounce off the table. Havoc-chan watched with a bemused look on her face as her Hento box started bouncing away from her. "It could be worse," Mai offered. "You could be one of those two sorry boys."
           She gestured over to the butt-kissing booth, which was still doing business even though all the clientele had left.
           "What a horrible Christmas," NinNin groaned, sprawled across the booth like Zeruel after Shinji's EVA had had a go at it.
           "Come on, boys," the hulking, muscular Mary said in her squeaky girlish voice as she loomed over them. "I've still got another two hundred tickets here. You get those lips puckered back up and each pick a cheek. And don't forget my perenium."
           "Must find a woman to grope," Ataru sobbed, flailing in his chair. "Maybe then Lum will kill me with her static electricity and spare me this pain!"
           He and NinNin turned their heads as who should stroll into the club from one of the annexes but Charon. With a fatigued yet thoroughly content smile on his face, Charon sauntered past the kissing booth, dressed in a thong, a sweat towel hanging around his neck.
           "What are you so smug about?" NinNin growled.
           Charon shrugged. "Nothing, really. You just happen to be looking at the new star of the Beauty & The Bukkake musical in the Hentorium. As it turns out, Ryo couldn't go on as the male lead due to his injury, and they needed to find a replacement. I just happened to show up at that moment with my mop, and they made me go on in his place."
           NinNin snorted. "You? Star of the hentai musical Beauty & The Bukkake?"
           "Oh please, Charon, that is such a pathetic lie," Ataru agreed.
           "I'm telling you guys, it's true," Charon insisted.
           NinNin rolled his eyes. "Charon, you are full of more shit than Rose of Versailles. Come on, even I tried out for the male lead and got catapulted out of the Hentorium. If they can't even recognise my talented genius, why would they even consider you?"
           Charon promptly handed NinNin a copy of the entertainment section of the paper. "See for yourself."
           NinNin and Ataru peered down at the live performance reviews section, and sweatdropped as they saw the headline: Mysterious New Lead Tittilates Audience In Bukkake! The review gave the performance a solid 5 of 5 wangs, gushing such praises as:

           "Never since Dr. Frank N. Furter has a mental mindfuck been so nice!"
           "Charon IS the peal necklace of lemon theatre!"
           "The Hentenno demurred praise for his script, directing and above all casting, saying, quote: 'the cream always spurts to the top.'"

           "It's kind of exhausting given all the physical demands, but damn was that stage show fun!" Charon sighed. "It was like the live La Blue Girl movie...only with less vacuum cleaner nozzles posing as tentacles." With an evil grin he then added, "I have to thank you, NinNin: without you sending into the Hentorium to clean up that mess, I would have never been discovered! Incidentally, I won't be able to work for you guys for the next two months, since the show's going on a world tour and they need me. I've already cleared it with Havoc, so I'll see you two later. Ja!"
           And off he strolled, leaving a fuming NinNin and a horribly sick Ataru behind to pay Mary some rather undesired lip service.
           Lohengrope smirked in hearing NinNin bemoan how the role of Bukkake should have been his. The Ecchi-chan shook his head and went back to his private breakfast. He was sitting by the karaoke stage, entertaining Anarchy--who still had yet to show any signs of having an alcohol buzz, despite all the Sake she had consumed. Lohengrope on the other hand did not like hangovers, so they just left him alone.
           "I trust you are enjoying your meal?" Lohengrope asked her.
           Anarchy nodded. "Definitely, but this gumbo could use more cabbit in it. Hold on, I'll fix that in a sec." And off she went to pillage the kitchen.
           Lohengrope watched her with a pleasant expression on his face. Just as she went out of earshot, he wiped his mouth with his table napkin and said, "You may intrude, Kintaro."
           Kintaro, looking more than eager to finally crawl into bed and sleep for the next two omakefics, shuffled up to Lohengrope's table. He was rather uneasy, given how he wearing rubber gloves and a pair of safety goggles. Kintaro lifted up the print-out of a fanfic with a set of heavy tongs. "Um...Hysteria wanted you to have this," he said. "It's a copy of her newest fanfic. And it stars you, and the rest of the Galactic Heroes cast with a few...er, colourful changes."
           Lohengrope appraised the title printed on the front page: Galaxy Elfquest. Beneath it was a slightly-altered picture of himself with the Iserlohn Fortress in the background, his physical features now looking oddly cute & elfin.
           His eyebrow twitched ever so slightly.
           Parsecs away, a solar system imploded.
           Showing incredible restraint, Lohengrope reached into his uniform jacket and drew out a small communicator. He immediately paged his commanders on the Imperial starships orbiting the Earth. "Mittermeyer, Von Reuenthal...she wasn't bluffing. You know what to do."
           He glanced back to Kintaro "Oh, you're still here."
           Kintaro was standing frozen, his expression one of chilled, mute terror.
           "You may go now," Lohengrope said, giving Kintaro a dismissive wave.
           Still sporting a plethora of sweatdrops, Kintaro slowly inched away from Lohengrope's table.

Anarchy: [sitting back down with some fresh-roasted cabbit...don't ask.] "So, what did I miss?"

Lohengrope: "I've declared war on a future genetic mistake."

Anarchy: "Gotcha. You ready the fleets, I'll heat the Sake."

Lohengrope: "The fleets are already in position, the galleys are stocked and the stove burners are primed, my dear."

Anarchy: ^^v "Did I ever tell you how damned sexy you are when you're evil and loaded?"

           Slinking back to the safety of the Benkyo Brigade's usual booth, Kintaro let out a sigh of relief. That still didn't help calm his frazzled nerves.
           "Hey, Kintaro, what's happening?" Havoc-chan asked as she poured herself another cup of Cream Lemon tea. She sweatdropped as she noted the look on Kintaro's face, which was akin to an otaku who had just read a Digimon H doujinshi. "Daijobu?"
           Kintaro relayed the news of the Hysteriafic, and Lohengrope's subsequent reaction. The fact that Lohengrope reacted at all was enough to cause the entire Benkyo Brigade to gape in terror over what he was going to do in retaliation.
           "Ano...Havoc?" Minni-May said. "Your teacup is overflowing."
           "I know," Havoc-chan replied. "I can't stop pouring...I'm too scared. Somebody fondle me!"


           [End of Hysteria?]


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